Home » Our Angriest Contributor Went To The Hospital And Logged Onto Slack ‘High As Balls’ And It’s The Funniest Thing You’ll Read All Week

Our Angriest Contributor Went To The Hospital And Logged Onto Slack ‘High As Balls’ And It’s The Funniest Thing You’ll Read All Week

High As Balls Chat
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Beer-light Guidance
Beer-light Guidance
5 months ago

AMC Concord wagon. Not sure how I can better establish my car nerd cred than that.

Boulevard_Yachtsman
Boulevard_Yachtsman
5 months ago

Angriest contributor/best times in a car, that’s a fun juxtaposition. Speaking of fun positions, the back seat of a ’68 Coupe de Ville is a great place to be when you’re 5’9″, your girlfriend is 4’11”, and you’re at the drive-in theater. I re-upholstered the back seat of that car just for those dates.

So is the Bishop’s next design post going to be a collaboration with Adrian and have a bed incorporated into it somewhere?

Knowonelse
Knowonelse
5 months ago

Front passenger seat of a two-door ’71 Fiat 128 sedan. Spending 8 months in our ’76 VW camper bus for our honeymoon counts too, but is far from unusual.

Knowonelse
Knowonelse
5 months ago

There is a terrific burlesque performance that is all about this theme, and the soundtrack is perfect, The Passenger by Iggy Pop. Oh, yeah, it is good. Look up “Boo Bess & Jenny C’est Quoi” on Vimeo for the video. There used to be a better version on YouTube before it got pulled. Well worth the watch. Here is the link
https://vimeo.com/303913293

Last edited 5 months ago by Knowonelse
Wezel Boy
Wezel Boy
5 months ago

Every car I’ve held the title on I’ve has been christened in such a fashion. I bought a Benz wagon on Cars and Bids like 4 months ago and the damn seller still hasn’t sent me the title. I’m beginning to think that as soon as the car is used for such purpose, the title will miraculously show up in the mail.

Wezel Boy
Wezel Boy
5 months ago

I love how DT shows up late to the party.

Angrycat Meowmeow
Angrycat Meowmeow
5 months ago

Almost feels cruel to keep this gold from the masses. I like how every once in a while someone tries to do actual work and it just gets breezed over. Always takes a minute to recover after a procedure, hope you’re feeling tip top ‘ol chap.

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
5 months ago

Been a bit ropey all day, not helped by the fact I didn’t sleep well. Thanks for asking!

Mike
Mike
5 months ago

You all need to consider a membership level that provides an entry into to the Slack channel. But it would have to cost more than RCL, I think…

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
5 months ago
Reply to  Mike

Good god no. It’s bad enough without letting the riffraff in.

Drew
Drew
5 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Too late, I’m already here. And all I had to do was pay a reasonable membership fee.

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
5 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

I believe the riffraff defines rather a lot of Autopian staff. I’d say us plebes, we’re just the slightly-more-unwashed-than-most-staffers masses.

You’re also home to two scoundrels, one ruffian, a ne’er-do-well/roughneck combo, hustlers, rustlers, fiends, a heavy, and one fascinating man/tube hybrid creature with a hoard of golden taillights.

Mercedes Streeter
Mercedes Streeter
5 months ago
Reply to  Mechjaz

Which one of those am I? ???? I’m the hustler, aren’t I?

Mr. Frick
Mr. Frick
5 months ago

Ford Taurus parked in the garage. Too busy to go inside the house.

OrigamiSensei
OrigamiSensei
5 months ago

Regarding the question of what’s the most people you’ve had in an inappropriate car I fondly remember the days of four people in a Triumph Spitfire: my best friend driving, me in the passenger seat, a girl on my lap, and a tiny girl behind the seats.

Never closed the deal in a car, though.

Detroit Lightning
Detroit Lightning
5 months ago

There’s a lot to unpack here, but what’s getting the ram charger powertrain???

Outofstep
Outofstep
5 months ago

Sebring convertible with the top down under a clear sky in a beach parking lot. The ONLY good thing that car ever did. Fricking Sebring

Tbird
Tbird
5 months ago

Back of my 1994 Taurus SHO for those keeping score.

Clear_prop
Clear_prop
5 months ago

I’ve never closed the deal in a car. I guess I’m not good at choosing secluded parking spots since someone always showed up before the festivities could commence.

One time the cop showed up five seconds after I put the car in park.

Clark B
Clark B
5 months ago

Made out in? 1972 VW Super Beetle, 2009 GTI, 1998 BMW 328i, 2005 VW Passat, late 90s Lumina, 1998 Ford Taurus, 2012 VW CC, 2009 Ford Fusion. Sex in? The GTI and BMW. But thinking about giving it a whirl in the Beetle, if only to say I’ve done it.

Buzz
Buzz
5 months ago
Reply to  Clark B

I’ve heard that the back of a Volkswagen is an extremely uncomfortable place to get screwed in.

Clark B
Clark B
5 months ago
Reply to  Buzz

That’s what I’ve heard as well, but it still seems worth trying. Not till winter though, my garage is an oven right now.

Pajamasquid
Pajamasquid
5 months ago

PT Cruiser. That’s gotta count for something.

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
5 months ago

Mazda Protege, Toyota Avalon, Subaru Outback, another Subaru Outback, Nissan Sentra, BMW Z4…

edit: .. there are others but I think this paints an incriminating enough portrait as it is

Last edited 5 months ago by Mechjaz
755_SoCalRally
755_SoCalRally
5 months ago
Reply to  Mechjaz

A Z4?!? How? I mean…the angles. My god, the angles. Just thinking about the geometry involved hurts my 50+ year old frame.

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
5 months ago
Reply to  755_SoCalRally

The transmission tunnel/center console is definitely a part of every proceeding, with a slight relief to be had in odd-numbered gears; 2-4-6 encroached on the fun.

Danger Ranger
Danger Ranger
5 months ago
Reply to  755_SoCalRally

I once did it with my ex in a fiero. I was much more flexible at 19…

Erica Lourd
Erica Lourd
5 months ago
Reply to  Mechjaz

Nissan Sentraaaaaaa

Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
5 months ago

I feel like I should clarify:
1) I borrowed my best friend’s Rover 827 Sterling for a date (same girl who I went to see Titanic with, if you’re keeping score) and we had sex in the back after our date. I’m can’t remember if I told him or not. Oh well, he knows now, 26 years later.
2) I had sex with my ex-wife (although we weren’t married at the time) in the bed of a pick up on her families plot at night, under the NC stars.
Everybody clear?

Icouldntfindaclevername
Icouldntfindaclevername
5 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

The River Sterling plays to the crowd better though LOL

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
5 months ago

Though I feel if it were an actual USDM Sterling (no Rover) here in the states, that woulda been very autopian.

“You know, Patrick McNee pitched these, baby…

“WHO?! Get off me you weirdo!”

Last edited 5 months ago by Jack Trade
Amateur-Lapsed Member
Amateur-Lapsed Member
5 months ago
Reply to  Adrian Clarke

Crystal, except:

By “families plot,” are you talking about their land parcel or their family graveyard?

Amberturnsignalsarebetter
Amberturnsignalsarebetter
5 months ago

There aren’t too many bright lights in a cemetery, so the stars really pop.

Last edited 5 months ago by Amberturnsignalsarebetter
Adrian Clarke
Adrian Clarke
5 months ago

Their land, if you can believe that. Graveyards would come later.

Drew
Drew
5 months ago

Sex in a car just makes it easier for someone to disrupt you. And sex while driving is more dangerous and just makes it harder to really enjoy.

But it’s definitely worth trying sex in a car at least once in your life.

Drew
Drew
5 months ago
Reply to  Drew

(For liability reasons, I do not suggest trying sex while driving.)

Phuzz
Phuzz
5 months ago
Reply to  Drew

If you’re too young to have your own place, then a car is your only possibility of privacy.

I just about managed in the back seat of a VW Polo, although it was pretty cramped.
An old guy at work taught me the real secret: Passenger seat slid all the way back, and reclined as far as it will go, girl on the seat, guy on his knees in the footwell.

Toecutter
Toecutter
5 months ago

Adrian’s insults are a high art form unto themselves. It’s a travesty to censor them.

PlatinumZJ
PlatinumZJ
5 months ago
Reply to  Toecutter

Agreed. Adrian has added many fine phrases to my vocabulary.

Crimedog
Crimedog
5 months ago

Any crapcan econobox with a sunroof.

I’ve heard that if you put both front seats all the way back and open the sunroof, you can assume a canine position whilst periscoping through the sunroof towards the stern of the car.

Just be sure to clean the center console….

Last edited 5 months ago by Crimedog
Stef Schrader
Stef Schrader
5 months ago
Reply to  Crimedog

Aha! Crimedoggy style!

Crimedog
Crimedog
5 months ago
Reply to  Stef Schrader

That is correct! Jettas! SC2s! Sentras! Corollas!

I admit to being conflicted. I picked up ‘Crimedog’ as a nickname in college, but never thought of “Crimedoggy Style.” As I am starting this last third of life, do I try to bring it back? Or am I just too old for that….

IRegertNothing, Esq.
IRegertNothing, Esq.
5 months ago

Sex in a truck underneath North Carolina by a river of your imagination sounds like the spectacular result of a Toby Keith (RIP) and LSD-era Beatles collaboration.

Icouldntfindaclevername
Icouldntfindaclevername
5 months ago

Sex in a MGB with the top down.

Joselotas
Joselotas
5 months ago

Full agree, no one cares about the time when you and your partner(s) saw the diety of your choice.

Painful, embarrassing, stupid and/or the cops were involved?

Yes please.

Joselotas
Joselotas
5 months ago
Reply to  Joselotas

Re: minivans. A friend tells me it works better if one parks on a flat surface.

AssMatt
AssMatt
5 months ago

Sex in a 280Z, and on the hood of a car whose make/model I didn’t notice.

Shop-Teacher
Shop-Teacher
5 months ago
Reply to  AssMatt

User name checks out.

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