Nice Clean Southern Classics: 1986 Dodge Caravan vs 1989 Chevy Corvette

You all are going to hate me today. I’ve given you some nasty, impossible choices in the past, but today… well, let’s just say I’m curious to see what happens. We’re in Atlanta, Georgia, looking at a couple of cars that are nice and clean – but have been sitting for a while, and need waking up.

I was really pulling for that Galaxie convertible yesterday, but I know that anything going up against a clean Saab is a hard sell. And indeed, the big Ford went down in flames by more than a two-to-one margin. I keep forgetting that a lot of our readers aren’t the adventurous type when it comes to projects like a lot of our writers are.

For me, if I’m going to get a Saab, it’s going to be a manual, and it’s going to be pre-GM. But I’ve always wanted a big old American convertible, ever since a failed attempt with a ’71 Buick Electra which I didn’t even own long enough to transfer the title. This Galaxie would fill the role nicely, though I’d try to talk the seller down as far as possible. That’s a lot of money for that car, unless it’s priced by the pound.

I get the feeling that both of today’s vehicles came from estate sales and outlived their previous owners. One of them is just a nice old low-mileage van, and a clean example of the first of its kind. The other? Well, it’s simply one of a kind. I hope. Let’s check them out.

1986 Dodge Caravan – $2,500

Engine/drivetrain: 2.6-liter overhead cam inline 4, three-speed automatic, FWD

Location: Tucker, GA (no relation)

Odometer reading: 66,000 miles

Operational status: Unknown; battery is dead and seller hasn’t tried to jump-start it

I don’t think anybody knows they’re creating a legend while it’s happening. Surely Ridley Scott didn’t expect a movie about an astronaut and her cat to spawn seven thousand sequels and earn a permanent spot in pop culture. At no point, to the best of my knowledge, during the recording of “Stairway To Heaven” did John Bonham turn to Jimmy Page and say, “This is going to get so overplayed on classic rock stations.” And I’m sure Lee Iacocca had no idea that the term “minivan” would enter the public lexicon and be forever associated, by both adherents and detractors, with his name.

Compared to modern minivans, this first-generation Caravan looks absolutely primitive. But the broad strokes of what would become the minivan formula are all there: a front-mounted engine, front-wheel-drive for a nice flat floor, and seating for seven. The engine in this van is a Mitsubishi-built inline four, sadly saddled with an absolute nightmare of an electronic feedback carburetor. Some of them run like a top, and others stall, stumble, and shake like a leaf. We have no way of knowing which this is, because the seller hasn’t tried to start it since they bought it. I don’t know who buys a car with a dead battery and just says “oh well; guess I’ll just sell it on as-is,” but here we are.

Chrysler upholstery from this era wasn’t known to be particularly long-wearing, and it looks like this van is no exception. Most of it looks all right, but the middle seat is worn out along one edge, probably from passengers sliding in and out. The front bucket seats have covers on them; I’m hoping they’ve been on there a long time, and spared the seats from such wear.

It’s nice and clean outside, except for a few blemishes in the clear coat, and it’s rust-free as far as I can tell. Its hood ornament and fake wire wheel covers are intact, and personally I’m happy to see it does not have the optional fake woodgrain on the sides.

1989 Chevrolet Corvette – $2,875

Engine/drivetrain: 5.7-liter overhead valve V8, four-speed automatic, RWD

Location: Largo, FL

Odometer reading: 92,000 miles

Operational status: Ran a few months ago, has been sitting

I just now noticed that this car is not actually in Georgia; it’s for sale in Florida, at one of those dealerships that spams every Craigslist within a thousand miles with the same ads. But I’m going to use it anyway, because you have got to see this thing. This is a C4 Corvette that has been customized to suit its previous owner’s tastes. Who was this mystery owner? We’ll never know, but this Corvette might even be too crazy for Mark Hamill.

Like all C4s, it’s powered by a 350 cubic inch V8, in this case a 245 horsepower L98, backed by a Turbo-Hydramatic 700 R4 automatic. It has been sitting for a few months, but apparently it ran and drove fine before that. Looking at this engine bay, I can’t help but suspect a dead battery on this one as well. Just in case you aren’t familiar with what an L98 C4’s engine bay should look like, fully eighty percent of that wiring is non-standard. What does it all power? Just you wait and see.

It has to be some sort of elaborate joke that we don’t get, right? All those aftermarket gauges, screens, switches, and wire looms can’t possibly be functional. What on Earth could they all possibly do? And where is the original digital dash? Is it still there under all that bric-a-brac, flashing its LEDs at the backside of all those gauges? And do take a look at the other photos in the ad; this is only the beginning. There’s crap on the ceiling as well, and one of those fake flux capacitors between the seats.

It’s no less gaudy on the outside, with stuff stuck all over every surface, and holes cut in the hood for not only the short-ram air intake, but also a couple of mystery grilles. Oh, and once you get it running, don’t plan on driving in the rain; some of the gauges are zip-tied and clamped to the windshield wiper arms, rendering them non-functional.

My hope would be that either one of these cars, if connected to a jump-start pack, would spring to life and idle as well as can be expected on old gas. But there’s only one way to find out. So which one are you going to try to revive: the plain but honest van, or that bizarre Corvette?

(Image credits: sellers)