You’ve heard of Pierre Cardin, haven’t you? Of course you have. The man was a fashion icon, and there’s no way you didn’t notice the fantastic flight attendant uniforms he made for Pakistan International Airlines in 1966, because you’re not some heathen animal. Did you know that Pierre dabbled in automobiles, too? He did, with special edition cars for AMC, a one-off Sbarro Stash, and the car I want to talk about today, the Cadillac Eldorado Evolution by Pierre Cardin.
The 1981 Cadillac Eldorado Evolution by Pierre Cardin (I’m going to shorten that to something, if I have to type that out every time I’ll pee myself in rage) was about three times the cost of a normal Eldorado at $58,000 (that’s over $200 grand today!) and was pretty significantly modified from a standard Eldo.
The Cardin Caddy (there, see, I knew I’d come up with a shorter name) took the regular, FWD Eldorado and crammed it absolutely full of luxury:
Look at that list there: lambswool carpets, a VCR (under the dash) and TV (in the rear), a wet bar with Waterford crystal and a pewter flask, 22 karat gold accents, 30 coats of lacquer, some ads not a fridge (which may be in the trunk?), and that’s not even talking about the significant body changes, like the full-width horizontal taillight replacing the vertical units of the Eldo, and a massive add-on nose with grille-covered headlamps.
Here, look at this thing next to a normal, plebian Eldorado:
Look at those side mirrors! Hot salad, this thing is bonkers. Of course, it also had GM’s legendarily lousy 8-6-4 engine, so not everything was lambswool and Waterford. But, this thing was still a remarkably grand study in opulence.
For a two-door car, a lot of that luxury was shoveled into the rear seat, because I guess you’d still expect to be driven around even in a coupé? The rear armrest seemed to house the wet bar accouterments, and even though you had to shove in your VHS copy of An American Warewolf in London in front (because the VCR is under the dash) the color television itself is between the front seats, for the rear seat passengers.
The Cardin Caddy also seems to include something that is driving me absolutely crazy, because I can’t figure out what it is:
Okay, so that’s a little Sony Trinitron TV there, and then in front of it is a glossy black panel that, when you push down on one end, pops up to give you access to … whatever that thing is?
What is that thing? It’s shaped sort of like an extruded, bold number 1, and has six black, unlabeled buttons on it, in a vertical row down the left side. The buttons seem to be the type where, when pushed, they stay in the down position, possibly until another button is pressed, which then pops up the original. I think.
I think the logo there may say “TELCO”? Could this be some sort of telecom equipment? It doesn’t appear to be any sort of car phone or anything? There aren’t enough buttons to dial, and there aren’t any grilles for speakers or microphones.
Is it somehow related to the TV or VCR? The TV’s controls are on the set itself, and while I suppose it could be a strange remote for the VCR, why not label the buttons? And it seems too big and ungainly for that.
Is it a drink dispenser of some kind? Do the buttons select one of the bottles stored in the in-trunk cooler/refrigerator? If it is a drink dispenser, wouldn’t you want some sort of drain in there, somewhere?
Maybe that’s it?
Anyway, I welcome your speculations, because I’m kind of baffled here. If it is a drink dispenser, I’d love to see how it’s actually used. If not, someone, please, tell me, what the hell is it? My local Cadillac dealer says “they don’t know anything about this car” and “please stop calling us” and “if you don’t leave the premises we’ll be forced to call the police” and all that bullshit.
Let’s figure this out.
That looks exactly like the climate control buttons in my Mercedes 300D, just without any labels. Presumably, at one time they were labeled. I can’t see how it could be anything other than rear climate control
It had a longer front overhang than a Ferrari Testarossa! And though expensive didn’t cost as much. What a bargain!
(Everybody knows overhangs are the signs of true extravagance. One of the reasons I loved my 1985 Citroën CX GTi )
Speaking of overhangs, I have always liked the vertical lines of Cadillacs of the time, showing where the car ends and the extensions start. Just seems so honest 🙂
Back massage
Legal counsel
Oil slick
Machine guns
Trunk monkey
Reserved for flying car option
I think that fills them out.
+1 for Trunk Monkey
Correction – that final one is not “reserved” for something silly.
When you press it, the license plate spins around, ala Mr Bond.
1981?
it’s gotta be a cocaine dispenser.
how many lines you want? 1? 6?
“please stop calling us” and “if you don’t leave the premises we’ll be forced to call the police”
LOLOLOL
Any Caddy dealer around these parts (Silicon Valley) would be happy just to see a warm body. Probably wouldn’t let you leave.
Well lousy side picture but I would guess an 8 track tape player. The different buttons let you skip to each different track just like this but buttons on the bottom.
I love it. $200k to have a TV/VCR and drink dispenser….in the back of a coupe.
I was going to say “just buy a Rolls Royce”, but apparently this was a deal compared to the Roller in 1981. Car and Driver tested one that stickered for $109k.
https://www.caranddriver.com/reviews/a33971952/tested-1981-rolls-royce-silver-spirit-archive-luxury/.
I think it’s a radio and those are the preset buttons.
About the right size and shape for a stock market ticker tape machine.
This is a case where the sketch doesn’t quite match up with reality, seems sleeker and more modern in the rendering, but more like a gawky kit car in reality
Also, maybe this was a thing back then, Elvis’ last new car purchase before he died was an Eldorado fitted with a bar and TV in the back seat, which I assume meant he intended to be chaffeured in that as well, though there’s no records he actually ever used it before death (was stored in Colorado for use on vacations). His was, of course, the big boy model before the 1979 downsizing, but I don’t think they actually had much more interior room, if at all.
Yeah, I was very much on board with the renderings, but then an actual photo appeared and it’s so deeply underwhelming. That shade of blue also isn’t helping – which is actually amazing considering I really like blue cars.
The front is much less tall in the rendering done in pencils. The main thing is that the hood slopes down further and the front rises up from the wheel arch to the front bumper. In the actual real life car it seems they kept the original front fenders and bumper and kept the original headlights, just putting them behind flip-up gates. They really only stuck a polyurethane extension onto what I’m pretty sure is the stock front surround. There’s not an ounce of modified sheet metal on it. That’s the laziest job they could’ve done.
Also I had no idea the mall pizza place made cars
I was thinking drink dispenser
Man alive that front overhang.
Have you seen the cologne bottle? This was a man who knew Phallic.
It’s a Thomas Electronic Corp (TEC) PERM-A-PUB! Here’s a shot of the interior of one of the Tangerine Nazi Lover’s old limos. You see the same buttons, logo, etc
yep – appears it had little glass bottles of booze (with plastic tubing to that contraption) in it where you could push one of the buttons and get the party started
These bottles? I found the listing Torch got the photos from.
https://safrocars.com/sold-vehicle/1981-cadillac-pierre-cardin/
Not exactly roomy back there…
https://safrocars.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/81-Pierre-8.jpg
I’m thinking you pop in some steamy Cinimax movie, hop in the back seat with you date, have a few drinks and see where things go. There’s precious little room back there for an adult, much less a captain of industry being drive to the latest board meeting
You see, old boy, I have my racehorse jockey as a chauffer; with the driver seat moved forward thusly, yards of legroom abound.
genuine chuckle
If it is a drink dispenser, wouldn’t you want some sort of drain in there, somewhere?
Young man, if you pour a glass of scotch you drink the glass of scotch!!
You don’t buy scotch, you only rent it.
So, you do need a place to return it after you are done.
That’s what the empty scotch bottle is for. Or, your personal assistant’s briefcase, whichever is easier to access
My assistant only holds the Gatorade bottle for me. I fills it.
Have you ever relieved yourself into an empty Dunkin Donuts iced coffee bottle while driving on the interstate outside of Orlando, FL because you couldn’t stop or risk missing your flight? If you haven’t, I.. cannot recommend it.
As well, it looks like the company still exists and has a few pictures of an identical unit on their website.
https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT6iD2cj_Fpp-GtsFHyTsItR7ygosiTlNS1fg&s
Tangerine Nazi lover, well said.
A tiny wang seems to be a thing with despots and dictators.
Now let us kneel and pray.
Nov 5 comes fastly, and bigly, and the ramifications are weighing bigly.
Not sure which foreign country to escape to should things go bad.
Alaska or Puerto Rico? Decisions, decisions.
I wonder if I can buy one of these drink dispenser things somewhere?
Hate to break it to you about Alaska and Puerto Rico there…
Should have indicated the sarcasm once again.
lol.
But 45 says PR is a giant shit hole. Whilst tossing paper towels.
Ha, it was sarcasm back at ya.
I’ve been to PR a couple times, loved it, and know people who live there. It’s just stupid to me how many folks don’t realize it’s part of the U.S. The lack of effort he made to help out his own citizens there after the hurricane was maddening. The place has yet to fully recover.
I assume you are joking as Alaska and Puerto Rico are American territories and both are leaning far for Trump.
see above comment re: sarcasm.
Residents of Puerto Rico and other U.S. territories do not have voting representation in the United States Congress, and are not entitled to electoral votes for president.
Alaska is a state, with a weird mix of socialist and libertarian features.
Neither is a territory, Alaska is a fully integrated member state of the United States, and Puerto Rico is a semi-autonomous internally self-governing commonwealth
Ding ding ding! You are the winner. Here’s a page with an exact match: Linky
There are no lights in the pics Jason found, but if there were, you’d be able to see that the buttons light up and there’s a place for a glass behind the panel. If the picture had been taken from the passenger side, it might be more obvious.
Could you type this with the accent of the great actor?
No the buttons are on the side of the caddy unit.
As seen in action here.
Personally, I’ve never made it past the backseat center armrest drinks cooler.
Your abbreviation is right there in your own text: Pierre’s Eldorado Evolution.
Also, love the unholy Eldorado/Lagonda lovechild vibes I’m getting from this thing.
Eldogonda?
Lagondorado?
Elgondorada?
Lagondarrhea?
Assterado Lagondillac
Bad abbreviation. For the Pierre El Dorado Evolution just say PEE
Oh – it’s the PEEmobile!
I wonder how many Russian hookers you can fit in there?
Radio station presets?
Or VCR controls. Goes in this order:
[ ] Play
[ ] Pause
[ ] Fast forward
[ ] Rewind
[ ] Eject (tape)
[ ] Eject (seat, front passenger)
That’s a big box for just remote buttons.
And fast forward refers to the car, of course.
Man, the amount of cocaine done in the 1980’s was insane. This is clearly a cocaine dispenser. Glossy glass table included.
So wrong! As an observer during that time period here are the reasons you are wrong:
1. No place to store your $100 dollar bill. In those days you always snorted with $100.
2. You did not have 8 different settings for the amount of cocaine. You snorted it all. Only 1 button needed.
3. Not enough room for a hooker. To show off your wealth you always snorted your blow off ???? a hooker’s stomach with a $100 bill.
4. No room for the dead hooker.
I defy anyone from that era to prove I am wrong.
The $100 was stored in the inside suit jacket pocket. There’s buttons because being a little high for the board meeting is fine but being wasted is tacky. There’s a second seat for the lady friend. That passenger seat also moves forward for additional room. And, we all know what the trunk is for on a car like this. Just drop it off at the upholstery shop Monday morning and it’ll be pristine by the end of the day.
For all of you who will run across this in 20 years, here’s the snark tag. /s
Yup, this right here about sums it up, it could never be a cocaine dispenser with 8 buttons when 1 was clearly the exact number of buttons needed for that.
The extension to the front end is actually an early “Frunk”, which was designed to hold exactly 1 (one) dead hooker.
Maybe it’s a placeholder for an early carphone that they didn’t end up installing? The shape resembles this 1970s Siemens car phone. And the contemporaneous pre-cellular Mobile Telephone Service was operator-assisted, which would have negated the need for a dial.
8-Track controller?
Only six buttons, not eight. Also, ’81, not ’71.
It is an automatic drinks dispenser, but Cadillac did offer 8-track players into the 1983 model year – Lincoln did until 1984 – though, in both cases, it was using up existing inventory with no guarantee on continued availability
Wow. The malaise era was weird indeed. Now I want to know when the last factory record player was installed. I know van customizers were still installing them in the eighties.
The last factory, or factory-sanctioned dealer installed, record player was 1961, but they were always very uncommon and never quite got beyond expensive novelty status.
The last cassette decks were in fleet model 2012 Town Cars, with consumer availability ending with Lexus in 2010
Thanks! 🙂
You seem to still be running quite well.
You can still get them
8 tracks only had 4 selectable music tracks (each with left / right). They only ran in one direction, so you just got 1/2/3/4/Eject. Now there’s one button too many.
Right. 2×4=8. Duh-me.
Please be kind and rewind. Or tape in case you are giving your secretary a different kind of dictation. These buttons look like what you had with a tape recorder
Cassette Changer/Auto-loader.
This is one of the dumbest cars I have ever seen.
Pushing the buttons would fax, “YOU’RE FIRED” to one of six preselected candidates.
I have a Sbarro Stash at home, but the pepperoni is starting to reek.
Sbarro still exists in some form. I know I ahve seen them in travel plazas or airports long after they were gone from malls.
I just checked and there are 2 MA locations, one at the airport and the other is actually still in a mall.
There’s also one at Union Station in DC
I ate at the one in Union Station in Chicago. Really good New York style.
Don’t get me started on how pepperoni is the worst pizza topping ever. Well until pineapple.
I prefer sausage, but pep worked better in this context.
DOWN VOTE DOWN VOTE DOWN VOTE
Pineapple is the BEST pizza topping.
However, if you were somewhere, oh, let’s say prison, where your meal is consumed anally, I would much rather pepperoni than a pineapple.
Just sying.