Good morning! You might see today’s choices and think I’m messing with you. And you’d be right. Honestly, I’m two days away from a much-needed vacation, so I’m just picking silly stuff to see what happens. Today’s experiment is called “Can I get a K-car to actually win one?”
Mopar is on a roll, after all; Friday’s absurd choices saw a big-ass bright red Dodge pickup beat out a much nicer but sketchier car. From the sounds of it, a lot of you came to the same conclusion I did: as silly as that truck is, it would be a lot easier to keep it running for a year than the Maserati. Truck break, fix with hammer. If hammer no work, try duct tape.
Yeah, you’re going to get about nine miles to the gallon on a good day – the Power Wagons from that year are full-time 4WD – and you should probably Febreeze the hell out of that interior, but you won’t become good friends with any tow-truck drivers, and you won’t max out your credit cards keeping up on the maintenance. And if someone asks why you’re driving it, just tell them “because it’s freaking awesome.”
All right. Let’s see what you make of these two. You may think you know which way you’re going to vote, but check out both cars first and see. And remember – to bring it back to Brewster’s Millions for a second, “None of the above” is not an option here.
1978 Lincoln Continental Town Car – $3,900
Engine/drivetrain: 460 cubic inch overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Odometer reading: 55,000 miles
Operational status: Runs on starting fluid, steering column broken
All of America’s automakers were caught wrong-footed by the new regulations that led to the malaise era, but some weathered it better than others. Ford seemed to be hit hard; the Mustang II was a commercial success, but has been a laughingstock ever since. The Pinto likewise sold well, but got Ford into a scandal that it barely recovered from. And the ads comparing the Granada to Mercedes-Benz models were just embarrassing. Big Fords did better; they just got slower.
The Town Car was still part of the Continental range in 1978, and still offered the big 460 cubic inch V8, topped with a four-barrel carburetor and saddled with every half-assed emissions control system imaginable. Still, due to sheer size and displacement, it managed to wheeze out 210 horsepower. It’s a good engine, and hard to kill, but this one needs some help. It starts and runs on starter fluid, but won’t stay running, which points to a fuel delivery problem. The seller, a dealer that specializes in project vehicles, also says the steering column is “broken,” but what that means exactly is unclear. What is clear is that this big yellow Lincoln is not ready to hit the road just yet.
The interior doesn’t look too bad, except for a big stain on the rear seat and what looks like a broken horn button. Interiors in 1970s American cars were not made of sturdy stuff, and usually they end up looking like hell. Maybe the listed 55,000 miles is actual, or maybe Lincoln interior materials were a little higher quality. Whatever the reason, it’s not nearly as scary inside as you’d guess from the outside appearance.
Honestly, it isn’t that scary outside, either. It’s just in a bad situation, sitting up against that chain link fence with all the other dead land behemoths. It’s not rusty, and the vinyl top isn’t flapping in the breeze. It has one mismatched wheel, and it needs a taillight, but apart from that, it’s all right. And hey – if you don’t have four grand to drop on it, you can put it on layaway – for a thousand more. What a deal!
1986 Plymouth Reliant LE – $3,000
Engine/drivetrain: 2.2-liter overhead cam inline 4, three-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Bedford, KY
Odometer reading: 60,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives great
In 1978, when that Lincoln rolled off the line, Lee Iacocca was fired from Ford – and almost immediately hired by Chrysler. The smallest of the Big Three was in big trouble by then, with antiquated designs and lousy quality. Iacocca’s predecessor, John Riccardo, had asked for a government loan to turn the company around, but had been turned down. With Iacocca at the reins, the loan went through, and the K platform became a reality. It worked – Chrysler sold two million K-cars, and tons more variations on the theme.
A big part of the K-car formula was the engine, an overhead-cam inline four with a cast-iron block and an aluminum head. For 1986, this engine got upgraded to electronic throttle-body fuel injection, a big step up from the Holley two-barrel carb used earlier. Power was up a bit too, but still didn’t break 100 horsepower. Reliants are not what you’d call fast cars. They are, however, reliable, at least in my experience, and surprisingly comfy. This one has only 60,000 miles on it, and the seller says it runs and drives great.
The K-car platform was pretty advanced when it came out and took full advantage of the packaging advantages of the front-wheel-drive layout. There’s a lot of room in there. It’s clean inside, and fairly well-equipped; it has air conditioning and power locks, it looks like, but crank windows and a basic AM/FM radio.
Nobody will ever call a Plymouth Reliant “pretty,” but it is very shiny, though it could use a wash. I get the feeling the seller lives on a dirt road and splashes through some puddles on the way home. I don’t see any rust either, which is nice. And it’s reasonably priced, compared to some other Radwood bait floating around out there, anyway.
No, it’s not fair comparing a more-expensive non-running car to a cheaper, drivable one. But I feel bad for the K-cars I’ve tried to pass off on you before, and if this one gets beaten by a busted-ass Lincoln that’s almost a thousand dollars more, I’ll lay off of them again. Maybe. Unless I find a really good one.
(Image credits: sellers)
Nothing’s wrong with the Reliant? Okay, if these were the last 2 cars on the planet or literally all I could buy, the Reliant is pretty expensive but appropriate. The Lincoln might’ve been a car I’d want to put work into, but it’d have to be a lot cheaper.
Go big or go home.
The Reliant is twice the car the Lincoln is in the ways that matter.
It’s lighter, more efficient, more modern, and less baroque.
The Lincoln is also BROKE. Which is what you’ll be trying to fix it and feed it. A car like that is going to be needy, constantly, especially if it’s been sitting non-running for a while. That’s bad medicine.
So, go broken baroque, go broke. And it smells so bad the pictures make me sneeze.
Grandpas with edema in their ankles drove those Lincolns. There’s not enough novelty.
At least the K Car has a deep well of possibilities to bolt in and make it go around corners. The Lincoln is just an entire city block on wheels.
I picked the K Car out of spite. So I could drive it off a cliff and take one of the few remaining ones off the road, while also not leaving any useful parts behind.
Yes, I had an 80s Chrysler product. And so did one of my closest friends. Both were notable only in how terrible they were.
I had friends like that once, too.
Town car. It isn’t super hard to get an old Ford engine running, and lots of options to get it running a lot better than it did.
Plus, it’s just big and cool. Which one would you rather pull up to a cruise night?
Lincoln, to rip the wheezy 460 and trans out, with a few boilt on and a shift kit for the trans, this’ll make a nice transplant for my non-existant hot rod project.
The rest can go the crusher where it belongs.
That seems like an expensive way to pick up a big old Ford V8 block that doesn’t run?
Yet it’s still more appealing too me than that K-Car 🙂
It runs on starting fluid, which is good enough for a transplant becuse I’m gonna need to do all that in its new home anyways.
Heh. Fair enough. There are cars I would not own if you paid me as well.
I’ve voted for far worse cars than this Reliant, and it gets my vote today in an easy one. Good job making us vote for a K-car.
That Lincoln has what a buddy of mine used to call a “six body trunk”. About the only current use for that Lincoln at this point (outside of mafia business) is for some agricultural business to buy it and convert it to a drone carrier.
The days of “luxury” equating to “massive land barge” are over.
Yeah now it’s just equated with over-complicated, under-baked tech that doesn’t work all that well when new and basically dooms the car out of warranty
I see what you’re trying to do here and agree with everyone holding their noses and voting K but screw it, I voted Lincoln just to be a monkey in the wrench.
Yeah, pretty much my feeling, too. Plus, how could you not vote for pillow-top seats! You could live pretty comfortably in the Lincoln.
This was one of the easiest Showdowns ever..Lincoln for sure! Never ever Reliant…that’s one of the worst cars ever made. I love me an awesome land yacht and will cruise in comfort and style…I’ll do whatever it takes to fix it up and make that great V8 run smooth…it’s worth it to me…that’s not even a bad price to me for what you get, I’ve been looking at Mark V’s and Town Cars and this is about what they are going for…a Town Car like this in better shape goes for about $7-10K, this has only 64K miles
https://www.classiccardeals.com/Listing/398111/1979-Lincoln-Continental-Town-Car.aspx
Also, this one is the same as today’s, even the color but it’s $15K which yeah, it’s overpriced
https://classiccars.com/listings/view/1906601/1978-lincoln-continental-for-sale-in-cadillac-michigan-49601
Sigh…fine.
Lincoln! My uncle had one of this vintage and I loved that battleship. Though I had a neighbor with an Aries and it was a perfectly good car for what he needed just not as cool as the 280Z it replaced.
I don’t want either one; not even close. But in the spirit of the game, I reluctantly voted. K-car it is.
“Sigh … Fine” Is the perfect embodiment of my vote for the K car. That Lincoln needs too much for that price. Those 70’s land yachts, as much as I love them, need to be running and driving to be worth actual money.
Aye, it might be worth 4k if it actually went, turned corners (well, for 70s land yacht values thereof) and stopped. Not for that one tho
Heave to port! Hoist the spinnaker and batten down the hatches.
As it sits, to my eyes it’s a grand all day. I bet that dealer paid somebody even less than that.
For sure.
I guess I’ll do the K car, but I do not want it in any way.
The idea of fully restoring a continental is appealing, but not this one.
You’ll need one of those giant Norwegian ship-salvagers to transport that non-running Lincoln home. And once I got it home, it wouldn’t fit in my garage.
The K is a piece of Mopar history, and a very important one. This example is good enough to preserve for posterity.
A vote for the K-car – a nice Reliant automobile!
The side views of the Lincoln remind me of that scene where Spaceball-1 is passing through the shot and it. takes. forever.
Aside from the massive size and embarrassing power output, the “broken” steering column is a concern. Years ago I was looking at a Buick Regal T-Type in which the tilt steering wheel mechanism had broken. The wheel would still steer the car, but it would fall freely to the bottom of the tilt range and had some weird lateral movement as well. As a result, the car would never pass inspection without some non-trivial surgery.
Also the K-car costs a lot less and will get better fuel mileage, so you’ll have money left over for fruit roll-ups and Dijon ketchup.
What about Kraft dinners? Can we eat more?
😀
Looking closely at the picture, a huge chunk of the underside of the column looks to be forcibly busted out, with wiring hanging out. I have no idea what happened to this car, but I suspect it’s nothing I’d want to have to un-do.
We had both in the driveway at one point, my wife with the Plymouth and me playing mobster in a far better Town Car example. That Lincoln is over priced, give me the bowl of Special K.
Picked the K-car because it’s a piece of automotive history and an homage to Lee Iacocca, who graduated from my alma mater.
You win Mark. As much as I hate it and would rather walk, K car it is. One of these days you should do a K car against a Kei car. That would be a fun exercise! Then either way a K car wins!
Exactly my words. I don’t even care to write about a K.
Someone call Zach. His K Car is here.
I’ll take a shot of Vitamin K! While the Town Car is yellow (objectively the best car color) I think it’s way overpriced for what it is.
I’ll take the Town Car for my next year’s Super Bowl halftime show to publicize my new totally-not-political album, “Lincoln”.
Just need to paint it black.
My mom had a k-car. It turned like a barge. It was terrible for a front drive car. That 460 just needs all the emissions removed and an aftermarket 4 barrel something (carb or EFI) and headers to wake it up a bit.
Neither of these do anything for me crappy (yet some how clean) K car or a broken pimp mobile. I voted pimp mobile as parts wise it is probably worth more.