A talented reader named Paul B. emailed this drawing to us the other day. Well, he just emailed it to David, which I think is telling, who then passed it on to me. It’s a good cartoon of me! And I’m wearing what appear to be fully-functional taillight pants, complete with amber indicators and reverse lamps! But I do look sort of, you know, unhinged. Now that I think about it, I really have no one to blame for that but myself.
I do look positively batshit here, though.
I’m flattered and impressed here, don’t get me wrong. It’s just sometimes a bit, let’s say, bracing, to see your own madness, as visualized by another, right in front of you like that. I’m going to say I think it’s healthy. Thank you, Paul, and fantastic job! I’m already thinking about how I can adapt some old pants and taillights into something better: taillight pants.
Also, my plane is about to board for our trip to Pebble Beach, so this one is going to get cut short. There’s going to be great Pebble Beach content coming, so don’t fret!
Now how do I put my ass-hazard lights on?
Oh, and I think those taillights are a composite, but I’ll look into it.
If this leads to a decrease in weirdness in Torch, we’ll kill Paul B. in his sleep.
The good news is that Jason is on record as being against rolling coal. Chainsaw Jeans, exclusively at Autopian.
The new kid with the live-wire hair backed into Lumière Rouge setting the place alight. The LED-bedecked patrons sized him up and blinked their approval. The other Luminaries had never seen glothing like this, so fresh, so bold, so Beetlesque. Elise, the prettiest girl at the bar circled Jason, headlights beaming with delight. She claimed him by his left trafficator and as she and led him out of the World’s Second Most Famous Taillight Bar, she lit her blinding red fog light, telling her rivals to back off.
“She claimed him by his left trafficator”
Replace ‘trafficator’ with ‘Semaphore’
Otherwise gold Jerry, gold!:-)
this is INCREDIBLE
New car show call sign? Imagine a bunch of readers with little cardboard cutouts of Jason instead of those weird faceless timeout kids
I’m afraid to ask where the rear fog light is.
I think you already know where it is..
I believe what we have here is the prequel story no on asked for. This is where the Pixar Cars universe begins.
I may be wrong, but those taillights look like they came off the Citroën De’rriere, a one-of-one concept intended as the successor to the legendary Déesse.
Unique features included an integrated tailpipe, anti-submarine seat cushions and an oversized rear-view mirror, all designed to enhance the driving experience. Sadly these innovations were derided as asinine by the French motoring press. To make matters worse, it became the butt of jokes for its sloppy handling, sagging (and sometimes explosively deflated) air suspension, and failure to meet emission standards. Before Citroën could even announce that it was to be offered in five shades of brown, the project had been canned.
The taillights were cool though.
It’s the Citroen Défesse.
(Fesse = buttock, défesse = “of/from the buttocks” if it was a real word)
Avez votre d’étoile
I clicked this link hoping to buy Autopian-branded taillight pants, dangit!
fwiw, there are wireless brake/signal lights available for motorcycle helmets…could velcro onto other clothing.
e.g. http://www.sykik.com
I’m a little relieved Jason is obsessed with tail lights and not tail pipes.
Ah ha ha ha ha – now I wanna see Paul’s depictions of David and Beau!
Speaking of merch – any chance of getting the “Autopian” license plate frame in any color other than red? I really like the “plain” Autopian frame, but the color just doesn’t work for me. If you offered one in green (like the website banner logo) and one in bright electric yellow, I’d buy two each ASAP.
The red in real life is more Bright lighter red that it looks on the computer monitor. It’s not a Dark red
Boy the likeness is spot on!
Think that’s wild? Wait until he hits the hazard button…
That is the type of artwork that would have most likely been seen in Penthouse Forums…
“Dear Penthouse Forums……”
Ass flasher, it’s not what you’re thinking.
You’ve got to be pleased with how kind he was to your hair though
With all due respect, Jason, (and I’m really not sure how much respect that is? Somewhere between all and none?) I’m getting a sense of baboon butt from that drawing. The grimacing face does not help.
https://www.livescience.com/57588-baboon-facts.html
Ha. Shades of Ryan O’Neal in the film So Fine…
Those reverse lamps are a wearable reminder to always have a backup plan.
*This comment issued by an authorized user of Dad Jokes®.
It really is an Enderring drawing
LEDs and a small battery pack, boom, taillight pants. If the indicators work even better.
You are our unhinged hero Torch, don’t change.
I think if you combined Torch and Tracy into a single person they’d equal one fully functional adult human. But why would we ever want to do that when they’re kind enough to bring us along for the ride? We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold…
I don’t think this is a fair assessment. Torch has a wife, a kid, and a pretty successful career. David apparently has a girlfriend, multiple cats, and a pretty successful career, too.
Sure, Torch, against all advice, chainsaws batteries, and DT is approximately 30% iron oxide, but who among us can claim 100% QC?
I think Torch has cats as well. They and cars go well together. Both make you feel good which letting you know who is really in control.
It was meant to be a sarcastic and affectionate assessment, not a literal one. And I’m an absolute mess myself.
Most of us are messes. That’s why we’re here. We can smell our own. Or in Torch’s case we can see his taillights from a mile away.
I agree we are all weirdos in some way. I spend money on my car, glass boxes with water, video games, and go to shows to what other autos people are spending their money on.
Be thankful he didn’t attempt to portray you showing off your frunk pants.
Great example of reverse Anthropomorphization
Mechanomorphization maybe? I’m now reminded of the novel/movie Crash, in all its nearly unwatchable/unreadable (the novel is worse than the movie) glory.
Speaking of, has anyone here seen the movie Titane?
Not yet, but I’m intrigued, for the same reason as with Crash back when.
I’m a big JG Ballard fan, but even I had trouble with the book…very graphic; the movie, for all its notoriety, was toned down considerably. So Titane seems to be riffing on that, so I can’t not check it out. It seems to have a spiritual connection with Crash, in the same way Ryan Gosling’s Drive does with Ryan O’Neal’s The Driver.
For the sake of the other passengers, hopefully they aren’t sushi taillights.
Brilliant! Ah, but which production taillights do yours most closely resemble? One assumes they might’ve been lifted from a more prosaic vehicle.