Good morning! Today, to show that there is no limit to the lengths to which I will go to entertain and inform you all, we’re going to look at a very long car with a very long description, and a pair of very short cars with a very short description. Does size matter? We’re about to find out.
But first: Yesterday we looked at two 1980s hatchbacks that used to be pretty common but are rapidly disappearing. It was a fairly close vote, but as of right now the Rabbit holds a steady lead that I don’t see the Colt overcoming, so I’m calling it for the Volkswagen.
I am an unabashed early water-cooled VW nut, having grown up in a Dasher and a Golf, and having had a Mk1 Scirocco as my first car. But I think I’m leaning towards the Colt here – even my rusty one was a lot of fun to drive, and apart from the carb issues, it’s in a lot better shape. And I’m not sure a four-door Rabbit is special enough to put up with all the VW-ness. I think I’d hold out for another Scirocco.
Did anybody else here play the old Infocom text-adventure games? In case you’re unfamiliar with them, let me explain: You were given a description of an area or room, and you told the game using simple text commands what you wanted to do next. “Go east,” “take sword,” “turn on lamp,” that sort of thing. But there were also commands that would alter how the game presented information. If you typed “brief,” you got a full description of a room the first time you entered it, and only the room name on subsequent visits. “Verbose” got you the full description every time, and “superbrief” only gave you the room name, even if you’d never been there before.
I was reminded of those commands when I saw these two ads. One is stuck on “verbose” mode, while the other is set to “superbrief.” Let’s see which one you’d add to your inventory.
1967 Mercury Monterey convertible – $1,000
Engine/drivetrain: No engine or transmission, RWD
Location: Carson City, NV
Odometer reading: 94,000 miles
Operational status: Purely decorative
This big ol’ Mercury ragtop has been for sale for quite a while, by the sound of it, and the seller is getting frustrated. The text of this ad clocks in at 2,006 words, about twice what I typically write here, and the majority of it is not even about the car itself. I get it; selling stuff sucks, especially when potential buyers flake out or make ridiculous demands. But a wall of complainy text right at the top does make it hard to figure out exactly what we’re looking at here.
What are we looking at? Well, it’s a 1967 Mercury Monterey – that’s the big one – in two-door convertible form. It originally came equipped with a 390 cubic inch V8 and a C6 three-speed automatic; those are both absent, and the car is without a powertrain. This is a bad thing if you want to drive it home unless you can push really hard, but a good thing if you had plans to yank out the old 390 anyway and drop in something spicier and/or more modern.
The seller says this car “needs EVERYTHING,” and they’re not lying. The interior is a mess, and large chunks of it appear to be missing. Trim pieces for Fords of this era aren’t impossible to come by, and Lincoln is probably pretty well represented, but Mercury, the Ford equivalent to Jan Brady, is often forgotten by the repro companies. Would Galaxie parts fit? Maybe. Is it more likely that you’d have to find a custom interior shop to do it up? Probably.
The good news is that it’s not a complete rustbucket. It’s pretty straight, too, and the chrome bumpers are still shiny. There’s a lot to work with here. A lot of work to be done, certainly, but it has good bones. And the price of admission is certainly cheap enough.
1958 Hillman Minx convertible with parts car – $1,400
Engine/drivetrain: 1.5-liter overhead valve inline 4, four-speed manual, RWD
Location: Brentwood, CA
Odometer reading: unknown
Operational status: unknown, but probably neither one runs
Finding parts for a discontinued American brand might be tough, but it’s nothing compared to finding parts for a 1950s British car from a long-dead company that never was part of BMC or British Leyland. If ever a car required a parts car in order to fix it up, it’s the Hillman Minx Series III convertible. Fortunately, this seller is offering a pair of Minxes, advertising them as “one restorable and one good donor car,” but doesn’t really specify which they consider which.
This seller isn’t big on details at all, really. This ad runs sixteen words; I remember seeing more verbose descriptions in the classifieds in the back of Road & Track back in the day. It appears that the blue car is meant to be the restorable one, based on its fresh paint, and the scruffy white one is the parts donor. There’s no mention of whether either car includes its original 1494cc engine, or if so, whether either of them runs.
Here again, both interiors are, predictably, trashed. The top bows and structure appear to be present on both cars, but the cloth is long gone. Much of the trim that’s missing from the blue car is stuffed inside the white car; your best bet would be to drag both of them into a large garage and start laying everything out to see what’s there – sort of like a big jigsaw puzzle. Start with the edges first.
That is of course the trouble with these two-cars-into-one deals: You have to find a place to put two cars. Yeah, you can take what you think you need off the parts car and drag it out back, but then what? How long does it sit there? What’s the endgame?
When you look at as many online classified ads as I do, you see some real doozies. Some people know how to describe a car in a way that gives you a sense of it; some don’t. And some really don’t. Frankly, in both of these cases, I’d like a little more information. But you know what I know, and as always, you can click on the headers for each car to view the original ads. Which project convertible strikes you as a better deal?
(Image credits: Craigslist sellers)
Mercury. Only way I have an interest in a convertible is if it’s a big cruiser. Of course, this would probably never run as my ADD brain would run out of motivation for this project way too early, but I couldn’t find any motivation for the Minxes.
All three of these are essentially parts cars, but even that’s being generous.
They probably should have been sent to the crusher 20 years ago.
I agree, It’s a hard pass for me on both of these “vehicles” \(๑•́o•̀๑)/
Given the minimal rust and thickness of steel on 1960’s Fords, what’s the scrap value on the Mercury? Presumably after stripping off all the chrome and reselling that?
Man these are both horrible but I went with the two Minxes as I would not want to associate with the person who wrote the Merc ad even for a short period of time.
I know Tracy has grown up a bit with his i3s and selling some of the junk cars, but the Hillman project seems right up his alley.
Personally I’d go w/ the Merc and sort out some kind of V8 to put in it. Same some other commentors, I thought the ad was hilarious. I’ve sold several cars on CL over the years and it can be maddening dealing with idiots or the guy who offered to trade a non running C4 Vette straight up for my running B5 Audi A4. Now that I thinking about it, that may have been a fair deal.
Having owned a B5 Audi A4 Avant Quattro, that was definitely a fair deal.
The Merc. You can feel the frustration of a thousand “I’ll be there tomorrow” unconsummated texts ringing in this man’s head.
Not gonna lie, I’ve posted similar ads (albeit with less borderline-misogynistic/misandrist/misanthropic commentary). I kept a spreadsheet of responses to my last car ad (which ran 2500 words; was a BMW with some issues going for $3000). Over 30% of respondents offered less than half the asking price, 4 out of 12 who indicated they wanted to test drive it showed up, and 2 of those asked for payment plans (which I specifically indicated I wouldn’t do in the ad). Ultimately sold to a kid from Jordan (the country).
With the Merc, you’re getting (at least) an empty engine bay and a clean start. I can see those two British roadsters rapidly multiplying as you vainly seek parts for poorly-documented just-out-of-post-WWII-rations era English engineering.
I took one look at the Mercury ad and voted for the Minx on principle.
Make mine a Mercury today. I got a laugh out of that Craigslister’s magnum opus. At first I thought maybe it was his first time listing on Craigslist and he just wasn’t ready for all of the bot-activity, the “hey man, is it still for sale?” replies. However, reading further started reminding me of quite a few of my own Craigslist sales experiences. The scams and such are one thing, but some cars really seem to be magnets to the extreme-dandruff crowd.
You mention finding room to store two cars, like both of those Minxes combined aren’t still going to take up less space than the SS Monterey.
That is to say, I’ll take the minxes. I have an entire Miata donor car…could be a fun swap.
That was my thought too, that Merc and all the parts needed would take up a 3 car garage. The Minxes could possibly be a fun swap.
Mercury for me because it’s cheaper and I actually LIKE the ad. That seller isn’t angry. He’s just like me… doesn’t suffer fools gladly. And I think he’s hilarious.
And he doesn’t care about offending idiots by telling them the truth that they’re idiots.
I would buy his car at the asking price and then want to go out for a beer with him and exchange craigslist-idiot stories with him.
In life, I have also been frustrated by flakey people.
And not just for selling stuff… also when inviting people to events (and them not showing up like they said they would and NOT having the courtesy to call or even think up a decent excuse), working with them on projects (and either not doing their part or doing it in a half-assed way), my dealings with past apartment tenants and a bunch of other situations.
In my estimation, half the people out there are flakes.
And I completely agree with this seller that these flakey idiots need to be called out for their behaviour.
2 for 1 special for me please!
As we have seen with Project Cactus, the donor car can always be promoted to the primary.
Having said that… Minxes, please!
I like small cars and would enjoy the Hillmans more than I would the land yacht. The Minx would also be a very reasonable candidate for an electric conversion: it’s in that rarefied space where, yes, it was ICE-powered but the engine does not have a lot of character or desirability so it won’t be missed. And frankly an EV conversion might be the most expeditious way to get a Hillman moving these days.
I also wouldn’t want to put any money into the pocket of the individual who’s selling the Mercury.
I had thought a drive train swap would make the Minx a fun project, hadn’t thought about an electric conversion, would that small frame be able to handle the weight? That would be a great project if it could take it.
I voted the merc because seems like it would be easier to find parts for and fix up and that ad is ridiculous I would come with a trailer and get the hell out of there as quick as you can though that is a broken man that doesn’t want to take anymore shit haha.
The thought of climbing into either of those Hillmans makes my back ache. We’ll take the Merc, and offer the guy $750 and a hug.
I’m in it for the pair o’ Minxes. That’s just Old Guy Nostalgia at work: my first car was a Minx, albeit a four-door sedan. It was $50, and it took very little to get it running, after which it gave reliable transport until I sold it. For a profit, BTW.
My only caution comes from knowing the Pick-Your-Part yards are probably Minx-free these days, and I don’t know where my nearest Hillman dealer is. So trim items and mechanical parts are probably rarer than the proverbial hens’ teeth.
First off, excellent job, Mark! The Mercury ad is an awesome find and the juxtaposition of the Minx ad is perfect!
I chose the Merc because I have an unhealthy desire for a giant 60’s ragtop. That massive engine bay should be capable of holding just about any powertrain you can find in junkyards, craigslist, ebay, post-apocalypse, etc.
The Minx twins are probably a better deal. Not really a bad choice here, project-wise.
At these prices, a “why not both?” response is tempting, but the time and money to get either one running would realistically be too daunting.
Indeed the contrast in these ads, and the way the story is told about them with the verbose and superbrief is amazing. Very well written! Definitely one of my favorite showdowns and for reasons entirely unrelated to the cars.
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it.
Does anyone else remember the Buick Skylark convertible David Freiburger dug out of Rick Pewe’s mom’s backyard? The video of that spawned what would become Roadkill.
He got it running and drove it home. Then stuck a basic pro touring suspension and modern brakes on it, did literally nothing else, and then daily drove it as-is.
I’m getting the same kind of vibe from this Mercury. Junkyard drivetrain, fresh suspension and brakes, and then just drive the sucker.
Always wanted to roll around with a couple of Minxes.
Mercury for that ad alone, that was a fun read but I worry that guy might be about to snap.
Going Merc – this car will never be original so don’t even try. The exterior lamps and trim look complete so run to Maaco. Drop in a 302/AOD out of a Panther or F-150 and call it a day. Make new door panels from hardboard, pad and upholstery cloth of your choosing. The world is your oyster.
Just need to haul cross country to Pittsburgh.
Personally I’d want to drop in a modern 24V V6 and manual transmission out of a 6th Gen Mustang or maaaybe the 3.8L V6/manual transmission out of a GM F-Body.
Well when the Minxes combined are still probably shorter than the Monterey is that really that hard?
Also I went for the 2 for one just because they are more interesting to me, even though I know it is the harder project. Also because the sexist asshole is not someone I would ever want to deal with. The ad was fun to read though.
EV conversion?
Yes!
Tough call. That Merc owner seems to be the situation of “if you encounter an asshole, you encountered an asshole. If EVERYONE you encounter is an asshole, YOU’RE probably the asshole.”
Still, in this case, I think less is more. Gimme the Mercury.
Merc is a blank slate.
In this case of “lots of work, and a blank canvas” or “lots of work, but you have a bag of something” – I’ll take the blank canvas, and have literally no care of authenticity.
I could drop in, literally, any powertrain, trim, and display. Or just hammer something from a bit of sheet metal for a dashboard with a few drop-in dials, with a Nissan VQ engine on the cheap from or a random pickup truck’s block.
Wow that Merc ad was funny! That guy needs someone with thicker skin to sell it for him LOL
The Mercury would be a lot easier, but I don’t find it nearly as interesting.
Two Minxes all the way. At least you could build something cool. Some old Merc’s are cool, but not cool enough to want to do that much work.