Morning Wood, Hatchback Edition: Cold Start

There was a strange and fairly short-lived trend in the late 1970s and early 1980s where fake woodgrain appliqués got a little resurgence of popularity, but this time on a new canvas: econoboxes. Yes, once if you wanted to roll around in a vehicle slathered in decals that were designed to look like slabs of tree-meat, you were pretty much limited to a large station wagon (with a few exceptions); but, finally, there was an option for more frugal-minded buyers to enjoy the warm organic goodness of fake wood, and it was embraced pretty widely. Let’s take a look at three examples of this exciting trend that allowed me to use that juvenile headline!

It’s probably worth taking a moment to consider why this was a thing, because, objectively, it’s pretty odd. It’s a uniquely American affectation to, I think, with the woody magic generally happening at the dealer level. The overall look comes, of course, from very early station wagon bodies that were genuinely built from wood, a trend that continued into the 1940s or so.

When almost all station wagons were made with steel bodies by the 1950s, the nostalgia for the old woody wagons was still strong, so most American station wagons offered some sort of faux woodgrain option, and this continued even into the 1990s, when minivans like the Chrysler Town and Country held onto the tradition.

There was an association with the fake woodgrain that meant, I think, honesty and family and tradition and a certain sort of status, perhaps something that people associated with rich people in cable-knit sweaters going antiquing, or something. I’m not entirely clear. But it was A Thing, and by applying it (literally) to little cheap hatchbacks, maybe some of the cheapness could be disguised.

Like on this Dodge Omni:

This ad definitely plays on the genteel antiquing cliché, as that hatch is crammed full of antique things, including a creepy old doll head peering menacingly over the rear lip. There’s some dead Victorian kid’s ghost in there for sure.

There was also an outdoorsy angle to play up with the fake wood, since real wood can be found, you know, in the woods. And the wood maybe made the car look a bit like a cabin, at home out there in the woods. I do have to say, with the canoe on the roof, this little Omni looks pretty great.

Also, look at all the denim on that man! it’s like a denim spacesuit.

GM was a master at applying wood decals to cars, and they didn’t leave out their humblest car, the Chevette. The Chevette’s defining characteristic was that it was cheap, dirt cheap, and maybe a little archaic with its RWD drivetrain in an era of the rise of FWD.

But maybe somehow the woody veneer managed to hide the cheapness of the car, and add a little bit of console-television class to the machine. At least for the couple years it had before that wood started to fade and peel and look like a nasty skin infection.

The only non-American example I have for you today – though there were others, as I have a vivid image of a Mazda GLC wearing wood decals in my head – is the Volkswagen Rabbit, which had a dealer-installed woodgrain option. These were pretty uncommon, but VW was excited enough about it that a woody Rabbit was seen at the Chicago Auto Show in 1978, as you can see up there.

I feel like I’ve seen one of these on the road once or twice? The Chevettes and Omni woodys I think were lots more common.

Also, it’s worth noting that shades of yellow seemed to be the preferred color for hatchback woodys. And I think that’s an excellent choice.

Honestly, I wouldn’t mind seeing a resurgence of wood-sided cars. I bet they could do some amazing-looking stuff with sustainable bamboo on the sides of a modern Tesla or Hyundai or whatever. The new Wagoneer definitely should have had a wood option, too.