The 493-Horsepower Porsche Cayenne GTS Coupe Has A Brilliant Sense Of Humor: Tested

The concept of the absurd is an interesting one, the conflict between seeking inherent meaning from life and not being able to find it concretely. Perhaps that’s why coupe SUVs are all the rage now, machines that add a little sport to their form in exchange for some utility, although they’re undeniably still vehicles. The BMW X6 kicked this trend off in the luxury segment, and although it took Porsche a decade to climb aboard, the Cayenne GTS Coupe is the brand’s latest entry into this arena.

It’s a step beyond the Cayenne S, promising a sharper performance edge without the premium of a Turbo model, and we already know that the standard non-coupe Cayenne S is the benchmark for two-row luxury SUVs. However, given the practicality sacrifices of a sloping roofline, you probably want to know what the GTS Coupe is actually like to live with for a week, and if it can win over this skeptic of coupe SUVs. Let’s find out.

[Full disclosure: Porsche Canada let me borrow this Cayenne GTS Coupe for a week so long as I kept the shiny side up, returned it with a full tank of premium fuel, and reviewed it.]

Double-Take

When every Porsche has to look a bit like a 911, from the Panamera executive liftback to the Cayenne SUV, how do you make a Cayenne look even more like a 911? Dip the roofline, of course. The result is perhaps the only coupe SUV to look natural rather than forced, and until the active spoiler on the hatch deploys, I’m fairly sure the average person on the street wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a Cayenne Coupe and a regular Cayenne.

This is a good thing, because although the original Cayenne caught some flak for its weird appearance, Porsche’s had more than two decades to turn its SUV into a properly handsome machine. Taycan-style headlights and a beautifully diffused full-width taillight dominate the refresh, but there’s more to it than that. From the pleasantly bottom-weighted surfacing on the flank to the delightful curvature of the tailgate, I don’t think it’s controversial to call the Cayenne Coupe the most tastefully styled machine in its segment. Of course, it also helps that the GTS gets the SportDesign package, which adds an extra bit of depth to the front bumper’s outer grilles and color-keys the skirts and valences.

Oh, if you’re unsure as to where the GTS trim stands in the Cayenne lineup, think of it as an added dose of attitude compared to a Cayenne S, for those who don’t want hybridization and don’t need to jump all the way up to the Turbo GT, a 650-horsepower flagship that wears a jacket buckled up at the back.

Très Chic

I’m a sucker for well-optioned cars, and this particular Cayenne GTS Coupe is a good one. Open the driver’s door, and optional Pepita houndstooth cloth covering the inserts of all four seats not only looka fantastic, it feels like it could last an eternity. All four seats? Not five? Ah, yeah, about that. While space certainly exists for a center seat in back, Porsche’s replaced it as default with a tray to keep passengers’ phones and sunglasses from sliding about. You can option the center seat back in, but my tester didn’t come with that.

The second thing you notice inside is the sheer amount of tech aboard the Cayenne GTS Coupe. My test unit came with a curved digital gauge cluster that drew compliments, a massive touchscreen infotainment system, a chilled wireless phone charger, and even a screen for the passenger. However, the most amazing part is that everything just works. Nothing’s obtuse, everything’s remarkably easy to use, and you’ll never actually get lost in the tech. Sure, physical heated seat buttons would be nice over capacitive touch ones, but with bright backlighting and simple operation, they sure beat having to poke through a screen. Plus, Porsche’s taken an opt-in approach to data sharing rather than an opt-out one, letting you limit data transmission right on start-up.

As for the standard Bose sound system, it’s perfectly fine but very much positioned as mid-tier. The low-end feels a bit looser than I’d expect in a six-figure SUV and the clarity won’t blow you away, but most drivers won’t be left wanting thanks to a balanced and flat sound signature and low distortion. If you’re particularly fond of music, it’s worth spending the extra money on the optional Burmester system. If your daily-carry headphones are AirPods, Bose will do the job.

Really, the luxury on display here is of the old-school kind, focusing on both ease and sheer build quality. No squeaks, no creaks, no stitches misaligned or imperfect. Even the door pulls on my tester felt sturdy enough to lift the entire Cayenne by. The starter button has a gravity to it, the electronic shifter has the resistance of a rowing machine, and the doors close with a proper bank-vault thud. Sure, this thing’s more expensive than a BMW X6, but it feels it.

Red Rocket

In case you like your SUVs to be a bit light on, um, U, Porsche saw fit to offer this 5,027-pound SUV with a lightweight sport package that claims to trim up to 55 pounds off the curb weight with a carbon fiber roof, while adding some cosmetic sundries and a sports exhaust system with two enormous inboard bronze tips that totally exclude this Cayenne from the prospect of towing anything. These tips also delete the availability of a kick-to-open tailgate, although knowing how fiddly many of those systems are, I doubt it’ll be missed.

The upside to this exhaust system is that it gives the Cayenne GTS a volume knob that starts at eight, its four-liter bi-turbo V8 growing louder and more ridiculous with every mode change. Toggling the valved exhaust into loud mode is enough to scare birds from power lines, and twisting the drive mode dial into Sport Plus makes this SUV sound like a tiger with artillery weapons. It makes a BMW X5 M Competition sound like a gnat and gives you a proper experience, no matter how straight the road.

While a 25-horsepower boost over the Cayenne S to 493 ponies is only a 5.3 percent gain, an extra 45 lb.-ft. of torque takes twist up to 487 lb.-ft. Add in the fact that German horses seem to be larger than any other breed of equine on earth, and you get a properly potent SUV. Figure zero-to-60 mph in 4.2 seconds and a top speed of 171 mph on a test track, and a mountain of real-world grunt that makes bombing down on-ramps dramatic and highway overtaking absolutely effortless. The Cayenne GTS Coupe isn’t hugely quicker than a normal Cayenne S, but it has just enough extra output to be noticeable.

However, the real upside to the GTS trim comes in the form of strategic chassis upgrades that do a remarkable job of shrinking the Cayenne’s bulk even further than the S model. Front axle pivot bearings from the bonkers Cayenne Turbo GT add 0.58 degrees of additional negative camber, ride height drops by four-tenths of an inch, the power transfer unit for the all-wheel-drive system features its own fluid cooler, and an electronically controlled limited-slip rear differential becomes standard.

Guess what? This treatment works. When the road gets curvy, the front axle of the Cayenne GTS feels sharper than in the Cayenne S, with more immediate turn-in and greater resistance to understeer. The new suspension calibration is worked a treat too, serving up significantly firmer damping than that of the Cayenne S while remaining compliant even in Sport Plus mode. The electronically controlled rear differential’s corner-exit bite completes the trifecta, adding up to a difference you can feel. It’s also worth noting that the available Porsche Dynamic Chassis Control active anti-roll bars do a great job of flattening out body roll, an option box worth ticking on any Cayenne.

Better yet, this P90X treatment doesn’t alter what’s already great about the regular Cayenne S. You still get fluid steering with some actual feedback as road camber changes, a buttery yet quick eight-speed automatic transmission, and an immediate sense of where all four tires are at all times. The GTS Coupe even gains a single highway MPG over the S, not a bad feather to add to its cap.

For The Few

By now, you’re probably wondering just what Porsche’s sweet-spot coupe SUV costs. Well, the Cayenne GTS Coupe starts at $131,495, or $142,750 in Canada, and my optioned-up tester came out to $154,345 as-equipped, or $169,820 in Canada. At that price, it’s a hard spec sheet sell against the quicker BMW X6 M Competition, the more powerful Mercedes-AMG GLE 63 S Coupe, or the Audi RS Q8. On paper, it makes a load more sense to load a non-coupe Cayenne S up with all the performance options you can get short of carbon ceramic brakes, because you’d theoretically be giving up fairly little and you’d be able to tow your other Porsche to the track.

However, the Porsche Cayenne GTS Coupe, especially with the Lightweight Sport Package, exists because it’s fun, because people in Stuttgart thought a few tweaks here and there made this machine more enjoyable. The fact that it fits nicely on a spreadsheet between the V8-powered Cayenne S and V6-powered Cayenne S E-Hybrid and the Cayenne Turbo and Turbo GT is a bonus. Focusing on joy rather than pure speed, it’s not meant to be a luxury coupe SUV for every customer, but instead one that a few people will love a whole lot. As for me? Yeah, this one got under my skin. I’d probably still go with the standard SUV body style, but I can’t deny the sheer entertainment of this Sport Pack equipped machine.

All photos by Thomas Hundal

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