Someone In Denver Will Sell You Some Huge Bags Of Gasoline If You’re Nuts

Let’s get this out of the way first: if you’re buying your gasoline on Craigslist, maybe you’ve been making some decisions in your life that are worth re-evaluating. I’m not saying this is a universal, just a sign that’s perhaps worth looking at. What’s also worth looking at is this particular Craigslist ad from Denver, where you could buy 33 gallons of “old but goodish” gasoline! In bags!

Yes, bags. It’s the bags that are the real punctum of this ad, because the existence of gasoline in bags is always something that brings up questions, so many complicated questions. Questions like, why the hell is this gasoline in bags? How did it get into these bags? Who thought this was a good idea?

Here, look at these gas-bags:

Based on that picture, maybe there should be some written assurance that you’re not looking at bags of urine, too.

So that’s three bags of 11 gallons each. The seller notes the gas is premium, 93 octane, so that means, based on Denver gasoline prices, we’re looking at about $122.20 worth of gas! That’s a pretty good deal, for free gas! Well, again, free “old but goodish” gas, which itself brings up all kinds of questions.

Questions like, was this person just storing 11-gallon bags of gas in their house or garage somewhere? Jammed behind the hot water heater, maybe? In the living room, using them as additional seating?

Are those bags just zip-tied shut? Are they even double-bagged? I don’t think so.

Also, how did Waste Management goof up here? Maybe they didn’t want to take huge bags of gasoline?

So, so many questions. And gotten to the most interesting question here: what the fuck are you supposed to do with these bags, should you decide to toss them, sloshily, into your hatchback? Most places that make the peculiar choice to distribute liquids in unstructured plastic bags rely on some kind of extra, more substantial support structure to decant that liquid.

Take the Canadians and their weird love of bagged milk:

See what’s happening there? You need that plastic pitcher to handle that floppy milk bag. Otherwise it’d be like you’re trying to get a shaved badger to vomit badger milk into a bowl.

But an 11-gallon plastic bag of gasoline? How the hell are you going to get that into your car’s fuel tank, should you acquire these bags? I guess you could put a big funnel in your fuel filler, then wrap your arms around one of those bags, and, what, cut off a corner, like a Montreal milk bag?

Then where would you be – wrestling that big sloppy bag of gasoline, desperately trying to point that pulsing stream of gas –which, I imagine, must resemble the urine stream of a healthy adult rhino – into the funnel, where maybe, what, half a gallon out of the 11 actually makes it in? Have you ever tried holding a big bag of liquid like that? Or even a smaller bag? It’s like wrestling a jellyfish.

Maybe you could wet-dry vac the gasoline out and into a more suitable vessel, if you’re comfortable running a possibly sparky electric motor around a blob-shaped mass of gasoline constrained by a thin plastic membrane, which maybe you shouldn’t be.

I’m so baffled by all of this. I reached out to the seller to get some background or more information or even an exciting possible lie, so I’ll update if I get a response.

There’s also just something so funny about substances or objects in unexpected containers. A basket of mustard. A can of shrimp cocktail. A satchel of chili. A pitcher of meatballs. A can of hoagies. You get it.

If there’s an answer that makes me think, ohhh, that makes sense, I’m going to be very excited.

This Has To Be The Most Bonkers Collection Of Cars Sold In One Craigslist Ad Ever

These Are The Most Ridiculous Cars For Sale Near Me, Now Show Us The Weirdest Rides Near You

I Wish I Knew Who Would Buy This Homemade Wooden “Batmobile” Project