Nobody who knows anything about cars reads the name “Mansory” and thinks “Oh, good, I’m about to be presented with something subtle and tasteful.” That just doesn’t happen. People who know anything about cars read the name “Mansory” and immediately unfurl a dropcloth and vomit bucket they keep in arms’ reach for just such an occasion.
This is such an occasion, though I may suggest getting the big bucket and extra-absorbent dropcloths for when you encounter what Mansory eye-rollingly calls, with both some sycophancy and double-entendre, “Elongation.” This is their, um, interpretation of the Tesla Cybertruck.
Now, at this point I feel like I need to state some of the founding principles of our site here, because I think I’m in danger of breaking, or at least bending some of them. We are pro-car, vehemently so. We believe that whatever gets you excited about a car is a good thing, as we refuse to kink-shame, automotively speaking. We’re not here to yuck any yums, or make anyone feel bad about the cars they like. But I’m not sure I’ll be able to fully hold to those lofty ideals in this case.
I mean, someone may actually like this thing; it’s possible, at least technically. My own colleagues were trying to convince me that in 20 years, this thing will be, at the very least, interesting. Or that it’s really one of the least awful things that Mansory has done, since the Cybertruck starting point is, let’s be diplomatic here, what it is. I’m not so sure I’m convinced.
I mean, look at this thing:
Sure, the Cybertruck is a deeply polarizing design – we’ve even written about how it’s so polarizing that it’s effectively impossible to write a rational review of it – but whatever you think of its low-polygon, angular, slab-sided design, at least it has a sort of simple, brutalistic purity about it. It wasn’t full of fussy, useless frippery or fake intakes or other silliness. Mansory, however, showed that they can change all that.
Look at what the Mansory people have done to the Cybertruck. They ordered slabs or logs or hogsheads of carbon fiber – whatever the largest units one can buy – and they’ve slathered it all over the Cybertruck. They’ve covered the hood and front fascia, added full carbon bumpers front and rear, and applied a big, illuminated MANSORY carbon panel on the tailgate, so the coroner knows what to put on the report for the death of your innocence. There’s also an unusual split wing (because, duh, you still want to use this as a truck and shovel in 1200 pounds of peat moss back there) that maybe counts as two small wings?
And then there’s the big light bar on the apex of the truck’s roof, the gaudy Batmobile-reject fender flares, the stupid mirror caps, and, perhaps worst of all, the goofy fake-intake stick-on thing made of more carbon fiber stuck onto the “sail” panels flanking the bed area.
Here’s how Mansory describes it in their press release:
“Various add-on parts are available to customize the exterior. Front and rear bumpers and extravagant fender flares including the two rear wings bear the classic signature of the MANSORY designers and make the “MANSORY Elongation” unmistakable. Full carbon components are also available for the front area and for the tailgate. Additional headlights on the roof complement the conversion options in the exterior area. As is usual with MANSORY, the full carbon body conversion parts can be ordered in several designs and also colored in a desired color.”
I like that you can pick the color of your carbon-fiber Cybertruck stick-ons; that’s like how you can choose to have dijon mustard instead of yellow on your shitburger, which my discriminating palate appreciates.
On the plus side, it’s absolutely hideous, so I have to give Mansory credit for that. I have to respect a company who is so rigorous and committed to the eradication of even the tiniest vestige of taste that they seemingly undertook this venture specifically to hunt down any such vestiges and murder them, slowly, painfully, and with genuine sadistic glee. Mission accomplished, fellas.
Interestingly, the interior isn’t so bad!
The basic Cybertruck interior is sort of a grayscale, cold, hard-edged environment, having all the warmth of the concrete benches one might find in the exercise yard of some sort of para-governmental holding facility. The Mansory Elongation-treatment replaces a lot of the industrial/concrete gray of the interior with that white leather with the vertical line patterns and the bright acid-yellow piping and detailing, and I think it helps an awful lot.
It livens up the interior and makes it all a lot more human-friendly, which is sort of cruel on Mansory’s part, because the people inside can experience that while the poor bastards stuck outside of the car are still confronted with views like this:
I’m sure that all-carbon fiber bumper is inexpensive to repair when you back into a hydrant or whatever, too, so that’ll be a nice, sensible upgrade.
Of course, this is Mansory, so none of this mess is cheap, by any stretch. They don’t specify how much putting this package onto your $80,000+ Cybertruck will cost, but whatever it costs to remove them I suspect will be worth it.
I’m not exactly sure who will be buying these? Wealthy people who want a Cybertruck but hate the subtlety? Rich kids who have a vendetta against the concept of vision itself? People tired of parking their Cybertruck and having to individually tell everyone they see that they have so much money they can piss it away on the most absurd and idiotic of things? Maybe all of these?
I know I’m being harsh, and I need to re-iterate that we are pro-car here! If you buy one of these and just love it, then fantastic, I’m happy for you!
On paper, at least.
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That turd cannot be polished.
Attempting to do so voids the warranty, at least.
Mansory, Cybertruck…it’s turdles all the way down.
I didn’t think it was possible to simultaneously go too far and not go far enough.
At first glance, I thought it was that horrible mispronounciation of the word for brickwork.
Those mirror caps are not carbon fiber; they are OSB. Nice builders-grade touch right there. Although I do like that interior. At least it adds a dash of pizazz to an otherwise unwelcoming brutalist nightmare. What I can’t get over is how awful and out of place a serif font looks on the back of this behemoth.
Came here to poo on their Times new roman logo. But you know, that’s the least of our worries so actually I take it back. I LOVE their talented 6-grader logo!!
Yeah, at least it isn’t Papyrus, haha.
Hey, why not? If you’re going to proclaim, “I have no taste”, why not proclaim, “HEY MOTHERFUCKERS, I HAVE NO TASTE!”. It’s the way of the manly man.
Sometimes excess goes so far beyond taste it sort of becomes it’s own thing. This car is a rolling example of how money cannot buy taste, and it should be enshrined in a design museum as a warning.
Oh look – 50 pounds of dreck to make your Nazi Staff Car look even more nauseating.
Elon said on Joe Rogan that it wasn’t a Nazi salute, so he’s good, we’re good, it’s all good.
Before or after the hit of illegal drugs. Either elmo or Joe romaine.
I hate the cyber truck but I *am* curious how they’d look with tracks.
I’d probably still hate it but to satisfy my curiosity…
Tacky tracky, probably.
I think the Diesel bros guys “heavy d” on YouTube did it. Just not tank tracks. I’m sure that’s in the works.
When your original intent is to polish a turd, you cannot be surprised when the result is the Scatmobile. Someone please take the BeDazzler away from these idiots.
Mansory know their market, they are really quite helpful, sometimes it is difficult to tell if the person you just met is just a bit annoying or a genuine twat. Mansory make life easier.
So it’s like Ed Hardy but for gear heads?
I had to look up Ed Hardy, They would seem to appeal to a similar demographic.
Out of all the small shops and businesses out there, cannot figure out how Mansory stays in business. Who actually buys these? They must depreciate like rocks too.
Jason, thank you for your wonderful rant. Your wonderful words have expressed my thoughts on Mansory quite well. I have to give it to them though. They are consistent and that is worth something. You know what you are going to get when go Mansory. Well done, wordsmith.
*inhales deeply,*
FORGED CARBON FIBER LOOKS LIKE POLYSTYRENE!
YOUR EXPOSED FORGED CARBON FIBER DOES NOT LOOK COOL, IT LOOKS CHEAPER THAN CHEAP, TRASHIER THAN TRASH, BECAUSE IT APPEARS THAT YOU LITERALLY TAPED LEFTOVER PACKAGING MATERIAL TO YOUR VEHICLE.
And on top of all that, it literally IS a cheaper and worse alternative to woven carbon fiber!
Woven carbon fiber does have some aesthetic appeal stemming from its patterned nature and the challenge of giving it a shiny finish, that IS something that makes sense to show off, especially since woven carbon fiber parts cannot be easily mass-produced and are thus typically handmade.
Forged carbon fiber’s purpose is to retain the lightness and some of the strength, while allowing for mass production as it’s just a bunch of shredded carbon fiber compressed with resin in a mold. It has no pretty pattern, no handmade bragging rights, the carbon itself is not particularly expensive, and it’s not meant to be seen!
Every piece of exposed carbon fiber you see is the equivalent of trying to sell cabinets made entirely of exposed OSB without any veneer whatsoever, and claiming it’s fancy because the OSB was made out of only the finest white oak wood chippings. No you scam artist, OSB is a structural material meant to be covered over with actually pretty stuff, just because it’s made out of a material that CAN be pretty or “premium” doesn’t mean OSB is also.
Yes, make stuff out of forged carbon fiber, but don’t subject the world to looking at it. I’m tired of people trying to piggyback off the clout of woven carbon fiber to sell cheaply made, ugly forged carbon fiber parts to people who don’t know any better, who then display it prominently thinking it’s impressive because it’s carbon fiber.
Forged carbon fiber does have a purpose and can be useful, but that purpose is not to be seen, as it was never meant to have clout because there’s nothing about it that SHOULD have clout, and it’s just ugly.
That is all.
I like the look of forged carbon fiber, and hate the look of exposed woven carbon fiber. That being said THE ABOMINATION ABOVE IS NOT WHAT I MEAN! I like a nice shift knob, some mountain bike brake levers, maybe the gauze bezel surround in my car. Small, interesting, but not overwhelming. No hoods, no fenders, no MANSORY.
Things like mountain bike brake levers are fine, as that’s a functional component, what forged carbon fiber was meant for. On small parts it’s no big deal. I just think it’s hideous when treated like you should see as much of it as possible.
Now THAT’s a good rant!
10/10 would read again.
Tbh I don’t hate this as much as those angry eyes on the Jeeps.
Eh, I’d take it over an unmodified Cybertruck. Has more character.
Strictly quantity-wise, but still.
Kinda with you: if you go Mansory, you’re not cosplaying: you are full-on living that shit.
I mean, I don’t care for the direction, but, damn, they goin hard.
Dartz: “Hold my whale penis and watch this”
Mansory has never been restrained by any such shackles, metaphorical or otherwise
I like the wheels, but the rest is typical Mansorry (spelt that way on purpose) awfulness.
Dupa kaka KypBa !
That’s called “the Mr. Creosote”.
Also the stitched text on the passenger-side door card looks like it was lifted from a medieval tapestry. That’s not a compliment.
I noticed that too! It looks exactly like what it is: a one-off made by a low paid worker, just getting started on youtube how to embroider.
“Some more Cybertruck, sir?”
”Fetch thE BUCKET!!”
The Cybertruck is heinous! It can’t possibly get any worse!
Mansory: Hold my carbon!
Jason has such an incredible way with words.
so the coroner knows what to put on the report for the death of your innocence
You can try to hide the fascia, but you still know it’s under there, just waiting to come out.
come outfall offI’m surprised I didn’t read, “Brought to you, exclusively by Pep Boys.”…or Autozone.
It does look like a CT driver crashed into a Pep Boys and managed to hit every aisle.
No, they are not THAT tacky.
Right?
I mean, it’s not black chrome
(yet)
They need the fake scoops and the chorme 4×4 stickers maybe a turbo one too.
And the nutz! Don’t forget the nutz!
I mean, it kinda makes the Cybertruck better. Like a George-Barris-of-the-Future
Sees the words “Mansory” and “Cybertruck” in the title- Immediately has a mental image of Emperor Palpatine saying “Let the hate flow through you.”