While I was in LA, I got a chance to catch up with a friend of mine who is a stunt driver. She does movies and commercials and perhaps even Broadway shows, if they ever need someone to drive a full-sized car on stage, somehow. She was telling me about a movie she worked on where she was hoping the director was into or at least had some knowledge of cars; unfortunately, those hopes were dashed when she heard him request, for the hero car, “the one with the horse on it.”
The one with the horse.
Oy. That doesn’t bode well. But it did make me think of the fun I could have if I was the car-wrangler working for such a director. For example, I think my biggest temptation would be to bring him this car with the horse on it:
Then it’d be fun to watch him splutter and rage and dodge the coffee being thrown at me as I yell “What? There’s a horse on it right there!”
I’d probably be sent out again to “do it right this time,” in which case I think maybe I’d like to come back with one of these:
Look at that bold horse! That has to be what he meant! A fine Iran Khodro Soren! Of course, then he’ll probably really lose his shit on me, and I’ll get worked up too, telling him do you know how fucking hard it was to get a car from Iran over here?
Okay, okay, fine. It must be some other stupid car with a horse on it. Fine. Could he mean this one?
Perhaps he confused the unicorn for a horse on this lovely 1926 French Corre la Licorne V14W4? That’s a pretty prominent equine-badge, and it wouldn’t be so shocking to think that’s just a hornless horse instead of a horned horse, right? This is a good hero car, after all.
But that’s not it, and the director is getting really apoplectic by this point, because I’ve spent a ton of money acquring these cars, and they’re not the “one with the horse on it” he wants. Fine. Okay, one more go. This has to be it:
An Asquith! This is definitely what that director meant. Asquith Motors, a company that makes vintage-looking delivery vehicles on modern Iveco truck chassis, sports a very prominent horse on their badge. This absolutely has to be what that director was thinking of!
And, he’s livid. Livid! He keeps throwing things at me and screaming like a big dumb baby. Fuck this. I quit! I don’t need this bullshit! I’m going to get into my Mustang, drive home, polish my Bronco, and then go see my friend’s new Ferrari.
The one with the horse on it. Motherfucker, please.
I mean, a Hyundai Pony would be a pretty neat hero car…
This was horseshit…no, this was actually really fucking hilarious!
THE ONE WITH THE HORSE ON IT!
More like this please
Does your friend ride motorcycles too? Because that could at least get you a Rocky Horror production or two.
I honestly don’t know what the director wanted. My first thought was a Ferrari. But then I thought it could also be a Mustang. How would one decide between these two? Both would make good hero cars in a Bond-like movie.
You have a friend who’s a stunt driver? I think she needs to tell some stories here.
@driveslikeagirl on insta seems to match these criteria, plus has killer taste in cars
Jason Torchinsky I suggest you help out your partner in arms and suggest to DT that he surprises his bride with a horse drawn carriage for his nuptials, that just sounds dirty, so she doesn’t feel his cars are more important to the wedding than she is. You’re married you get it.
Granted, it’s not one of the electrics built during World War II, but that Corre La Licorne is still a real one-of-one.
Now we know why movies cost 200 million these days.
This is gold. Thanks Torch!
Are we sure he didn’t mean the Hyundai Equus?
I am Latin you a like here for this clever comment.
Clearly the answer was Pontiac Fiero, but that has no mere horse; it’s a pegasus.
Really enjoyed this read!
Jason, you know how to stirrup trouble – after all your horsing around I’ll bet the director was feeling like a right foal. The mane point is, I herd you stayed pasture welcome on that movie set, so it’s probably time to gallop off into the sunset.
You need to rein in this comment. It is saddled with too many puns.
I can’t help it, I just want to be the centaur of attention.
I think it’s time to buck this bit, all our threads are saddled with the weight of and hitched to this pun wagon. It’s withered, I tell you.
Perhaps the director just wanted the hero car to have some Moxie:
https://live.staticflickr.com/5469/9710394355_59f0dcf6a2_c.jpg
Then when he says, “No I meant a Mustang, you moron!” you bring him a P-51.
Or a Mach E
Actually the movie was ‘Poor Things’
Go Emma Stone.
It would be amusing to present the director with a Lamborghini and convince him the logo is actually a specific and obscure breed of horse.
From Reddit, probably lifted from somewhere else.
I just saw a period movie where one of these drove through frame… not exactly a stunt…
The Horsey Horseless was an early automobile created by Uriah Smith, a Seventh-day Adventist preacher, and inventor, in Battle Creek, Michigan. It contained a wooden horse head and neck attached to the front of the car, intended to make it resemble a horse and carriage so it would not frighten horses on the road. This vehicle is known to have been invented in 1899, but it is unknown whether or not it was ever built. The horse head was hollow, also serving as the fuel tank. It was included in Time Magazine’s 2007 list of “The 50 Worst Cars of All Time”.
As someone who’s been around horses in harness a bit, I appreciate the guy’s intent, if not his execution. “I don’t care what anybody does, so long as they don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses” is a good way to prioritize things when you have multiple vehicles/implements hitched to horses around. One horse startles and you can have a multi-hitch wreck in minutes.
What about a Nissan Stagea?
That’s the one with the dual unicorns, a most rare request indeed, but one I’d very happily fulfil
Being a movie director, he was probably requesting the car over by craft services that had a key of heroin in a box sitting on the hood.
‘…vintage-looking delivery vehicles on a modern truck chassis…’
!!
-off to search Asquith
https://www.thecarwarehouse.co.uk/vehicle/307/asquith-mascot
Because of my grandfather’s Model T’s & A’s, I have a penchant for separate wings as you say, so that looks like a sweet camper to me. Not quite aerodynamic—but I’m in less of a hurry these days
Asquith have been making these things for years, in the 1980s I had a van one to advertise my pub/restaurant that one was built on Ford Transit underpinnings. The company still exists, be prepared to make a sharp intake of breath when you find out how much they cost.
https://www.asquithmotors.com/
The Shire looks about my size. And taste.
Sadly, as you noted, not my budget
I remember seeing one over here in the US at a car show in the late 80s/early 90s. They must have imported several, my dad isn’t a car guy and doesn’t follow the business at all, but he knew exactly what it was when I pointed it out, so they must have been around
This is what DT should use to chauffeur all of his wedding guests around…
https://www.asquithmotors.com/gallery/asquith-mascot-bus-carnoustie-scotland
I really thought it was going to end up being a Porsche.
<single tear>
Judging from the header image, I was expecting a deep-dive into one of the earlier horseless carriage that advertised the “horsepower inside” or something. Man, this article was an adventure for us all.
I really doubt someone who doesn’t know a Mustang from a Ferrari has looked at the Porsche logo close enough to see the horse.
Granted, there is a horse in the Porsche logo, but it is kind of indirect (it’s the crest of the city of Stuttgart that has the horse), so I don’t think that counts.