Mercedes announced the 2024 E-Class today, which will roll out with two gasoline engine options for the hybrid drivetrain, AWD, a longer wheelbase, and elegant styling with S-class vibes. But who cares, amirite? B-o-r-i-n-g! Let’s get to the important features that people really care about: the screens. The selfie camera. The TikTok integration. The Angry Birds.
Hold on, that’s not what you care about? You are unmoved by the Superscreen? The Angry Birds are in fact making you angry? The selfie camera just snapped a photo, and by golly, your self is indeed looking quite unhappy.
Well, you’re not alone. We love fancy tech as much as the next person, but it does seem particularly unbecoming of the historically very serious Mercedes-Benz to go so hard for camera-mugging influencer types (apparently? Sure seems like it). Reader Nsane In The Membrane is not feeling it, and for his well-articulated diatribe against Deutschland’s most prominent brands, we award him the coveted Comment of the Day medallion:
It’s remarkable how far German luxury cars have fallen in only a few years. They lost the plot and clearly have no intention of getting it back. While BMW is certainly the most egregious example of a precipitous fall from grace, Mercedes is right in their rear view mirror. We’ve got another button-less interior dominated by screens and assorted gimmicks that’ll be lucky to last until the initial warranty is up.
Integrating selfies and social media right into the car is the most (modern) German idea I’ve heard in a while, because all these companies care about is pandering to the lowest common denominator of the conspicuous consumption crowd. Gone are the sleek designs, raucous engines, and driver focus of the glory days of German sports sedans. Tik Tok is here instead! Great.
Hell I’m surprised BMW and Mercedes don’t essentially have social media lease programs at this point. Spend a couple hundred bucks to “own” the car for a few weeks, flood Instagram and Tik Tok with captions about how you had to HUSTLE FOR THIS VIEW, then turn it in back in so the next vapid windbag of a human being can post with it.
I’m sorry to ramble but this is a topic that’s near and dear to my heart. I came up around German sports sedans in the 90s/early 2000s when they were at their peak. Adolescent and teenage me was subscribed to Motortrend/Car and Driver and would lust after things like the E39 M5, E46 M3, and the then cutting edge Audi S4. They were all very influential in shaping me into an enthusiast, as was my dad driving Audi A6s, my uncle constantly rotating through assorted 90s Bimmers that he’d wrench on, etc.
These were THE goal for me…and now that I’m coming up on finally being able to afford to go all out and order one to my exact specifications in the next few years, they’re all dying off and coming back as attention seeking abominations for the conspicuous consumption crowd. It’s sad. They used to stand for something and now they’re just here and now products focused on trending on social media as much as they can.
Alright I’m done yelling at clouds now. I hope Cadillac keeps the BWs going strong for a few more years because I think a CT4V BW is going to be the closest thing I can get to the ethos of those iconic German sedans.
Of course, you may disagree! Perhaps you’ll comment to that effect, and your comment on the above comment will be tomorrow’s Comment of the Day! Probably not, that would be a bit much. But we’ll definitely read whatever you tap in there!
Top image: Angry Birds Go/Rovio Entertainment; inset by DisobeyArt/stock.adobe.com
Frankly, he’s completely correct. I’ve got a 2001 E430 that I adore, but the last MB I would have considered was the W213. This new one is an abomination- there’s no panache on the inside at all, no interior design, zilch. My now 20 year-old E430 still feels like an expensive car after all this time, but even half as long on one of these new ones will have it feeling like a piece of junk with non-functional features abound in those useless screens. There won’t be any desire to own it past the 4 year mark. Volvo is showing how euro luxury should be done in the modern era.
I got an idea for a question of the week:
Which car generation(model years?) have the best mix of tech but still have reparability?
I would say the 2005ish-2012ish.
The more I hear about integration in all these new vehicles, the more I want to get one that has none of this and just stick a headunit in with Bluetooth and android auto/carplay.
I don’t want to have to scrap a vehicle or be stranded on the side of the road, because some computer that has nothing to do with the engine/trans decides to have a hissyfit
Something from the double din Era to the mid 2000’s
Some late-gen Benz have reliable but out-of-the way tech. My 01 E430 has voice activated functions & original bluetooth that still works. The base single-din radio is out of the way in the dash, so you just set it to the CD input (that my phone audio feeds in through) and it’s out of the way. Double Din Nav systems can be replaced with modern units easily. I haven’t ever had a single electrical/computer glitch with the car, but it’s modern enough to have all the benefits of those electric systems like ESR and 8 airbags while still feeling like a traditional Benz. And while it requires some specialized tools, it’s generally not too awful to work on. The car’s only flaw is its propensity to rust.
I read this to my E30, and it shed a few tears.
(Okay, that was actually just the usual oil leaks, but it did look sad.)
I have more practical concerns cause I gotta be on the pointy end of the customer’s stick when their selfie camera breaks approximately 20 miles past the warranty and we gotta fix that thing. They’re gonna come down the hill, likely annoyed with the dealer, and I have to put on my nice gentle voice while trying to figure out how to talk the tech into it. Imagine fixing a 4 year old cell phone except far more expensive and likely integrated with everything else in some deeply annoying way.
The owner forums along with countless YouTube videos on DIY repairs are excellent sources of workarounds and cheap fixes.
Case in point, the air-conditioning system in my late father’s 2002 Mercedes-Benz E 280 had malfunctioned so often that the “official” Mercedes-Benz service centre couldn’t find the cause. Actually, that was my father’s code word for “they want my first-born son plus four arms and four legs for it!” (Mercedes-Benz quoted €2,500 for this.)
Thanks to the owner forums, it turned out that the repair was much simpler with parts from the Conrad electronic parts store and from the OBI hardware store. Total cost: €17. Total time spent: 30 minutes.
Come to the land of the fast Caddys! It’s kind of weird here, but it’s a ton of fun. I went to a few Cadillac V Club events in Southern California and it was easily the most diverse crowd of car enthusiasts I’ve ever seen at any event – everyone just super into the fun factor without any of the pretentiousness proliferating other brands. but truly the cars look very good, give you all the tech you really want in a new car, and actually give a shit about the driving experience and give you manuals! BMWs been phoning those in for a while, and the rest of ze Germans just told you to get f******.
take advantage of GM’s miserable mishandling of the Cadillac brand, you get great driving experiences without peddling to lowest common denominator lease fleet vehicles and show off factor sinkhole the main brands have fallen into. Also my family has a 2023 E class as a loaner car right now (you’ll never believe it but the warranty ran out on the other e class and boy are there issues now!) and the infotainment is so horrendously complicated I can never remember how anything works. Removing buttons and input methods I presume makes this even worse.
The CT4 V Blackwing is firmly on my radar at this point….although for that much cashola I’d be very tempted to go a decidedly less practical route with a Camaro ZL1 or an M2, which still seems to be hanging onto the plot, if only by a few fingers….
My 2019 Cadillac CT6 3.0 liter twin turbo gives me performance, luxury, and relatively ecnomical maintenance if you stay away from the dealership. Case in point; just paid $1600 for the 48k service. Had I been smarter I would have taken it to a local well regarded local shop for the actual service without the dealer’s fluff. I would have saved well over a grand; ie, change wiper blades, rotate tires and change the oil and filter!
So, I love my Caddie, #3 of 3 owned and don’t plan to trade or sell until the 2030’s should I live so long. Drive free and safe!
I felt MB lost the plot somewhat when they put an illuminated three-point star on the grille of their low-end lease models.
It looks tacky AF IMO but the Instagram generation seems to live on that nonsense.
Nothing makes me laugh harder than people trying to flex with entry level luxury cars, particularly the ones with the light up badges and assorted other aesthetic glitz. Like bruh I know that GLA can be leased for $499 a month with $1999 due at signing. You’re not impressing anyone. And we all know the difference between AMG line and AMG and the fact that the entry level BMWs are Minis.
You’re literally paying more (upfront cost, maintenance costs, insurance, premium gas. etc) for what a reasonably equipped Civic can get you. There’s a joke here but unfortunately you aren’t in on it…
I think we can call them “ping-pong ballers” or “wiffle ballers”. 🙂
I knew MB was in trouble when they introduced the “A” class of everything, what junk, is the mighty luxury MB now slumming in the $29,999-40,000 market.
Don’t know if they resolved it but the illuminated MB star prevented you from getting most driver assistance options, cause the light interfered with the sensors LOL
The most disappointing Mercedes product since the original ML has got to be the GLA/CLA. Besides the bad reliability.. they are so damn cramped on the inside. It’s a shame because the CLA I’ve always thought looked kinda cool.
I think a couple other brands also have a light up logo on the grille, but MB is by far the most common, and I’m still surprised every time I see one how cheap it looks. I’m all for unique little lighting accents and cues, but that ain’t it.
Yep… nothing screams “quality German engineering” more than a clumsy attempt at pandering to “influencers”… a segment of the population slightly less appealing than chlamydia
I totally understand that it’s tacky, but I like light up logos and I will not apologize for it. Light up Yugo badge? Hell yes. 😛
In the 80s, you could buy a W123 or W126 and if you treated it right, you could have a reasonable expectation of driving it for 20 years. to me, *that* was the definition of quality and luxury. But not many people want to drive a car for 20 years anymore, so the only way carmakers choose to define “luxury” is more and more gadgets.
The world has changed.
To be fair, Lexus is still out there and they still have some cars that meet the classic luxury standards. The LC500 is my dream car and the IS500 is mighty appealing despite the ancient relic of a transmission. But they too are moving towards gadgets and doing what they can to trend on social media…
Damn, Nsane In The Membrane’s rant hit me where I live, 100% agreed. I will add that it might not be so sad seeing the German car makers descent into trendy mediocrity if it didn’t seem almost certain that the other car makers are not far behind.
Thank you! I’m glad to be amongst my people on this site 🙂
Thank you for putting into words what I’ve been thinking all along.
How funny is it that Cadillac, who has been chasing BMW and Mercedes all along, by cynically and anachronistically copying their raison d’être, are now more authentic than those they’re imitating.
One may disagree, but one would be wrong by doing so.
Great comment! I couldn’t agree more.
I became a German car enthusiast as my Dad had a leasing company in New York in the 70s and 80s and had a deal with MB Manhattan, and he drove a tank-quality build 280 SEL convertible (which he regretted selling for the rest of his life). These cars were all about drive engineering with no gimmicks, and he wouldn’t recognize the MB cars of today. I wouldn’t even consider any current MB model. Mo screens mo distraction. (Old man done yelling at cloud.)
Jaguar enough said fell further and faster. Hello BANKRUPTCY!!! Can we stop the personal attacks and base it on science? BMW- NO bsnkruptcy, Mercedes- no bankruptcy. Jaguar – there were times you could buy it from the proceeds of a lemonade stand. And that is just the big 3 in the europe market.