Maybe The Chevy Volt Actually Does Have A Good Use In An Apocalypse: COTD

This week, our lovely contributor Mark Tucker gave Autopian readers a fun assignment to pick the perfect cars for the apocalypse. While it’s fun to think about all of the cool ways you could have used this week’s vehicles, considering the human element is something that’ll warm your heart.

When you really think about it, a post-apocalyptic society would likely work best by pooling the strengths of everyone together. When you view it from that angle, then every vehicle featured in this week’s Shitbox Showdowns would have some use. And the truth is that heck, having a strong community is great in real life, too. Zeppelopod explains:

I’m glad this is about assigning which vehicle gets the convoy leader’s butt in its seat and not about picking one single do-everything vehicle.

Because as humans, our strength is in community and diversity. It falls to us to work together and leverage our individual strengths for the common good. I kinda touched on this in my assessment of the Volt. It will never be your sole post-apocalypse vehicle due to the fragile weak points and low ground clearance.

In the same way, each of these vehicles brings unique strengths and weaknesses to the table. The RV is the town hall where survivors can sleep and share stories, plan to build a new world after the dust settles. The Express is reliable logistics and even a mobile watch tower. The Panther is a bruiser who can take it right on the chin and keep protecting the others. And the humble Volt is a power plant who can keep radios and refrigerators running.

We’re all in this together.

I love how the poor Volt is not being used as a car here, but as a mobile generator.

One of the Autopian in-jokes is our use of SNL-era Jon Lovitz as a stand-in for former Stellantis CEO Carlos Tavares. Does Lovitz even know we’re doing this? I don’t know, but I love this crazy idea that started with Drew:

Was Carlos Tavares worth it?

To Stellantis? No. To this site? Yes. To SNL? Also yes.

AssMatt:

While we’re at it, I’d like to see somebody explain “pictured above” to Lovitz.

10001010:

We desperately need an exclusive Jon Lovitz interview video on this site where Matt with a totally straight face peppers him with questions about destroying Stellantis.

Ash78:

Lovitz is on Cameo, we can make this happen starting at $150.

This is a terrible idea, and yet I’m smiling end to end.

Finally, Tesla wants to run a free “robotaxi” service, but there’s still going to be a human driver inside so I guess it’s not much different than an Uber. But, wait a minute, KYFire has a point:

Jason, you’re looking at this all wrong. You’re looking at people as people.

Instead, think like Elon. People not on his plane of existence are simply autonomous squishy robots without wants, needs, or feelings.

Ergo, success! Elon has achieved Level 4 driving!

Genius! Have a great weekend, everyone.

Topshot image: Chevrolet