First, look, I’m not saying that I’m proud this thought popped into my head upon seeing this image, but as you know, I’m legally bound to reveal almost every inane thought that crawls out of the gruel of my brain and discuss it in detail here in the forum of Cold Start, or there will be significant repercussions. So here we are, looking at these pictures from a 1975 Ford Escort brochure for the Dutch market, feeling things.
Before I get into the specific picture that made me feel specific ways – and I want to be clear here, the ways do not include aroused, despite the alleged porniness – let’s look at these more innocuous and lovely pictures of Escorts.
Yes, I know how that sounds. It just happened.
The European Ford Escort was quite a different car than the Escort we got in the ’80s here in America – it was vastly cooler. This is a Mark II version, which was a joint project of Fords of Britain and Germany, where the Mark I was an entirely British effort.
The Mark II squared off the styling a bit, but retained the very appealing proportions and slightly sporty character – back when the word “sporty” still had some sort of meaning – of the original car. These were such charming little cars! Plus, this one has headlight wipers, which I’ll never not think are cool.
These also used that tall-character FORD badge that was only, I think, used on European Fords. I always liked that.
I especially like the two-door wagon version. This may have enough sporting character to be classified as a shooting brake, I think. I love the character lines that kick up under the rear quarter window. What a great looking little wagon!
Okay, enough preamble. Here’s the photo that just made me feel sorta icky:
Something about the looks on these guys’ faces while all surrounding and looking at that inline-four just feels, you know, porny. Maybe especially the bearded guy. And the knowing look Blondie is giving Glasses. I’m a bit worried for that engine.
Anyway, I’m sorry to have put that in your heads now, but sometimes you have to get the thoughts out so you can be free. And now we’re all in this together! Yay!
Let’s be honest, almost everything looked a bit porny in 1975.
5 guys, 4 cylinders.
Blondie kind of looks like Christian Horner.
The guy with the beard looks like a young Bernd Pischetsrieder
I’m pretty sure Glasses is Ted Danson
Yeah, there’s definitely a Masters and Johnson clinical sex vibe going there. As Chance the Gardener said in “Being There,” “I like to watch.”
Nice reference! My new name for porn directors is now “Peter Sellers”
Nice double entendre. They are indeed, peter sellers.
Did anyone here order a pizza?
Oh my goodness me!
“Ist zis ven ve apply ze lube?”
“Nein – Not yet, Herr Dickler”
At least the cars came in good colors.
As opposed to just creamy white?
Good call Torch. White lab coat guy is the perv ‘doctor’ in those videos we’ve all seen on the internet…
I’m just recovering from today’s issue of Mr. Weebl’s Advent Calendar 2024.
My Fiesta is only 10 years old and sees this Ford pron. I’ve really got to rethink BlueTooth pairing. What if it sees this stuff while mobile? I might get blamed for not paying attention.0-=
Thanks, didn’t know Weebl was still making new stuff
That’s only a 4 banger, so someone is gonna have to sit in the Cuck Chair. My vote is for glasses, as it’s almost implied it’s his engine in this pic.
It reminds me of the contemporaneous Pinto wagon, although, sadly, I don’t think our little European friends got equivalents to the woodgrained Squire or the shagtastic Cruising Wagon.
And as for the story behind the picture, probably entitled Lunch Break::
There’s a reason why the 1970s was considered the Golden Age of Porn. This probably isn’t it, though.
Where is Blond Mustache Guy’s left hand?
I’d get banned if I told you.
The Mk 2 estate is a Mk 1 estate with the Mk 2 front end, so it pre-dates the Pinto by a few years. The character line in the rear comes from the Mk 1. You can see the Mk 1 in the windshield, doorframe, and taillights.
Too bad they didn’t do a real Mk 2 version.
Here, Chief Engineer Sir Roger Shagworth (far right), demonstrates the proper use of tools to his team. Known affectionately behind his back as “The Giant Spanner,” Dr. Shagworth spends much of his free time developing pun-based jokes using Dagenham and Halewood as the punchlines.
Still not as bad as ray wert fisting cars
The car show humpmeister.
As you mentioned the character line on the wagon: This was just a facelifted version of the Mark I Escort, whereas the sedans got entirely new bodies. You can see the difference especially in the doors with the much larger glass area.
This is correct. They pulled the same trick with the MkIII/IV Cortina wagon and I think the MkI/II Granada. Typical Euro-Ford phoning it in.
::fingers in ears going ‘lalalalala’ in an attempt to ignore the larger context of the article::
Looking at the side profile of this car, I first wondered if this and the Mk1 Fiesta had shared lineage – you could almost imagine the Fiesta being the hatchback version of this coupe, but upon closer inspection the hood is too long for those proportions to work out. This thing was also still longitudinal engine / RWD, rather than transverse/FWD in the Fiesta. Still, it is easy to see the family resemblance.
Also, that engine doesn’t look like a crossflow Kent – did they put Pinto overhead cam 4’s in these? (A quick check of Wikipedia says ‘yes’). That would make it a fairly stout econo-coupe for Europe of the era.
In the 70s, Ford had a engine building plant that was actually a rented house in the San Fernando Valley. The holiday parties got wild.
There’s a reason why the wagon has that different feature line from the sedan. The wagon wasn’t really a Mk2. It was a Mk1 wagon, with the front end restyled to look like the Mk2. Look closer and you’ll see that the doors and windscreen are different to those on the sedan. It’s like the trick VW did with grafting the Mk4 Golf front onto the Mk3 cabrio’s shell, only 20 years earlier.
Nobody:
Torch: you know what that engine make me think?
The dude in the middle has no idea what is about to go down..
This makes sense somehow. After all, the Ford Mustang was the first porny car.
Oh man, I can hear the background music now. Bow chicka wow wow.
Oh baby. Torque that bolt just right… oh yeah, that’s the stuff… 10 lb ft… 20 lb ft… “click”… uuuuhhhhhh…
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Why did I just hear that “click” in Rainman Ray’s voice?
I dunno. Do you have a secret fetish for autistic savants?
I think it’s his goatee. And yes, yes I do – not much of a secret either.
“STFU Ray! I don’t give a shit about your god damned underwear situation!
And if you don’t fucking settle down you will definitely miss Wapner today!”
“Asshole.”
This just makes me miss that era of ads (well into the 80s) where men – and sometimes women – in lab coats were used to signal automotive seriousness.
Bonus points if some were wearing safety goggles and at least one was holding a clipboard and staring intently at the car.
Hahaha. The clipboard is key! It shows they are going over things with a fine-tooth comb! “Quality!” That reminds me of that ad they put together in “Step Brothers” where they are in lab coats holding beakers and looking through a microscope to emphasize all the “R&D” they’re doing for “Prestige Worldwide”
The first family car that I remember was a Mk2 Escort. I’m pretty sure it had rusted away within a few years.
JT, your mind must be an interesting place to be.
But, yeah, that picture looked very different after I read your description.
Consider this Escort….serviced!
COTD caliber post there kids.
I mean, that IS quite the lengthy rod he’s using…
I was not expecting the five guys porn meme today in the cold start but you’re also 100% right Torch. The internet has ruined us.