Good morning! You might see today’s choices and think I’m messing with you. And you’d be right. Honestly, I’m two days away from a much-needed vacation, so I’m just picking silly stuff to see what happens. Today’s experiment is called “Can I get a K-car to actually win one?”
Mopar is on a roll, after all; Friday’s absurd choices saw a big-ass bright red Dodge pickup beat out a much nicer but sketchier car. From the sounds of it, a lot of you came to the same conclusion I did: as silly as that truck is, it would be a lot easier to keep it running for a year than the Maserati. Truck break, fix with hammer. If hammer no work, try duct tape.
Yeah, you’re going to get about nine miles to the gallon on a good day – the Power Wagons from that year are full-time 4WD – and you should probably Febreeze the hell out of that interior, but you won’t become good friends with any tow-truck drivers, and you won’t max out your credit cards keeping up on the maintenance. And if someone asks why you’re driving it, just tell them “because it’s freaking awesome.”
All right. Let’s see what you make of these two. You may think you know which way you’re going to vote, but check out both cars first and see. And remember – to bring it back to Brewster’s Millions for a second, “None of the above” is not an option here.
1978 Lincoln Continental Town Car – $3,900
Engine/drivetrain: 460 cubic inch overhead valve V8, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Odometer reading: 55,000 miles
Operational status: Runs on starting fluid, steering column broken
All of America’s automakers were caught wrong-footed by the new regulations that led to the malaise era, but some weathered it better than others. Ford seemed to be hit hard; the Mustang II was a commercial success, but has been a laughingstock ever since. The Pinto likewise sold well, but got Ford into a scandal that it barely recovered from. And the ads comparing the Granada to Mercedes-Benz models were just embarrassing. Big Fords did better; they just got slower.
The Town Car was still part of the Continental range in 1978, and still offered the big 460 cubic inch V8, topped with a four-barrel carburetor and saddled with every half-assed emissions control system imaginable. Still, due to sheer size and displacement, it managed to wheeze out 210 horsepower. It’s a good engine, and hard to kill, but this one needs some help. It starts and runs on starter fluid, but won’t stay running, which points to a fuel delivery problem. The seller, a dealer that specializes in project vehicles, also says the steering column is “broken,” but what that means exactly is unclear. What is clear is that this big yellow Lincoln is not ready to hit the road just yet.
The interior doesn’t look too bad, except for a big stain on the rear seat and what looks like a broken horn button. Interiors in 1970s American cars were not made of sturdy stuff, and usually they end up looking like hell. Maybe the listed 55,000 miles is actual, or maybe Lincoln interior materials were a little higher quality. Whatever the reason, it’s not nearly as scary inside as you’d guess from the outside appearance.
Honestly, it isn’t that scary outside, either. It’s just in a bad situation, sitting up against that chain link fence with all the other dead land behemoths. It’s not rusty, and the vinyl top isn’t flapping in the breeze. It has one mismatched wheel, and it needs a taillight, but apart from that, it’s all right. And hey – if you don’t have four grand to drop on it, you can put it on layaway – for a thousand more. What a deal!
1986 Plymouth Reliant LE – $3,000
Engine/drivetrain: 2.2-liter overhead cam inline 4, three-speed automatic, FWD
Location: Bedford, KY
Odometer reading: 60,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives great
In 1978, when that Lincoln rolled off the line, Lee Iacocca was fired from Ford – and almost immediately hired by Chrysler. The smallest of the Big Three was in big trouble by then, with antiquated designs and lousy quality. Iacocca’s predecessor, John Riccardo, had asked for a government loan to turn the company around, but had been turned down. With Iacocca at the reins, the loan went through, and the K platform became a reality. It worked – Chrysler sold two million K-cars, and tons more variations on the theme.
A big part of the K-car formula was the engine, an overhead-cam inline four with a cast-iron block and an aluminum head. For 1986, this engine got upgraded to electronic throttle-body fuel injection, a big step up from the Holley two-barrel carb used earlier. Power was up a bit too, but still didn’t break 100 horsepower. Reliants are not what you’d call fast cars. They are, however, reliable, at least in my experience, and surprisingly comfy. This one has only 60,000 miles on it, and the seller says it runs and drives great.
The K-car platform was pretty advanced when it came out and took full advantage of the packaging advantages of the front-wheel-drive layout. There’s a lot of room in there. It’s clean inside, and fairly well-equipped; it has air conditioning and power locks, it looks like, but crank windows and a basic AM/FM radio.
Nobody will ever call a Plymouth Reliant “pretty,” but it is very shiny, though it could use a wash. I get the feeling the seller lives on a dirt road and splashes through some puddles on the way home. I don’t see any rust either, which is nice. And it’s reasonably priced, compared to some other Radwood bait floating around out there, anyway.
No, it’s not fair comparing a more-expensive non-running car to a cheaper, drivable one. But I feel bad for the K-cars I’ve tried to pass off on you before, and if this one gets beaten by a busted-ass Lincoln that’s almost a thousand dollars more, I’ll lay off of them again. Maybe. Unless I find a really good one.
(Image credits: sellers)
“Can I get a K-car to actually win one?”
Yeah, if the other car is a total shitbox.
At the right price, I’d pull the 460 and C6 to swap into something worth driving. But god that yellow is even worse than avocado green, and I bet a lot of other things are not working besides the fuel system and steering. I feel I can smell the hantavirus from here too.
The Reliant, though, I could get for a kid who would drive it to the store once a month, and I’d pay for it in 6 months on the insurance costs over putting them on my newer truck.
No need to worry about the broken steering column on the Lincoln. Those were never attached to anything anyway.
About 20 years ago, a late friend would rescue interesting cars and clean them up and make them run well again, much like some people here I’m guessing. He didn’t do it for a living, he didn’t need to. It was just a hobby. One day he started on a string of K-cars, mostly first generation. When I asked him what that was about he said “time to get even with the world”.
Mark, choices like this are responsible for the low voter turnout plaguing our society. Shame on you.
That old Lincoln is overpriced by about $2000 to me. So I’m gonna go for the Reliant Automobile the Barenaked Ladies were singing about.
The Reliant has “wood trim” and very large turn signals on the dash. In fact they are the largest turn indicators possibly ever. So in terms of plastic wood and turn signal value for the dollar, it’s a no-brainer vote for the K car.
Seems you don’t need a million dollars to buy a K car – a nice reliant automobile.
Aye, Captain. It looks like the Reliant.
I would go for the Lincoln… if not for the color inside and out, along with the vinyl top. Two immediate no’s.
That K car looks pretty clean and would be fun to have around for a bit.
I’ll take the Nice Reliant Automobile, but I think both are overpriced.
Looking at the headline I assumed I’d pick the Lincoln, but it is rough and at the kind of dealer that charges an extra thousand for a layaway program (which, at the quoted $500 down and $50 per week, would take almost two years to pay off), whereas the Reliant is clean and has a certain honest utilitarian charm. So, hey, I have to say K today.
Neither, but never K-car.
I would not pay those prices for either to be honest, but if I had to, I suppose I would at least want one that was not stolen from a barn with scored Cylinder walls from Brake Clean starting it.
My uncle bought a banana yellow Reliant the first year available and what a disaster that car was at first.It went back to dealer for a few transmissions and ECU problems but once it was sorted out he drove that car for at least 15 years.I still remember him stopping over to show everyone his new car the day he brought it home.That was the only 4 door car I ever saw where the rear windows wouldn’t roll down.
Has it occurred to anyone that as long as the Lincoln is no running you don’t have to worry about gas mileage?
for the few that want it for the motor, which of course 3900 is a premium for that lump, but Ford was notorious for making changes to these motors without notice. most headers these days are made for earlier heads and these smog lumps just surprise people trying to drag one out of the Malaise.
Call me crazy but I’m going for the white convertible Cadillac hidden behind the Lincoln.
The Reliant is a better deal in almost every aspect. It’s cleaner, it runs, it has a functional steering column, it’s not sitting under a sign that blares, “I Buy Old Project Cars”. But it’s a Reliant. Since I’m forced into a choice here, I’d pay the $900 and fix the issues with the Lincoln because it’s worth that not to have to drive a Reliant.
If the Lincoln were $2k—or even 2500, I’d bite, but I don’t need a land yacht.
I bet I could throw some tires on that Reliant and take it up into some sketchy-ass places. Maybe even cajole it back outa the woods again, too.
Well, you finally succeeded Mark! I voted for the Reliant.
Now, If i Had a million dollars…I wouldn’t have to eat Kraft Dinner…. 🙂
A nice reliant automobile
Indeed! 😉
But you would! You’d just eat more of it!
( ˘▽˘)っ♨ of course!
That flipper paid maybe $1000-$1500 for that Lincoln. So, on principle, I can’t buy from him because the margin on that is obscene for essentially no value added. Can’t even be bothered to get the thing running and asking nearly $4k? Get bent.
The Reliant is perhaps owned by non-scum, maybe a nice human being. The price is ambitious, but the car looks really clean. I can go and do one of a few things: slap a “USS” in front of the Reliant badge and do my Khan impression as I pretend I live in a better time, use it as a Hollywood show car for the next Stranger Things-esqe series set in the 1980s, or just ironically cool it up at a car show because how many of these things are left, really?
I voted for the K-Car but only if it comes with the tape measure.
It’s priced by the yard.
Nice!
I think I could make that Lincoln cool. Remove all that smog stuff (I’m in Florida), bolt on engine parts, lower it. Maybe some nice wheels and new tires. It could work.
Surprisingly tough choice!
I love the huge cars that Lincoln built in the 70s. Absolute miles eaters of the pillow soft ride variety that can pass anything but a fuel station. Never owned one but I did work for a Lincoln/Mercury dealer while in high school and college, and did a lot of shuttling people in those land barges. Fantastic on the broken pavements of Detroit freeways.
I also love the utilitarian and brilliant flexibility of the K platform. These were clever rectilinear roadgoing boxes with surprising room, kitschy designs, and decent reliability. I owned an 87 Lebaron coupe, fully loaded to the gills, and I still think about that car. I loved it so much and drove it until it literally fell apart. When repairs hit $3k in a week, I had to part with it. I still regret that.
Because it’ll fit in the garage, I’m going K car. Just barely.
I chose the Reliant since we are dealing with fake internet money. Happy now? IRL, I would not spend more than scrap value on either of these.
The Lincoln is an overweight, pretentious land barge. Interesting in its own way, impressive for its size alone, but as a car, it’s just excessively impractical, thirsty for fuel, and still can’t get out of its own way in any direction. No thanks; other than putting it in a museum I can’t think of any other use for it, and there are probably better examples out there.
The Reliant does what vanilla K-cars do best — just go from point A to point B with a minimum of fuss. Not fast, not spicy in any way. Just reliable and comfortable transportation. They’re perfect generic commuter cars. If I ever had to go back to a job that requires commuting, this would be a perfectly suitable car for the job. So K-car it is.
Despite not really liking the K-cars my parents owned in the malaise area (a 400 and an Aries wagon) and being in the car when one snapped its camshaft in half for no reason during normal driving I still had to go with the Plymouth. If I’m going to go for a boat of a Lincoln I’ll try a Mark IV or a 60s Continental.
This Reliant is so close to being the one my parents used to have, but ours was a wagon. It survived being rear ended by a Fed Ex truck but went off to the scrapyard after being rear ended by a dumbass teenager in the Mustang GT his even more dumbass (dumbasser?) parents had bought him. The little shit was too busy trying to rev his girlfriend’s pants off to see the stopped traffic in front of him.
Quasi-related story aside I will absolutely take this Reliant over that Lincoln. The Lincoln guzzles gas while barely getting out of its own way, it’s hideous, and it’s broken. At least the Reliant still does the bare minimum that we ask of a car.
My mom ordered an Aries wagon in what they’d call “rose gold” these days, with a maroon interior. That thing could do anything. Haul the five of us around the midwest, pull a hay bailer, pull a hay wagon, go across plowed cornfields. I took a girl out on my very first date in it. Never an issue. Some idiot also wrecked hers. Me. I’m the idiot.