Home » The Five-Lady Trunk: Cold Start

The Five-Lady Trunk: Cold Start

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It’s no secret that women have been used to make cars appealing to male buyers since there have been cars, and sometimes that turns out better than other times. The occasionally-seen old practice of showing how roomy a trunk was by cramming as many women into it as possible may be one of the less-good parts of this. I mean, we could go into all kinds of reasons and unsavory implications, but just from a practical level, this really doesn’t show you how much stuff you can get into that trunk. People don’t pack like luggage!

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Sometimes it doesn’t even seem like they were trying to show how big the trunk was, just showing that, hey, a couple of women could sit in here, if they want. Like that Tatra 603 photo up there. Those women aren’t crammed in there, there’s room for more people, so what exactly are they demonstrating?

I mean, it’s kinda fun to cram into a trunk and see what it’s like in that space. I’ve done it myself! But I don’t ever think this was actually useful.

Also interesting on that 1960s Lancia brochure: the other woman shown in the brochure, on the cover, doesn’t even seem to actually have been photographed at the location; look at the edges of her hair:

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I think she was X-acto’d out of  another picture and pasted in. At least the trunk women got to hang out with that lovely Lancia, at least.

Excellent and weird bumper guards on this thing, too.

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Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
2 years ago

Nowadays instead of car trunks we have binders full of women.

Freelivin1327
Freelivin1327
2 years ago

I know Cold Start is supposed to be short, but I can’t believe there was no reference to the taillights/headlights in these pics????…maybe an article on those Jason? I bet it was hard to resist mentioning

Paul Brogger
Paul Brogger
2 years ago

Low-hanging fruit: The one on the left is young Julia Louis-Dreyfuss.
(I’m gonna need some help with the rest . . . )

Andy Individual
Andy Individual
2 years ago

I seem to recall a card game called five lady trunk…

Mr. Frick
Mr. Frick
2 years ago

A buddy and I were on a beer run in his girlfriends 72 Nova when we happen upon a big snapping turtle sitting in the road. Being the responsible young men were were, we threw her Indian blanket back seat cover on it and stuffed it in the trunk for transport to a more natural location. When we got back to the house, the only thing more pissed-off than that snapper was his girl friend. That thing had pissed and shit all over the trunk. He also chewed every wire, the blanket and clawed the trunk mat to pieces. By the time we got the turtle out, the beer, the girlfriend and the car were gone. Had to walk back to the store for more beer.

Dennis Birtcher
Dennis Birtcher
2 years ago

I’ve done one useful thing in my trunk. I found a poorly wired trailer harness in Delta 88. Don’t get me wrong, my tail lights worked, and had been working the whole decade plus I had owned the car before finding the trailer harness (it was under the carpet, I had no reason to look there), but once I had seen the giant wad of electrical tape holding it together, no way was I letting that continue. Unraveling that mess would take far longer than I felt like standing there, so I sat in the trunk and tackled it that way.

Dar Khorse
Dar Khorse
2 years ago

The disturbing secret is that the Lancia in the second photo is the same car as the one in the lede photo – and those same 5 ladies are still in the trunk. That’s why the lady standing beside it looks so damn pleased with herself: “Hah! I took care of those bitches…”

Paul Brogger
Paul Brogger
2 years ago

May I offer an editorial suggestion?
“[Living p]eople don’t pack like luggage!”

JRW
JRW
2 years ago
Reply to  Paul Brogger

You seem to know a little bit extra about this topic, which concerns me.

Toobs-N-Stuff
Toobs-N-Stuff
2 years ago

I always felt Honda was missing a trick not advertising the Ridgeline’s under-bed storage as “dead hooker transport”. it even comes complete with a drain plug so you can rinse it out with Clorox and be sure to not have any DNA evidence waiting to bite you in the ass.

Nlpnt
Nlpnt
2 years ago

Lancia Flaminia. The big Lancia sedan/limo was the top of the line chauffeured ride for Italian presidents and popes. Despite having that rarified market to itself and much more competition among 2+2 grand tourers, Lancia sold more Flaminia coupes than sedans, though.

Doctor Nine
Doctor Nine
2 years ago

“I mean, it’s kinda fun to cram into a trunk and see what it’s like in that space. I’ve done it myself! But I don’t ever think this was actually useful…”

You obviously aren’t old enough to remember high school drive-in movies. Standard operating practice was one couple up front to pay for the film, and various parties in the trunk while passing through the gate. Upon hitting the parking spot, they would decamp and position themselves in the rear seats. Monkey business did occur whilst in the trunk, obviously. So sometimes it was actually the preferred location. Depending on how hot-to-trot that couple mignt have been at the time.

Paul Brogger
Paul Brogger
2 years ago
Reply to  Doctor Nine

[BTW, how do you get italics into comments?]

Collegiate Autodidact
Collegiate Autodidact
2 years ago

Relatedly, a fun fact: the world record for stuffing a classic Mini is actually more than the one for a classic VW Beetle.

BloggyMcBlogBlog
BloggyMcBlogBlog
2 years ago

Craig James really likes that first picture.

Gilbert Wham
Gilbert Wham
2 years ago

Mmmmm, that Lancia tho.

IRegertNothing, Esq.
IRegertNothing, Esq.
2 years ago

Jesus titty fucking Christ, were they TRYING to sell these cars to serial killers?

“If it can hold 5 intact women, think about how many it can hold after you’ve chopped them up!”

HonkeyfromtheCIA
HonkeyfromtheCIA
2 years ago

“with plenty of room leftover for an axe, shovel and 40 lb. bag of quick-lime.”

HonkeyfromtheCIA
HonkeyfromtheCIA
2 years ago

Am I the only one who sees it as a red flag when a guy wants to see how many women will fit into his trunk?

IRegertNothing, Esq.
IRegertNothing, Esq.
2 years ago

I’d put it on the same level as a guy asking if that panel van is sound proof.

Michael Beranek
Michael Beranek
2 years ago

That first photo is from Lancia’s special “Brigham” edition, available only in Utah, Idaho, and parts of Nevada.

Doctor Nine
Doctor Nine
2 years ago

Looking carefully at their facial structure, I’m going out on a limb here, and hypothesizing that they are in fact sister wives, and this isn’t the first time they’ve been stuffed into a trunk.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
2 years ago

Love those rear lights on the car with the 5 ladies. I think I missed it, what kind of car is that?

Brummbaer
Brummbaer
2 years ago
Reply to  MATTinMKE

Obviously not a Cadillac but sure has that vibe.

BobG999999
BobG999999
2 years ago

I don’t think it counts if you can’t close the lid.

Arch Duke Maxyenko
Arch Duke Maxyenko
2 years ago

They’re uh um ah t-t ahhh Tailgating! Yeah, that’s the ticket, tailgating!

Lew Schiller
Lew Schiller
2 years ago

Tail gaiting…wink wink .. nudge nudge

Andy Individual
Andy Individual
2 years ago

More like tail baiting.

Justin Short
Justin Short
2 years ago

The whole ad is tail-baiting!

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