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Meet The Spokepants: Cold Start

Cs Legs
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I’m not really sure if there’s any other example of a pair of disembodied legs used to sell cars other than this 1964 brochure for the Mercury Meteor. But this Meteor brochure really does deliver on the disembodied legs, or perhaps enchanted living pants, in an effort to let all of you leg-growers out there know that, yes, there’s plenty of room for your walking arms there in the lower part of the car! Do people call legs “walking arms?” Or feet “floor hands?” Is that a thing?

Cs Meteor

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

You know what else is a thing? The Meteor had this amazing reverse-raked rear window that would actually slide down, which is pretty fantastic and extremely uncommon for a sedan. I’m not sure any other sedan did this, but there may be some obscure examples. Mass-market, though, the Meteor was it. It was pitched as an alternative to air-conditioning, which is an interesting tactic; while it definitely would help ventilation, it’s not A/C by a long shot, but A/C take rates in that era were not close to what it is now, in our age of ubiquitous A/C on every car in every category, so a clever alternative makes a lot of sense.

Hey, can this count as Mercury Monday?

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EXL500
EXL500
1 year ago

Didn’t the Lincolns of 1958-1960 have the breezeway window?

John Petersen
John Petersen
1 year ago

The FoMoCo ‘Breezeways’. Known as the Mercury Montclair and Parklane here in the U.S. I owned a ’65 Montclair Breezeway during my Navy days in San Diego (a beach cruising chick magnet in the mid ’80’s if there ever was one), absolutely loved that barge.

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
1 year ago

A pair of legs is all that’s left inside the car if that back window goes up when you’re trying to slide out through it.

The potential for pet or child decapitation is interesting.

Canopysaurus
Canopysaurus
1 year ago

Once upon a time, a shot of mercury in the pants was considered the cure for syphilis.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 year ago
Reply to  Canopysaurus

‘Once upon a time, a shot of mercury in the pants was considered the cure for syphilis.’

It also made the hatters mad.

Hugh Crawford
Hugh Crawford
1 year ago

So not the Meteor Motor Company of Piqua, Ohio , maker of ambulances and horses? I’m sure one of those has hauled some stand alone legs.

Those breezeway cars are pretty wonderful. Like a convertible without the sunburn.

Gear-Dog
Gear-Dog
1 year ago

I see where you were going with “floor arms,” it reminded me that the German word for ‘Glove’ is ‘Handschuh’ -or, Hand Shoe.

Andy Individual
Andy Individual
1 year ago

Who is this targeted to? Someone with a dismemberment fetish? I mean which one of those ladies do the legs belong to? If not, what happened to their lower bodies? Where is the front end of that car? Does it even have one? That hint of a rear bumper and rear wheel. Are they just screwing with us? It’s all enough to make the lady on the left feel faint.

This has crime scene written all over it.

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
1 year ago

You gotta make sure you’ve got room to let your nuts hang. Hopefully these spokespants have an extra inch or so in there so you don’t get cut under there: https://youtu.be/nR_myjOr0OU

Also, what do these spokespants have to say about the Amphicar?

OverlandingSprinter
OverlandingSprinter
1 year ago

I’m no tailor, but the pants look custom. Bespokepants, if you will.

I’ll see myself out.

ES
ES
1 year ago

so, i went looking for more info about the car; there wasn’t a Mercury Meteor 1964 model? Meteor as an US model ended in ’63, but in ’64 Meteor was relaunched as a Canadian make (after a two year hiatus). per Wiki, the 1961 Mercury Meteor was a reskinning of the Edsel Ranger after that make was killed, and ’62-’63 MM’s were reskinned Fairlanes?

Alan Christensen
Alan Christensen
1 year ago

Ah, the era when women wore pill box hats and long white gloves, and when lower extremities roamed the land.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 year ago

Username checks out…

JohnnyC
JohnnyC
1 year ago

My friends had one of these. There was a local place called Carvel that sold great soft ice cream. We’d go down there get our stuff & then drive around. The move was put all your garbage on the parcel shelf, get up to 65-70 open the front windows & then lower the rear-Blast off! Garbage gone!!!

Seems like a really shitty thing to do now, but it was fun.

PaysOutAllNight
PaysOutAllNight
1 year ago
Reply to  JohnnyC

Lots of good memories in a car like this. Even some while doing bad things.

We used to do similar things in a station wagon with a roll-down rear window, without telling our parents.

I do remember that we have a rule that all waste that went out the window was either food, paper or cardboard. No plastics or metals.

Don Kasak
Don Kasak
1 year ago

“Hey, can this count as Mercury Monday?”

If this counts as a Mercury Monday, then the floodgates have been opened for all of the odd Canadian-branded Mercurys, Meteors, Monarch, and Frontenacs.

Nathan Williams
Nathan Williams
1 year ago
Reply to  Don Kasak

Frontenac Friday surely?

Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
1 year ago

YES
YESSSSSSS

Paul Brogger
Paul Brogger
1 year ago
Reply to  Don Kasak

Any Merury Monday classification has been disallowed by the author’s subtle use of the article to gauge reader reception for two Torch neologisms: “walking arms” and “floor hands”.
Henceforth, keep the focus firmly on Merc to qualify.

Collegiate Autodidact
Collegiate Autodidact
1 year ago

Hmm, some three years earlier Dr Seuss had published the book The Sneetches and Other Stories; one of those other stories was “What Was I Scared Of?” where the protagonist encounters a disembodied pair of pants walking through the woods. One wonders if that was the inspiration for that Meteor ad (though the Meteor pants are purple with shoes while the Seuss pants were green sans shoes…)

Arch Duke Maxyenko
Arch Duke Maxyenko
1 year ago

Ah yes, the FoMoCo breezeway window.

Flyingstitch
Flyingstitch
1 year ago

The owner of those legs misused that window during some late-night shenanigans. This is all that remains of him.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
1 year ago

Yes, please count this as Mercury Monday.

Dale Mitchell
Dale Mitchell
1 year ago
Reply to  MATTinMKE

at my workplace, it is Monday #2 .. every day is called Monday except Friday.
So we’ll allow it

KevFC
KevFC
1 year ago

How about a modern reasonably priced and reasonably sized (width, length) car for tall people; ie less width and more height than typical today.

Dan Eugea
Dan Eugea
1 year ago
Reply to  KevFC

Every car manufacturer makes one of those. They’re called “crossovers”.

Ben
Ben
1 year ago
Reply to  Dan Eugea

You’d think so, but in my experience crossovers aren’t always the best for head room. The raised seating position can undo any benefits the taller roofline provides. The best car I think I’ve ever owned in terms of head room is my 2007 Prius.

Although I should note the only vehicle where I ever had to raise the seat from the lowest position was a Jeep Cherokee (the new one, the old one was terrible for me). The manual seats in those drop so low that the bottom of the windows were at about neck level even on me. Felt like I was sitting in a bucket until I bumped the seat up a couple of notches.

PaysOutAllNight
PaysOutAllNight
1 year ago
Reply to  Ben

The 1st gen New Beetle also had surprisingly generous headroom.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 year ago
Reply to  Ben

‘You’d think so, but in my experience crossovers aren’t always the best for head room. The raised seating position can undo any benefits the taller roofline provides.’

Try a minivan. Even my microvan sized Mazda5 has a surprising amount of headroom. It does not have a sunroof though.

Drew
Drew
1 year ago

“Hey, can this count as Mercury Monday?” It’s Monday, it’s a Mercury. That’s a more accurate Mercury Monday than a lot of things you’ve posted for it. I think it counts.

IRegertNothing, Esq.
IRegertNothing, Esq.
1 year ago

I see the Invisible Man is driving shirtless again.

Mr. Asa
Mr. Asa
1 year ago

Guy I know bought one with that window a couple years back on an impulse. No rust, just tinkers with it, daily drives it when the salt isn’t on the road. Said it was one of the best decisions he’s made.

I’ll admit, I’m envious of him when I see pics of it out and about

Grey alien in a beige sedan
Grey alien in a beige sedan
1 year ago
Reply to  Mr. Asa

Does the buyer have disembodied legs though? We need to know the most important thing about your story here.

Mr. Asa
Mr. Asa
1 year ago

I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen his legs, sooo….

IRegertNothing, Esq.
IRegertNothing, Esq.
1 year ago

If your disembodied legs are working the pedals on their own while your upper body steers, would you qualify for the HOV lane?

Paul Brogger
Paul Brogger
1 year ago

Makes me wonder: Has an international model ever rolled off the assembly line with its pedals on one side and the steering wheel on the opposite?

David Smith
David Smith
1 year ago
Reply to  Paul Brogger

Drivers ed car I drove in the early ’80s had a brake peddle on both sides so that comes as close as I can remember. A friends car around the same time didn’t have the brake peddle on the passenger side but it did have a spot I could press on and actuate the brakes a bit. No idea what the car was but it was fun to mess with him from time to time. Not sure I ever told him about it.

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