At the very beginning of my career as an automotive journalist, way back in 2011, I wrote something about how Pixar was wrong to make the cars in the movie Cars have their eyes in the windshield instead of the headlights, as car-god intended. The comments I got were largely from indignant people livid that I’d have the temerity to complain about something Pixar had done, and I was called an unimaginative troll dead-set on destroying the joy of children, and, in one case, was accused of doing it all as a hatchet job against Steve Jobs, for some reason. Good times! Anyway, this is still a concept I fiercely believe in, and I think providing you, the Automobile Peoples of Earth, with evidence of optoheadlightism as I encounter it is a good idea. So, today, please enjoy these examples of headlights as eyes, from Renault and, as a bonus, a late 1960s safety film!
First, let’s look at Renault, a longtime champion of the headlights-as-eyes concept. Up top you can see an actual Renault 5 with its headlights sporting some fun eye-covers; these were promotional cars Renault had based on old cartoon ads and brochures like these:
It’s remarkable how well even the rectangular lamps work as eyes, even with most mammalian eyes being very much un-squared, with most eyes having only maybe one or two corners, certainly not four. And yet it works, giving the R5 a cheeky little face.
Speaking of rectangular eyes, an earlier car, the last of the rear-engined Renaults, had a whole ad specifically about its square eyes:
This is an ad from Renault Australia, and it seems the R10 was the only Australian-built car to have rectangular headlamps back then? Amazing. And, as you can see from the copy, Renault absolutely considers headlights to be the eyes of a car. And even in squareical form, they look like eyes on that R10’s grille-less face.
If you don’t want to take the word of the French, then consider this 1969 Alfred Higgins produced traffic safety film involving some idiot kid who runs into traffic and is rewarded by a fever dream where cars ranging from a Plymouth Fury to a 1908 Charron 15hp talk to him in some smokey, otherworldly no-space, about the dangers of being an idiot in traffic:
And, yes, all the cars have eyes. In their headlights.
Because that’s what’s right.
Absolutely crushing how disappointed the dad is at the beginning. Not sure I could have taken my dad giving me that intense arm grip, staring directly into my eyes, incredulously repeating, “You’re not responsible,” and then just kind of wandering away. Devastating.
I’m pretty sure that Pixar only put the headlights in the windshield so that they could do the pop-up headlight flash gag with the Miata twins.
I’m with you on this and I’m fascinated how design elements on the front of a car can evoke an emotion. AI is a little silly and seems to hedge its bets, but here’s an AI interpretation of some cars — I asked it to describe men’s faces if they resembled the fronts of the cars in question.
“Sure, I can describe what such faces might look like:
Then I asked what would make a car look angry. I think BMW asked must have asked the same question and just went hard with it.
“To create an angry or aggressive appearance when anthropomorphizing cars as human faces, several design elements could be utilized:
By incorporating these design elements, a car’s front end can be made to resemble an angry or aggressive human face, eliciting a strong emotional response from viewers.”
So if I’m Henry Ford II in 1967, I’m saying to the design team, “I want our lineup to be a Sophia Loren, a Bob Mitchum, a Paul Newman, and an Aunt Bea. Oh and a Mickey Rooney because we need something cheap and cheerful. Do not come back to me with an Ernest Borgnine.” Then I’d go play golf.
I made it 4 minutes into that video. That’s all I could stand.
You need to see the RiffTrax version. https://www.rifftrax.com/the-talking-car
2 minutes.
“Squareical” is a great word.
I’ll take square eyes over squinty eyes any day. Even more so over stacked misshapen eyes and a huge mouth, as current trends follow.
Look no further
https://bringatrailer.com/listing/1998-toyota-corolla-4/
Yeah, that safety film was pretty trippy in more than one way, like with the plethora of air-cooled VW buses (especially the one serving as a school bus!) It was produced just three or four years after the 1965-’66 TV sitcom My Mother the Car starring Jerry Van Dyke as a lawyer whose mother had been reincarnated as a “1928 Porter” so there was already precedent for talking cars. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Mother_the_Car
http://imcdb.org/vehicle_39539-Made-for-Movie-1928-Porter-Stanhope.html
Yeah, the film was kinda creepy but for creepiness I see your The Talking Car and raise the 1963 bicycle safety film One Got Fat featuring kids wearing papier-mache monkey masks and tails while riding bicycles and getting picked off one by one in various mishaps: https://youtu.be/VZzQDhYE2c0?si=1dOiHA7ttM6SrTQH
That film was narrated by Edward Everett Horton who voiced the Fractured Fairy Tales on the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show.
Check out film at 6:29. It’s a VW bus School Bus driven by a crazed 17 year old boy. I didn’t know anything existed like that in 1969 AND why did everyone t-a-l-k s-o s-l-o-w-l-y back then.
I’ll give you headlights as eyes, so long as you concede outside mirrors as ears.
so what are trafficators?
People who masturbate while driving?
Gotta agree with your thesis torch, the eyes have it.
My late father also criticized Cars for the windshield-as-eyes thing.
Also, if headlights aren’t eyes, then why are CarLashes a thing?
The last time a Plymouth came to life, her name was Christine….
Eh, can’t say I agree with the Cars eyes take. You see through the windshield
If the headlights are eyes, why is there a windshield?
I think of the headlights like the lantern on one of those creepy deep-sea fish.
Yeah there ya go. The headlights are the lantern and the eyes are on the body of the fish
But your belief in headlight eyes is in conflict with your humoculous theory.
I love love love that the square-eyes advertisement refers to the headlights as “assymetric”.
Obviously it was supposed to be “asymmetric” but I think they were on to something with “assy metric”.
I would like to submit further evidence, if it pleases the court.
I’m just a humble country lawyer trying to do the best I can but I believe, NAY DEMAND that henceforth eyes must be represented in the headlights and not the windshield.
FURTHERMORE, I believe that ALL public indecency charges related to this case against Mr. Torchinsky be dropped.
The Brave Little Toaster was a pretty unsettling kids movie. I remember it scaring the crap out of me for whatever reason.
Also a pretty strange premise that obviously worked a lot better with toys in Toy Story.
I still mildly freak out ever time I run over my vacuum’s cord.
I’m not really convinced the Brave Little Toaster is actually a kids movie, but take your COTD nom! 🙂
Holy crap this video is creepy.
I didn’t want to watch the whole thing, so I skipped around. One small bit I saw (the last one) was the car saying, “Don’t be frightened.” Too late for that!
The cars in the street scenes were kinda worth it, though.
Plus, they showed us filmstrips rather like this when I was young, so I’m inured to it