Early last month, I declared victory against my wife’s stately 2001 BMW 525iT E39 wagon. The Beemer, which seemed to be on death’s door with absurd oil consumption, catastrophic misfiring, and impressive smoke, was fixed with $400 of parts and labor plus a so-called “Italian Tune-Up.” The car was now better than ever, but it’s not lasting. Just 3,000 miles later the car has found new and creative ways to break. Here we go again, is this thing haunted?
Back in late 2022, our secret designer The Bishop sold me this stately wagon. At the time, it had just minor issues. The car needed a new catalytic converter, new tailgate wiring, and rust repair, but that was it. I drove the wagon for some time before I gave the vehicle to my wife as a gift. This car has changed her life. Sheryl has always been the kind of person to exhaust seemingly infinite energy to help others, but little for herself. So, she’d drive things like base model Subaru Imprezas and Toyota Camrys, never realizing that driving could be thrilling.
The Bishop’s E39 changed that. This was a car that, at the time, was both reliable and thrilling to drive. Sheryl traded cloth for leather, an inline four for a straight six, and a Toyota badge for the BMW roundel. The BMW might be the greatest automotive evolutionary step my wife has experienced. It may be a $1,500 pile of German over-complication to you and me, but it means the world to her.
So, we’re continuing to keep this car alive, even when it seemingly wants to take a nap.
What Broke Last Time
My wife drives a lot. As of now, she’s on track to drive a tick over 40,000 miles this year. She drives more than I do, and I’m the one who writes about vehicles! Sheryl is often ripping across the state of Illinois to show up in courts all over these flat lands. Unfortunately, this puts a lot of wear and tear on a vehicle and she doesn’t have the time for a car to be broken for too long.
According to our calculations, Sheryl drove the BMW about 30,000 miles in a little less than a year. That’s a lot for any car, let alone a 23-year-old, well-loved German car. At first, things were great. She installed new coils and plugs, gave the car a full brake job, and vanquished the infamous “trifecta” ABS, traction control, and brake warning lights in the instrument cluster. That last one felt particularly good because not even the Bishop was able to fix that. We even diagnosed the vehicle’s airbag light to be a faulty mat in the passenger seat.
Sheryl then went on to add individual touches to the car including interior trim imported from Germany, new headlights, and modern infotainment. The Beemer purred like a kitten and even scored 30 mpg. Then things got bad:
Then late October rolled around and something changed about the car. Suddenly, fuel economy went into the toilet and oil consumption was best described as epic. I measured oil burn to be as much as a quart every 50 miles. My mechanic friends and even readers here suggested that there could have been a blown head gasket. But the car’s fluids never mixed and aside from the oil, they never changed their levels either. Yet the thick clouds of oily smoke billowing out of the tailpipe suggested the car was using oil worse than a two-stroke motorcycle.
By November, things started getting dire as the M54 2.5 six signaled its displeasure with its existence and stopped running on one, sometimes two of its six cylinders. The misfires were constant and shook the car harder than a Harley-Davidson’s V-twin. From November forward, there was never a time when the car didn’t misfire.
The problems made the car, named Wanda, undrivable. An oil consumption of a quart every 50 miles makes driving to downstate Illinois prohibitively expensive. That’s ignoring the fact that the car ran on five cylinders on a good day. Sheryl ended up parking Wanda and it sat for months. Every time we started Wanda, it groaned into life with a smoke show and a flashing check engine light. Our mechanic friends gave us scary potential causes from piston rings to possible top end trouble. Everything looked hilariously expensive for a car I spent just $1,500 on.
In April, Sheryl was ready to throw in the towel. She sent me out to take pictures of Wanda for a listing and in typical me fashion, I welded the accelerator to the floor. Eventually, the car cleared its throat and the misfires were gone. Even the smoke let up a little bit.
This gave her the motivation to get a third opinion on the smoke. I rang up my friendly mobile mechanic and one day he replaced the vehicle’s crankcase ventilation valve. It was an instant fix, with not a puff of smoke coming out of the exhaust. Oil consumption then returned back to its normal of a quart every 1,200 miles or so. The best part is that parts and labor were just $400. We then replaced the car’s catalytic converters, which turned off the check engine light, seemingly for good. The Bishop told me the instrument cluster hasn’t been that devoid of warning lights in over a decade.
That sounds like a mission success in my book.
It’s Gone To Hell, Again
Sheryl’s been driving her beloved Wanda through May and things were great for most of the month. The car didn’t smoke, didn’t burn any abnormal amounts of oil, and didn’t misfire a single time. My wife had her baby back. Of course, because old German cars like to be silly, we’re now in a situation that seems both strangely familiar and new. Sheryl’s put just 2,500 to 3,000 miles on this car since we fixed it.
The first sign of new trouble came when I was following Sheryl home with the Can-Am Ryker press loaner. Sheryl hit the gas on a green light and a little puff of oily smoke came out. Uh oh. Still, that wasn’t so bad, it was just a puff! Then, Sheryl let off the accelerator to turn a corner. As the vehicle turned right, a cloud of smoke emitted from the tailpipe. Now, Sheryl says it’s back to smoking constantly. Crap.
The car then had to get cute. One day, we were just relaxing at home when the car’s alarm started sounding. A check of my security camera showed nothing bothering the vehicle. It just started crying all on its own. That was weird, but we decided to keep on trucking. It got worse quickly. We’re now to the point that the car will sound its alarm less than an hour after the vehicle is locked. Thankfully, Sheryl now has a garage, so the car can be left unlocked at home.
At first, I assumed the issue was the rusty tailgate’s latch sensor failing. Sometimes the vehicle thinks the tailgate is being opened even though it’s closed. My Volkswagen Touareg VR6 had an issue similar to that. A deep scan of the vehicle shows a single immobilizer code of “0F – Power-On Reset.” That’s an error caused by low voltage. The battery died recently so that one makes sense. I cleared it and as of publishing it didn’t come back. One error is stored in the body control module with “5E – Central-Locking Drive, Passenger’s Door.” Some early research suggests this could be a potential wiring issue or a lock actuator issue. The failure mode seems non-functional central-locking on that door, not the alarm sounding. Either way, the locks are working great right now.
Sheryl has also noted that on one recent occasion, the vehicle shut down while she was driving. The engine stopped running and the electrics went dark while she was moving. Turning the key to the off position and then turning the vehicle back on resolved the issue. I have not been able to replicate this.
The misfiring came back, too, but this time it’s intermittent and seemingly random. Punching the throttle doesn’t seem to make a difference. Wanda is now back in the garage far sooner than expected. Sheryl feels she cannot trust the car at this current time, so I have to bring it back…again.
Now it’s time for me to roll up my sleeves.
What’s Next
First, I want to tackle the misfire. I know Sheryl is using some pretty “sus” aftermarket coil packs and white-label spark plugs. Thankfully, I keep old working parts for troubleshooting purposes, so the Bosch stuff will go back in for now. Of course, I’ll inspect the plugs upon their exit as well. My mobile mechanic said that the car is in dire need of new vacuum lines, so those will need to be replaced, too. I’m fairly confident I can knock out the misfiring issue.
I think I can tackle that alarm system, too. Some E39 owners have had issues with their alarm systems going off after a failure of the hood sensor. Like all good German cars, the E39 is also said to be sensitive to battery voltage, so we should test and maybe replace that battery since it died once. I just have to inspect the alarm system. If we’re lucky, it’s just the hood sensor and that can be disabled.
I’m less sure about everything else.
The smoke is a curious one. Why did the car drive for a whole month without smoking? What could have happened? I suppose there is a non-zero chance the new CCV already failed, but that would be weird. It’s also notable that the smoke isn’t as heavy as it was before. The smoke before was dark blue, almost black. This stuff is a lot lighter. Still has that pungent oil smell, but it’s not the same. Oil burn has increased to a quart every 500 to 600 miles. Past experience would suggest possible valve seals as a culprit, but I’m not certain.
I also believe Sheryl when she says the car shut down while she was driving. The question then becomes why? Apparently, the ignitions in these cars can fail, which could cause this. But I want to replicate this before shooting in the dark.
Either way, I have a feeling I’m going to be spending much of this summer tinkering on Wanda. On one hand, it’s frustrating that this car just keeps finding dumb and annoying ways to break. On the other, I am learning a lot about BMWs during this process! Hopefully, we’ll eventually get back to a place where the car can be trusted to go anywhere at a moment’s notice. At the very least, Sheryl’s Scion iQ is still a champ that isn’t letting us down. Thankfully she has a reliable daily driver or else I’d be sweating bullets.
If any of our lovely readers are more well-versed in BMW than I am, I want to reach out for your help. What am I missing? Do you have advice here? Well, advice that isn’t “sell the car,” that is.
sell the car and move on. this is terrible
Check the engine ground and chassis ground for cleanliness and continuity, not BMW specific, but thing everything that needs electricity has this in common and it can cause strange behavior.
>replaced the vehicle’s crankcase
>ventilation valve….parts and labor were just $400
This points of the horrible state of over engineering of these cars. What a waste of money when it could be so much more simple and lower cost.
The answer to this need for reliable but fun to drive car to drive tens of thousands of miles is a Lexus.
I could have saved you a lot of time on the CCV diagnosis — M54’s always start with the CCV! That’s why things like this exist:
https://germanautosolutions.com/gas-store/german-auto-solutions-m54-ccv-replacement-kit/
In addition to the hood switch, another source for phantom alarms in the E39 is the motion sensor – found in the housing on the headliner behind the sunroof where you’d typically find a dome light. Fingertips or a trim tool gently around the edge and it will pop the housing pops off and the sensor slides out of the housing quite easily.
Last year, as soon as the weather got warm and my car was parked in the parking lot at work, my alarm would start to go off. I’m a nerd that likes everything to work no matter how archaic, so I bought a used one off ebay and the problem went away until 2 weeks ago. With summer-ish days, it all started again, so now it’s unplugged and I’m not nearly concerned enough with the actual function of the thing to do anything more about it. Fixing the seat twist and a nagging steering angle sensor issue (post trifecta fix) are higher priorities if I ever get a free weekend, haha.
Have you seen “Old Yeller”? At some point you just have to do the humane thing.
I feel your pain, Mercedes. I’m helping my son with his 2004 330Ci, which uses (more-or-less, other than displacement) the same M54 engine as Sheryl’s 525iT. We’ve got leaking coolant, some wicked vacuum leaks, and an oil pan gasket in dire need of replacement. We did the hard plastic coolant lines a couple of weekends ago, when we also discovered the vacuum lines that need replacing, but we’re going to probably have to replace the expansion tank as well.
The problem really is no matter how great the car and the engine are from BMW, it’s still a 20-year-old vehicle and there’s probably a lot of worn-out components.
One thing to check with the wiring as well is whether the insulation is flaking off. The early 2000s was when BMW first started using the EU-mandated partial-soy-based wiring insulation, and after 20 years, it can flake off and the wires can short.
Geez, after reading all those comments I’m wondering if maybe a comment could be pinned at the top reminding people to read the homework assignment (providing advice and insight into resolving the issues with a particular car where it’s just a given that there *not* be any policing or judgmentality about people’s choices of cars) before posting comments.
After all, that’s what makes this website great, that The Autopian is, among many things, such a celebration (and commiseration!) of what people drive and love regardless of how terrible or awesome or, indeed, *both* such vehicles might be 🙂
The alarm: disconnect the hood sensor as you suspect. Super common. Its near the drivers side shock tower and cabin air filter. My 2003 525i was having phantom alarms to the point where I pulled the fuses for the siren and the system and was not locking it.
I disconnected the hood sensor at the suggestion of the worst e39 facebook group and it stopped having alarm problems.
Also, have someone (or you if you have the equipment) do smoke testing on the engine to look for vacuum/PCV leaks. They can send these engines into fits.
I’d also recocmend FCPeuro.com for parts, they have a no-questions-asked lifetime warranty on parts, so if you ever want to try multiple replacements as part of troubleshooting, you are only on the hook for shipping costs. I even return my old motor oil to them and get a refund at each oil change. Admittedly its only a store credit now where it used to be a credit back to the original payment.
This story should have stopped at ;
the car needed a new catalytic converter.
The car has been sold for $1 to someone else.
=============================
But the story didn’t stop. So here we go.
There are tons of stories of old BMWs, old Mercedeses, Audis, Volkswagens. The germans make fine cars, when they’re new. After a while all kind of stuff starts to fail. It doesn’t stop. I know. I have 2 V8 Mercs.
The oil burning might be a valve stem seal problem. That’s a lot of work for a car that isn’t worth saving.
You might think it is great value to “only” have spent $1500 and the catalytic converter and parts and now more new parts and the downtime and possible more time at a garage and more parts. But it all keeps adding up and a $10k “reliable” car would have driven the same distance but without issues.
And with all that driving more parts are going to wear. Bearings. Seals. Gaskets. It might rust. Electronic components. Plastic tubes. Rubber hoses.
The Car Is Not Special.
I repeat
The Car Is Not Special.
Only throw money at an old car if it really will – objectively – increase its value or retain its unusual high value. Like a classic Porsche, Ferrari or a -special- BMW.
I know you won’t listen and will buy a clunker like this next year and then write about it for the next 3 years – so this is for other people. Who have a brain and don’t think “Let me buy this old car so I have some content to write about”.
🙂
Does anyone actually read the stories anymore? It’s my wife’s car and it’s special to her.
If people followed this advice we’d all be driving Toyota Camrys, Honda Accords, and supercars. People keep old cars around for various reasons that aren’t just money.
Seriously, I don’t know what’s wrong with the people in the comments. It’s like they’re mostly emotionless robots with no reading comprehension.
It should be obvious, not only from this story, but the others about this car, that a logical approach clearly is not being taken here, since the car has far more value to your wife beyond its resale or parts value. Especially after reading her post in the comments, it’s clear there is a lot of sentimental value, and yet almost no one seems to be grasping that.
We all get that you keep these cars for fun, and it’s valuable content for the website. It’s funny for a while, but it gets fatiguing to read so many articles about automotive masochism.
I think I speak for most readers of the site, and even the people who post ‘sell it’ type comments, when I say people genuinely care about you, and want you to experience a smoother automotive life. You seem to have a strong attachment for vehicles that goes a bit beyond the average enthusiast, and as you’ve written, sometimes to the detriment of time and money. The self-deprecating hoarding jokes are funny, but they rightly also make people concerned!
Thank you for the care and concern. I am doing great. I’ve never been happier in my entire life. 🙂
That said, please note that this isn’t a story about my car. Sheryl has her own two cars that I don’t count as part of my own fleet. One’s a reliable daily, the other is the car that used to be the daily and is now more like the broken project car.
It applies because you gave her this vehicle as a gift. It applies because without you, she would likely not have chosen to drive a 20 year old BMW, or involve herself in the associated diagnostics and financial jeopardy of that lifestyle. You’ve brought her into your aspirational vision of aging luxury vehicles, with all the highs and lows that entails.
I understand the back story of the gift and what it means to her. I think the sentiment of self worth you provided her was priceless, and you should think highly of yourself for making that effort. 🙂
I do question the wisdom of attaching that sentiment to such a complicated physical object. Sadly that object comes with an expiry date, and will have to be evaluated on a practical basis when the time comes. Thats really hard to do when the object is attached to so much emotion.
I hope you can realize that it was the gesture and the intent that were the most valuable part of the gift, and begin to separate that sentiment from the physical car. Whatever happens to the BMW, your love and care, and the spirit of the gift will endure.
You do have some truth there. Before meeting me, my wife drove stuff like 30-year-old Pontiacs and base model new Hyundais and Subarus. She still speaks highly of ’90s cars like the Oldsmobile LSS, Ford Bronco, and Pontiac Bonneville SSEI, but hates the Hyundai Elantra and the Saturn Outlook. Old American cars are certainly a different ball of wax, especially when equipped with that nearly bulletproof 3800.
Indeed, introducing her to aged German luxury (more comparable to milk than wine) has been a rollercoaster. She now sees why most of my German cars have at least one thing wrong with them. Are you ever done fixing them?
But she expected this. The BMW can stay broken for however long it needs to because she has a reliable Toyota as the daily driver. Shoot, that iQ is the most reliable thing we have between the two of us.
If the BMW were my own car, I would have sold it the moment I learned how bad the rust was. But she wants to keep holding onto it, and I won’t stop her. If anything, the car has been teaching her how to wrench and showing me a world outside of Smart and VW, so its value is in more than just its parts.
That’s absolutely wonderful to hear. I hope my comments haven’t come across as patronizing or presumptuous. Have a great day.
Seems a bit condescending to me, telling someone who’s a damn adult about your concern for them because “You’re doing it wrong.”
Mercedes, you keep on kicking ass, please.
On-topic: I had an older (’84) Bimmer that got up to all kinds of seemingly-unrelatde weirdness until a specialist diagnosed a bad ground connection. Cheap fix, but an expensive diagnosis.
*unrelated weirdness, too.
Well, take it for what you will, but I’ve been there myself in the past. I guess I’m just trying to rationalize the negative comments into something that addresses the emotional side rather than simply a throw away comment about getting rid of the car for purely practical reasons. It’s a messy topic. This is a comment section on a car blog, sorry if I’m not delivering these ideas in the most eloquent manor.
Ultimately people kick ass. Cars are fun, but they’re just things. Keeping or letting go of them doesn’t define anyone’s character.
I would consider an E39 Station Wagon special. Even an officially “special” car which may go up in value still doesn’t make financial sense. Also, please note that lots of cars no one thought worth saving are now worth money (cf Volvo 240s).
I am glad that my main interest lies elsewhere (old and Japanese), but this car is definitely worth saving – or at least it is as long as the fixes stay fixed!
It was and is genuine heartfelt advice. I’ve been pouring too much money, time and frustration into cars that weren’t worth it, in hindsight. It’s the hindsight, the regret that I’d like to spare people from. Yes you can get attached to a car. I am attached to my current 2 cars and I was attached to the very first car which was gifted to me by an aunt. A 1.4L Citroen BX using LNG. I got it for free and ‘only’ had to sink a thousand USD in it to get it on the road. Then some more of that money later it didn’t have the LNG anymore (removed) among a lot of other stupid stuff. But because it was my car, my first car, I wasn’t thinking rational, at all. For the same money I could have gotten a much better car. But it’s like a path you cannot retrace ; you seem to only be able to go further down the rabbit hole and the longer you stay with the car and the more you spend on it, you more you feel ‘connected’ to it. Until it finally died and in my infinite wisdom decided that a replacement Citroen BX, this time with a feisty 1.6 engine was the better replacement. Suddenly I had a working radio, better mileage and performance from a whopping 90hp. I felt the king of the road, for another $1000.
If any petrol head back then would have tried his best to explain me that the Citroen BX was a -terrible car- and take time to reason with me, then I would not have lost several of my early automotive years to the pieces of crap they were. I even ended up with a third Citroen BX 1.6 after a friend totaled my second one.
For some stupid reason, again no mentorship, I got into a Peugeot 605 2.0, a freaking huge sedan (for me) which brought me from A to B and I liked it but I didn’t like a lot of other things. From the performance (120 hp) to the fact that the radio wasn’t very loud. Imagine that being a reason to sell a car 🙂
Then I finally switched to a decent car, a 99s VW Passat VR5, which a whopping 150hp, and everything leather inside. Xenon lights and with a set of $200 17 inch rims I again felt the king of the road. Again that car wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t a ‘petrol head’s dream. The engine shuddered like heck when revving ; at that time I wasn’t even a qualified internet mechanic so I had no idea and kept driving with that thing for years. Again a pretty soulless car, though it never broke down and was cheap to maintain.
So I totally get it when people justify their choices with ‘gift’, ’emotional attachment’, ‘it is a special car: to me’, ‘it is a special car for others’ (I read someone said a E39 wagon is special, I agree, but not $3000+ repair bills special).
And yes I do think MOST OF THE PEOPLE should just buy and drive a Camry, forever and ever and save themselves and the world A LOT OF MONEY and pain and time.
Anyways, after a South Korean adventure with a Santa Fe which also disappointed (280 hp, just not sure where half of those were when driving) and I finally went for the mantra ‘there is no replacement for displacement’ and ended up with two german V8s. Totally not logical, totally not rational, I’m getting as low as 5 kilometers per 1 liter (that’s 10 mpg) with both cars, insurance is expense, repairs are expensive, the engine and gearbox have KNOWN problems (which I did not encounter, yet) BUT … the cars themselves are special. Fast. Sound. Space. Exotic.
I do like the BMW E39 series. The M5 was a dream car at that time (1999) for me and 2 friends. It was also unobtainable for then (too young, no money). The 400 hp seemed like 2000 hp now. It had a car phone. Another cool one would be a E39 540. V8. Looks great. V8 sounds. Torque everywhere.
Would I care for a 1999 E39 540 now? Yes! Would I buy one? Maybe. Would I then spend more than say $2000 on it and then KEEP spending thousands on it to keep it on the road ; I don’t think that would be smart and I -know- a ’99 e39 540 isn’t special enough to keep treating it like special.
I digress.
Petrol heads can and should do what they want. Regular people should be TOLD which car they should or should NOT buy or repair. You see often people write “I regret selling my special 70s Porsche, my special S2000, my special R34, my special MGC” and they are all right. Those are truly special cars.
Anything else is just a car. A piece of metal on wheels and it is sucking the life out of your wallet and yourself. We (in general I mean) should NOT form such an attachment to a car. That is bad advice. It is not a pet, it is not a family member, it is not some unique antique that can never be replaced.
You (and her) could buy a REPLACEMENT BMW E39 525iT TOMORROW in more or less the same color and interior and within a week the ‘new’ car will feel like ‘THE’ car you had before. Think about it. And heaven forbid you’d get a 530 or 535 or 540 – the car would come alive, mpg could suck, but it would feel like a really new car. The memories of the ‘previous’ car would quickly fade away.
My 2 cents. No disrespect.
I had a 2004 545i. This sounds a LOT like my experience. Just trade out a few problems here and there, but it’s largely the same. A BMW seems to have a timer that goes off. After that, it’s an unending stream of weird problems. This current condition will not stop. This is how that car will be from now on. You will never fix all the things because new ones will just keep coming.
Abandon all hope ye who enter here.
I’ve been fixing my own cars for a long time now, but that BMW failed in such strange ways. Fixing american/japanese cars is like playing checkers against a teenager, fixing a german car is like playing GO against a master.
That car cured me of my desire to ever own another german luxury brand. I replaced it with a Camaro SS which, aside from one radiator, has been flawless. Brutish, but flawless.
Madam a 23 yr old high millage BMW is not an appropriate vehicle for your wife who drives 40k miles per year. Even if you fix every current fault that car will be like sand going through your hands.
You both deserve to be happy get her a recentlyish SLK350 for just 10 times more.
40k miles a year is a LOT. I understand that the bmw is comfortable but there is no free lunch and that is probably the most expensive car you could drive 40k miles on.
Pull the codes and see what’s coming up.
Replace the battery. When they fail in BMWs it causes all kinds of havoc.
You probably have defective valve guides and it’s probably the source of the oil leak.
Pull the plugs and do a compression test on all the cylinders. I’m betting you have a bad valve or piston as well.
Since you insist on driving it while it’s blowing a quart of oil every 500 miles, it’s probably ruined your catalytic converter once again.
Basically you need to see if the motor is even worth wrenching on. Quit throwing parts at it until you know the status of the motor and whether you need to junk it.
You bought a $1,500 BMW and are surprised it’s a money pit? That’s on you bro.
How, exactly, is this helpful?
Sometimes you gotta know when to fold em. I recently had to tell a coworker she was flushing money down the drain by trying to repair her old car (she already had a newer one.) After a day or so of shock, she thanked me for breaking it down for her.
Sunk costs often influence people’s decisions,with people believing that investments (i.e., sunk costs) justify further expenditures.People demonstrate “a greater tendency to continue an endeavor once an investment in money, effort, or time has been made”. This is the sunk cost fallacy, and such behavior may be described as “throwing good money after bad”, while refusing to succumb to what may be described as “cutting one’s losses”. People can remain in failing relationships because they “have already invested too much to leave”. Other people are swayed by arguments that a war must continue because lives will have been sacrificed in vain unless victory is achieved. Individuals caught up in psychologically manipulative scams will continue investing time, money and emotional energy into the project, despite doubts or suspicions that something is not right. These types of behaviour do not seem to accord with rational choice theory and are often classified as behavioural errors.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sunk_cost#Fallacy_effect
Who said anything about surprise? I mean, we make German car reliability jokes almost daily here. 🙂 We just like talking about the hilarious ways these cars like to break.
An older German car is nothing if not predictable (in that it will break in a strange way, and with great frequency).
Rule out worn rings and or valve seals by doing a compression test and a leak down test. These gages can be loaned from your local auto parts store for free. No sense changing plugs, coils, and pcv valves if your rings or valve seals are bad.
Thank you for all of these suggestions! The vacuum lines in particular are a good plan.
For people asking why I don’t get something else, I can’t afford an EV! Plus, I have my little iQ that is the reliable Toyota product I got over the winter and still fun, because I don’t want to drive Wanda in the snow and ice. And yes, I guess I probably could trade in both the iQ and Wanda for something more traditionally lawyer-y with a luxury marque, but…I don’t want to. It’s not me. I’m a name-your-own-price/sliding scale solo practitioner lawyer. I’m not rich and don’t do lawyering for the money. It’s not a status symbol for me. But what Wanda *is* is the best present anyone has ever gotten me and the most fun I’ve ever had behind the wheel. As a backup car for when the iQ has a problem (like May when I had to get the AC fixed) and weekend smile generator, she’s pretty unbeatable, and I’m never getting rid of her.
See, in the legal profession there’s a bit of a stigma attached to lawyers like me who do legal aid, sliding scale, or public defender work. They say we’re not “real lawyers” or not good enough for Biglaw. And when Mercy gave me Wanda she said “You’re every bit as good as a fancy lawyer and you deserve to drive a car that makes you feel that way.” That is just…I basically melted. If I had endless money, I’d daily drive Wanda forever. I don’t, so that’s what the iQ is for lol.
Good on you – too many of us chase the money at the expense of our own happiness, let alone society overall. Glad you can live the life and drive the car you love.
COTD.
Followed you on the hell site (Twitter), you deserve a cool solid car!
With the Illinois and Federal used EV incentives you can get into a used EV for very little money. Something like a Kia Niro EV will eat up those miles and save you massive amounts in maintenance and fuel. If you get one with the heat pump, winter won’t be a problem.
If charging infrastructure is too harsh where you are, the same incentives can be had buying a PHEV. You’ll have more maintenance, however.
More modern/longer range EVs are quickly dropping below $25k where they will be eligible for both incentives(I believe Illinois is $4k so $8k total with the federal). I know you two have a huge horde of cars but if David can pay through the nose for an i3 I hope between the two of you, you could manage a $17k auto loan for a car that doesn’t eat you alive in maintenance and fuel cost. I only drive 12k miles per year and the EV actually saves me money vs buying gas, even when including the payment and depreciation.
Reach out to the Hack Mechanic! Rob Seigel has been fixing and writing about old BMWs for 30+ years. His daily is an e39 5 series. I doubt anyone knows more about them and would be more willing to help.
Since you are a very important person in Mercedes life, you should get a 90’s Lexus LS400. None of the headaches but all of the comfort. Give it a little VIP style treatment and they look great too. (I’ve always wanted an E39 BMW, but reading stuff like this validates why I don’t have one)
This is The Way.
She has always wanted a Lexus LS 400! Most of them out here are either rusted out or are caught up in the whole ’90s JDM car trend thing, and thus more money than we’d want to pay. Maybe I’ll pick up one in a place where rust doesn’t really exist…
There are some excellent ones available.
Mercedes, I see nice LS400s on a daily basis here in SW Florida. No rust+many old people who’ve held onto them for a while=a good supply of nice original cars.
Or a Ls430 which supposedly also is not only reliable but reasonable to keep in good shape cost wise.
I have heard LS460s are significantly more expensive in operating costs
I’ve been tempted to buy one and weld on a 4runner or Land Cruiser rear hatch and partial roof extension and make a Lexus LS400 wagon. That would seriously be the perfect car for me.
FWIW, you are the exact type of lawyer we need. There are plenty of money chasing scumbags with JD’s who are perfectly happy to serve the powerful. There are too few of your kind of lawyer. The kind real people turn to when the law threatens to grind them up. The kind who comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable. Keep fighting the good fight.
Sheryl, I’m in the business too, and my .02 is that your car is a tool of the trade, no different than your computer, cell phone, or copier. You need a functional car. There are two unforgivable sins in law: stealing your client’s money, and not showing up. “my car broke down” is weak in 2024…
The car doesn’t have to be flashy, and in fact, I know that some clients resent the hell out of paying the attorney’s bill, “just so you can drive a (name your car) while they are stuck driving (name their car).” Just respectable and reliable.
Years ago, I took my 914 to court. This was probably 20 years ago. I called my wife, and said “I have good news, and I have bad news.” She said “Let me guess: the good news is that you won the motion, the bad news is that the car won’t start…”
Check above, she now has a reliable daily for court. 🙂 The BMW is now supposed to be the fun project car.
Understood, and not a criticism at all.
When we got rid of the 914, which was technically my dad’s car, which he bought new in 1974 (we got rid of it 2020), I asked his permission, explained the situation, and he said sage words:
“It served its purpose. It proved that I was as good as the kids whose parents got them Porsches in 1956.”
And when I suggested that I get a Boxster, his similarly sage words were:
“We’ve had a Mid-Engined Porsche. I’ve already made that mistake for you…”
As a brother “in law,” if you’re getting comments from other jackwagons with JDs that legal aid isn’t real work, be sure that when one of your clients comes back to you with need for an attorney referral for a potential $1m+ civil case, that you be sure to let the client know NOT to use one of those Biglaw guys/girls.
And, while I’ve always wanted the BMW roundel to grace my driveway, go with an ES or LS. Yes, you can’t get a stick. Yes, the driving dynamics aren’t the same. But a mid aughts LS is really nice and will run until the sun burns out with basic maintenance.
It’s trying to tell you both to get rid of those godawful chinesium headlights. It’s a tantrum.
But on a serious note, Mercedes, Bimmerforums and Bimmerfest are your best friends with these E39s. My supercharged ’97 528i is as reliable only because I learned all I could from those two places.
As for oil consumption you’re on the right track. You can replace the terribly designed CCV with a catch can and the car will run 10x better. CCVs are known to fail as soon as you replace them if oil sludge sticks to the valve inside. How’s the underside of the oil cap? Goo-ish? White-ish? Clean? If at some point in its life the car didn’t have timely oil changes then it’ll trigger a barrage of seemingly random issues.
Shutting down while driving could be a vacuum leak, but you need to scan it firs, otherwise it’s a shot in the dark. Don’t throw parts at it or it will definitely bankrupt you.
An M54 powered E39 is one of the most reliable old German cars you can own. They have their ups and downs and things tend to accumulate if you ignore them.
Hey now those headlights are AWESOME lol
“An M54 powered E39 is one of the most reliable old German cars you can own”
Which is why I own Japanese cars.
Also, I hope the oil burn doesn’t foul the new cats.
So I love E39s and I think the car is cool, but….
40k miles a year? Assuming regular gas is around $3.50/gal, and that thing gets… what… 25mpg? Tops? Let’s say 25mpg though, that’s $5600 a year in fuel!!!! Now throw in how much money and time you’re spending keeping it on the road, you’re probably easily blowing through 7-8k per year, to drive a car worth 5k tops?
If she’s really driving that much, sell it. Get a 2nd Gen Prius or something; I had one for a while, thing got 45mpg effortlessly, stereo was banging with the JBL option, and it was huge inside, super useful vehicle.
Was it super fun to drive? No. But it didn’t suck either. It was just… “fine”, but like…40k miles a year is a TON.
For reference, assuming 45mpg your annual fuel costs would be a little over $3000. That’s $2500/year in savings on fuel alone, not to mention the running costs being so much lower rocking a yota.
Just sayin.
Maybe tone it down a little with the policing of what other people drive?
Am I the only person who remembers that my wife owns a second car? I’ve even written a few articles about it. I thought this line was good enough, but I guess not:
“At the very least, the Scion iQ is still a champ that isn’t letting us down.”
Sheryl drove the BMW 30k because she loaned her Prius out to a friend, making the BMW her daily for a while. The short term loan became a long one, then the friend wrecked the car, making the BMW her only car. Oof. So, she bought the iQ to replace the Prius and that’s the reliable daily.
I’m laughing a little because just the other day someone told me that I should skip providing context for previous events. Clearly not because even regular readers forget previous stories! 🙂
Yeah, sometimes even regular readers do indeed forget previous stories, to which I can testify myself, ha. And also sometimes people don’t always read the homework assignment 🙂
“Do you have advice here? Well, advice that isn’t “sell the car,” that is.”
And yet quite a few people in the comments then proceed to do just that, advising to sell the car *eye roll*
In a somewhat humorous aside I’m reminded of a classmate in one of my high school AP English classes who got an F on a paper on which he had spent all weekend and stayed up all night that Sunday; our assignment was on Christopher Marlowe’s play Doctor Faustus and he wrote his paper on…Goethe’s Faust. He and his parents were so mad that they personally went to the principal and complained vociferously but the teacher pointed out that our class had actually taken a field trip to see a production of Marlowe’s Doctor Faustus at the local university theater and that everyone else had done their papers on Marlowe’s play. Furthermore, the class was focused on British literature so the fact that Goethe was German should’ve tipped him off. The teacher stood her ground; she was this elderly pipsqueak who was actually American but had traveled to England a few times and spent so much time immersed in British literature that she was practically British herself so she was like a regular little Miss Marple. I always wondered what she actually told that student, if it was something like “tough scones, keep a stiff upper lip, you’re still getting an F.”
But then there are those of us who believe that a) Smarts and iQs are too small to be safe on an expressway and b) thus, our beloved wives shouldn’t have to drive them on expressways.
When the Prius got wrecked, Sheryl wanted to find a car with Toyota reliability, the cute factor of my Smarts, a go-kart-like feel, and a dash of rarity. To her, the iQ far more than exceeds those expectations.
We both feel these cars are more than fine for expressway use. I’ve driven a Smart across the country back in 2016 and we did a Route 66 trip in the iQ earlier this year. I suppose we’re in the minority, but we love our city cars and making them do non-city things. 🙂
No, I remembered she had some sort of super tiny smart car like thing, but … that seems like a city car. I was assuming 40k miles a year meant interstate driving, and was assuming she wouldn’t be driving an ultra compact.
Slap a Jeep logo on it and invite David over. I’m sure he’d figure out pretty quickly it isn’t actually a rusted out Jeep, but he’s into BMWs now, so I think he’d help you out even if you have to lap the valves.
But, Sheryl and Mercy would like their BMW to be “fixed”. What does David have to do with that? #wrenchhardnotsmart
I feel you, though I have no expertise in these BMWs. MY 2013 JSW TDI had a failed heater core last year, and now possibly requires both a clutch master cylinder and clutch slave cylinder; together this would lead to the car costing me more to fix than every other car I own over at least the last 3-4 years. Ironic given that this is the car I bought specifically so that I had a modern car that didn’t require wrenching or fixing.
Have you seen any of the info on the new Valvoline Restore and Protect oil that’s out? It won’t help valve seals but if any of the oil consumption is due to carboned up rings it has a chance at cleaning those back up if it works as advertised. I’ve been hearing good anecdotes about it so far, not been out long.
Grab your endoscope (get one from Amz, if you don’t already own one, they’re cheap) and check what the valves look like through the intake manifold, and you can also take a peek into the cylinders when you replace the plugs with the correct ones.
Did you code the new battery after you replaced it? If not you’re gonna kill the new one in short order by overcharging it.
Replace vacuum lines (per your mechanic), also (like other commenters have said), the PCV valve & coils on German cars are very sensitive to ‘non-OEM’ provenance; your code reader should be able to tell you which cylinder is misfiring and you can swap that coil around and see if the misfire goes with it.
New battery will only be killed by overcharging if, errr, never.
It would just degrade at a normal or marginally faster rate, vs lasting forerever if it was all coded to specs – and this, only if it has a different capacity from the previous one, and IF said previous one was correctly coded to begin with.
https://www.cars.com/vehicledetail/f24c7a31-da34-4c1d-a52b-b08aab31c883/
just saying… 🙂
Beautiful and desired but still expensive as shit, at least that specific one.
$60 of dashboard shiner (looks like at least that much went into that one) doesn’t add $6000 to a car’s value.
that shine may be from the IS’s famous “sticky dash” that is damn near impossible to fix from what I understand.
That’s a 4 figure wagon, just saying…
agree, but it was the only one I could find for sale in 30 seconds of searching…