We’re still sort of riding on a wave of EV euphoria, and while there has been some backpedaling about calls for automakers to have purely battery EV fleets by some sooner-than-you-think date, we are still very much in an era where electric cars are on the rise. But there still remains one arena where EVs can never approach the performance and prowess of combustion cars: murdering small, underground rodents.
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Yes, you heard me: rodent murder. While, sure, a skillfully driven EV may be able to squash an occasional squirrel or field mouse, but that’s just piecemeal rodent slaughter, and not really useful for those of you who crave the destruction of entire populations of small, warm-blooded, fur-bearing creatures. For those who do desire such things, I just learned about a product that I’m sort of having trouble believing exists, but certainly seems to.
It’s called the Underground Exterminator:
From what I can tell, this is a little rubber fitting designed to interface between your car’s exhaust pipe and a normal garden hose. You then shove the hose down a mole hole or some other opening to a suspected subterranean den of rodents, start your car, let it idle for about 15 minutes, and flood their whole warren with deadly carbon monoxide.
I’m not exactly certain why, but something about this product just feels, I don’t know, unsavory to me. I mean, there are plenty of benefits to it, compared to other methods of killing rodents: it’s painless, most importantly, and it’s quite hassle free, in that you don’t need to lay a bunch of bait or traps or shrink yourself down to two inches tall and go in the holes yourself with an X-acto knife, for the hunt. It’s repurposing your car’s waste products to perform a task you desire. In that context, what’s to complain about?
But I think all of the associations with suicide make this feel so wrong, somehow. And, really, if one was seeking such a thing, isn’t this product effectively a very well-designed tool for accomplishing just that? I mean, I guess you could say the same about all sorts of products out there, like pretty much any cleanser or drain cleaner that’s ingestible or whatever.
Also interesting: the car shown on the box looks a lot like a 1984-ish Buick Le Sabre, only the front, which has been re-purposed into the rear of the car for the illustration on the box:
See what I mean? Also, it’s a bit stretched, vertically. Look at that tire. And the illustration sure makes the exhaust seem like a firey death!
I’m still surprised there are products designed to re-purpose car exhaust. The only other one I was aware of was an old ’50s-era car vacuum system that was powered by your car’s exhaust:
I’d actually like to try this one; it seems the exhaust must be driving some sort of vacuum mechanism, and the dust and crap would get flung out of the exhaust exit there. This setup, while odd, doesn’t seem to have much danger of exhaust inhalation, where the Underground Exterminator is pretty much just that.
I’m impressed with the cleverness of re-packaging a hose clamp and rubber bellows and hose fitting into such a specific and deadly product. I imagine this thing comes with a huge pamphlet of warnings and disclaimers and all sorts of legal talismans to be sure that the makers of the Underground Exterminator, Manning Products, is not held responsible if anyone uses this for nefarious or deadly purposes?
I also wonder if modern cars are still effective for this? I’ve heard some reports that on some cars, exhaust is now so clean that death by inhalation is a lot harder to accomplish? Which is, of course, an overall positive, except in this very specific case where you want to free your land from moles.
Personally, I just have a few cats in my house. They’ve proven very good at eliminating all sorts of rodents, and they often leave me heads and various unidentifiable organs to enjoy myself, right on my office floor!
Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, hold on, point of order!
Your Tesla is not cool. I’ll admit that it used to be, before we…knew. Maybe you have a bumper sticker proclaiming that you bought it back then! However, if you have to use a bumper sticker to explain that you don’t support how uncool the car company’s main figurehead has become, I’m sorry, your car has become uncool.
(On the other hand, given that Elon’s been promoting posts from actual neo-nazis who fantasize about gassing people instead of rodents, the name check almost makes sense on this one.)
This thing is so damn hilarious!
Yet another reason to spite the EV and Tesla stans/fanatics
“My car can kill ground specimen and yours can’t!”
Well, the neighbors have a barnyard outside their suburban ranch house, and and starting to see holes at the edge of my yard. I have an old pollutey Midget that hasn’t been stated in a few months. Of course a roman candle down a hole would work too.
Bonus explosions!
My problem is with the murdering part, using gases – no one should be encouraged to think like that past, say, 1938. Wtf.
You’d think they would have used a Mercedes for the packaging
I seem to remember once seeing an even crazier product, that shot propane down rodent tunnels and such other animals homesteads, then igniting it, caddyshack style. Either on BoingBoing, or I just imagined it.
Hah! No, it is real!!! And quite possibly the most American invention EVER:
https://rodentblaster.com/
That’s so hilarious! It even states to try this after you’ve tried using your lawnmower exhaust, etc etc
“Our Customers Only Have 2 Stages Of Grief: 1. Anger 2. Revenge.”
Hahaha. Fucking epic
Holy crap, this is awesome. I have reached the anger and revenge stage of grief over the varmints in Mom’s yard, although to be fair, they’ve backed off considerably thanks to whatever her new yard guy and/or neighborhood cats have been doing. If they come back, though…lemme ‘splode ’em.
Or the DIY
https://youtu.be/LzApW0WsVfs?si=4Lgj3in3CIrufmIc
I’d rather inhale carbon monoxide. 😛
Good job Torch…
Why do I feel this will end up being referenced in a future 20/20 or Dateline episode?
I mean it could be worse, they could have used a Mercedes-Benz* on the packaging.
*careful to not imply our Mercedes
Don’t forget the great folks at Bayer. Bastards.
Teslas can do this and it still only requires a garden hose! 1: Park tesla on top of suspected rodent hole. 2: Spray water at underside of said tesla. 3: run for your life as vehicle’s poorly designed battery will start thermal runaway. 4: enjoy a rodent free home (wear gasmask for a while.)
I know you are in jest but what you described probably will not kill the rodent.
Some time ago I was called in to assess a structure after fire. A resident fell asleep when he smoked, starting a fire and killing him/her in bed.
Everything from the bed upward was destroyed by the fire. However because heat travels upwards, the polished wood floor under the bed was still intact after one brushed off the debris. There was no sign of heat damage whatsoever.
So yeah, a thermal runaway may not affect anything under the car.
Yeah, animals can survive forest fires by being underground. Wombats even let other animals in their burrows during fire. Not sure how enough fresh(ish) air circulates, but that’s what I’ve read.
Yet another reason to celebrate wombats!
Yay
Wombats rule
The wombat does that so it can pass the blame off when somebody discovers the overturned charcoal grille.
It does destroy the car which, i think we can all agree, is not a bad thing.
I found that in a hardware store while battling a rodent infestation and had the exact same feeling. Like when you find the shelf in the back that has the *good* ant poison and the filament light bulbs marked “for decorative use only”, it just felt like I needed to duck my head and move on without saying anything.
What’s the deal with those lightbulbs? Are they actually for something else?
In the US sales of new incandescent light bulbs are outlawed for being too energy inefficient. However, at the time the law was passed they recognized that certain situations still required a bulb that works by heating a piece of metal until it glows, so there was an exception for “decorative” bulbs like Christmas lights and fancy shaped “Edison” bulbs used in interior design. Predictably some folks who don’t like the government telling them what to do used that to keep selling the old, regular light bulbs as decorative bulbs. Also, yeah, they do have legitimate uses, but that’s outside the scope of this comment.
I recently switched to live traps for the mice in my basement. Not because I don’t want them to die in particular, but because the traps that are safe for pets are ineffective and cruel. The last ones I tried were better at feeding mice than killing them. When the traps did work, they closed with so little force that they were slowly strangling the mice instead of breaking their necks. So now I have a morning ritual of dropping any mice into a bucket and letting them go on the golf course behind my house.
On good terms with the golf people, are you?
Nope. That relationship went south the first time I saw some of those pricks glaring at me because I dared to mow the lawn while they were playing. They deserve the mice.
I’m with you. I like the subtlety of the lawn mower, rather than going straight for a boat horn.
This is delightfully petty. I approve.
Bucket traps. I’ve tried all kinds of traps and several bucket styles, but settled on the Dizzy Dunker, which is a paddle wheel that’s sort of a combo of a walk-the-plank and a roller with an entrance that guides them onto the paddle wheel. They catch continuously without needing to be reset or frequently re-baited. Can be live or kill depending on what you want. Definitely pet safe unless you have a large dog or cat that might try to knock it over and get into it to eat the mice (I use mine outside and burying them about 6″ in with some rocks around the bucket has kept them secure). They will have a tough time getting in as the trap locks onto the bucket rim pretty well, but they could knock it over and maybe damage the trap/make an opening for the mice/spill cold mouse broth all over the floor. They’re bulky, though.
Are you depressed?
Do you want to unalive yourself?
Do you have a car?
If you answered yes to all these questions, then boy howdy, do I have just the best little thing for you!
Even more reason to do a cat delete! Worse emissions for more effective mass murder, and because the lazy bugger wouldn’t have a job any more with all those pests gone.
‘cat delete’
Thought at first you were suggesting Torch get rid of his feline pets ..
I mean, they are numerous other reasons to cat delete in this manner. This, however, is not one….
I was, but sarcastically. I would never suggest it actually, as the proud owner of 4 cats
You may think you own them, but I suspect you serve at their whims. I’m sure they would corroborate if asked.
I think that kind of cat delete would make a rodent situation worse, TBH.
I’m pretty sure Dr. Jack Kevorkian endorsed a version of this back in the ’80s.
And the Germans in the 40s…
Ugh.
Too soon
I bet you say that when someone makes a Trojan horse joke.
Just poking fun
TOO SOON!!!!!
RIP Brad Delp of Boston.