I’ve always liked the Fiat Panda. It’s one of those fiercely honest cars that was designed not around some vague ideas a marketing team came up with about some fictional go-getter, but rather around a specific set of jobs they want the car to be able to perform. The panda was a clever little box on wheels, smart and unashamed and elegant in its simplicity. Fun, too. But I was never sure I really understood why it was called a “Panda.”
I mean, pandas, cute as they are, are kind of idiots. They roll around and eat a ton of bamboo and are shockingly bad at fucking each other to make new pandas. Unlike the Fiat Panda, nature-built pandas aren’t especially useful or utilitarian or capable or efficient or anything like that. They’re big, lazy, bamboo-gorged shlubs that don’t do shit.
It’s not just me who thinks so, too:
The only trait a panda really shares with a Fiat Panda is cuteness, I suppose, and even then the type of cuteness is wildly different between the machine and the beast.
So why did Fiat name their rugged little car after these dipshit not-bears?
Well, the truth is that Fiat didn’t name the Panda after pandas! It’s actually named for, of all things, a goddess.
Yes, a goddess! The ancient Roman goddess Empanda, which I desperately want to read as “empanada” but is really just Empanda, or, sometimes, Panda. Empanda was a patroness of travelers, which is why Fiat picked her to name their little car after.
While I’m sure there are those of you reading this who knew this already, I wonder how Fiat feels knowing that the vast majority of people have the entirely wrong idea about what or who the car is named for.
A goddess! I had no idea. I’m just happy it’s not named for those black-and-white doughy, bamboo-gorged furry jackasses.
Oh, one more thing: We’re doing a little data test, so if you’ve been on the fence about becoming a member just click this link and you’ll get $35 off any annual plan, which means you’ll get a Cloth annual plan for just $35, or 50% off. We’re going to shut it off once we get the data we need, but it’s up for now!
Empanada – now I’m hungry!
While I admit this is Useless Fiat Knowledge that already had it’s own dedicated brain cell, I now want to worship an Empanada goddess. It’s hard to go wrong with any form of savory contents wrapped in crispy dough.
I would wholeheartedly worship a goddess named Empanada. Got me drooling just thinking about her juicy, meaty filling, and crispy, doughy shell.
I’ve always had a soft spot for cars that look like shipping containers. Perfect cargo car.
And this whole time I was thinking someone in marketing said:
“Pick A Name Dumb Asses”, and they rolled with it.
Nissan exec in the 1950s: “That soon?”
I have to admit I’m curious about this data test; what data could our benign and benevolent Autopian pals require from us, the day after a giant article on how to turn off data-sharing? Not that I am suspicious–heck, we all love you folks and will freely give whatever you ask (including money as many of us have)–but it’s a degree less transparency than we’ve come to expect.
It’s so I can know the address of anyone who disagrees with me and challenge them to a duel.
No address needed.
Meet me on the playground after recess, wuss…/s
Sigh. I’ll send one of the staff. Or maybe some hired goons.
Bruh/Sis/Unknown, he’s from East London. Have you never watched a Guy Richie movie? That is a very bad call to make…
lol!
There is also the Piaggio Ape, of which is not the primate, but rather Italian for “bee”.
Cars named for deities:
Mercury
Citroen DS (déesse, goddess in French)
How about Minerva…
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minerva_(automobile)
There’s got to be more.
Mazda
Nissan Titan
Volkswagen Atlas
Saturn
I actually have the cheap american one you listed.
D-oh about Saturn!
Thor motirhomes
Motorhomes
Janus double ended car.
Aston Martin Vulcan
Jowett Jupiter: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jowett_Jupiter
Diana: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diana_Motors_Company
This thread got me thinking about car names. Torchinsky should make a bracket for best car name. There could be the Animal division, the Place Name division, the Celestial Body division (lots of stars, planets, comets, etc.) Need ideas for a fourth division. Unfortunately, a lot of the cars I like have boring alphanumeric names (911, MGB, E-type, TR6, 280sl, CTS-V).
Best name in general: My favorite is Suzuki Cappuccino!
Does Subaru count (Japanese term for the Pleiades)?
Like how the Chevy No-va wasn’t named after the fact that they would randomly break down and no go.
Also you got me with the coupon, I’ll tell the wife it was on sale, she can’t argue with that logic.
Bite the wax tadpole
Joanie loves Chachi
And maybe it’s just a fun word to say. (Also, this may look like an innocent girls choir but when they’re chasing you down, stomping and chanting PANDA PANDA, you shall know them as the Furies they truly are.)
Ha! I read that as Furries.
Protip: Don’t anger them either.
I wouldn’t think of it!
I love these little cars and want one so much but my wife is not interested in an old Italian car.
Would she prefer a younger Italian car?
What’s next? The Beetle wasn’t really named after the insects?
…or four mop-haired Brits.
I only worked out a few years ago that the band were spelled the Beatles (because they made ‘beat’ music, geddit?), not Beetles.
No, that one’s just as it seems, most likely coined by Mr. Hitler, of all people. In 1935, he drew a crude sketch of what he wanted the basic shape to be and sent it to Porsche with a note stating that it “should look like a beetle”, which is the first time anyone made that reference in connection with the car.
Put videos of a panda and a Fiat Panda rolling down a hill side-by-side and I think you’ll see the resemblance. A Fiat Panda rolling down a hill is cuter than you’d think.
They hired Mohawk Chevy marketing editor with her new strategy to make names shorter lol Fiat
EmpandaAre pandas dumb? No. They’re cute, and they know it. When you’re that cute, you don’t have to try.
That’s pretty much how I’ve skated through life.
And just like that, I’m finally a member. I can feel the Vinyl superiority coursing through my body, my skin is getting shinier, harder and more stain-resistant as I type this.
I remember the day I signed up. Instantly gained 40lbs of muscle and now I have perfect pitch.
Really good value.
The hair on my back migrated up onto my skull. Young men and women call me the rizz king. I need to fight off suitors of all ages and genders just to reach the bathroom in a bar. My credit score shot up to 869 (nice). Cops stop traffic when I’m around so I can enjoy clear roads to the 7/11. I have a constant cortege of songbirds singing Iron Maiden hits wherever I go.
I have to say, I would have thought you would have gone for the Rich Corinthian Leather plan; seeing as your name is Ricardo (I just could not resist) I mean how can anyone conceivably resist these descriptions by Ricardo Montalbán:
“fine, soft, or rich Corinthian leather”
“something rich in quality, rare, and luxurious”
Did Fiat call the base model the Panda Bare?
Or the right-hand-drive model the Fiat Koala?
Do you think her care of travelers would at least cover empanada delivery? Because I’m only interested in gods/goddesses that can get me empanadas.
If the delivery guy drives a Fiat Panda, you’ll want to learn how to make empanadas at home.
Jason, like you, I was once exceedingly negative about pandas (the animals).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9-bvarbZLU
However, they have much more than just their looks going for them.
Great video, thanks for sharing that link! Among many things it was pretty wild to learn that pandas can actually get more protein from their bamboo diet than some ostensibly carnivorous bears (& sometimes more than even other carnivores such as wolves.) Yes, wasn’t about to stand for any panda slander, so that video was indeed helpful in countering that.
Thank you VanGuy. Clearly Torch is getting all of his Panda news from Infowars. They’ve had it out for Lizard People and Pandas for a while now. I’m glad you could set the record straight.
To quote Dan Cummins “We don’t have to worry about lizard people. We do have to worry about people who worry about lizard people. They’re breeding and they’re voting.”
Now I’m hungry for empanadas. Time for breakfast!
The link goes to a Velour plan with $35.00 off, not a Cloth plan, FYI
If you click on the “become a member” tab at the top and then choose whichever level you want, you can apply the “test coupon” in checkout. I just joined and it worked with the $35 discount. The velour plan in the link is for foreign legion as well, although I am US based.
Ditto on what Bendanzig did. I saw the coupon name and applied it to a vinyl membership at the regular membership page. I used “testcoupon” with no spaces.
Even an actual panda is named after something else. The red panda was named first, and the giant panda was named thus because if the resemblance.
Or so the internet told me…
It’s named Panda because you will feel like a panda sat on your spine after one night sleeping in that thing. Oof, that looks uncomfortable.
Looks very similar to the 1st-gen CR-V, and it surprisingly hurts less than camping on the ground.
It severely annoys me that utilitarian cars like these cannot be sold anymore because people want their sub $20K car to have 3,702 advanced features lest you be called a plebe by your peers.
Cars as a projection of social status is one of those things I really wish wasn’t real, but then, I guess it applies to *everything* and not just cars.
Oh, well.
I’ll pray to Empanda to keep my commute safe from rush hour jackasses.
Or from my pov, a huge amount of features increasingly disconnected from the actual activity of driving. I guess it’s all part of the relentless march toward cars as robot-driven mobile living rooms that Torch has documented, but I loved how older utilitarian cars made you focus on the activity you were actually there to do.
People are trying to impress the wrong peers. The people you should aim to impress should be the ones that give a wink and a nod when you drive by in something utilitarian because knowing it’s cool is part of what makes you cool.
Reverse snobbery, like a millionaire in a 10 year old Fit…
Counterpoint: Fiat Pandas are absolute shitheaps with parts that rust off and less power than a Stef Schrader toot.
Maybe? But I wasn’t referring strictly to the Panda and more about the concept of the car per se.
The magnificent content buffet that is the Autopian is now complete. Turns out all that was missing was Classical nudity and panda bashing.
Now I’m imagining Jason classically nude. Ew. No empanadas for me.
I dunno, Jason has a certain je nais se quois that could work in that context. I think it’s the hair.
Je ne sais quoi
Close enough
Definitely should have checked that spelling before I posted.
or the lack of hair?
It’s all about quality, not quantity.
It’s how you use it before you lose it.
Not everywhere
I’m just imagining him bashing a panda, probably with a Yugo shift linkage. And in the WWF logo style.
Maybe work in that other WWF and add a folding chair to the mix.