I recently moved to the big city, and I love it. But it’s also brought a particular issue into focus for me, one that has caused me endless frustration and rage. It’s quite simple: I can’t stand when people yield when they have right of way. I don’t care if you think you’re being nice. It needs to end, now.
Long ago, traffic engineers and administrators came up with simple rules for assigning right of way. In combination with turn signals, these rules allowed drivers to anticipate traffic flow and safely interact with other vehicles. The rules established an understanding of who was allowed to go first, and when. This was and is an unambiguously good thing. It allows traffic to flow and minimizes the number of accidents on the road.
Sadly, these rules are not religiously adhered to. Some people just ignore the rules entirely, so we give them a wide berth. But you know what’s just as bad? People who yield unexpectedly because they’re being nice. It’s dangerous, unwelcome, and it needs to stop. We’re gonna talk pedestrians, we’re gonna talk road rules, and we’re going to cover the horror of the “wave of death,” as some call it.
Don’t be like this.
Walk Safe
As I mentioned above, moving downtown has made this a daily issue for me. Oftentimes, I’m walking down the sidewalk, and I come to cross a road. I’ll happily wait for a few seconds for cars to roll through on their merry way before I cross. After all, they have right of way! And yet, maybe half the time—they hit the brakes, come to a stop and wave me across! This can be frustrating.
I had already picked out a perfectly safe time to cross—after they had passed by, as they had the right of way. By stopping, they throw everything out of whack. I have to recheck the surroundings to make sure that there is no other traffic that will run me down. Then, I have to scamper along to get out of the way of this vehicle that is now waiting for me when it was never supposed to in the first place! It’s positively infuriating.
I get it. You’re happy to make way for pedestrians. But here’s the thing. They have their slot in traffic just like you do. By yielding your spot unnecessarily, you’re forcing them to step out of theirs. Suddenly nobody in the intersection can predict what anybody else is going to do. This is where danger lies! You should always take due care when driving and not simply expect other people to get out of your way—but ignoring your own right of way entirely is unhelpful.
The worst example happened to me recently. I was waiting to cross a sidestreet, when an approaching car stopped to let me cross even though it had right of way. They were expectantly waiting for me to cross. Meanwhile, another vehicle was trying to turn on to the sidestreet, expecting that they had right of way. After all, if everyone followed the rules, I wouldn’t be crossing since another car was approaching.
Some jurisdictions require drivers approaching the throat of a T intersection to give way to pedestrians—like California, or Queensland, Australia.
Ultimately I made a stupid decision to try to cross, and nearly got run over by the turning car in the process. I should have ignored the car waiting for me and left them as the only unpredictable fool in the scenario. Not pictured in this diagram is my partner who was rightfully upset with me for making such a silly decision. Felt bad. I know better!
Wave of Death
This happens in all kinds of other situations, too. Have you ever tried to turn your car across a multi-lane road, when someone on that multi-lane road stops short to wave you through an opening? They’re giving up their right of way to be nice, but they’re putting you in a tough situation. You can’t see the traffic in the other lane, so if you pull through, there’s every chance you’ll end up in a majorly ugly crash. It’s called the “wave of death” and it can have brutal results. I’ll stop short of showing you videos of actual crashes. They’re out there, but viewer discretion is advised. In any case, there are plenty of examples of near misses out there. [Ed Note: There’s a bit of cursing in the videos below; we don’t condone cursing out folks just trying to be nice (there are other ways), but this is a matter of public safety, and if that’s how these folks need to vent their frustrations, so be it. -DT].Â
Then there’s the four way stop. These can be confusing, but ultimately, somebody has to go first. If you’re already stopped and are about to go, and you see someone else approaching and slowing down? You can go! They have to stop and yield to traffic already in the intersection. If you wait for them, they’re going to be confused, because they’re waiting for you. This then creates the risk that when they give up, you’ll both go at the same time and have a collision.
Of course, there’s no accounting for fools. Like this Cadillac driver who doesn’t realize you’re supposed to give way to the right, and to traffic already in the intersection — not cool
If you’re wondering why this is a bad thing, there’s real legal precedent in this regard. As covered by lawyer Anthony Carbone, the 1998 court case of Thorne v. Miller. Here’s a summary of the case, per the linked court document:
The accident took place on Route 530, a four lane road running east-west with two lanes in each direction. Prior to the accident, defendant, Lori Miller, was waiting to make a left turn out of a parking lot adjacent to the westbound lanes. She wanted to go east on Route 530 and needed to cross the westbound lanes to do so. Traffic was congested. Donald Cook was driving in the slow westbound lane (the outer lane) and stopped just before the parking lot Miller needed to exit. Cook “waved out” Miller twice in a way to indicate she could exit the parking lot in front of his vehicle. Miller responded, and as she crossed the westbound lanes, she struck a car traveling in the fast westbound lane (the inner lane). That car was operated by Rita St. George, a plaintiff, and the impact caused St. George to hit a vehicle driven by Joseph Thorne, another plaintiff in this case. Miller sued Cook as a third party defendant and St. George has brought a direct claim against him.
Cook, who was not involved in the accident but for his waving gesture, brings a motion for summary judgment on the ground that he owes no duty to Miller.
Both St. George and Miller sued Cook, on the basis that his wave caused the accident. The court agreed that the wave may have contributed to the crash, and noted that Cook could have taken the time to assess the traffic flow before waving. The court also found that a waving driver does “assume a duty [of care]” in such a situation. The court decision doesn’t outright state the apportion of blame to the drivers involved in the collision, but it effectively states that waving on another driver is not without liability risk.
YSK the "wave of death" helps no one and is dangerous.
byu/molivergo inYouShouldKnow
I’m not the only one upset about this!
In Context
I reached out to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety regarding the “wave of death.” Director of Media Relations, Joe Young, noted that there is little to no official research on the topic. It seems that I may care a great deal more about this topic than either state transport authorities or, indeed, the insurance companies themselves.
That’s not to say he didn’t have some helpful pointers, though:
“Communication between road users is common and can certainly be helpful in some situations, such as when the right of way isn’t clear…I think most of us have encountered a situation, however, where someone yields the right of way instead of taking their turn, which can create a problem if not all drivers and other road users are on the same page. “
Ultimately, though, you’ve got to focus on doing the right thing yourself, Joe explains:
“I think in this scenario it’s important to rely on common sense, not rush, and take normal precautions such as properly yielding to any other road users that may be in the area, including pedestrians. While I’m sure their intentions are good, it’s unlikely the driver waving you through has considered every scenario, so it’s very important to ensure that it’s safe to proceed before doing so.”
If you’re someone who does this kind of thing, I get it. You’re a nice person! And it’s nice to be nice sometimes. You’re trying to help out your fellow motorist or pedestrian, and that’s really sweet. The reality is, though, you’re introducing unnecessary chaos into the flow of traffic. That’s risky, and can get people hurt. The “wave of death” is called that for a reason. People can get seriously hurt in situations like these, and it’s simply not worth it.
I promise you, you’re not being selfish. If you’ve got the right of way, take it. Drive safely, of course, but don’t wave people through when it’s not your turn.
Drive safe out there.
Image credits: Lewin Day, Austlii.edu.au via screenshot, Reddit via screenshot, Clueless Drivers of Maryland via YouTube screenshot
YES! This is the hill that I will die on! Or not die on, because I’m not sorry for being a safe, consistent, predictable driver by not yielding my rightful right of way.
This. 1000x this. And multiply it another 100x when I’m cycling. You have the right of way. No I’m not walking/riding/driving in front of you. No, you aren’t being polite. You are being idiotic. So move your bleeping car so we can all (safely) get on with our lives.
And have fun stopping at the yield sign entering an open round about, merging 2 miles early for a lane closure instead of zippering, and parking to wait 5 minutes for the person who just got to their car to back out and subsequently causing a traffic jam in the parking lot. Idiot.
And for the record, I know a lot of people do it to cyclists because they expect them to ignore the stop. I don’t, and I wish more cyclists would be responsible about this so we didn’t have to put up with this BS.
Exactly this, if a cyclist gets waved through nine times he’s going to expect it the 10th.
I’m actually saying a bit of the opposite….cyclists running stop signs have conditioned the drivers. And to be perfectly clear, I am a cyclist being critical of cyclists….
No, I’m agreeing but its both sides being conditioned. Chicken and egg…the cyclist is running the stop sign because he’s become conditioned to run stop signs when drivers are just going to wave them through. The drivers are giving up their right of way because they’ve become conditioned to cyclists running stop signs. Break the cycle by following the law.
I don’t know if someone else has already brought this up, but in many instances, I can’t see with certainty that someone is waving me through because of the glare off the glass of the car. flapping your arms about when I can’t really see what you’re doing makes it even more dangerous. Are you waving me through or air drumming with AC/DC on the radio?
As a pedestrian, I hate this. You messed up both of our rhythms; and since I am already stopped it wouldn’t have taken me a single second to let you pass – as it is, I will have to wait longer to wait for you to stop and to reassess traffic, while you lost a lot more time as well. It’s lose-lose; Marty Densch’s “false courtesy” is a great name for this.
I have taken to turning around, facing away from the street to allow these kinds of people to drive past me without feeling compelled to stop. Once their speed falters even a little bit, I will spin around and pretend to look at my phone.
I can think of one or maybe two instances where the WoD is acceptable: 1) you’re in effectively stop and go traffic and you let a car make a right into the lane in front of you (left turners can wait for the heat death of the universe, learn to route plan), and possibly 2) when it is questionable if two cars arrived simultaneously at a 4-way stop it affects the right of way. I’ll usually try to delay my stop a beat and just give the wave to remove any doubt since people are idiots and the 2 seconds saved isn’t worth the risk. NOTE: in the second scenario, I intentionally don’t have the right of way and make it clear because people don’t know the actual rules…
To add to number 1, even if it’s not stop and go, if I’m coming up on a red light and would block the person and… you know, sit there uselessly anyway, I may as well let them take the right turn. (IIRC you’re not supposed to block parking lot entrances while stopped at a light anyway in New York, but I am not 100% positive on that. It also allows someone in the oncoming lane to make a left into the business without holding up the other lane.) The most controversial thing I’ll do is realize the person behind me is on my bumper and THEY would be the one to block the lot, in which case I’ll slow down early and wave the person out.
Yeah, I look at it as an easy way to help someone without adversely affecting myself in any way. It’s actual courtesy instead of the fake courtesy the article is about.
Don’t be nice, be predictable. Not sure where I heard that first, but it definitely fits.
Ah yes the old midwest standoff!
False courtesy, as a friend called it, is particularly common here in the midwest. I suspect in many cases it’s passive-aggressive behavior. The other driver knows they have the right of way and should take it but are exercising some sort of authority over you by granting it to you as if they are the arbiter of traffic rules. This same friend would go so far as to get out of his car and sit on the hood if the other driver kept insisting on waving him through.
This is every drive, every road, every day, every hour in FL. This entire God-forsaken peninsula is in a constant state of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
My daughter’s high school classmate died from one of these scenarios. Her brother was driving, trying to cross a busy highway at a truly awful intersection. Since traffic was backed up, a driver on the highway waved him across, directly into the path of a vehicle coming the other way that he couldn’t see. His sister in the passenger seat took the brunt of the impact.
The only positive result was the fastest major reconfiguration of an intersection I’ve ever seen–after years of foot-dragging by the state.
These are excellent points that should be followed because they are safer and easier. However, due to the mass stupidity of humanity, they will not be obeyed, and if anything, increase in frequency.
Eh I found this things is way more common in some regions than others. In New York, anyone who’s lived in the city for more than a few weeks knows to stand on the right side of the escalator. Meanwhile in the Midwest where I currently am everyone just stands wherever with no regard for efficiency. That issue alone in my mind justifies coastal elitism.
Since when did you have to stand on one side of an escalator? They only go in ONE direction. If you try to run in the opposite direction, you’re an idiot.
Yah know what. I think I just answered my own question…
it’s the same as being in high speed lane without passing. someone else might want to go faster than you…that’s why if you stand on escalator, stand on the right side…people can walk past on left
You stand on the right side so that people in a hurry can walk on the left side. Just like moving sidewalks at the airport.
ETA: Some escalators are really narrow and this is probably not feasiable. But where’s there is space, let the people who are late to work get through.
“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”
-Mitch Hedburg
People who don’t understand the proper flow of 4-way intersections gets amplified up here in Canada, and enters what’s know at The Canadian Standoff.
There are many versions of this standoff. From paying for each other’s meal, to holding a door open for someone.
We lose a lot of time locked in standoffs with people.
In the case of the 4-way stop, I was taught when indecision occurs, you take the decision away from them and commit.
My husband’s family had this disease so badly that they couldn’t sit down at a seat-yourself restaurant. “Which table do you want?” “Or a booth?” “Do you like that one?” “Whichever one you want is fine.” “How about over here?” “Or here? Is this better?”
I started just grabbing a table immediately and they were eventually trained.
Sometimes you just have to grab the thing you want and ignore everyone else.
They’ll figure it out eventually.
LOL… when people ask me to pick, I’ll sometimes make the choice that I KNOW they won’t like.
Me to girlfriend: What do you feel like having? Or what restaurant do you want to go to?
Girlfriend: I don’t know… You pick!
Me: HOOTERS!
Girlfriend: I don’t like that place. Somewhere else.
Me: Nope! You asked me to pick… and so THAT is the place I picked. Now I have my heart set on it! You don’t want to hurt my feelings do you???
LOL
That can save everyone so much time in so many situations. I am the polar opposite of a high-strung person; people who know me are probably tempted to hold a mirror to my mouth to confirm that I’m breathing. But there are times to just end all the awkwardness and be the person who moves.
It’s how we instruct transit bus operators. The longer you sit in that state of indecision in an intersection, the higher the chances of a collision are.
Also, your best indication of another car’s intent is to watch lane placement and the front wheel angle. This is consistently a better predicter than turn signals.
There’s nothing quite like being a pedestrian and having someone wave you into a real-life version of Frogger. And when you say no thanks to certain death, having the driver get angry for rejecting their kind gesture to wander into the blunt force trauma machine.
Frogger? “HOLES! I NEED HOLES!”
Slippery Pete is one hell of a rogue electrician.
Sadly, my wife does the “nice” thing frequently.
To add insult, when the person doesn’t “go” fast enough (usually can’t) she then gets impatient and then will sometimes shoot forward cutting them off just as they begin to move, causing many near-misses. She keeps saying she’s just trying to be nice. Of course the other driver is just an “idiot”. Usually they are waiting for us to pass so they can turn and all this does is block them and cause more traffic to back up, removing their opportunity … so they get angry (horns, middle fingers, etc.).
So do I.
We argue repeatedly about how it’s *not* nice, and it never changes.
In the end … I do love my wife … she’s an excellent driver in every other way. She rows the gears like a champ, but I wear big sunglasses in her car and wish I could apologize to all those poor people she’s been so nice to. It’s a sheer miracle (or their driving acumen) that we haven’t been hit.
Existentially, I’ve often wondered if mandatory retesting of drivers would make a difference to bad driving behavior but I doubt it. It seems bad drivers know how they are supposed to drive but just don’t or won’t.
Mandatory anything regarding driving license standards require people to be able to live without a car, i.e. better public transit. If you want better drivers on the road, advocate (and be willing to pay for) public transit.
I’d do it.
A friend of mine nearly failed his licence test due to an overly courteous truck driver waving him to turn in front of the truck into a side street. He followed the driver’s directions as the driver was clearly waving and flashing his lights, only to be told by the testing official to pull over with an automatic fail for not giving way to oncoming traffic. Luckily his driving instructor was in the car during the test and was able to argue on his behalf that the truck driver was essentially forcing him to go even though he didn’t intend to.
Yeah… the testing official was being a bit of a dick if they could clearly see that someone is handing them the right of way.
I see a lot of “why do they do x behavior in y location?”
Guys and gals, I assure you, bad drivers are everywhere. It’s worse some places than others – near my house all the north-south streets and roads have insane amounts of red-light runners, literally crossing seconds into my green.
There’s a roundabout half a mile from my house that stumps at least three goons every day, and that’s just what I’m seeing first hand. This doesn’t even count the chucklefucks that learned a cheat code for traffic: drive fast, yield never, and always plow straight over the median.
It’s also increasingly common to see people swerve wildly, including into the oncoming lane, to not have to slow down because the vehicle ahead is slowing for a turn. You with think the car had been bitten by some monstrous snake the way it recoils and lurches.
I have to honk almost daily to get people to stop texting or watching TikTok to notice the green light. Likewise, staying right of center has gotten incredibly casual lately. Any time I’ve chanced to see the driver there’s a blue glow on their face.
Drivers going 10-15 under, then blasting up to 20 over is common when they finish their current text.
Edit: bonus round: the shoulder/breakdown lane is obviously where you get to drive when you shouldn’t be stuck in traffic like some banal, filthy person. You’re special enough to create a solid wall of cars such that even first responders must respect how special you are and how much you deserve not to be stuck waiting like some pissant peasant.
If people could screw up breathing they would.
(Disclaimer: this is about “normal” people, not people with medical issues)
I know, I know. Big “okay go off” energy from me here. At the very least, it’s not just California or Minnesota or New York. It’s everywhere, and I know everyone says this all the time, but I truly believe it’s gotten demonstrably worse over the years I’ve been paying attention. Red light running, what I’m gonna call intersection entitlement (forcing right of way by putting yourself into a situation you can’t possibly safely and legally clear), and maintaining a lane have all taken visible upticks year over year.
Wish this piece was printed in the local paper. All day long on the mail route. I appreciate people wanting to be nice, but it gets frustrating having to reevaluate, and then feel obligated to jog in front of a stopped car where the driver’s foot is inches away from the accelerator.
Sometimes I’ll look down and act like I’m sorting the stack of letters and just wait. One time though, some guy blow the horn because I was ignoring his courtesy stop.
Agree, even as a pedestrian I make then go. Just go and get out of my way and clear the area out so I don’t have to scurry across. I’ll wait all day, if they honk I’ll just walk backward. Goes double if I’m on a bike.
I have this mental image of you moonwalking backwards from the WoD, mainting eye contact with the driver and waving either a thumbs-down or middle finger the whole time.
I am totally going to start moonwalking in these scenarios!
I need to practice that. Sounds way more fun.
Need to get it syndicated. What’s your paper?
hmm…
Should I disclose where I work on here? It’s pretty rural & there’s enough weird people that call into the Post Office with goofiness .
Got an email?
I go through an intersection that I find particularly dangerous due to the speeds. Sometimes, in the fast lane, people will stop to let people in or cross on that same side street. I find it insane.
There is NO reason to be polite when there are clear rules. Rules that these idiots are clearly violating simply to be “nice”. Agreed, and thank you for the PSA, this was a good one. I didn’t know this had a name, and now I do.
I think I am now going to counter the “Wave of Death” with the “finger of middle” to keep the balance of the world equal.
I’ll sit there a couple of minutes, and then suddenly back up, make a u-turn and take a different route.
Here’s a question: if you’re in the left lane behind a line of cars stuck behind someone turning left, who has priority to go around them when the right lane is clear? The car right behind the left turner, or the car at the end of the line, then each car in front?
You’ve clearly never met the special breed of driver who doesn’t actually signal they’re making a left turn ahead of time in a lane where multiple options are possible (not a turning-only lane).
Come join the rest of us and experience that fun. Moving around on the right side is a real question.
That sounds great in theory but the reality is that I live somewhere with actual people on the road, so I can be trailing by multiple car-lengths but when Karen/Kenneth decide to make a suddenly urgent left in their vehicle without signaling (because they are a bird-brain), there’s already traffic in the right lane and I can’t just merge over.
Having space and paying attention doesn’t get you anywhere when people drive like Dory from Finding Nemo. They have no consideration and no plan, which is a very dangerous combination.
Okay bud.
You may be magically tooling around your “Metropolis” making all the right moves, but there are no right moves in NYC. You’ll sit and wait like the rest of us when someone drives like they are the center of the universe.
Why did all the comments you were replying to disappear?
No clue, but my inner 5 yo can only assume that means… “I win!”
=D
Most people don’t know how to drive safely and never will. It’s hopeless. We need to build lots of public transit so we can take their licenses away and leave the roads clear for people who can actually drive.
You must be on the west coast. I’d never had this issue growing up back east! Makes me crazy.
East coast here, happens all the time.
I never wave someone unless I see it’s safe for them (and they’re exiting a driveway/cross st/non-light location plus traffic is crazy behind me) to make a turn but I’ve seen other people do the wave of death plenty and only be saved by the attentive driver who is about to hit them actually slowing down properly. Not good.
I’m in north eastern MA and it happens all the f’n time.
There’s an additional element to this that we run into up here in Canada.
The left turn is in a bit of a legal grey area. It’s not really legal, but it’s not really illegal either. You’re only allowed to turn left IF it’s safe to do so. Get into an accident turning left? You’re at fault because it was clearly not safe to do so.
So, we started running into cases of insurance fraud. Someone going straight at a 4-way stop would wave a left turner in front of them, when the left turner went, they went as well. Dash cams don’t matter. The car turning left is at fault. Person is able to make an insurance claim on their car to the detriment of the person they waved into the intersection.
I see someone else waving me through at an intersection all the time. I never go – just point back at them. Sometimes, the other person is insistent. They get the finger.
Absolutely agree. Downright dangerous. And even times when it’s not dangerous (being nice), you are only being nice TO THE PEOPLE YOU ARE FACING. There is likely a line of people behind you you are actively being rude to in order to feel like you are being nice to the person directly across from you.
THIS!
https://youtu.be/Yhs93VKtnco?si=3JRfKi04k3lT-WCm
Jammed that all the time during the 2020 “wave of death”
100% agree and have vented about this here and other places. I hate it when I’m running and cars stop way before I get to the intersection to wave me across. I just flat-out don’t go and it has pissed more than a few people off but screw em. A lot of times if I’m walking, to avoid the BS, I just act like I’m turning and not crossing people’s path at a stop sign so they don’t bother. Then I make my crossing after they’ve gone. I just don’t like trusting my safety to others. I’ve flat-out refused the courtesy in my car when some old person waves me on incorrectly. I’ve waited people out for awhile before to make the point. Just follow the rules and things will go safer and faster.