Home » My Fiancee Taking Her Car To The Lexus Dealership For Service Is Killing Me

My Fiancee Taking Her Car To The Lexus Dealership For Service Is Killing Me

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Today I found myself at the Lexus dealership for my fiancee’s regular checkup of her 2017 RX350. She seems to enjoy going to this dealership, and since I know there’s (resale) value in her continuing to have that car serviced there, I don’t protest. But here’s the thing: Sometimes the dealership suggests expensive repairs that I can do myself for cheap. But I’m starting to get the impression that my fiancee, Elise (not her real name) would rather just have the dealer do it, especially since my last few repairs haven’t quite gone…swimmingly. Here, allow me to voice a few excuses.

For the longest time, I’ve been doing my own work on my cars. It’s saved me bundles, and — at least when it’s relatively easy stuff like brakes and wipers and batteries — I quite enjoy the wrenching. But now I’m no longer dealing with just my own cars; my fiancee is bringing a Lexus into the family. Specifically, an RX350. And her usual practice of taking it to the dealership and having them fix what needs fixing is something that bothers me deeply.

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I’ve mentioned this before. The amount of money you can save fixing a car yourself instead of having the dealership do it is insane. A few months ago, we got this quote from the dealership:

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$1,120.78 plus tax, so about $1,200 all-in for a basic brake job?! No way. I ordered up the best parts I could find from Advance Auto Parts:

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That only cost me about $400, saving us $800 in total — a total no-brainer  Also a no-brainer was the 12-volt battery replacement; I bought a new black brick from Costco and installed it. That seems to have worked well. Then I swapped out the wipers, front and rear. I bought these highly-rated wipers from Amazon:

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This all seems well and good. I’m saving us money, helping us get on a path towards prosperity! But lately, I’ve hit a bit of a snag. I think Elise (not her real name) has lost a bit of faith in my wrenching skills, and through no fault of my own! OK, maybe it is my fault to some degree, as I’m reading forum posts now from Toyota folks who say: Just buy OEM parts.

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In the Jeep world, you can buy a cheap Autozone part and it’ll almost certainly be no problem I’ve founded after 15 years of wrenching on Jeeps. But it seems that there is a significantly higher percentage of Toyota owners who go OEM. I think, based on my rather limited examples, I’m starting to understand why now. When it came time to replace Elise’s brakes, I went to Advance Auto and got its top-of-the-line Carquest Platinum/Premium pads and rotors. I’ve never had any issues with these, and installing them was a breeze. All the brackets and holes in the rotors and brake pad backing plates fit exactly how they should. I was diligent with installation, I cleaned the hub to make sure it was flat, I used grease where it made sense, and on and on. It was a basic brake job.

And yet, a mere 4,000 miles later the rotors seem to be trashed. There’s tons of brake dust building up on the wheels, and when I tap the brakes at 70 mph, the steering wheel shudders. The windshield wipers, too, are terrible, leaving streak marks all over the glass.  My two most obvious repairs had failed, and I think Elise wants to go back to just having the dealer do the job. If I were her, I would, too.

So I’m trying to figure out how to salvage this, because I do think doing our own brake and suspension work is going to save us a bundle long-term. Right now I’m in a weird spot, because the dealership is telling us “hey, this is wrong with your car,” Elise asks me for my opinion, and I naturally always say “I got this.” And it feels like there’s some doubt there from her and some judgement from the dealer. And I’m just there…sitting in the dealership feeling supremely awkward.

Sot I need to step it up; this ain’t some old Jeep I’m dealing with, I’m working on a modern Lexus that needs to be extremely safe and comfortable, and that needs to pass the scrutiny of a dealership that has incentive to instill a bit of doubt in Elise’s mind about my wrenching skills. I just need to remind myself how much I’m saving on labor as I fork over Benjamins to the Toyota parts counter.

And that’s not even addressing another pressing issue, which is: At what point do I just let a shop work on our cars? Time is becoming harder and harder to come by, and while I still am fundamentally opposed to shelling out 1200 bucks on some basic brake work, it’s possible I’ll have to change my mind on that someday as I run out of moments left to spare. I’m no longer a single man with 14 cars and nothing but time.

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And then there’s the fact that her dealership does 10,000 miles oil-change intervals, something that may check out scientifically, but that I think is probably a bad idea for someone who does daily short commutes like Elise does. Do I just do the oil changes myself even though she wants to service her car at the dealer and even though it’d look good on a Carfax seeing it was regularly dealer-serviced. It’s entirely up to her, of course, but it’s hard for me — a diehard wrencher — to bite my tongue in the face of a $1,200 bill for some disks and pads.Yikes!

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Hatebobbarker
Hatebobbarker
1 month ago

look if you want to be mediocre replacement parts for your jeep it’s one thing. But it sounds like your wife bought a well put together car that she wants to stay well put together. It sounds like you’ve kind of realized what that means. If you insist on doing it yourself. You should really do the best you can to provide Lexus quality service.

My wife feels similarly, and is super encouraging about me working on my own cars, but is like “lets just take my car in so its quick and done.” I don’t blame her.

Isis
Isis
1 month ago

I’ve done plenty of wrenching including pulling a motor to replace a clutch on a daily driver on a Sunday afternoon. I now have 2 elementary school kids and pay someone to even change my oil. I do my own batteries and wipers and that’s about it, unless it’s literally a 30-min job to pull and replace a sensor that I have a fault code to specify the problem; I’ll handle that one on occasion.

Turbeaux
Turbeaux
1 month ago

You’re overthinking it. Elise (not her real name) values time together and easing your stress more than saving a few bucks. I say this as another cheap bastard. Sometimes you have to value the things that don’t have dollar signs attached.

NosrednaNod
NosrednaNod
1 month ago

David… get a copy of “Your Money or Your Life” https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/78428.Your_Money_or_Your_Life and learn about your “real hourly wage”.

Steven Moor
Steven Moor
1 month ago

My opinion on this is: Anything involved with the smooth driving experience of the vehicles drivetrain (Engine, transmission, brakes, suspension etc.) should be handled by the dealership with OEM parts. Anything else, battery, belt, etc etc. can be handled by either myself, or the local garage, using aftermarket parts.

It’s like a musical instrument, if you go around replacing parts from manufacturers that you’re not familiar with, you will slowly change the characteristics of said instrument, and you may end up with a sound that you’re not too pleased with, or you could end up with it being improved! But is that a gamble you’re willing to take?

I recently had a third party exhaust fitted, and have regretted it deeply. For most of the rev range, it sounds OK, but there is a small range where it can have a deep bass resonance – This annoys me more than it should.

Stryker_T
Stryker_T
1 month ago

owning a few Toyotas, I have found the cheapest replacement parts for consumables are cheap for a reason, Look at what the OEM replacements cost and compare them, spend some more for a better replacement part and it will last and be comparable to the OEM.
wipers and brakes are the worst offenders.

apropos of nothing, is your fiance going to take your name or hyphen it and be Elise (Not her real name)-Tracy or possibly Tracy-(Not her real name)? it’ll really help your words per article goals, lol

Last edited 1 month ago by Stryker_T
Kyree
Kyree
1 month ago

I had that issue with control arms on a fourth-gen (2007-2017) LS, specifically the LS 600h L. The prevailing wisdom is that non-OEM ones go within 30,000 miles, and I’ve found that to be true.

Manwich Sandwich
Manwich Sandwich
1 month ago

Carquest pads and rotors have been found to suck by others… like in this case:
https://genesisowners.com/genesis-forum/threads/advance-auto-part-carquest-rotors-and-pads-suck.26037/

You would likely have better luck with a Power Stop brake kit from Rock Auto
https://www.rockauto.com/en/moreinfo.php?pk=8747848&cc=3435289&pt=13824&jsn=896

Costs a bit more, but is likely a better product.

Or spend a bit more over these and get high carbon brake rotors like these:
https://www.rockauto.com/en/moreinfo.php?pk=3584763&cc=3435289&pt=1896&jsn=1010

And pair them up with a good set of street/daily driver ceramic pads.

OR… just buy the parts from the OE parts from the dealer and just install them yourself to save money.

Last edited 1 month ago by Manwich Sandwich
Harmon20
Harmon20
1 month ago

Time is becoming harder and harder to come by…

That’s the key right there. The time has come to realize your role has changed.

Your role is no longer to do the work to minimize costs, because your time has increased in value to the point where DIY really isn’t minimizing costs any more.

It is now your role to keep the shops doing the work honest. That’s how you’re minimizing costs. Go with your girl to the shop, have a conversation with them to keep the upsells under control and make sure they know somebody who knows what’s up is keeping an eye on them, then be on your way and let your girl and the shop she seems to enjoy conduct their business.

Last edited 1 month ago by Harmon20
Dave
Dave
1 month ago

David, a piece of advice based on 28 years of marriage: this is her car, let her decide who and how to take care of it. You may know you can fix it cheaper. But, as you’re discovering, if you touch it and it isn’t the way she wants it, it’s your fault. If she asks you to look at something, then by all means. But don’t push her to let you do it.

My wife had the front brakes, oil change and air filter done on her car at the dealer last week. She’s happy because it’s done, and I’m happy because she’s happy, and if she’s not happy it’s not my fault.

Alex Z
Alex Z
1 month ago
Reply to  Dave

Fantastic advice right here.

Hillbilly Ocean
Hillbilly Ocean
1 month ago
Reply to  Dave

And based on 33 years of marriage – you’re dead nuts right. Whenever I try to cheap out on something and it backfires, I’m the dope and she ain’t happy. David needs to realize logic often has no place in a successful marriage

CampoDF
CampoDF
1 month ago

And for the love of god, just buy some bosch or valeo wiper blades – not some garbage amazon junk that has fake reviews.

CampoDF
CampoDF
1 month ago

Coming from the Volkswagen group ownership experience, I’ve been conditioned to absolutely not believe you’d get away with simply walking into and buying crap from Autozone or whatever brick and mortar place there is unless they carry an exact OEM or similar part. My Cayenne and my wife’s Tiguan require very specific oil, filters, brakes, etc. and I know better than to cheap out because of what is happening to David and his el-cheapo parts not lasting. I know better and order from legit places online because I want OE or OE supplier parts. Not some aftermarket junk.

No Kids, Just Bikes
No Kids, Just Bikes
1 month ago
Reply to  CampoDF

Tiguan, with the 2.0? Castrol synthetic oil and a Wix filter. Both from O’Reilly’s. I’ll happily do it for 4x the price, though, if you’re local.

CampoDF
CampoDF
1 month ago

Yeah, that one I’m not so worried about other than doing the right specs while it is still under warranty. I think it takes 508.00 spec oil which you can get from O’Reilly. You just have to go in knowing what you are doing and get the right stuff from the get-go. The Porsche is a diesel and takes 507.00 or C30 oil in 5w30 which is harder to find, at least more than one option that isn’t horribly expensive. I actually just did the oil change myself on that car because the German specialist shop I was taking it to was going to use a non-approved oil with a different weight and I didn’t want to eff around.

Last edited 1 month ago by CampoDF
Anthony Magagnoli
Anthony Magagnoli
1 month ago
Reply to  CampoDF

We’re blessed to have FCP Euro for BMW, VW, Porsche, Volvo, etc who can offer us OEM, OE, or aftermarket varieties all lined up nicely. Not to mention the top tier knowledge and customer service. I haven’t seen an equivalent site for any brands that they don’t currently offer.

CampoDF
CampoDF
1 month ago

Yes, 100% this.

That Guy with the Sunbird
That Guy with the Sunbird
1 month ago

I say since it’s a Lexus and the dealer has treated her right in the past (I assume they have, since she likes going there), let her continue doing so. No harm, no foul. Unless it becomes an undue financial strain.

I have a local independent shop that I take my two cars to (a 2016 Mazda6 and my 1990 Pontiac Sunbird) because I lack both the skills/confidence and the time to do more than the tiniest of basic repairs. And the shop doesn’t overcharge and does good work. Helps that they are within walking distance to my office, too.

My wife’s van, a 2018 Kia Sedona, is under a CarMax extended warranty, so it will likely just go to the Kia dealership since we are too far from a CarMax service center.

Nlpnt
Nlpnt
1 month ago

Short to medium term, she should keep doing what’s been working for her.

Medium to long term, after she falls out of love…with the Lexus, maybe look at the offerings from makes Galpin sells? That way when you need to bring her car in, just hand her the keys to your best daily driver (currently the i3), drive it to where you were going anyway, drive around in whatever other car you have stashed on that lot (if there’s one that’s running) or Trade-In Tuesday special, pick her car up and pay whatever associate-discount rate and continue this as long as the relationship lasts. The Autopian/Galpin business one, that is.

Chris
Chris
1 month ago

Always get mostly OEM parts on newer cars. You can certainly go aftermarket on things like batteries and wiper blades, but I wouldn’t do it on brakes. You can get OEM parts online, generally cheaper than the local dealer.

Of course, the proviso for going aftermarket on anything is that you get *good* parts, not all-caps Amazon-only brands. Amazon user reviews are almost entirely untrustworthy. First, products can be entirely swapped out in a given listing, so that the reviews aren’t even for the product that you’re buying. Second, there is a massive problem with fake reviews and AI-written reviews that are paid for, and Amazon does not keep it under control whatsoever.

I would put Advance Auto Parts under “not good,” also. Look for name brands on RockAuto instead. Or if you need to go local, I’ve seen better quality with Napa’s parts, personally.

Of course, if your fiancée wants her car maintained at the dealer, all this is moot. Let her do it if she wants to do it.

CSRoad
CSRoad
1 month ago

A relationship is all a matter of compromise, just like cheap auto parts.
Choose wisely or Fapp-o-matic wipers will be your unnamed friend. (-;

Njd
Njd
1 month ago

To people who didn’t grow up repairing stuff, the amount of time and swearing involved makes it seem not worthwhile. They might be right.

Turbeaux
Turbeaux
1 month ago
Reply to  Njd

Don’t let the wife see you bust your knuckles and then throw a wrench across the yard. She’ll never think it’s worth it.

Lokki
Lokki
1 month ago

As a married man, I am supposedly both the smartest and stupidest man on the planet. If something (anything) breaks, I am assumed to know why it broke and how to fix it, instantly. However, if I actually attempt to repair anything I am obviously the dumbest Joe who ever stuck a screwdriver up his nose.

Further, my wife’s understanding of cars is more holistic than, say, a guy’s. Like the old song says “The ankle bone is connected to the leg bone..” and so on and so on until we reach the ‘logical’ point that “…the wiper blades are connected to the ECU..”

Having once repaired the car – especially having had, ahem, ‘difficulties’ your work has de facto become the reason for any new problem. Remember that the dealer is “the expert” and you are the guy with screwdriver up his nose. Besides the dealer makes better coffee than you do.

I would also like to throw in a couple of factors to ponder that take some getting used to. You are literally living in a different culture than in your shower spaghetti times of a few years ago:

You now have a pretty decent income, especially if Elise is working too, as we are sure she is. She will never miss a glass of wine, nor wear old rags in retirement because she took this car to the dealer for maintenance. So: save money strategically, not tactically..and never on something SHE cares about.

You are at the stage in business life where you are working tons and tons of hours. Your weekend down time is actually pretty valuable and until you’ve been married a few years, your evenings when you finally get home from work, belong to HER. My wife actually got jealous of my car because it seemed to her that I preferred spending time with IT rather than her. So, my wrenching time became confined perhaps six hours a day on weekends. So I learned to focus that time on fun projects I actually enjoyed and nothing, ever, that had to be done by Monday morning so she could drive it to work.

FWIW.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 month ago
Reply to  Lokki

“You are at the stage in business life where you are working tons and tons of hours. Your weekend down time is actually pretty valuable”

Yeah, BUT his business is a car website and wrenching is reader fodder. Wrenching is fixit tips, boots on the ground engineering insights, firsthand aftermarket part reviews, etc For David wrenching IS working his job.

That really should be his main argument with Elise. He needs to wrench on as many types of cars and under as many conditions as possible including for *customers* with expectations higher than his.

Last edited 1 month ago by Cheap Bastard
Lokki
Lokki
1 month ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

Divorced, aren’t you?

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 month ago
Reply to  Lokki

Nope. Never.

Lokki
Lokki
1 month ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

I guess the old saw “For every Cheap Bastard, there is a Mrs. Cheap Bastard” is true.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 month ago
Reply to  Lokki

There’s someone for everyone.

Scott Wangler
Scott Wangler
1 month ago

The stuff Advanced/Autozone sell is absolute trash. If you have the time to wait a few days for shipping you can get quality stuff from Rock Auto

Eva
Eva
1 month ago

Can’t believe the FAPIUO wipers were junk lmao

Torque
Torque
1 month ago
Reply to  Eva

I’ve had good luck with Bosch Icons
and now the Bosch Icon Beam ones. They have been super reliable and streak free usually easily for 5+ years at a time before replacement

https://www.boschautoparts.com/p/icon-wiper-blades

Finalformminivan
Finalformminivan
1 month ago

If you can do in an hour go for it. If not spending time with people who are important to you is a higher priority than saving some money. Unless you are completely broke and have no choice.

Shinynugget
Shinynugget
1 month ago

I put AutoZone brand rotors and pads on my son’s 2006 Honda Civic and my other son’s 2006 Toyota Solara. Mostly because it was time sensitive in both cases and we couldn’t wait for shipping.
I will NEVER put AutoZone brand parts on something mission critical like brakes on my wife’s 2018 Acura MDX. There are plenty of sites that sell OEM Toyota and Honda parts. If I don’t get OEM then it will be another good brand like Bosch.

Parsko
Parsko
1 month ago

Wipers, Walmart. Something you can and should do yourself.

Oil change, if it bothers you, buy an OEM filter, Walmart oil, and DIY every 5000 miles, then the dealer does the 10k change (and they never know).

Brakes. It’s the shit parts you bought. I have been having the same issue with Autozone rotors. I even had them turned once after them warping, and the problem came back. It’s the material. Buy OEM, then DIY. No one knows, and you still save.

TLDR; buy OEM parts for important stuff (on this car, specifically), and DIY the repairs provided the time to do them is reasonable.

Carpediashow
Carpediashow
1 month ago

Let her get it serviced at the dealership. Think about resale value. If it helps you can also get it serviced at a Toyota dealership to save money and it won’t effect resale value to much. But in the end if she enjoys the service that give you more time to tinker with your cars. Plus she gets a loaner to keep the miles off of her car.

Shop-Teacher
Shop-Teacher
1 month ago

You’ve gotta pick your battles in a long term relationship, and DT my man, this ain’t the one. Let her get her car serviced by the dealership, and this will save you time. You work on your cars, and this will save you money. Life is full of compromises, and you just have to seek a balance. Which is a constant readjustment, but as long as you’re making an effort, you’ll be happier man/couple/family. There are tons of things I COULD do to save some money, but life is short. I built my kitchen cabinets, I paid somebody else to do the drywall. Sometimes I just want to play with my kids.

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