Home » The Red Ford Taurus That’s Scarier Than Any Cop Car: COTD

The Red Ford Taurus That’s Scarier Than Any Cop Car: COTD

Nuntaurus
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There are some cars you just know to stay away from. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s rocketing down the highway at 100 mph on a donut spare or it’s so rusted out that you can see daylight through the door panels. Or, maybe it’s a nun in a red Ford Taurus striking more fear into you than the sight of a cop car.

Yesterday, Lewin wrote a humorous article about the scariest cars out there. Citrus had the scariest car story of them all:

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A nun in a red Ford Taurus. She was an incredibly dangerous driver, full “Jesus take the wheel because I’m not going to” level of attention combined with extremely aggressive throttle usage and a general disdain for signals.

The scary things? Well, one, she was a nun, classic monster right there. Two, the cops WOULD NOT PULL HER OVER. Ever. She could do the most egregious, criminal dangerous driving shit, and as soon as they saw who she was, they would drive off. This nun was untouchable.

See the nun in your mirror and you were in for pain. Would she hit you? Would she cause you to hit someone else? You were never safe. And God was not on your side.

But Mechjaz, oh my, this response wins so hard:

I hate this for you but I love this story. The Nuntouchables.

Today, Jason asked you about this interesting car with an ‘X’ painted on its roof. Most of you gave good answers, but V10omous went with the absurd, and I love it:

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You see, the car used to be called Twitter…..

Jakob K’s Garage also had a good one:

Look at that X car go!

Today saw the return of a fan favorite, the Motorious Stephen Walter Gossin! The Autopian’s favorite cheap car rescue hero wrote about a Jeep nightmare. In that piece, B L got me in the feels with:

God help me I hear 20-year-old car and still think it’s from the 80’s, not 2002.

I’m younger, but it blows my mind whenever I remember that my 2005 Smart Fortwo is going to be 20 years in a couple of months. I could have sworn 20 years ago was the 1990s! Oh well, have a great weekend, everyone!

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Joe The Drummer
Joe The Drummer
22 days ago

The nun story immediately made me think of this joke told by the late great Cajun storyteller and chef Justin Wilson, I gar-on-tee:
https://youtu.be/iW4qjPkR-_U?si=7oUAgjR6DZnGGCqA

Jakob K's Garage
Jakob K's Garage
22 days ago

Thanks
(Heart emoji)

Citrus
Citrus
22 days ago

That nun may have almost driven into me multiple times, but I got COTD so all worth it.

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
22 days ago
Reply to  Citrus

She may have almost driven into you multiple times, but we all have our bad habits.

Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
22 days ago
Reply to  Citrus

And you thought it was the Nazis you had to worry about.

“So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersein, Adieu…”

Beto O'Kitty
Beto O'Kitty
22 days ago
Reply to  Urban Runabout

I hate Illinois nuns.

Urban Runabout
Urban Runabout
21 days ago
Reply to  Beto O'Kitty

Otherwise known as “Penguins”?

Beto O'Kitty
Beto O'Kitty
21 days ago
Reply to  Urban Runabout

Actually a take on the famous line from the Blues Brothers, so yes!

Torque
Torque
21 days ago
Reply to  Citrus

I spent 13 years (k-12) in Catholic school. I’ll never forget the one demon num (Sister St. James).
She had a well earned reputation of capital punishment for any preceived child’s misdeeds.
Seems likely she’s hanging out at a fallen angles place down south by now.

Dead Elvis, Inc.
Dead Elvis, Inc.
20 days ago
Reply to  Torque

capital punishment

Inflicting the death penalty is the ultimate expression of corporal punishment, I suppose.

Torque
Torque
20 days ago

Haha yes corporal punishment.

Citrus
Citrus
20 days ago
Reply to  Torque

Both of my parents went to Catholic school, which might be connected to why they both said they would never allow their children to go to a Catholic school.

Torque
Torque
20 days ago
Reply to  Citrus

Reflecting back my experience was good of course ymmv
When it came time for my own kiddos, we considered Catholic and other private programs.

In the end the best program for them (work apporiate), was a full time speciality program surprisingly found in the public school system; for which, each had to apply, go through an interview process and were accepted.

Vetatur Fumare
Vetatur Fumare
20 days ago
Reply to  Citrus

I used to live across the street from a nunnery of sorts (in Suburban Queens, just a regular house but only nuns lived there). They all drove Corollas, preferably beige, although the mother superior splurged on a Highlander. They were all of the extremely slow, dangerously careful school of driving. Watching them park was always fun.

Torque
Torque
20 days ago
Reply to  Vetatur Fumare

Ha I lived 3(ish) blocks from a nunnery and delivered the daily newspaper to them!

Fuzzyweis
Fuzzyweis
22 days ago

I think being in ‘the 2000s’ messed up my perception of time, so like 80s was 20 years ago, 90s was 10 years ago.

Probably cause I didn’t know what to call the first 10 years, so just called them the 2000s, but we’re still in the 2000s. Do we call this the 20s? Should I be doing the Charleston?

Eggsalad
Eggsalad
22 days ago
Reply to  Fuzzyweis

I was born in the 1900s 🙂

Fuzzyweis
Fuzzyweis
22 days ago
Reply to  Eggsalad

Yep, same here, but at least in the space age!

Double Wide Harvey Park
Double Wide Harvey Park
22 days ago
Reply to  Eggsalad

I was born a millennium ago.

Jerry Thomas
Jerry Thomas
22 days ago
Reply to  Eggsalad

I’m 41 and I love using terms like “back around the turn of the century” and “1900s internet was so slow” etc, it annoys my 12 year old boy haha

Last edited 22 days ago by Jerry Thomas
Jonathan Hendry
Jonathan Hendry
22 days ago
Reply to  Fuzzyweis

I keep being shocked when I see some rock star type who I haven’t thought of for years and they’re “suddenly” ancient and decrepit.

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
22 days ago

Or its corollary, that the Rolling Stones are somehow still going.

TimoFett
TimoFett
22 days ago
Reply to  Jack Trade

That’s because they gather no moss

SarlaccRoadster
SarlaccRoadster
20 days ago
Reply to  TimoFett

I’m pretty sure Ozzy will outlive us all, like an old SBC

VanGuy
VanGuy
22 days ago
Reply to  Fuzzyweis

I really wish everyone had standardized on “the aughts.”

Davidsaur
Davidsaur
22 days ago
Reply to  Fuzzyweis

I call them the naughties, then teens, twenties, etc. As VanGuy said it should probably be the Naughts but it’s more fun to say the naughties. It also helps that those were my college years…

Jeffrey Antman
Jeffrey Antman
21 days ago
Reply to  Fuzzyweis

Fuck all of you. I did my first programming on punch cards assembler and FORTRAN in 1969. I was a disk drive engineer in 1980 when a 1 (one) gigabyte disk drive went for $50K. That was the beginning of the ATM and data being online. I’m serious. Yes, I’m older than all of you.

Last edited 21 days ago by Jeffrey Antman
James Davidson
James Davidson
20 days ago
Reply to  Jeffrey Antman

My high school had an IBM 1130 and we were taught FORTRAN programming also on punch cards. 4K of drum memory that was incredibly loud and were not allowed to approach the system. I had an Apple II at home with color graphics and Flight Simulator from SubLogic. FORTRAN on punch cards seemed like absolute torture.

Chris D
Chris D
20 days ago
Reply to  Jeffrey Antman

Crabby old fart, your mother should wash your mouth out with soap.

Vetatur Fumare
Vetatur Fumare
20 days ago
Reply to  Fuzzyweis

They’re called the Naughties

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