Is it just me, or does automotive controversy seem a bit tame these days? From moan-generating capacitive touch controls to the barriers to EV adoption, no modern automotive topic seems to truly polarize. Even BMW’s so-called styling department is met with a barrage of hate rather than a loud split audience. However, cast your mind back two decades or so, and you’ll find a vehicle that drew awe and contempt in surprisingly equal measure. Love it or loathe it, it’s time to talk about the Hummer H2. Welcome back to GM Hit or Miss, where we comb the desert of GM’s pre-bankruptcy product planning in search of forgotten treasures. This metaphor thing’s getting a bit forced, isn’t it?
The 1990s were a different time, and riding high off the coattails of Desert Storm, the American public went gaga for the civilian-spec Humvee. This ritzed-up troop hauler found its way into A-list driveways with Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Clancy, Mike Tyson, Montel Williams, Coolio, Karl Malone, and Andre Agassi all owning Hummers. In fact, Arnold Schwarzenegger is partly-responsible for the civilian Hummer in the first place, lobbying AM General to sell him one back in the early ’90s. The repurposed military vehicle was such an icon that General Motors swept in to buy the Hummer brand in 1999, with AM General still responsible for manufacturing. GM had the dealership network and marketing money to take the brand higher, possibly even to a place where blind men see, as was the fashion of the time. However, the original Hummer had a bit of a problem – it kinda sucked to live with.
The best poster cars are always compromised in the real world. The Lamborghini Countach had nearly zero rearward visibility and ridiculously heavy controls. The Ferrari Testarossa was 77.8 inches wide so it was a bear to park. The original Dodge Viper was so spartan that it didn’t even have exterior door handles. As for the Hummer H1, it brought its own set of challenges.
For the sake of off-road clearance, all the important powertrain bits were tucked up above the bottom of the floorpan in a massive central tunnel. The engine, the gearbox, the transfer case, the driveshaft, everything. While great for weight distribution and off-roading, this means that interior space is basically naught. Rear legroom stands at just 29.9 inches and rear hip room an even more comical 22 inches. Honestly, you’d be more comfortable in the back of a Geo Metro than you would be in the back of a Hummer H1.
Then there was the matter of going, stopping, and turning. Car And Driver tested a 1995 Hummer H1 and managed a zero-to-60 dash in 18.1 seconds, peak roadholding of 0.62 g, and most disconcertingly, a 70 mph-to-zero braking distance of 253 feet. That’s, uh, not great. Rather than tame the war-focused H1 for suburbia, General Motors decided to build a smaller SUV that carried the Hummer’s design motifs but was significantly easier to live with. What we ended up with was the Hummer H2.
People on the internet deride the H2 for being a tacticool Tahoe, but that’s not entirely right. While it shared its GMT820 platform designation and the front section of its frame with Chevrolet’s family workhorse, the H2’s frame gained a new fully-boxed midsection and a reinforced rear section to cope with a higher GVWR. In effect, the H2 is its own special beefy SUV that customers could test out on off-road tracks at select dealerships. Quite a unique draw for a retail environment.
Speaking of unique, nothing on the road looked like the H2 when it launched, except perhaps the H1. Longer, narrower, and nearly as tall as the H1, the H2 still featured all the hallmarks of the brand from the round headlamps in square bezels to the slab-sided styling and massive mirrors. It was a Tonka toy for the road, especially in yellow. A-listers quickly latched onto the H2, personalizing them with everything from 26-inch wheels to massive stereo systems. David Beckham had one, as did Lebron James and 50 Cent. Paris Hilton even had a pink one, and the Governator himself obviously had a few.
Despite its McMansion image, the H2 was an objectively capable rig. When ordered with the optional rear air suspension, as many were, it sported 10.7 inches of ground clearance, a 40.8-degree approach angle, a 27.5-degree breakover angle, and a 41.6-degree departure angle. This fixture of MTV Cribs could ford 20 inches of water, climb a 16-inch vertical wall, tackle a 60 percent slope, and keep its cool on a 40 percent side slope. It even came with decent underbody armor. With such credentials and a high GVWR, it makes you wonder why there aren’t more H2 overlanding rigs out and about.
As for powertrain bits, they’ll be largely familiar to anyone who’s owned a GMT800 GMC Yukon Denali. The Hummer H2 launched with a six-liter LQ4 V8 pumping out 316 horsepower, although a mild update in 2004 took that number up to 325. Regardless, power on 2003 to 2007 models went through a four-speed 4L65E automatic gearbox to a two-speed transfer case with permanent four-wheel-drive. Expect zero-to-sixty to wander by in roughly ten seconds, with the quarter mile coming eventually. Look, this is a massive SUV meant for getting off the beaten path, not a vehicle for speed merchants and boy racers. The slow-breathing smoothness of the six-liter V8 fit the H2’s character perfectly.
However, not everything about the H2 was wonderful. For instance, the interior was rubbish. Sure, the shifter looked like something out of Thunderbirds but it felt like something from Dollar General. That feeling of cheapness extended to the air vents, the dashboard, and most plastics in the H2. While this rig carried an MSRP of $48,455 in 2003, it sure didn’t feel like a near-$50k SUV on the inside.
Mind you, the interior wasn’t the only part of the Hummer H2 that drew ire. Because it was so big and so heavy, it wasn’t exactly easy on fuel. Car And Driver saw 10 mpg from its 2003 test car, and figures like that were enough to make the H2 public enemy number one for greenies. Militant environmentalists in California torched 20 new Hummers back in 2003, and copycat vandals soon started popping up all over the country.
Still, that couldn’t keep enthusiasm down, partly because the H2 made a statement and partly because it wasn’t horrible to drive. Sure, it was still a huge rig with recirculating ball steering, but ride quality was pleasant, the powertrain was smooth, and the permanent four-wheel-drive system was reassuring in slippery conditions.
Two model years after the launch of the H2 SUV, Hummer followed it up with the H2 SUT, a crew cab pickup truck with an extendable bed. On the face of things, it seems like a heavy-duty Chevrolet Avalanche, but that wasn’t exactly the case. The Avalanche at the time already had a heavy-duty version, so the H2 SUT was more like Hummer’s analogue to the Cadillac Escalade EXT. Put simply, the H2 SUT is a lifestyle truck, but there’s nothing wrong with that.
While it might not be obvious from the outside, the Hummer H2 did receive one facelift in its life. In 2008, GM rectified the chintzy interior with a much-improved dashboard and the steering wheel from a GMT900 Tahoe. LARPing was out, an analog clock was in, and the interior finally felt as nice as what you’d get in a Yukon Denali. In addition, GM heaped on some new standard features like a 3.5 mm audio jack, an easy-access express down button for all the windows, and leather seats. However, those pale in comparison to the new powertrain. Because GM had come out with the fourth-generation small-block V8, 2008 H2s got a 393-horsepower 6.2-liter V8 and a six-speed 6L80E automatic gearbox, dropping the zero-to-60 time into the low seven-second range. These 2008 and 2009 H2s are the best of the breed, although they can be hard to find on the second-hand market. Want a spotter’s guide? Look for partial-chrome mirror caps that say H2, along with subtly revised alloy wheels without channeled spokes.
In the end, the Hummer H2 couldn’t live forever, and neither could Hummer as a standalone brand. GM’s bankruptcy forced it to sell off and shutter several brands, and Hummer was part of the cull. After an unsuccessful bid to find new Chinese owners, GM called it quits on Hummer, axing the brand and leaving ghost showrooms dotting the continent.
Obviously, the Hummer H2 was a smash-hit, but it was frowned upon for years. After the economy collapsed, GM went bankrupt, and climate consciousness permeated the mainstream, there was a period when H2s were deeply uncool, like socks and sandals or fur coats. However, now that just about every car is an SUV, you can’t help but sense that public sentiment is softening. Hummer is now an EV sub-brand of GMC, cranking out supertrucks that draw the ire of lycra-clad pedalists rather than college students. The 20-year cyclical trends of fashion mean that Von Dutch hats and Juicy sweatsuits are back in fashion, while the youth of today are jamming out to Deftones through wired headphones.
It’s been a long time since the Hummer H2 was a four-wheeled icon, but I’m starting to get the sense that it’s cool again. Yes, the interior’s rubbish and the fuel economy is horrid, but it’s a cultural artifact that just makes you smile when you see one. Does that make it an enthusiast car? I reckon it might.
(Photo credits: Hummer)
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Aaaaaaabsolutely not. These downsized nü-Hummers will always and forever be the Official Cars of the Bad Times, harbingers of economic ruin and suffering, and the vehicular mascots of the only era where (believe it or not) I was more depressed than I am today.
Do you know how I know that things REALLY suck now? Hummer is back! That’s all I need to say.
Fine, a lot of my beef with the H2 is wrapped up in its association with the worst time in my life, but also, it just sucked. The H2 is irresponsible late-mid-’00s excess at its worst—cheaply made, poorly executed, and flashy for douchebaggery’s sake. It was the perfect match for an era full of tacky Ed Hardy graphics splashed all over everything and stupid, overembellished tank tops that looked like gaudy boob curtains. All of those things deserve to stay in the dumpster of history, which is hopefully also on fire…just to be sure.
These H2s may have been somewhat capable off-road (where they almost never went), but there is nothing cool about the flimsy tacticool styling that makes them less practical than, IDK, just designing a more capable Tahoe that doesn’t make you see out of teeny tiny I’m-scared-of-the-world windows. The H2’s entire schtick is a relic of the War on Terror, which in hindsight—not great, folks! Not our best era! Placing this heap in the proper historical context solidifies its position at the exact the opposite of cool. It’s Fox News on wheels. The McMansion of the automotive world. Irredeemable in every respect.
Wow, I could not have said that better in any way.
Nope.
No Dice/Crackpipe…Nah, Hummers suck especially the 9K LB. EV monstrosity
“Expect zero-to-sixty to wander by in roughly ten seconds”
This has got to be the most car-journalistly phrase I’ve ever heard. 0-60 in 10 seconds is plenty fast to keep up with traffic and then some. 0-60 in 10 seconds was also seriously hauling ass for a big SUV in 2002.
So your implication that that’s slow is wrong and stupid, and I wish you would stop acting like 10 seconds is slow when Jason is lucky to hit 60mph in 20 seconds in his cars.
Yep, 10 seconds might not be fast, but for an SUV size of a house it really is not slow, especially for 20 years old SUV.
A 2000 Suburban did it in 7.7sec. A 30% difference is no small figure.
When the whole purpose of a vehicle is peacocking for the hopelessly insecure too unaware to know everyone sees that they’re just a fancied-up chicken, 10 seconds is slow. For a Prius whose purpose was efficiency, or a tiny old death trap whose purpose was cheap and (maybe) cheerful transportation largely intended for city use, 10 seconds is fine because it matches the purpose.
0-60 in 10 seconds is just fine only if it’s a tiny old death trap?
I’m not joking when I say that my fastest car is an Accord that does it in about 11 seconds. It is not a tiny econobox deathtrap, and I also have never ever needed to run it flat out in traffic.
10 seconds is fine for literally any car ever. In fact, it’s faster than it needs to be.
I knew a guy who owned one of these. He was, no shit, a brain surgeon. He also thought climate change was a hoax. The contradiction of man, expressed in a vehicle.
Ben Carson?
Let’s try to be inclusive of any enthusiast.
Would I own one? No. Does it make any sense to daily drive one? No. Should people be a bit more conscious about efficiency and the environmental impacts of their choices? Yes. Did it become symbolic for a certain toxic personality and world-view? Yes, probably.
But the question was, could it be an enthusiast car? I don’t see why not. If someone is passionate about their H2, they take care of it, drive it offroad or on weekends for the fun of it; then what’s the problem?
They may be a jacka$$, but their an enthusiast jacka$$.
I knew too many people with these and they weren’t enthusiasts of much of anything, they were just pathetic, flexing jackasses. These were like overpriced aspirational mesh gym shirts that never got sweated in. They were like coal-rollers—it’s just about being a wannabe “alpha” and fitting in with/showing up their sad friend group of other clueless, mass-produced assholes.
These things are an abomination
Stupid then, stupid now. And the Hummer EV ain’t much better.
No, the Hummer EV is like twice as bad. Because it’s like twice as big.
Agreed. Also defeats the purpose
My aunt who is a sweet lady had one of these, but it didn’t last long. She was heckled at the gas pump for supporting terrorists 1 too many times and went back to land cruisers. She doesn’t fit any of the stereotypes in the comments I’ve read here, but I have to admit she is most likely an outlier. I think her then teenage boys might have influenced things a little bit.
I gots ta know. Do hard core 4 wheelers really care about mpg? Do rich mall crawlin trophy wives and inbred kids care about the cost of gas? I myself am a H1 or nothing but a backup cruiser fun car mpg is never a consideration.
Hardcore 4 wheelers care about mpg to an extent, mainly for the purpose of range while wheeling, being able to drive to trails, being able to afford the hobby etc. There’s also a subset of us who do this because we like getting out in nature, so we kinda want it to stick around for a while.
People often smile at jokes.
They were stupid then and they’re even more stupid now. It’s a Tahoe underneath for fuck’s sake…a car for posers who want to LOOK BIG AND TOUGH! Made with all the quality early 2000s GM was known for during a time of misplaced American exceptionalism, excess, and rampant patriotism as the Bush administration was lying to invade sovereign countries to feed the military industrial complex.
I hate this vehicle and everything it stands for. I hate the EV one too. They’re all jingoistic monuments to excess and conspicuous consumption that exist so Jim Bob can throw his AR15 in the back seat and feel safe from *the others* as he drives to Wal Mart to pickup more soda.
In conclusion: get off my lawn!
Si nsane you are saying a truck made in the early 2000s has the quality of a truck made in the 2000s? How very astute of you. Perhaps you would prefer Russia and its russian exceptionalism where you would be attacking the innocents from Ukraine with new vehicles with all the same creature comforts of a 60s Lada? Go join up.
You nailed it. It has a sad desperation to it. It is a vehicle for people who value projecting an image over form or function. It’s a Land Cruiser without the capability and an Escalade without the comfort. It’s a bauble from a time when middle aged dads said “bling” unironically.
I remember driving one of these at a GM Test Drive thing in Vegas back behind the Sahara in maybe 2006? They had an off road course set up for the H2 and it was pretty impressive what you could do with it.
I feel like I’ve been seeing a lot of these around (and some H3s) and can’t tell if they’ve been coming out of hiding, or if it’s just that they were still around and the EV Hummer made them more top of mind again. Though usually that effect is more noticeable with something that stands out less than a Hummer.
That’s a great line about the shifter. Maybe you can do a whole article on Thunderbirds interiors?
Tesla obviously lifted the yoke from Thunderbird 2.
While popular with, uh, popular celebrities, amongst civilians these were almost exclusively owned and driven by galactic douchebags. Like modern Ram drivers, but turned up to eleven.
One thing I noticed a few years back watching Bar Rescue was about 1 in every 4 awful bar owners had one of these.
It was definitely near the top of the list for any douchebag with a few bucks to their name (or willingness to take on crushing debt) to show the world what a big man they were.
Gosh, that checks out.
It’s funny you should say that. When these came out, one of my more distant family members got one. We’re talking like aunt’s brother where you aren’t even sure what that would be considered but you only see them maybe once every decade. He showed up to my cousin’s birthday party, let me sit in it (but only in the back seat and only for like 10 seconds) and I can honestly say that was the last time I ever saw him.
I still barely know who this guy is and how he’s related to me but according to my mom, he’s a massive douchebag.
Nope.
They were stupid then, they’re stupid now and it’s successor is equally stupid.
Ah yes, that uniquely American monument to excess and mediocrity at the same time. The only reason to get one of these over a more-useful Suburban is that you like the style. I hate the style, so no thanks.
I am unironically here for any and all defenses of Hummer.
They had the right product at the wrong time. The H2 wasn’t any worse on gas than anything else its size at the time, it was just conspicuous.
If GM had launched it in 2012 rather than 2002, I firmly believe they would have strangled the Bronco in its cradle, and possibly the Raptor/TRX as well.
Agreed and if they adopted the different military body styles ambulance, 4 wheel tanker it would have given jeep a ride for the money. But as we know no big 3 auto manufacturer goes all in on a project. Too scared just make sure it runs paint it black grey or white and sell it.
The bronco is more of a competitor to the Wrangler, and this thing had no impact on the Wrangler. Raptor maybe but this wasn’t even in the same ball park capability wise as the raptor. Maybe with major improvements I guess
In my opinion the h3 was the real loss it could have completed with the Wrangler / Bronco /4runner.
What I mean is if GM had launched an off-road oriented SUV brand, call it Hummer, in 2012, ahead of the off-roading and over landing crazes, they could have owned the segment.
H1, H2, H3, H4 in SUV and truck forms to cover all sizes and configurations. Modern LS/LT powertrains and high quality suspension components. They’d have had the off-road market cornered before anyone had ever thought of a Bronco, Gladiator, TRX, etc
I was 10 or so years old when the H2 first came out which also corresponded with my dad upgrading to satellite TV and me getting a receiver for the TV in my room. I graduated from watching cartoons to watching basically nothing besides the Speed Channel and MTV. As a result, I was really into hip hop and cars that would fit in DUB magazine at the time.
Because of that, the H2 always has been and always will be a bit cool to me. Same holds true for all of the big luxury SUVs of the time. I still to this day sort of want a GMT800 Escalade on 24s with a full audio setup. Of course that means TVs and a PS2
the heart wants what the heart wants.
They missed a prime naming opportunity for the new EV. Should have called it the Dynamo Hum.
Nope. A monument to a stupid time is all they will ever be.
The facelift interior is the most confused mess I’ve ever seen. It’s honestly hilarious, as if the GM interior designers short-circuited when given the prompt: “rugged and industrial, but luxurious”.
I too found the facelifted interior the most baffling decision of all. Crappy quality or not, at least the pre-facelift interior attempted to be something different, which was the essence of what people wanted in this car. Whoever decided that what the dodgy interior needed was to look like a rental spec chevy cobalt seems to have missed a trick there.
I hated these things for a long time, but now that time has passed, They really aren’t so bad if you look past the interior build quality.
Most were used sparingly, all had the good 6.0 LS, the front suspension can be upgraded to actually wheel OK, and they are comfy beasts. But the one I see more often coming out of the woodwork recently is low cost H3’s. The Alpha option, or even a manual 5 cylinder version with the adventure package is pretty close to 4 door Jeep territory even if the IFS up front kind of limits some things.