When I was a little kid, I had this fantastic Armitron digital watch. I think it was my first watch? It was a Sun/Moon watch, and it had a little sun in the day that turned into crescent moon at night, and the eyes looked back and forth with the seconds. I really liked it, but mine had a little flaw in the screen, a little black dot, and it drove me nuts. Eventually, I convinced my dad to take me to the store, where an apathetic clerk swapped it out for a pristine one. I tell you this because it shows that, once, I was a bit of a perfectionist about details. And now, I realize I am very much not, and I submit by beloved little Nissan Pao as proof.
I am someone who appreciates details. A lot. I get absolutely obsessed with details, especially car-related details. But I do not need those details to be perfect. At all. In fact, the more I live with myself, the more I realize the opposite is true. For example, I finally got my Pao back after the second deer-smacking incident and all the drama and ass-pains associated with that. The body shop fixed the strange discoloration on the fender, and it looks great again!
The bodyshop, run by a fantastic man named Brother Peacemaker – a man who routinely refers to everyone he interacts with as “baby” – did a great job re-shaping the fiberglass hood and fender. He matched the paint quite well, though you may notice it doesn’t quite match the left fender:
Before you criticize, let’s be clear about what is going on here: I didn’t ask him to paint the whole car, and matching would be near-impossible, since, now that I look at the car, I’m not sure any of the panels matches the ones next to it. All over the car! Look!
The hood, fender, windshield surround, and cowl panel are all slightly different shades of blue.
The passenger door is yet another shade of aqua! This one has a bit more green in it!
And, of course, that door is a different shade than the rear quarter panel, which has less green and a bit less saturation.
Around back, we have a whole glorious patchwork of colors! I just replaced that hinge, which sports its own shade of blue, and the tailgate and panel behind the bumper and fender all proudly display their own slightly different shades of mint, aquamarine, azure, cerulean, sea foam, or whatever.
The color variance isn’t even just limited to individual panels! Look at the C-pillar here: there’s a sort of ombré effect happening where the middle of it is a greener sort of hue and then fades to a more blue hue in the upper and lower parts.
I show you all of these imperfections because I realized I have zero urge to paint the car to be one, uniform hue. I don’t care about these color variations at all! Well, maybe that’s not true, because I think I actually like them? They add to the character of the car, I think. The old kid me that would be bothered by a fleck of something in an LCD display is long gone, I think.
That kid seems to have grown into someone who has perhaps taken things too far, since, objectively, this car is a mess. But I can’t help it. I like imperfect things, flaws delight me, and a little wear and tear just makes things endearing to me. I’m not really sure exactly what this means, except perhaps as a warning to anyone expecting perfection from me.
I don’t want to push my poisoned worldview onto anyone, but I might go so far as to suggest that it’s nice to take a moment and appreciate the flawed things around you? What could it hurt?
There’s attention to detail then there’s focussing on things that just don’t matter. A lot of self proclaimed detail oriented people don’t know the difference.
Thanks for this. It’s a good insight, and especially valuable to someone like me.
Yeppers. This is exactly what happens after your life flashes (or when told afterward that you were “this close”) before your eyes.
Lotsa things matter a whole lot more, and lotsa things matter a whole lot less. Only those that know the feeling, well, know this feeling. It’s a good thing 🙂
Please get to work fixing the rust and weatherstripping around the windshield; seeing that is making me anxious for the little guy.
Also; get a car cover — it needs to be protected from the non-deer elements, too.
It’s a slippery slope folks… next thing you know, Torch will no longer care to write about tail lights. What has this world come to?!??!? j/k – we love Torch no matter what.
Hope your surgeon is more like the “old” you.
“But what you don’t know is that sweater is not just blue. It’s not turquoise. It’s not lapis. It’s actually cerulean.”
Good morning, Ms. Priestly
“Perfect is the enemy of good enough”
For YEARS, no decades, I would take my time getting everything perfect on a project. My father is a Smithsonian trained antique furniture conservator and I probably got a lot of that from him.
However, I never had a completed project. I ran out of space, it weighed on me, it weighed on my marriage. It was a major stressor in my life that I spent all this time on stuff and never got to do anything with it.
Finally, Covid hit and I needed to do something to save myself from boredom. And I “finished” a restoration of an old boat and got it on the water. I say “finished” in quotes because I still have worlds to do on it, but I got it on the water and moseyed around the lake. And I was able to do that because I wasn’t worried about whether or not it was perfect, I was worried about having something to do.
And I realized the truth of that phrase up at the top. And worlds opened to me.
I’ve done so much more, attempted so much more, pushed myself so much further. Its amazing.
I love fucking up. I love not getting something just right cause what’s really the worst case here? I have something else to do fixing it? Oh noooo…. Meantime, I get to drive my cars, I get to build my projects, I get to broaden my skills and get to the point where I can go back and make them perfect if I want to.
But why would I want them perfect?
See “Fucking Up” by Neil Young.
Cool boat.
I understand well. I was cured forever of ‘perfect’ by working at a piano shop. No matter how many hours I would put in, certain polished black finishes were impossible to exactly match. I got to, “Hey, it was chipped when it came in: now you can’t tell unless you get down on your knees and look”.
Life is just too freaking short.
Life is just too freaking short.
“But your mistakes are forever.”
Or so goes the comeback from that evil voice in my own head whenever I’ve tried that platitude myself.
Oh, gods!, trust me: on a couple of them the places I fixed were all that I could look at on return visits. Even if the owners couldn’t see it, I could.
Just consider it your signature.
Congrats on getting that beauty back out on the water where she belongs!
There’s also a difference between a brand-new watch and a 30 year old car from halfway around the world. One you expect to be perfect, because that’s what you paid for. The other has lived a whole life before you got it, and has the scars to prove it.
The scrapes and dings and unevenly-faded paint is what I like best about my truck, too. Not only that, but I know to some degree which dents and scratches are mine, and there’s a comfort in that.
Very true – color match, scrapes, dings etc that I put there are OK.
Delivered that way? Hells no!
I once got a new truck I ordered with scratches in the bed, and it drove me NUTS. That truck also had head problems at 40k miles. Coincidence? I think not! /s
I had a 1978 LTDII Brougham coupe in high school. Every single interior piece had a slightly different shade/tone/depth/etc… of burgundy. No two pieces of adjoining trim exactly matched, complicated by the fact that the interior plastics were ALL metallic to varying degree. I irrationally want it back.
This is a great attitude, Jason. I love that little Pao, and I think it would lose some of its charm if everything were totally pristine.
Herd plotting in the woods nearby:
Deer #1: “See, he said he likes it that the panels don’t match.”
Deer #2: “Yeah, I think we can help that along further.”
I refer to a deteriorated vehicle condition as “Pre-Disastered”. When my brand new 1990 Miata was only 30 days old, a fist-sized rock came tumbling off an overpass and smashed the windshield. I was crushed until I realized a) that could have been my head, and b) I no longer had to baby the car.
Why would your head have been tumbling off an overpass?
(That must have been fucking terrifying, and hopefully you didn’t need new skivvies)
You just have a harlequin Pao in pastel shades of light blue.
Monochrome Harlequin Pao
Saw that after posting. Much better description more sophisticated.
My car has tons of imperfections, rock chips on the bumper, rock chips on the rear quarters from when whoever had it in Japan ran wheels big enough to throw rocks past the factory mudflaps, other little scrapes and scuffs you’d expect to find on a normal 30 year old car. None of it bothers me. I think if I had a car with perfect paint, I’d be afraid to drive it and that’s not fun at all. The only area I do want to fix is the front lip which has progressed from “little rock chips” to “the paint will come off in sheets if you catch it with the hose at the wrong angle”
I didn’t have an Aortic Dissection, but I did beat cancer with a poor prognosis- Facing mortality changes your outlook on life. I found that my priorities shifted in many ways, and I found time to enjoy the things around me as they are. Now, life isn’t about having the biggest, best or nicest. Life is about taking the time to appreciate what you have for what it is- flaws included.
Was Br. Peacemaker able to offer an authoritative answer re: the origin of the odd discoloration?
We (the commentariat) had a number of ideas but I’m wondering what actually caused it.
He said he had too little material in that spot
Gracias!
I like small imperfections, it helps me to recognize an object as “mine” instead of being just like all the others. That said, I’m not asking anybody to key my car or anything.
I’m the same way. I enjoy keeping my stuff up as best I can, but I’ve come to appreciate the flaws as evidence (and reminders) of my cars doing exactly what they were made to do – be driven.
I feel the same way about my own various scars. There are no prizes at the end for being in perfect condition.
Good in concept but not sure anyone would have trouble picking out their Pao in a US parking lot.
There is a world of difference between patina and damage.
My ’71 DeVille’s paint had started to get thin on horizontal surfaces, but I would never dream of stripping off that fantastic Duchess Gold Lacquer that you can’t get anymore, and living with it is fine. The asshole that gave me a fat door ding, I was much less zen.
I have a friend who spent so much money on deductibles/bodywork/paintless dent repair/detailing over the years keeping his car pristine. We did some mild offroading in my truck and I squeezed it between some overgrown bushes in the trail and heard it pinstripe the hell out of my paint and clearcoat. He looked at me like I’m crazy and I shrugged it off, it’s just a truck and we’re having fun with it.
It was almost like a new reality opened up to him. All his stuff (dirt bikes, trucks) is rashed up now and he seems a lot happier.
I’m not going to abuse my stuff but I’m not going to get worked up over mild dings and ‘life’
There’s a certain amount of stress that comes along with owning something new and pristine. Few things are more liberating than a beatup old car that you can just have fun in.
You speak my truth
Username checks out 😉
‘Beater Freedom’
—some of mine have been a bit on the extreme side, though
My car was keyed last year (2012 CTS!) in my work parking lot. Every single panel in front of the A pillar, including the grill and both headlights was keyed.
I’m not fixing it.
Nice. If probably do the same with my vandalized car, but the parolee that damaged mine went for the mechanicals too so I’ll leave the scratches but I’m still rebuilding the motor. It took me a while to figure it out but the sex offender that I pissed off by making him actually go to his therapy put sand in the oil, only figured out what it was and which one did it this week. He’s back in prison now so it is what it is. And no he won’t be paying for it as he has never held a job in 30 years so criminal restitution won’t get me anything.
Oh crap that’s bad. I’m sorry to hear. Sometimes we just need to absorb it. I had a car stolen from me about 10 years ago too. Just had to absorb it. Sometimes life sucks, but we need to keep rollin.
He’s back in prison now so it is what it is. And no he won’t be paying for it as he has never held a job in 30 years so criminal restitution won’t get me anything.
That’s what the 13th amendment is for.
This not only applies to things but people. The people we love are imperfect and we love them, not despite of those imperfections, but because of them. Imagine if we were all the same and perfect. I shudder at the thought.
I applaud your ability to appreciate aesthetic automotive flaws. Personally, I can’t do it. I have a very slight indentation in my front bumper from someone who parallel parked by touch. No one can see it unless I point it out to them. It drives me absolutely nuts.
Understand this. It sucks, and the meds don’t work well enough to make me not care. Shit.
Brother Peacemaker; that’s a streaming show title if I ever heard one. Brother Peacemaker roams the land, righting wrongs in a dystopian world where might makes right.
Jason drives the limited edition Turquoise Harlequin Pao, not to be confused with Nissan’s limited edition Rouge Rogue.
See, I read Brother Peacemaker as an indie folk band that winds up gaining notoriety because their song was used in a Deadwood-style TV show.
Or Brother Peacemaker could be the dystopia.
“Why do you resist Brother Peacemaker and his bountiful state? We will cleanse you of your violent ways.”
Like how in the classic scifi Blake’s Seven, the Federation comprises the totalitarian bad guys.
I think the Star Wars Empire is kinda the same thing. They exist for the ruling elite and will crush anyone who doesn’t play along but pretty much all forms of government eventually evolve to that condition. And some forms of government, like monarchy, (think Princess Leia and her clan) are created that way.
Always thought a fascinating Star Wars movie would be to show things from the Empire’s pov, at the everyday level.
They would see themselves as trying to bring order and peace to the galaxy, but they’re constantly dogged by these terrorists blowing things up, plus there’s this religious conflict between two factions violently arguing over whose interpretation is correct that seems to be constantly roiling things in unpredictable ways.
Exactly. We just accept that Rebel Alliance Good, Empire Bad because the story is told from that perspective. No different from our world today really. One group’s terrorists are another group’s freedom fighters.
And the Clerks’ point is just so good – it’s not stormtroopers wiring the blast doors or fixing the plumbing, it’s skilled tradesmen just trying to earn the credits to keep their families in the good blue milk and decent landspeeders!
think Princess Leia
I’d love to but in that fantasy I’d either end up as her brother or a massive drooling slug.
+1 for Blake’s 7 reference. I wish there had been a region 1 DVD release or (quell horror) a modern remake, though I have a hard time imagining anyone other than Paul Darrow playing Kerr Avon.
I’ve only seen it decades ago on PBS late night. Bad old days special effects, but the setup and storytelling was amazing.
You don’t really need region 1. If you can get a copy of the PAL disks you can watch them on a computer. Hook that computer up to your TV and you’ll never use a standalone DVD player again..
Come to think of it I think most DVD players are region free anyway.
“The Pao Is Back And I Learned That I’m Not Picky About Many Things: Cold Start“
One of those things, though, is 20 year old Toyota Sienna HVAC design.
Perhaps an exploding aorta has given you better perspective on the shit that matters.
If so, good.
Note: that window gasket at the windshield looks pretty wasted Torch. Is a new one readily available? That is something that you should maybe address before it turns into it’s own shit storm? Seriously, do it man. Don’t drive a rusting out piece of shit like your sister DT. Once it begins you’ ll be screwed. Big time. I believe current on e could be half assed repaired using liquid rubber if a new one is not easily available.
Paint looks fine. Time to get out and piss off the deer again brother.
It’s so much less stressful and fun to drive something that isn’t perfect. You don’t have to park in the back of the parking lot or stress if you get a dent or scratch. The imperfections tell a story and allow you to enjoy the car without worrying about actually driving and using it.
My current car got a door ding within the first couple days of owning it. There were fewer than 500 miles on the odometer and someone nicked the paint. Since then, I don’t worry about it. I take care of it, but it’s never going to be perfect. The car before that… gorgeous white paint and not so much as a swirl mark. I fretted every day.
On my current daily, I caught my sideview mirror on the corner of my house backing out of my driveway on the second day of owning it. Then a few days later, someone backed into me at the grocery store. Neither incident left any damage that you’d be able to notice unless you already knew it was there and were looking for it but it helped get that first scratch out of the way early so I wasn’t so constantly worried.
My then-new current car (blue) was sitting in the driveway on a windy day when some moron was cleaning out a paint sprayer upwind (white paint). Luckily my Father in Law has deep OCD and loves to clean a car. He took this as a challenge, and made it perfect again.
As a side note, I learned a lot that day about paint sprayers and wind.
The problem is nobody who looking for a used car wants to hear that story.
“Jason and the Multi-Color Pao” is not the play we want, but the play we need!
The lighting will be spectacular.
It’s Wabi Sabi!
Cars earn their scars, they tell a story. I am a huge proponent of preserving that story, not eradicating it.
boy, that airplane tire sure does look interesting from this angle. what a unique flaw!