First, look, I’m not saying that I’m proud this thought popped into my head upon seeing this image, but as you know, I’m legally bound to reveal almost every inane thought that crawls out of the gruel of my brain and discuss it in detail here in the forum of Cold Start, or there will be significant repercussions. So here we are, looking at these pictures from a 1975 Ford Escort brochure for the Dutch market, feeling things.
Before I get into the specific picture that made me feel specific ways – and I want to be clear here, the ways do not include aroused, despite the alleged porniness – let’s look at these more innocuous and lovely pictures of Escorts.
Yes, I know how that sounds. It just happened.
The European Ford Escort was quite a different car than the Escort we got in the ’80s here in America – it was vastly cooler. This is a Mark II version, which was a joint project of Fords of Britain and Germany, where the Mark I was an entirely British effort.
The Mark II squared off the styling a bit, but retained the very appealing proportions and slightly sporty character – back when the word “sporty” still had some sort of meaning – of the original car. These were such charming little cars! Plus, this one has headlight wipers, which I’ll never not think are cool.
These also used that tall-character FORD badge that was only, I think, used on European Fords. I always liked that.
I especially like the two-door wagon version. This may have enough sporting character to be classified as a shooting brake, I think. I love the character lines that kick up under the rear quarter window. What a great looking little wagon!
Okay, enough preamble. Here’s the photo that just made me feel sorta icky:
Something about the looks on these guys’ faces while all surrounding and looking at that inline-four just feels, you know, porny. Maybe especially the bearded guy. And the knowing look Blondie is giving Glasses. I’m a bit worried for that engine.
Anyway, I’m sorry to have put that in your heads now, but sometimes you have to get the thoughts out so you can be free. And now we’re all in this together! Yay!
It’s like they’re listening to the chorus line from The Time’s 1981 song “The Stick”.
George Costanza: “Well, of course they’re trying to screw you. What do you think?”
That’s what they do. They can make up anything. Nobody knows. “By the
way, you need a new Johnson rod in there.” “Oh, a Johnson rod. Yeah, well,
you better put one of those on.”
Did someone put a product you didn’t recognize into your central line?
Still recovering from memories of Ray Wert dragonning cars, eh?
Why does the pages stick together in my old Ford brochures?
As was often the case back then, the mini Coke bottle effect on the wagon rear quarter is a consequence of carrying over the Mark 1 stamping. Also, I’ve never appreciated how much those coupes have a Vega (really Fiat 124) coupe profile.
And yes, that Ford logo is very cool. But not for us, sadly.
Guy on the left looks waaaay more porny than Beardo does.. Even though you can’t see Glasses Guy’s eyes, he is for sure giving a ”let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel” look back to Sebastian (I have now named guy on the left “Sebastian”).
It seams entirely appropriate to name a porny car Escort.
I must acquire a 2 door station wagon variant, and I will be referring to it as a shooting brake.
A long time ago someone said many Ford vehicle names also pairs well with “Anal”:
A.. Focus,
A.. Explorer
A.. Edge
A.. Bronco
A.. Escape
A.. Expedition
Fiesta.
Mustang?
Yep, checks out.
Can’t believe you missed Probe.
Escort
-Flex
-Territory
-Freestyle
-C-Max
-Fusion (would be great name for a jazz band with a twist)
-Galaxy
-Puma
-Contour
-Cougar
-Crown (Victoria)
-Ikon
-Aspire
-Pronto
-Tempo
Sure. But, pick another brand that uses words for names. Same result?
A.. Wrangler
A.. Gladiator
A.. Compass
A.. Brat
A.. Legacy
A.. SVX
A.. BRZ
A.. Ascent
Challenger Charger Ram Durango Caravan Dart Demon Caliber Daytona Diplomat Colt Magnum Dynasty Spirit Lancer Avenger Viper Matador… Dodge wins!
Excursion.
Five Hundred?
You can find that tall-character Ford badge (probably even taller) in the US on first-generation Econoline/Falcon vans like this.
Welkom to ze circle crank.
I’m in quite a few photos of groups of engineers and technicians standing round an engine.
Im pretty sure they’re mostly thinking “when is this bullshit going to be over so we can get on with a nice long tea break?”
Although at least one is always wondering if it’ll fit on his lawn mower, and another is planning to double the power output for a significantly reduced service life.
One guy to turn the wrench and four to supervise. I didn’t realize Ford of Europe was government owned.
Minimum crew for a first engine build: One tech to do the work, the design engineer and product engineer to answer any questions about how it goes together, a development engineer who’ll have to get it running once it’s built and then a project manager to soak up all the glory.
Ya know, when you lead with, “Not to be a perv, but….”, it probably means you’re being a perv. Although there is something about that ’70’s Dutch sensibility that looks porny no matter what.
Same applies to “No offense but…” or “I’m not racist but…”
Any time there’s a “but…” you can ignore everything that came before.
I need an adult
I’ve actually seen that picture somewhere before.
Jason, I think this article may be revealing more about you than the men in the photo. My advice (unsolicited to be sure) is, Shhhhhhhh.
Pretty sure that pic was a still from a TV documentary about Duckworth Ford motors — could have been from a programme called Equinox, or even Blue Peter.
Explaining how to turn an ordinary motor into a racing one…
They should have stuck with the film…
Yeah, this looks like a Blue Peter production.
What’s a Duckworth?
Spin her over
Give her a good spin
Put some torque on that wrench, brother!