Showoff Showdown: Opel Manta vs Ford Ranger vs Plymouth Horizon vs Mazda B3000

Good morning! It’s Friday, so it’s time for another four-way shootout. And yes, there is a theme to this one, which we’ll get to in a minute.

First, let’s see which car won yesterday. I figured the pickup would win, but I didn’t expect it to give that poor little Nissan such a sound thrashing. It’s not the most lopsided vote we’ve ever had, but it seems like one of the cruelest.

Personally, I like that little NX. It’s got character, and you can’t say that about very many cars these days. Would it be better if it were a manual, and maybe the 2000 with the bigger engine? Of course! But I already have a truck, so I don’t really have any use for the Mazda. I don’t have any use for the Nissan, either, but I think I’d have more fun tinkering with it.

So that brings us to today’s four-way showdown. Here’s the scenario: Some guy just walked up to you in the parking lot of Crunch Fitness and handed you a ticket to Sunday’s Pebble Beach Concours d’Elegance, the hoity-toitiest car gathering on this side of the Atlantic. He can’t go, he says, because his Pekingese, Niki, is ill, but he wants someone who will really appreciate it to have the opportunity. Don’t worry; he looks totally trustworthy. I’m sure it’s on the up-and-up.

He’ll fly you out there, and provide you with a car to be seen driving into the place. He has four cars for you to choose from, which he bought this week just for the occasion. You guessed it – he’s a fan, and he secretly bought up the week’s winners, and was going to choose which one to drive when he arrived. Now, that honor falls to you. Let’s recap your choices.

1972 Opel Manta

The case for it: It’s a bona-fide classic! It’s basically just like all those fancy cars they’re showing. You’ll blend right in!

The case against it: It’s got that weird carburetor thing going on. You could get halfway up the drive and it would stall, causing a line of Bugattis and Duesenbergs and Ferraris to suddenly discover their ancient horns don’t work.

1999 European Ford Ranger

The case for it: It’s European, which means it’s exotic and classy. Right? Also, I hear that the show is on grass. This is a 4×4, with a nice torquey diesel engine and a tow hitch. If it rains, and somebody’s Facel Vega gets stuck in the mud, you can save the day.

The case against it: Some people seem to be of the opinion that pickup trucks are unsophisticated. You might catch some grief from them.

1989 Plymouth Horizon

The case for it: Honestly, I can’t think of one.

The case against it: It’s scruffy. The air conditioning doesn’t work, so you’ll arrive all sweaty and gross. Oh, and it’s a Plymouth Horizon. Save it for Radwood.

1994 Mazda B3000

The case for it: You’ll arrive on time because it’s reliable, and fresh as a daisy thanks to that good strong Ford air conditioner. Plus, it’s a V6 with a five-speed, which practically makes it a Ferrari Dino.

The case against it: That truck stigma again. But I mean, come on: Hank Hill drove a Ranger, which is the same truck as this. That makes it a celebrity! They can’t throw out a celebrity. Right?

Mere mortals like us are going to have to be content watching YouTube clips of all the goings-on at Monterey Car Week. But wouldn’t it be fun to show up with one of these clunkers, just to see if you could get someone’s monocle to fall into their champagne glass? (They all wear monocles and drink champagne, right?) Which one would you choose?

(Image credits: sellers)