Punk Kids Try To Carjack A Manual Subaru WRX But Have To Run Off Like Chumps Because They Can’t Drive Stick

There’s so may good reasons to drive a manual transmission: more engagement with your car, giving your sorely neglected left foot a job to do so it doesn’t grow despondent and turn to foot-drugs like Dr.Sholls-cocaine, the ability to do a burnout, and so much more. And, yes, there’s a security advantage, too. Because fewer and fewer (or, less and less, if we want to piss off David) people know how to actually drive stick, having a manual transmission car can make it somewhat theft-proof. This was demonstrated in Germantown, Maryland just recently, as a couple of ne’er-do-well teens tried to carjack a Subaru WRX, only to have to retreat in shame because they didn’t know how to drive a manual transmission.

There’s video of the whole ridiculous failure, even, so let’s watch and laugh at these dipshits, because it’s the only way these little bedwetters are going to learn:

Sure, you feel all tough when you’re yanking an owner out of their car, but that quickly dissipates when the cold reality of your own ignorance reaches up and squeezes your carjacking ‘nads.

Here’s what the Montgomery County police department had to say about the attempted carjacking:

The investigation by detectives determined that the adult male victim finished pumping his gas and attempted to enter his car when he observed the juveniles running towards him. The juveniles forced the door open, grabbed ahold of the victim and demanded his keys. The victim complied with the juveniles’ demands. The juveniles entered the victim’s car and attempted to drive away. Unable to drive a manual transmission, the juveniles exited the vehicle and left the scene on foot.

I wonder if the owner may have suspected that the carjackers – who were only 16 and 17, jeez – wouldn’t know how to actually drive his WRX. The teens were eventually caught after a short foot-chase.

Here’s what baffles me: if you can’t drive stick, those two kids picked the absolute worst vehicle to try to carjack. Subaru WRXs have some of the highest take rates for manual transmissions of anything on the road. We’re talking like 79% manuals. Seriously, this was the worst possible choice. I know the kids today maybe don’t knowhow to drive stick so much, but they should be able to at least Google, right? Dummies.

What kind of shitheads carjack someone, anyway? You don’t mess with a person’s ride. You just don’t.

(Via BoingBoing)