The Gifts That Keep On Giving Us Problems: Fiat 850 vs Nissan 300ZX vs Peugeot 604 vs Avanti

‘Twas the day before the night before the night before Christmas, and all through the shop,
The warning lights were blinking, and they just wouldn’t stop.
The Autopians were gathered, wishing they were in their beds,
While visions of repair bills danced through their heads.

Or something like that. Welcome to another Shitbox Showdown! Today, we’re having a four-way shootout as we often do at the end of the week, but this time there’s a twist: instead of choosing which car you want, you’ll be deciding which car you would want to bestow (or foist) upon one of us writers. I’ll explain in just a sec.

First, let’s see which Studebaker refugee you chose yesterday. It was a really close vote, and I would have a hard time deciding between these two myself, actually. But in the end, the Avanti squeaked out a narrow win, and I think this would be my choice as well. That Packard is just too intimidating. I’d feel a lot more at ease, and have a lot more fun, tinkering around with an Avanti II.

All right. So here is the scenario I’ve come up with for you today: You have the power to give one of these cars to one Autopian writer as a gift. That writer must accept the car, and must write about it throughout the coming year. You don’t get any say in what they do with it, except that they must keep it and use it as a source of inspiration for content. So you’ll be voting for a car, and then commenting on who gets it, and why. Let’s recap our choices:

1982 Avanti II

I have to say, I take some issue with those who would label this a “kit car.” First, they were never available as such; Avanti IIs were sold only as complete cars, smog-legal and everything. Second, this is an Avanti, through and through. It’s just not a Studebaker Avanti. If this is a kit car, then so are fifty years’ worth of Caterham Sevens, except those actually are available as kits. As with Caterham, the Avanti Motor Company bought the rights to a model that went out of production, resumed building it with some small modifications, and sourced alternate existing powertrains for it. Think of it as its own thing, a continuation of what started under Studebaker, not a replica of it.

I mean, call it what you will, I guess, but I call it cool. I’d paint it charcoal-gray, or maybe navy blue, to let the red interior pop, and ditch the Daytons for some Magnum 500s or something. I never much liked wire wheels. I probably wouldn’t even worry about messing with the 305; it’s likely fast enough for me. Just show up to Cars & Coffee or local cruise nights and piss off all the Corvette owners by taking the wind out of their sails.

1982 Peugeot 604 Turbodiesel

This old French tank really appeals to me as well. It’s exotic, but not like a Lamborghini or anything as flashy or gauche as that; this is a humble car that brings to mind exotic locales. You get the feeling that if you flew to Tunisia or someplace and hired a “limo” to take you from the airport to your hotel, they’d show up in a 604 diesel. It feels worldly in a way that far more exciting cars don’t.

And there is that legendary French comfort at work here. I’ve ridden in a Peugeot 504 diesel before, and I was very impressed by the ride and the comfort of the seats. I get the feeling that this 604 is just the same, only more so. No, it won’t be quick, even once you fix its current drivability issues. But I bet it sails along down the highway at 80 just fine.

1986 Nissan 300ZX Turbo

This bright red GT is probably the quickest and fastest car here, and likely by a wide margin. The VG30ET turbocharged V6 under its hood puts out near-enough 200 horsepower, small potatoes today, but a healthy number for the Reagan era. Even better, it’s equipped with the proper gearbox for the job, with five speeds and three pedals, as the sports car gods intended.

And if by chance you get bored with shifting gears, you have a whole bunch of buttons you can push. Most of them probably still even work, knowing how well bubble-economy-era Japanese cars were built. And I just noticed the equalizer below the stereo! Man, I miss playing with those things.

1970 Fiat 850 Sport Spider

But just in case you consider a Japanese car too reliable, here’s a nice cantankerous Italian car to even things out. This little green Fiat has the sort of face you can’t stay mad at when it gives you fits, though, like a puppy who chews up your slippers, but then hits you with “that look” that gets them out of trouble every time. And it doesn’t currently run anyway, so really, there’s nowhere to go but up.

Once you get it running, you put it on (this is a car you more or less wear, not ride in) and buzz through the gears with an angry weed-eater engine pushing you along. It’s like acting out your rally fantasies at one-third speed. Tremendous fun – until some dude in a bro-dozer fills your rearview mirror and reminds you just how tiny and vulnerable you really are.

So there they are. Now it’s time for you to choose one of them, and tell us in the comments who you’re giving it to. We’ve all been very good this year (well, except Adrian, who takes pride in being on the “naughty” list), but you can only bestow one imaginary gift upon one of us. Which one will it be?

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good … Friday morning!

(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)