My Ferrari Failed Its Annual Inspection And Made A Total Idiot Of Me

A lot of companies these days make you complete what is known as psychometric testing as part of an employment application process. These as usually done to make sure you’re a good fit for ‘our fast-paced work environment’ or some other such form of Linkedin doublespeak. What companies are actually doing is making sure you’re not a total lunatic who’s going to murder everyone in the building the first time someone steals your milk from the office fridge.

Here at The Autopian, we do something similar, only failing the test is considered essential. No one with any modicum of automotive sanity or a functioning brain gains paid employment inside The Autopian substation (actually a series of dangerously constructed, mildly radioactive tunnels hidden deep underneath Galpin Island). How else to explain Miss Mercedes’ airfield full of non-functioning Panzers? S. W. Gossin’s front yard full of non-functioning junkyard orphans? Torch’s back yard full of non-functioning oh you get the idea. Even the members of staff without permanent dirt under their fingernails are not immune. LA David is showing worrying signs of recidivism. Matt bought an old BMW with Apollo capsule miles and is keeping his fingers crossed it doesn’t blow up. And last week my old Ferrari failed its annual MOT test immediately rendering it non-roadworthy in the eyes of the UK Driver and Vehicle Standards Agency (only not quite, and I was a spectacular idiot, but we’ll get to that).

What is a MOT test? Let me guide you my colonial cousins, through the thicket of British motoring bureaucracy. Every motor vehicle used by the public on the highway in the United Kingdom, with a few exceptions for things like farm equipment and military vehicles, is subject to an annual test of its roadworthiness and level of exhaust emissions – it’s basically analogous to state testing in the US for the states that have them.

It takes about half an hour, and is carried out by certified tester at an approved location with the required equipment (most garages offer an MOT service). A valid MOT certificate confirms the vehicle meets the minimum standards of safe operation and environment standards on the date the certificate was issued. It is part of the triad of things legally required to use a car (or bike, or commercial vehicle) on the road. The others are valid insurance (durrr) and Vehicle Excise Duty (colloquially known as road tax). You must have a valid MOT certificate to use or park your car on the road, so getting caught driving without any one of these things (or of course a driving license) will result in flashing blue lights in your rearview mirror and your collar being felt by His Majesty’s Constabulary.

What Gets Inspected

The MOT test got it’s name from the then Ministry of Transport, which originally introduced it as a voluntary road worthiness inspection in 1960, only originally applying to cars that were over ten years old. It basically just made sure the brakes, lights and steering of a car worked properly. The voluntary period ended in 1961 but because it was catching so many barely functioning death traps, in 1967 the age of cars being tested was lowered from ten years old to three. Over the years, the number of items the test covers has expanded considerably, but essentially it covers anything that has an impact on the safe operation of the vehicle, and its exhaust emissions. Listed below is what the MOT tester looks at, courtesy of our friends at F1 Autocentres:

Under the DVSA (formerly VOSA) requirements, a MOT will test all these important items on your car to check that they meet the legal requirements:

• Exhaust and emissions – the exhaust should be secure without any serious leaks and vehicle emissions should meet the necessary requirements, which are dependent on the age and fuel type of the vehicle.
• Seat belts – all compulsory seat belts must be in place and are checked for security, operation and condition.
• Steering – the steering wheel should be in an acceptable condition and securely attached to the steering shaft
• Windscreen – this will be checked for all aspects affecting the driver’s view of the road; its condition, the wipers and the washers.
• Bonnet catch – this will be tested to ensure that it securely latches in the closed position.
• Horn – the horn should be operational and of a suitable volume to be heard by pedestrians and other vehicles.
• Number plate – the registration plate should be present and secure, not faded, dirty or obscured. All letters must conform to the approved font design with the correct spacing between them.
• Lights – all required lights are checked to ensure that they are operational, in a good condition and secure.
• Brakes – their condition, efficiency, operation and performance will be tested to ensure that they meet the legal requirements.
• Tyres and wheels – tyres must be the correct size, condition, type and must have the correct tread depth.
• Mirrors – mirrors will be checked to make sure that they are secure and visible from the driver’s seat and that they are not distorted or damaged so as to impair the driver’s view to the rear.
• Doors – both front doors must be operational and have the facility to be opened from inside and outside the vehicle.
• Seats – the driver and passenger seats must be secure and all seat backs in a stable upright position.
• Suspension – suspension is checked and must be of a satisfactory operational condition.
• Fuel system – this should have no leaks and the fuel filler cap must fasten securely.
• Body and structure – the car body must be free from damage and excess corrosions.

Pictured below is a copy of the actual checklist the MOT tester uses:

As you can see, some of these are pretty straightforward ‘is it working yes or no’ and some appear to be more open to interpretation. However the Driver and Vehicle Standards Agency lays out very clearly how each item is assessed and what constitutes a pass or a fail, so in actual fact it’s quite black and white. Defects are classed as minor, major or dangerous. Major and dangerous defects result in an instant fail and mean your vehicle cannot be driven on the road until it is repaired, even if its previous MOT certificate is still valid. You would have to get it repaired at that test center, or get it recovered somewhere else. Driving a vehicle on the road without a valid MOT could potentially get you fined up to £1000, but if your car fails with a dangerous defect and you get caught driving it, that increases to £2500 and three penalty points on your license. Here’s a helpful explainer from the UK’s equivalent to Autozone, Halfords.

All My Christmases Came Early

Now the dodgier among you will no doubt be thinking there must be ways around this pinko-commie-Euro government interference in my constitutional right to drive a sketchy vehicle held together with pigeon shit welding and brake response measured in minutes. The UK doesn’t have a constitution like the US does, but in days gone past, well yeah, that was kind of possible.

My bastard of a step-father certainly bluffed some of our family crates through an MOT with rockers full of old newspaper and filler, liberally covered up with underseal. No dodgy under-the-arches mechanic in the seventies and eighties worth his salt stayed in business without knowing a ‘friendly’ local tester who could sort out an iffy MOT on a handshake and a drink. The MOT certificate came off a pad, was filled in by hand and the only authentication was the garage stamp at the bottom. Back in the mid-nineties when my mates and I finally made friends with someone who could sort out a ‘ticket’ for our daily driver shitbox Fords it was like all our Christmases had come at once.

I can’t remember exactly what my Capri 2.8 injection failed on, but our guy told me to ‘get that sorted’ with a wink as he handed me the sacred document that meant I was legal again. These types of shenanigans ended in 2005 when a computerized MOT database system was introduced, making the whole thing a lot more secure and accountable. The old-style certificates are no longer issued, and the results are instantly updated, so the police can tell straight away if a vehicle is being driven illegally. The good thing about this is a vehicle’s MOT records are online for everyone to see, so if you’re thinking about buying a car in the UK you can check out its MOT history if you have the registration number.

Which was how I ended up with a major spanner in the works last week. My friend Lewis runs Takona, a small brand centered around raising mental health awareness through cars. They have regular Coffee and Cars meetups up and down the country, and the first of these was happening last Sunday morning. I thought this would be a perfect first 2024 outing for the Ferrari, so booked the MOT test for lunchtime on the Thursday before. I knew the MOT was rapidly approaching the top of my to-do list – but I didn’t foresee any problems because it passed last year without any issues. The trouble is an old Ferrari behaves a lot like me – moody and uncooperative when it’s cold and grey outside.

But it fired straight up after about four weeks hibernation, nothing new was leaking out underneath and the appropriate lights came on with the appropriate switches. Great. I drove the few minutes to the local garage (who had tested it for me last year) and after explaining to the tester about the dog-leg first gear and fly-off hand brake lest he end up backing through the roller shutter door, sat down to wait.

And it failed. In a rare display of recalcitrant Italian electronic misbehavior, the horn refused to work. Shocking I know. Major defect. Instant fail. Asshats.

I wanted to use the car Sunday. That meant I had exactly a day and a half to get it sorted and re-tested so I would be legal to drive (or so I thought…). Panic ensued. Could I channel my inner David and pull of this herculean repair in time? How complicated could it be? I knew it couldn’t be something as simple as the fuse – a quick glance at the wiring diagram told me other things ran off the same fuse that I knew were working – namely the cigarette lighter and the stereo. Maybe the relay? Possibly I could pull the old switcheroo and take one out of something not required for the test. Several minutes of messing about in the gathering gloom outside confirmed it wasn’t the relay either. Next point of investigation, the horn button.

Giving My Neighbors The Horn

After removing the prancing horse in the middle of the Momo with the aid of a couple of trim tools, I was able to earth out the spade connector to the metal steering wheel boss. No honk. This was starting to look more complicated and expensive by the minute. The steering wheel was going to have to come off, so I could look at the switch behind it. My suspicions that this was where the root of the problem lay arose partly because the indicators had stopped self-cancelling. Not a MOT failure, but enough to convince me something was amiss back there. But the steering wheel was held onto the column with a ring nut, which required a special socket to remove it. Because of course it fucking did. Having learned from my previous wrenching experience I rang Superformance straight away; just in the nick of time to make the post for the next day. At a cost of eighty three quid. Ouch.

Suitably tooled up Friday morning I struggled to get the socket onto the nut, and inadvertently earthed the spade connector against the inner boss of the steering wheel again. HOOOOONNNNK! You have got to be kidding me. Either HMS Queen Elizabeth was coming up my street or that was the dulcet mating call of a 1983 Ferrari Mondial QV. I took the socket off, and touched the connector to the inner boss again. HOOOOONNNNNNK!

This was both good and bad. Good, because it meant the fault wasn’t the horn compressor, a fault at the fuse box or something else that was no longer available and therefore expensive. Bad because what the hell? I reconnected the horn switch, pressed it back into the middle of the steering wheel. and pushed the button. Deafening silence. Bollocks. I pried the button off again, removed the connecter and earthed it. Nothing. Double bollocks. The steering wheel was definitely going to have to come off.

After removing the ring nut the steering wheel was not budging. I needed a hub puller, which naturally I didn’t have. An hour later and twenty five pounds lighter, I had the steering wheel in my hands. Behind the wheel sat a round plastic donut on the steering column. This had a rotary contact for the live feed to the horn wiring, and two plastic tabs that clicked the indicator stalk as they rotated passed it, cancelling the indicators. It wasn’t sitting flat for some reason, so I pulled it off, cleaned up all the electrical contacts with cleaner, and gently pressed the brush contact backwards so the rotary contact piece would sit flat. After gingerly placing the steering wheel back on the column, I again earthed out the space contact to the horn switch. HOOOOONNNNNK. Connect the horn button to make sure before bolting it all back up. HOOOOOOONNNNNNK.

In Your Face, David

Perfect. Ring nut securing the steering wheel back in place, column trim screwed back on, horn button affixed back in the middle of the steering wheel. Let me just make sure. HOOOOOONNNNK. It’s bad enough for the neighbors when I start the bloody thing. Best not to make it worse with incessant honking. Toasting my success with a well-earned cup of coffee, I arranged to have the re-test done Friday afternoon, meaning I would be nice and legal for Sunday morning.

Yep, all that rushing around, paying extra to get a specialist tool delivered overnight, running out to buy another tool, sweet-talking the nice MOT man into squeezing me in at the last moment on Friday afternoon when no doubt he was looking forward to getting down the pub, had all paid off. I had snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. In your FACE David Tracy! Gaze upon my works and tremble! Coffee and Cars attended, Ferrari admired, pictures taken, doubles all ’round…

Except.

Then at the beginning of this week it dawned on me I had been a colossal, monumental, heroically massive, total dipshit. On the Jason scale of dipshittery, well just call me Adrian Torchinsky. Dipshit Town had a new mayor. Me. Why? Because since 2018, cars over forty years old no longer require a valid MOT. It’s not something you have to apply for like Vehicle Excise Duty exemption. You just simply don’t need to get your car tested once it has had it’s fortieth birthday.

The Mondial turned forty last March. All that panic, stress and expense was unnecessary.

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