Let’s get this out of the way first: if you’re buying your gasoline on Craigslist, maybe you’ve been making some decisions in your life that are worth re-evaluating. I’m not saying this is a universal, just a sign that’s perhaps worth looking at. What’s also worth looking at is this particular Craigslist ad from Denver, where you could buy 33 gallons of “old but goodish” gasoline! In bags!
Yes, bags. It’s the bags that are the real punctum of this ad, because the existence of gasoline in bags is always something that brings up questions, so many complicated questions. Questions like, why the hell is this gasoline in bags? How did it get into these bags? Who thought this was a good idea?
Here, look at these gas-bags:
Based on that picture, maybe there should be some written assurance that you’re not looking at bags of urine, too.
So that’s three bags of 11 gallons each. The seller notes the gas is premium, 93 octane, so that means, based on Denver gasoline prices, we’re looking at about $122.20 worth of gas! That’s a pretty good deal, for free gas! Well, again, free “old but goodish” gas, which itself brings up all kinds of questions.
Questions like, was this person just storing 11-gallon bags of gas in their house or garage somewhere? Jammed behind the hot water heater, maybe? In the living room, using them as additional seating?
Are those bags just zip-tied shut? Are they even double-bagged? I don’t think so.
Also, how did Waste Management goof up here? Maybe they didn’t want to take huge bags of gasoline?
So, so many questions. And gotten to the most interesting question here: what the fuck are you supposed to do with these bags, should you decide to toss them, sloshily, into your hatchback? Most places that make the peculiar choice to distribute liquids in unstructured plastic bags rely on some kind of extra, more substantial support structure to decant that liquid.
Take the Canadians and their weird love of bagged milk:
See what’s happening there? You need that plastic pitcher to handle that floppy milk bag. Otherwise it’d be like you’re trying to get a shaved badger to vomit badger milk into a bowl.
But an 11-gallon plastic bag of gasoline? How the hell are you going to get that into your car’s fuel tank, should you acquire these bags? I guess you could put a big funnel in your fuel filler, then wrap your arms around one of those bags, and, what, cut off a corner, like a Montreal milk bag?
Then where would you be – wrestling that big sloppy bag of gasoline, desperately trying to point that pulsing stream of gas –which, I imagine, must resemble the urine stream of a healthy adult rhino – into the funnel, where maybe, what, half a gallon out of the 11 actually makes it in? Have you ever tried holding a big bag of liquid like that? Or even a smaller bag? It’s like wrestling a jellyfish.
Maybe you could wet-dry vac the gasoline out and into a more suitable vessel, if you’re comfortable running a possibly sparky electric motor around a blob-shaped mass of gasoline constrained by a thin plastic membrane, which maybe you shouldn’t be.
I’m so baffled by all of this. I reached out to the seller to get some background or more information or even an exciting possible lie, so I’ll update if I get a response.
There’s also just something so funny about substances or objects in unexpected containers. A basket of mustard. A can of shrimp cocktail. A satchel of chili. A pitcher of meatballs. A can of hoagies. You get it.
If there’s an answer that makes me think, ohhh, that makes sense, I’m going to be very excited.
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Gasoline in garbage bags? How Essoteric.
Getting rid of gas in bags on Craigslist? This is unhinged, it’s normally the type of thing I would just dispose of in a local stream river or lake along with my old car batteries
/s in case it wasn’t clear
Hey now, let’s not get out of hand. Batteries belong in the ocean, not a lake. Sharks will benefit more than bass!
I don’t know about that one, bass typically requires electricity to even function
Would you be offended if I noted you’ve just admitted you’re not a stand up guy? (I kid, I kid…)
Kidding is fine as long as you’re not picking or slapping.
I like your style.
It’s for the freshwater electric eels. Can’t let the sharks have all the fun.
I see the reference you’re getting at.
Well done.
What if they’re ill tempered SEA bass?
that’s a waste, even expired gasoline still works well as a waterproofer and insect repellent
Why doesn’t he just pour it down his bathtub drain like a normal guy?
Maybe he’s on sewer, but what he really wanted is an eternal flame in his backyard, which requires septic?
It’s easy, just set the bag next to the filler, feed in a hose, suck on the hose to induce vacuum, shove the end of the hose into your car.
PLEASE DON’T DO THIS.
This is how I drained my wife’s labor pool. Luckily it was on the 2nd floor, and I sucked from the first floor, giving me time to react.
Is that like “secretarial pool?” Because I’d like to see that.
Everything about this screams “had to drain a large gas tank and had no plans to use the old gas.”
As far as why it’s not eating through the bags, they’re probably contaminant cleanup bags. If you’ve ever seen the after effects of someone screwing up pumping at the gas station and dealing with the specialized kitty litter, there are similarly specialized bags it goes into that are impervious to liquid fuel.
A quick search confirms that in some locations WM will dispose of gas and other automotive fluids and supplies polyethylene bags when they do so. Looks like what’s in the picture.
Bingo. It’s a great setup for a fun thread, but those are actual WM-branded bags and I don’t blame the guy for not wanting to sit on them for another 6 months (our local hazmat pickups are twice a year).
The photo doesn’t give the greatest scale reference, but knowing about how big a 5-gallon bucket of oil is, I’m thinking there’s no way in hell those bags are 11 gallons each. If they were, they’d weigh so much the bag wouldn’t survive trying to lift it.
I don’t know why I’m applying logical thought to this story but there it is.
65ish pounds per bag. Yeah, right.
This is all Biden’s fault. With all the EV tax credits and incentives, we now have people stuck with their old gas they can’t use. I think it was George Carlin who mused about how hard it is to throw away a garbage can.
Ethanol blends cause most issues.
Soooo… gas.
In bags.
Bags of gas.
The only safe thing to do is get this guy’s address, stand across the street, and shoot the bags with a flaming arrow.
Where are Bo and Luke Duke when you need them
That was only the first season or two, and it was the best part of the show.
Interesting how probation didn’t allow them to carry guns, but dynamite-equipped arrows were just fine.
The law isn’t unreasonable. How else were they supposed to go fishing?
“Makin’ their waaaaaaay, the only way they know how”
It was Georgia in the 70’s. They bought their dynamite-tipped arrows at Toys ‘R Us.
I was just thinking of the time I ran out of gas in high school and bought a tiny amount of gas, putting it in a 20 ounce coke bottle. It worked out for me, but I was like a tenth of a mile away from the gas station.
I used to work at a gas station when I was a kid, one time someone tried to pump gas into an empty gallon milk container.
I did too.
Honestly, I did let one guy use an empty oil jug as we were out of gas cans. I was about to close the place, so I gave him a ride a couple miles to his car, too.
I drew the line at the 2 1 gallon glass jars this one ‘interesting’ lady wanted to use
Dad used to keep the chainsaw gas in a glass apple cider bottle. (remember those) Yes, the stereotypical “moonshine” bottle we’ve all seen in old films. You used to get “legal” beverages in them too. (I miss the 70s!)
The bad news is your engine is seized. The good news is your elephant is pregnant.
way better than your elephant being seized and your engine being pregnant…
Now that’s what I call a party.
I think I saw this on TV once.
“Wildcard!”
I raced to the comment section for this.
Me too! I was surprised to be the first one.
Yeeeeeeehawwww!
Do not wet/dry vac gasoline. You will go kaboom.
Not you, just the vacuum:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mrb51xs7Heg
Proximity is possibly the most important factor. But it’s guaranteed that you’re going to blow some shit up. The motor in a vacuum makes sparks as the brushes ride on the slip rings, and all that churning of the fuel is going to make a BUNCH of it atomize. Enjoy your bomb.
I had an old jug of gas I needed to get rid of once. I checked the waste management website and they said they didn’t take old gas and instead suggested that running it through a lawnmower would be the best way to get rid of it. The problem is that old jug of gas was for the lawnmower and not wanting to run it through the lawnmower is why I was trying to dispose of it.
Long story short, ultimately a certain Comcast box that may or may not have existed in my back yard, um, didn’t develop any fire ant beds for a while after that.
It should be know that this is in Aurora by Buckley space force base. It’s probably rocket fuel. Or they got there hands on some kind of vehicle from the base and drained the tanks.
it’s now been converted into a Detention center for illegals so it’s probably some deportee’s pee.
They were planning that but thought better of it. Some very interesting domes there if they stole the copper from them it would probably cost 100s of million’s to fix. Too high of risk.
This doesn’t make any sense. In Denver, you can’t even get 93 octane. Highest grade is 91. Something seems sketchy. You know, besides the fact that these guys have gasoline in plastic bags.
It’s probably a Military guy and he got 93 from sea level
Did say it was old gas, so maybe 260 from an abandoned Sunoco? Although, I doubt it would still be goodish. .
Maybe it’s from before Denver was uplifted by tectonic plate action.
That’s about 66 pounds of fuel in each bag that I’m surprised hasn’t been eaten through. Why the hell hasn’t he used it? Piss. It’s because it’s piss.
I would think (I’m deeply sorry I’m even typing this) that if it were…organic waste… in a bag of such volume, it would take a while to *collect* that much, which over time would certainly ferment/stagnate/disgustify/grow things right?
IDK, I swear I could fill that in just a couple hours after one energy drink.
Frat party leftovers.
They used to distill it.
ENOUGH WITH THE FRIGGIN PISS JUGS RAY!
We got to find a TV. Two hours till Wapner.
All you need to safely transfer it to the tank is some fuel hose and one of those clicky-clack fuel pumps. Whether you’d actually want to put that fuel in your tank is another matter entirely.
When that 2021 Colonial Pipeline shutdown hit (ransomware hack), I remember the news cautioning people about hoarding gas in garbage bags. As if it had to be a PSA.
Interestingly enough, my wife got Covid for the first time and our urgent care was almost directly across the street from one of their major tank storage sites, so we got to sit in the car while waiting to be sure her monoclonal infusions didn’t create an adverse reaction and could see them sitting there, idle.
I just remember that because I held up my phone (doomscrolling was all the rage) and said “Look at these dumbasses putting gasoline in bags!” as she groaned in misery.
Something else that may make this offer of bagged gas appealing, 93 octane is generally not available in Colorado.
I was just thinking the same, I thought 91 was “premium” in most high-altitude locales.
Which is even scarier because I think someone took this fuel on a roadtrip 🙂
Honestly, probably just someone’s really poorly-timed tank draining effort. Probably had a large car or two up on a lift and wanted to drain it, but didn’t plan ahead.
I think someone just got a girlfriend and is doing a purge before she comes by the house for the first time.
“When David Met ENHRN”
That hypothesis works whether it’s old gas or old urine.
I mean, you could just siphon it out. Or put a bag in a tub and cut it. Or set one on a table and make a small cut in a corner pouring into a funnel. You could probably run a lawn mower or similar without any real risk.
Yes, the whole thing is ridiculous, but not entirely insane.
If I saw someone pouring gas into a lawnmower from a cut-up plastic bag full of 93 octane they have sitting on a table I would call the cops.
But Officer, I was using a funnel!
Please tell me how you are able to determine octane by sight? 😀
Easy. 93 is the one that looks like piss.
Valuable information there. Thanks!
There’s some joke about burning piss here, but I can’t find it.
I’m amazed the gasoline didn’t eat through the bag. Clearly someone had a well? thought out plan here.
Don’t put this in your car. It is lawnmower fuel now.
Sadly I only use about 1.5 gallons in an entire mowing season.
Someone’s more than a mile high
If I don’t want the whole bag, can they just count how much gas pours out of it, so I don’t get overcharged?