Selling a new Mercury in 1973 is a lot like selling a new Mercury today, only possible and less of an imaginary goal. As you may imagine, a big part of what makes people buy cars are irrational things, concepts and ideas and associations that don’t have anything to do with the cars themselves. They’re selling an idea about the kind of people who buy these cars. This old Mercury brochure seems to be focused on the sorts of couples that are Mercury Couples, because there’s just so damn many of them. Couples like that one up there, a loving relationship between a woman and her big carnivorous cat, a demographic sorely ignored in modern car marketing. But there’s more! So let’s look!
This one below the ad (sorry, we gotta eat) feels like the baseline couple, by the Marquis Brougham Hardtop, and by “Hardtop” that means there’s no B-pillar, which is pretty cool. They seem to be well-to-do, parking by the water’s edge, both maintaining a near-constant three-cocktail buzz, and both having some really awful opinions you’ll hear inthe first 20 minutes of conversation. Both will mistake you for a waiter, multiple times.
This verdant tableau shows a pretty ideal Mercury couple: a man not afraid of big plaids and a woman who commands the loyalty of two of those fancy, narrow rich-people dogs. Afghans? I think they’re afghans. If she says the word “pickles” they leap into action and can skeletonize a full-grown cow in under 90 seconds.
The Great Plains Couple down there is one that appreciates a good rock, as you can seem and I think that guy is wearing some kind of jumpsuit? A flight suit? Did he parachute in? Is that a one-shoulder tote-bag-style parachute, instead of the usual backpack type? Is that a thing?
Oh man, does this next couple love to fish. Like, loves it. You’ll note only the guy is wearing fishing gear, and he’s wearing every bit of fishing gear you can get at a Bass Pro Shop inside of 45 minutes of grabbing. She’s not, because she was raised by bears, and fishes bear-style, with swipes of her hands, which have nails grown into long, strong claws.
That trunk is so packed full of salmon it’s like a solid mass of fish.
There’s no way I’m believing this couple drove all the way to the Dunes of Arrakis there. These things had about as much traction as a sled made of ice, which may be why those two are just sitting there, in the sand. Also I was trying to see if the guy’s arm is behind or in front of her leg, but now I really can’t tell, and it looks like its going through.
These two seem pretty happy with their Comet, Mercury’s re-badged Maverick. I like how she seems to have the same bumblebee getup as the car, too. That’s commitment to the bit.
These two may seem like they just work at that place, but don’t be fooled; that’s their home. See the C and C on those doors? That stands for Carl and Chester, these two, and they dress like that for, it’s rumored, sex reasons.
So, here, why does only he have a bike? Does she have to run after him? Because that sucks. Or did she drive out there in the middle of nowhere to find him? Now what?
I’d like to think these two Marquis folks were invited to this lovely open-air stage-like lounge area, to sit in those papasan chairs, but they’re so lazy they just drove all the way the hell up to the place and just parked on the lawn, diagonally, like they own the damn place. What a couple of assholes.
Do you have what it takes to be a Mercury Couple? Well, you and a friend? I sure as hell hope so. I think you do, personally.
Jason, are you OK? No mention half these cars had their TAILLIGHTS IN THE BUMPER? Please go check your BP stat.
I want to be a Mercury couple with a Marquis as long as it comes with the de Sade package
Sorry in those days the woman was as much as an accessory as the dogs and the equipment. Herb Tarlick in his plaid suit seems to have a large pair of socks stuffed down his trousers. However the car parked in the middle of everything? You ever try to park one of these back then? It’s harder than parking an SUV in a spot designated for small cars at the grocery stores. And they don’t even make the cars the spots are designed for.
New article idea. Wasted small car parking spots because they don’t make cars anymore.
My Parents were a Mercury couple.
Shortly after taking delivery of their brand-new special-order Medium Blue Metallic 1972 Monterey Custom Pillared-Hardtop Sedan with a White Vinyl roof (fender-skirt delete), they dumped me at Granny’s in Virginia and piloted the Mercury to the Gulf Coast for some Gumbo and Jambalaya, and very probably some lawn parking.
8 1/2 months after we returned home to Michigan my Sister was born.
Trunk salmon was an early form of crumple zone. It was considered safer than hitting a mousse.
Carl and Chester are standing in front of the old Chasen’s in Beverly Hills. There’s an episode of Columbo where our hero crashes a lunch at Chasen’s to question a couple of folks, and is portrayed as a rube for asking if they have chili, which I guess was actually a joke at the expense of anyone not “Hollywood” enough to know that Chasen’s was, in fact, renowned for their chili.
I get the impression every one of these couples have a brother that drives a Jaaaaag.
My wife and me nearly became a Mercury couple in1973 when we went nuts over a Montego in dark green with a camel interior. We were ready to sign a contract with nearly any terms. Fortunately, no finance company would give us such a contract so our lust went unrequited and we were stuck driving our beige VW Beetle.
“Also I was trying to see if the guy’s arm is behind or in front of her leg, but now I really can’t tell, and it looks like its going through.”
Must have been generated by Midjourney AI. To know for certain, are the right and left hands switched?
And with the bicycle guy, what is her right hand doing?
Apparently Mercurys (Mercuries?) were the preferred offroad vehicle of the day.
The sheer GIRTH of that last Marquis… Makes my Grand Marquis look like a little tykes car!
Pretty sure all cats are carnivorous…
I’d say my wife and I are a Mercury couple as we have had several over the years and still have 3.
Remember Romeo + Juliet from 1996? With Leo?
Well, now they’re remaking Dune in a similar way. That’s Paul and Chani with Paul’s big Mercury coupe. The “spice” in this version is cocaine. The Fremen are the toughest gang on Arrakis. Instead of being a Bene Gesserit, Jessica is a member of the DAR. And Baron Harkonnen is played by a CGI Peter Cushing-style recreation of Marlon Brando.
Can’t-miss scene: Patrick Stewart reprises his role as Gurney Halleck, but with Han Solo hair.
You certainly do, just switch shrimp for salmon!
This is the kind of Mercury Monday content my soul craves.
Do you have what it takes to be a Mercury Couple?
A pocketful of Quaaludes and an 8-ball of cocaine? Hell yeah!
Is this Mercury Monday? Are we back to Mercury Mondays?
I’m not objecting I just need to know. I have to be prepared for these sorts of things.
Someone should have told the sand wrangler how wide the shot was going to be.
Notice the mini dunes near the tires?
Has the car has not sat in that spot long enough for these to form?
Wouldn’t this result in sandblasting the paint?
Car cover, then cleaning before the shot? then where are the footprints of the cleaners?
So many questions..
The bicycle guy (a lesser Osmond brother?) photo was taken in 1973 (or probably ‘72 given that car introductions routinely occurred in the year prior to the model year). Women weren’t supposed to publicly display athleticism then, so no bike for Barbie. She’s lucky if they let her have the car keys.
They certainly would not have given her a loan without her husband’s approval. It amazes me how much things have changed in my lifetime, and when I tell my kids that women not getting credit was a real thing just a few years ago they think I’m joking. I can remember my mom struggling to find someone who would rent to a divorced mother of two and credit cards and car loans were even worse. It amazes me that the Equal Credit Opportunity Act was required in order to open things up.
Yeah, so much has changed so recently, that’s for sure! My paternal grandmother came of age nine years before the passage of the 19th Amendment (back then the voting age was 21.) My maternal grandmother was a widow raising two kids in the 30s and 40s and she always had so much trouble finding landlords who would rent to single women even though she had a good steady and well-paying job (and they were only too happy to evict her after WWII ended so they could rent to returning GIs, usually at much higher rates, gah.) Her last apartment was a garage apartment with only cold water (in central Michigan!! Brrrr!!) so, needless to say, she was extremely happy when she finally bought her own house though it did indeed take some effort without a male co-signer. And when I was in high school in the early 80s some of the female teachers would gripe about the difficulties they were still facing in getting their own credit cards even though it was first made officially legal in many cases for women to get credit cards without a male co-signer in 1971 with the aforementioned Equal Credit Opportunity Act being implemented in 1974. Good grief.
When my parents separated my mom just took dad’s credit card. He was too dumb to notice. Unfortunately, in those days there wasn’t that many places to use a Diners Club card, so we ended up eating in a lot of steakhouses. I can still smell the cheap cologne and cigar smoke. Probably the same smell as the interior of most of those cars above.
1995, Australia.
Married couple, both working.
My wife phoned me at work from the bank, because they needed my approval for her to transfer money from our joint cheque account to our joint mortgage.
We have accounts like that too, and if there’s a lot of money in the transfer they *might* require two signatures/spousal approval but I’m not sure they would. Oddly, we opened a joint home equity line of credit and the checks for that only have one signature line. Either of us could tap it out without the other’s knowledge, but that’s not conducive to a happy marriage.
I’m pretty sure that’s her car. She was offroading and happened upon him. No way they got the bicycle in there. Also, it might be just me, but it looks like he’s got no clothes on below the waste. Seems like an uncomfortable way to ride.
Is this the result of forced perspective, or do Carl and Chester have some major suspension sag to one side? I’m talking about the Cougar btw
Ha, now that you mention it, it’s hard to unsee. Since the street has a bit of a crown (for better dispersal of water) it might be possible that the Cougar would have been sitting at an angle not amenable to brochure shots so the photographer had the Cougar jacked up on its right side with the jacks hidden behind the left-side wheels so it would appear level irrespective of the actual ground? And/or maybe had weights added to the left side? Photographers have to resort to all kinds of trickery for such shoots after all. It ain’t just point n’ shoot…
I think that’s it, there’s a jack maxxed out on the right side. They photographed from an angle where the jack is concealed by the left front tire. Carl and Chester took turns jacking it
The world was changing in 1973.
Didn’t know that godamn Carol Baskin drove a Mercury. In the ads you can see her before killing her husband and after (with a big cat).
Big Plaid guy has a smug look on his face, and I’m not sure why. Certainly not the car.
He just made his first sale.
That big cat is probably a small cheetah, which I recently learned humans almost domesticated because they’re basically a big domestic cat and not a small big cat, if that makes sense. They traded ferociousness for speed when it came to picking stats.
Imagine if you could train one to fetch the mail. That’d be way better than the US Postal Service!
Yeah, but they’d keave a lot of orange cheesy paw prints on the mail.
It ain’t easy, bein’ cheesy.
Definitely a cougar in that ad, Mercury used live cougars a lot in their 70s advertising. Cougars can (sort of) be tamed if raised from kittenhood, and there was a brief fad to have them as pets in the 70’s. It’s still legal some places in the US.
Places where it legal for 12 year old girls to marry.
Still wild animals though, the model appears to be wrapped in some sort of bed sheet or curtain material so we can’t see the damage that cat just did to her legs.
My 17lb ginger doofus can do some damage with his murder mittens if he gets a little carried away and he’s about as far from wild as it gets. I don’t get the attraction of keeping as a pet something that pretty much thinks “hey, FOOD!” every time it looks at you.
(Note: Mine probably does think that. He just associates me with cans of Fancy Feast as opposed to actually being the feast)
Our tuxedo doofus is coming up on 1yo and still in the “I’ll bite you if I don’t get my way” phase. He’s coming along though, I couldn’t imagine trying to cohabitate with an actual cougar.
If you feeling brave there are vinyl tips you can glue onto his claws.
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/91ic0HRrfIL._AC_UF1000,1000_QL80_DpWeblab_.jpg
Me, I’m not that brave.
I try to trim our cats’ claws once a week. Otherwise, their job at the biscuit factory quickly goes from cute to painful.
Naah, he’s great about getting his claws trimmed (lays there and purrs) and honestly if I get nailed it’s my fault for riling him up. He’s not quite smart enough to realize there’s actually a foot in that sock he’s attacking.
Chauncey is a Cougar as were his stand-ins and supporting cats. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Apu_mpDKZFk
Fascinating video, and a great look into how those commercials were made. Thanks for posting the link!
Fun ruiner.
I try.
Very cool. I remember those Mercury “At the sign of the cat” commercials.
In Tanzania, we watched a couple of Cheetahs hunt down a baby antelope. It took over an hour. Then before they got the first bite, a lioness and a pack of hyenas reminded the Cheetahs that they did not get the ferocious gene.
Some say when the sands shift just right you can still glimpse the Dune Mercury and its couple to this day….
In this picture they’ve been there long enough for the tire tracks to disappear, so I’m surprised she can still stand.
The damn fools left it idling like a thumper!