Good morning! It’s our fourth and final day of this short week, and it’s Friday, which is usually when we get a little bit silly. And what’s sillier than small cars with loud V8s, especially when one of them didn’t originally come with one?
Yesterday’s trucks-in-kit-form left a lot of you questioning the prices. But as I’ve said before: I don’t price ’em, I just report ’em. And really, a good engine overhaul is a couple grand anyway, so these don’t seem too far out of line to me – especially the Ram 50, which includes the engine stands and hoists. I have a feeling that’s what put it over the top in the votes.
I think that’s the way I’d go, too; the extended cab is nice to have, but I’d rather have 4WD, and I fit fine in small single-cab trucks. I don’t know where I’d put the hoist and engine stands and stuff, though; my garage is jam-packed as it is. Maybe I could build another shed?
Moving on to today’s choices: Give a young guy a V8 car, and he’ll probably cut the muffler off it to make more noise. Give a young guy with some wrenching skills a car with no engine, and he’ll find a way to stick a V8 in it. Either way, his neighbors are going to hate him. But as we enter what is probably the twilight of the internal combustion engine, I can’t help but side with those who still love to hear that V8 pulse at idle, and listen to it roar when you open it up. I find myself winding out my own V8s on freeway on-ramps, not because I have to accelerate that quickly, but because I like to hear the sound. So what the hell; let’s make some V8 noises today, with one formerly-refined Porsche, and one imported classic that’s sure to annoy the purists among you.
1984 Porsche 928S – $4,995
Engine/drivetrain: 4.7-liter overhead cam V8, four-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Chula Vista, CA
Odometer reading: 151,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
The market for old air-cooled Porsches has, as we all know, gone absolutely insane in recent years. Even a rusty 914 will set you back more than it should these days. You’d expect that rising tide to lift all boats, but the front-engined water-cooled models are still pretty affordable – if you don’t mind them a little scruffy. 924s and 944s are easy to find, but a running and driving 928 for a cheap price is a little more special. This one is not exactly in good condition, but it’s not terrible either.
It’s hard to remember, with the numbers posted by modern supercars, but in its day, this was a legitimately fast car. Even the US version, with less power than the European edition, managed a 0-60 time of 6.6 seconds and a top speed of 143 miles an hour. Serious stuff, quicker and faster than even that private investigator’s little red car. This one has been modified a bit, but apart from a more free-flowing (and much louder) exhaust, the seller isn’t specific about the modifications. It runs and drives well, though it has been in storage for a couple of years, so there might be a few cobwebs to expel.
It always seems that the downfall of cheap Porsches is the interior, and that’s definitely the case here. The seats have been replaced, and are in fair shape, but the dash, door panels, and rear seats are toast. It’s probably prohibitively expensive to restore, but it also doesn’t matter a whole lot if you’re just looking for something to bomb around in.
Most of the outside is OK, but the left rear quarter panel has obviously seen some action. That’s old cracked Bondo if I’ve ever seen it. This 928 was clearly in an accident and repaired badly. Again, you can just leave it alone if all you want to do is zoom around making V8 noises.
1987 Chrysler Conquest TSi – $4,200
Engine/drivetrain: 350 cubic inch overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Lake Zurich, IL
Odometer reading: 87,000 miles
Operational status: Starts, runs, and moves – but has no cooling system yet
Chrysler’s pony-car game in the 1980s was a little strange. While the Mustang, Camaro, and Firebird were all riding high, Chrysler had to make do with the K-car-based Daytona and Laser twins. They could hold their own performance-wise, but front-wheel-drive was a hard sell in that market. Chrysler offered a RWD choice, but it came in the form of a captive import: the Conquest, a re-badged Mitsubishi Starion, and even it lacked a V8, being instead powered by a turbocharged four-cylinder. Somewhere in the life of this particular Conquest, someone “remedied” that, and swapped in a small-block Chevy V8 – and, possibly even more blasphemous to those who love this car as it was – a three-speed automatic.
Chevy V8s have been the go-to for cheap horsepower ever since the 1950s. Today, it’s the modern LS-based engines that are favored, but whoever did this swap decided to go old-school, with a good old small-block with tube headers and a four-barrel carb sitting up high on a tall aluminum intake. Behind that is a Turbo-Hydramatic 350 automatic, beefed up for performance. It’s a rock-solid combination, as much as some might say it doesn’t belong here. The seller has a new aluminum radiator to keep it all cool, but it isn’t installed yet – obviously brackets don’t exist for this application, so some will have to be made. After that, it should be ready to go.
The Conquest’s cool 80s-futuristic interior appears to be intact, though, and not in terrible shape. The center console has been modified to accept a shifter for the automatic – and no surprise, it’s the same Hurst (or something) ratchet-style seen in so many modified Cutlasses and Monte Carlos over the years. But everything else looks all right. I don’t know how much of the original instrument panel works with the new engine, however.
It’s a little bit rusty around the rear wheels, but it’s straight. The nose and hood have been modified to fit the V8 and its larger radiator, and I can’t say I think much of the big cowl-induction lump on the hood or the side exhausts. American hot-rod cues like those on a Japanese performance car just look out of place.
Life is too short, as the saying goes, to drive boring cars, and whatever faults these two may have, you can’t say they’re boring. Planting your right foot firmly on the gas pedal of either one of these is bound to bring a smile to the most jaded face, even if just for a moment. So come on – live a little. Which one are you going to do a burnout in?
(Image credits: sellers)
The 928 is not the correct answer. It’s never the correct answer. As a luxury cruiser, it had lots of electronic doodads. That can be fine, but those electronic doodads were designed by sadistic German engineers in the late 1970’s. There are many onboard computers and even many-er relays, all connected by a large and byzantine wiring harness. That’s annoying, you might say, but it can’t be that bad compared to modern cars, right? Wrong. That entire wiring harness is grey. Every wire is the same color. Good luck tracing them!
I still voted 928. I’m a masochist and I like them.
The Conquest is somewhat over priced, but $3000 and 3 long weekends could turn it into a neat decent driving beast with a very cool 80s interior.
That 928 will be a massive money sinkhole that always smells like mold and will never really run or drive well – despite what the ad claims.
I would take the Conquest, pull the half finished V8 swap and start over. The hidden costs in the 928 are going to run so much higher than anything I would spend on the 80’s box fender glory of the Conquest. Ideally, I would swap in a drive train from something else stupid like a Hyudai Genesis coupe.
If I’m gonna have a V8 slushbox car, I’d rather have one with a 4 speed slushbox and fuel injection over one with a carb and a 3 speed.
Also I’d rather have that Porsche over that Mitsubishi even though the Porsche is likely to have higher repair costs.
I went with the Conquest because of the higher long-term cost of the Porsche project. That said, there’s got to be a better solution than an automatic and Chevy engine. Even an old Mopar 318 might work, but give it a stick and replace the hood.
If I randomly bought a real “sports” “car” off Facelist/Offercraig it would be a Starquest. They always screamed peak “80s doorstop” to me, with the angular cuts and box flares.
This one is not a bad candidate to junk the V8 out of and do an electric swap. That’s the only reason I’d get one. Preferably with the digital dash.
If I have to spend $5k on a clapped out V8 shitwagon, it’s gonna be a Porsche V8 clapped out shitwagon.
Not that I’m a purist on any variety of the 2.6 Mitsu engine this originally had, but damn man…this is just gross.
I have clicked on that Conquest ad more times than I’d like to admit, because the seller is using a photo of a completely different, tuned/stanced conquest that looks amazing. Then I click on it, and I’m disappointed.
That said… the 928 parts prices are absolutely eye watering, even compared to 911 prices. The cost to make that car ‘right’ would be 4x what the car would be worth…. so I’m going conquest.
Conquest all the way. I’ve never warmed to the styling of the 928 and the Conquest would at least be unique. That hood l would HAVE to go, though!
While I do like the ol’ Chryslers, and kinda like the Conquest, it’s just an ok car to me compared to the Porsche (Parsh)…it looks like a lot of fun and enjoyable once I fix it up good. I don’t even care about current condition; will drive it while slowly improving it (at the same time on the freeway!) Yay V8!
Two-car LeMons team. ‘Accidentally’ slip the decimal points over one place and bring a good bribe.
A friend of mine got hold of a free with a blown engine and put a “free” crate V8 into it. (He and his buddies work for Nissan, so they have connections.) They were quite competitive in LeMons racing until something (I never heard exactly what) killed the thing.
Since this is totally fictional, I went Conquest. I feel like I could drive it without needing a shower after. That 928 is just a little too janky inside and out and the rear quarter panel looks like it could detach itself at any moment. In real life, $4 grand gets you a lot of Uber rides while you keep looking for a car.
I’m with this guy:
https://youtu.be/_dMctIQfi6g?si=kNVS6inZlpyN0Axr
I’m old enough to remember a time when you could get into a decent 928 for this much money. I’ve always thought they’re cool as hell in an 80s futurist kind of way, and while front engine V8 doesn’t scream Porsche (if I recall correctly these were pretty squarely aimed at the Corvette crowd) they’re still fun GT cars.
They can be a real bitch to keep running because they were also more or less technological showcases at the time, but as far as the (increasingly rare) cheap Parshes are concerned you can do a whole lot worse, especially if you’re willing to put up with the slusher because manual ones are significantly more expensive.
Anyway, this one has lived a hard life. Unfortunately most 928s did because they got very cheap for a while and were hooned and tooned into oblivion. If you want a good one you’re going to have to pay, and probably a bit too much because once you’re in used 911 territory it’s very hard to recommend a 928 over one.
But at the end of the day it’s a Porsche sports car for 5 grand and those aren’t going to exist for much longer…so get em while you can.
I don’t think they got hooned that much. I think most of them stopped running and ended up taking extended rests in a series of yards and driveways of people who thought they could fix them.
that 928 is so close to me, it’s good to know I don’t have real money to get that one, though.
But my what if money says go for it, the price is OBO so I’d offer them $4500 and I know some skilled shops in TJ that can get the body work sorted out and a full respray for about $1K. That’s not bad for a 928.
The interior doesn’t bother me right now, but if I wanted to a skilled upholstery shop south of the border won’t charge more than $1K to replace all the vinyl panels around the doors and dash. I’ve had front seats done for $250 and full vinyl floor on an old truck for $200.
Um, no and no. Until next week…
I grew up in and learned to drive in a white 1987 Chrysler Conquest TSi. My first car (and first true love) was a wrecked hand-me-down black 1987 Chrysler Conquest TSi that my dad plopped in my mother’s garage when I was 14 and I spent the next 2 years fixing. I later owned a red ’88 Conquest TSi. I have a deep love for these cars and yet today I voted for the Porsche.
You can say that again!!!
To quote Picard, “We’re not qualified to be your judges. We have no law to fit your crime.”
I’m not 100% a purist, the old 4G54 was space-aged in the 80s but shows its age today, but EVERYBODY knows that the appropriate swap to update your StarQuest is a 4G63!!!!!!!
Boo sir, BOO I say!!!!!
Didn’t even need to read the article. The 928 has always been a dream car of mine. If only I had space for all my dream cars…
If this was a “you must choose” series, I guess I’d go with the Porsche. But it’s not, so I ain’t picking either of these junkyard donations.
Porsche family guy here.
But drove a ton of both new Conquests as well.
The Porsche looks savable vs the crap can experiment gone wrong here.
YMMV.
But both are a big let down for a Friday. WTF? Some people should not be allowed to own such cars.
Both belong as fish homes in the great Gulf of America…
Good job Mark.
That is one 928 that should be left at the bottom of Lake Michigan.
The Conquerion deserves better. Mitsubishi parts are much cheaper than Porsche parts. I’ll take the JDM route.
Are you implying that owning that 928 would be a Risky Business?