I’ve made no secret of the fact that I find Tesla’s removal of control stalks for controls like turn indicators in favor of buttons mounted on the steering wheel, to be gracious, idiotic. Also, stupid. The way turn signal stalks work in conjunction with the motion of the steering wheel is a sublime and under-appreciated bit of human-machine design. While I know there are some hardcore Tesla fans who disagree with me about this – and, let’s be honest, probably every significant decision I’ve made in my life – I think Team Stalk is being proved the winner here over Team Stupid Buttons thanks to the existence of one particular sort of aftermarket product exclusively for Teslas:
Yes, that’s right. There is a company out there making add-on stalks for your Tesla’s steering column that can be programmed to act as turn indicator stalks, windshield wiper controls, gear shifters, or any number (well, 60, so not any number) of other functions. The reason these stalks exist at all is, again, because Tesla’s insistence that steering-wheel-mounted buttons for these functions is better has proven to be abysmally wrong.
I say this despite such compelling arguments in favor of the buttons as this:
To everyone arguing against Tesla removing stalks: what looks easier to you? pic.twitter.com/UE0Cl57xZh
— Jeff ????✌️ (@JeffTutorials) May 25, 2023
Not only does that guy seem to approach the physical world with the same sort of motor skills and grace as a basic-cable everyman almost killing themselves with a bowl of chips and a remote control in some stupid late-night infomercial, but he’s just flat out-wrong, and the existence of these stalks proves it.
Stalks just work better, and Tesla accessory maker Enhance gets this, which is why they make their S3XY Stalks for your Model 3, which are available for both the left and right side of the steering column.
Look at that! A turn signal stalk, just like a car not forced into bad ideas by some sinister outside forces of clandestine dumbshit cabals, or whatever led to the no-stalks decision. And they’re wireless! They communicate via what appears to be Bluetooth, which seems incredibly simple to install until you realize that the Model 3 doesn’t have whatever sort of Bluetooth/radio interface into the systems you need for this to work, so you have to tear a bunch of trim off to install the “commander” as seen in this installation video:
Seriously, getting that commander in place isn’t exactly just a stick-on-and-go kind of deal:
And, once you do have it all installed and working, you will be privileged to be among the first in a new class of drivers, those who get to say a phrase like “hold on a sec; I need to change the battery in my turn signal stalk.”
Yes, you can drive by in your stalk-enhanced Tesla and really enjoy a good laugh at all those chumps in technically inferior cars that don’t get the opportunity to change batteries in their control stalks ever. Poor bastards.
This all feels like such a joke. Turn signal stalks – even if you can re-program them to turn on dome lights or heat your seats or whatever – just simply do not feel like something that one should ever have to buy as an aftermarket add-on part.
I think Enhance actually did a great job with these and they are fulfilling a need, but the fact that this need required fulfilling in the first place is just absurd. I was talking about this to our own captive designer The Bishop, and he came up with a possible similar product that is so inane and ridiculous I wish I’d thought of it:
A stick-on glovebox latch that works in the same way as these switches, so you don’t have to go through a stupid touchscreen to open the damn glove box.
That’s ridiculous, sure, but at the same time, not really? It’s basically doing the same thing as these stalks.
Reality sure has ended up ridiculous.
I know we are all auto enthusiasts here, but do we really think that we choose our cars using different criteria than the rest of the auto buying public? The reason I ask is that I doubt any of us would say “political beliefs” or “love of company’s CEO” are in our top ten reasons for choosing a particular car, but there seem to be a lot of people here who believe “those other people” choose their cars based on their political beliefs and/or their love for the company’s CEO. What if “those other people” buy their cars for the same reasons we do?
429 bucks! For years every accessory with the Tesla logo was selling for 3 or 4 times the equivalent for other brands. I think that party has ended recently.
This is a really cool product. The reason for its existence is dumb, but I wish I had a fully programmable array of switches within reach of the steering wheel. Or was just able to freely reprogram the switches and buttons that are already there. The product looks really polished and the wiring harness for the Commander is really well done.
I was designing a bluetooth media controller for the steering wheel of my old Fit but a stick-on stalk may be a better option.