Home » The Tesla Robovan Looks Insane And People Are Definitely Gonna Bone In It

The Tesla Robovan Looks Insane And People Are Definitely Gonna Bone In It

Tesla Robovan Topshot
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It’s Oct. 10, and Tesla has finally shown off its vision for a robotic taxi of the future, imaginatively called the Robotaxi. It kinda looks like a Volkswagen XL1 from Alibaba. Weird, but a neat concept for taking two people from one place to another place. However, what if you theoretically need to carry more than yourself and someone else? Well, this is the Tesla Robovan, and it’s something else.

Right off the bat, the Robovan looks like a fever dream, like a blend between an Apple mouse and a toaster and the character design of  Robots, that animated film. Enclosed wheels, full-length strakes, a true monobox silhouette, surely there’s no way this could make production, right?

Vidframe Min Top
Vidframe Min Bottom

Well, at Tesla’s big robotaxi presentation on Thursday, that’s exactly what Elon Musk claimed. The long-term plan, allegedly, is that the Robovan will be there for sports teams, church excursions, mobile orgies, you name it. Alright, maybe the last one wasn’t alluded to, but come on. It’s theoretically a van without a driver. People will be attempt to procreate in there.

Tesla Robovan

Tesla did also unveil a rendering of a robotic vacuum but something tells me that won’t be enough for certain situations. Wait, doesn’t the Boring Company sell flamethrowers?

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Tesla Robovan3

Like the Cybercab, Tesla expects the Robovan to have no steering wheel, no pedals, no traditional controls of any sort. It begs the question: What would happen if it gets stuck? Presumably, in all of Tesla’s autonomous forecasts, there will be intervention from the cloud or something, but this thing’s still a stretch as far as timelines go, so who knows?

Tesla Robovan1

Hell, we don’t even have a rough guideline of when Tesla expects the Robovan to be roaming the streets of America, which is uncharacteristic considering the firm’s, um, optimistic timelines for future products. Has anyone seen the second-generation Tesla Roadster recently? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Tesla Robovan2

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There are still an unbelievable number of kinks to be ironed out in order for the Robovan to even be feasible for production. We’re talking regulatory approval, production ramping hell, feasibility of manufacturing, and even whether or not the vision-only approach to Level 4 autonomy will even work. Still, on form factor alone, I’m interested in seeing where this goes. America needs more weird vans, and this is definitely a weird van.

(Photo credits: Tesla)

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Brockstar
Brockstar
1 month ago

I hate it. But if you give it this wrap I will hate it much less… at least from a design perspective. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1AXekfYBpU

Mr E
Mr E
1 month ago

“For a limited time, when you buy a Robovan, you’ll get a free Segway! Operators are standing by, since we don’t have any money left over for chairs after blowing it all on this stupid piece of shit.”

Adam Rice
Adam Rice
1 month ago

The production model will look more like this.

Kaiserserserser
Kaiserserserser
1 month ago

People Are Definitely Gonna Bone In It

I disagree, it is EXTREMELY challenging to bone in something that doesn’t exist.

TXJeepGuy
TXJeepGuy
1 month ago

Its more of a Shelbyville idea…

Trust Doesn't Rust
Trust Doesn't Rust
1 month ago
Reply to  TXJeepGuy

Wait just a minute. We’re twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville!

Nick Fortes
Nick Fortes
1 month ago

Definitely has a retro-futurism thing going for it. It might as well be nuclear powered

Matt Sexton
Matt Sexton
1 month ago

Is this a bad time to point out that Zoox has already been doing this for quite some time now, and has actual vehicles out on the roads?

Allen Lloyd
Allen Lloyd
1 month ago
Reply to  Matt Sexton

But is their founder / CEO incredibly weird and attention seeking? That seems to be the path to profit these days 🙁

Zeppelopod
Zeppelopod
1 month ago

chewbacca_roar.mp3

Watch the whole fleet go scurrying away

Trust Doesn't Rust
Trust Doesn't Rust
1 month ago

“There are still an unbelievable number of kinks to be ironed out”

That van looks like it has plenty of space to accomodate lots of kinks.

Ben Siegel
Ben Siegel
1 month ago

It’s all vaporware, obviously. But Thomas mentioned the Gen 2 Roadster – how about the Tesla Semi?

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
1 month ago
Last edited 1 month ago by Rad Barchetta
JT Eastwood
JT Eastwood
1 month ago
Reply to  Rad Barchetta

This exactly. A way to distribute the robots and attack Audis!!!

JT4Ever
JT4Ever
1 month ago

Whenever I ride in a (real) train or bus, nobody wants to sit in the backwards facing seats unless all the others are taken. I think something in our brain doesn’t like being transported facing backwards. Why design this fake bus with a bunch of backwards facing seats?

Spectre6000
Spectre6000
1 month ago

The couldn’t think of a number between 2 and 20? I wouldn’t mind a few extra people’s worth of seating capacity for my family of 4, but 20 is a bus.

Timbales
Timbales
1 month ago

So here’s an innovative idea for Tesla – take several of these, link them together and have them run in that tunnel loop they built in Las Vegas.

Arch Duke Maxyenko
Arch Duke Maxyenko
1 month ago
Reply to  Timbales

And maybe put them on tracks with steel wheels to cut down on wear

Nick Fortes
Nick Fortes
1 month ago

You might be on to something. This could revolutionize travel for millions

Strangek
Strangek
1 month ago
Reply to  Timbales

Let’s not get crazy here.

MDMK
MDMK
1 month ago

This looks like one of those transportation pods from the Prime Video series Upload which isn’t a good thing since one of the darned things was reprogrammed to kill the MC.

Eventually, these things will be everywhere, at least in warmer climates, once the autonomous bugs are worked out, proven to be safe, and those of us who don’t like to drive or own vehicles get used to the idea of anywhere/anytime personal transport on demand right around the time a progressive state like California starts bouncing around ideas to eliminate non-autonomous vehicles.

Adam Schluck
Adam Schluck
1 month ago
Reply to  MDMK

Yes, imagine a world of transportation for the public? If only we could do that today.

JC 06Z33
JC 06Z33
1 month ago

Don’t we already have vehicles designed to transport ~15 adults? Isn’t this just an E350 but with more steps?

(and yes, I’m intentionally ignoring the laughable claims of full autonomy in the next two years)

Alexk98
Alexk98
1 month ago

whether or not the vision-only approach to Level 4 autonomy will even work

It doesn’t and it wont. The data vision only system intake is far too limited. Radar and Lidar provide critical, high repeatability distance data that vision never can. Vision only autonomy lives and dies by the strength of the algorithm, but is entirely limited by the fact that ML has to be perfect in order to accurately asses every situation, which is simply cannot ever be. Put another way, radar gives you an actual distance measurement, cameras require an algorithm to guess distance based on training data, but it is, ultimately, a guess.

Tesla is pushing for Vision only due to cost, but the reality is, every single other automaker uses radar for Adaptive Cruise control, and those that are promising production grade L3 systems are intending to use Lidar, for the simple reason that it is the objectively correct solution to the task at hand.

There’s innovation that truly pushes the industry forward, and then there’s the “we know better than everyone else” Approach. Famous examples of the latter include: Oceangate Titan submersible, Theranos blood testing, Kodak abandoning the digital camera after inventing it, and so so many more.

Last edited 1 month ago by Alexk98
Adam Schluck
Adam Schluck
1 month ago
Reply to  Alexk98

It would seem like a better idea to crack the nut first, and then set about ways of making it easier, cheaper and more repeatable.

TheDrunkenWrench
TheDrunkenWrench
1 month ago

This is just worse public transit.

EVDesigner
EVDesigner
1 month ago

You can always guarantee techbros of the bay area to “reinvent” something that was always there. Elon is definitely one

TheDrunkenWrench
TheDrunkenWrench
1 month ago
Reply to  EVDesigner

The solution is always trains and then buses for where the trains don’t go.

EVDesigner
EVDesigner
1 month ago

Boring company = Literally a train and subway but worse because it still creates traffic
This taxi thing = Literally a bus but worse because it still creates traffic

Leighzbohns
Leighzbohns
1 month ago

Melon Husk just reinvented the bus. Pretty much any silicon valley “mobility revolution” is a bike, a scooter, or a bus invented by people who only sniff their own farts.

TOSSABL
TOSSABL
1 month ago

Selfishly, I’m glad to live in a small city nearer the east coast. Presumably the tragedies resulting from trying to push fsd on the public will happen far from here

TXJeepGuy
TXJeepGuy
1 month ago
Reply to  TOSSABL

Just ask Ogdenville, Brockway, North Haverbrook, and Springfield about that.

JP15
JP15
1 month ago

sports teams, church excursions, mobile orgies, you name it.

One of those things is not like the others! I suppose it depends on the sports team or church though…

AlterId
AlterId
1 month ago
Reply to  JP15

The players and coaching staff from the St Gregory’s boys’ baseball team covers all three!

Anders
Anders
1 month ago

Calm down, it’s a bus.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 month ago

“The Tesla Robovan Looks Insane And People Are Definitely Gonna Bone In It”

So thanks to Tesla’s fondness for cameras on all the things I suppose we can look forward to TeslaOnlyFans.

AlterId
AlterId
1 month ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

By summoning or entering a Robotaxi or Robovan, passengers give up any and all rights to any and all content derived from their trip, whether audio, video, demographic and/or financial.

Chronometric
Chronometric
1 month ago
Reply to  AlterId

Maybe this is Elon’s true genius. Give away the vans. Sell the porn content.

Horizontally Opposed
Horizontally Opposed
1 month ago
Reply to  Chronometric

He’s onto something. And given the crap on twitter lately, he has the perfect distribution channel.

Jon Benet
Jon Benet
1 month ago

Art Deco styling on an airport terminal tram. I’ll pass. I am going to wait for a Chrysler version with a nice Rococo motif.

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
1 month ago

Bone in it unless your girlfriend has a headache and says there’s just no way

DolanDuk
DolanDuk
1 month ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

That’s what the Tesla Robots are for

VanGuy
VanGuy
1 month ago

I concur on weird vans. Hell, we need more normal vans, too.

Anyway, I hope that headline wins you a Pulitzer.

Along with Martin, Dutch Gunderson, Lana and Sally Decker
Along with Martin, Dutch Gunderson, Lana and Sally Decker
1 month ago
Reply to  VanGuy

More like a Pull-It-Sir…

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