Happy Friday, Autopians! And happy winter solstice tomorrow! Today we’re doing a four-way shootout of the week’s winners, and there is a scenario involved to help you choose, which we’ll get to in a minute.
Yesterday’s colorful Colorado cars were both pretty utilitarian, and I wasn’t sure which way you all were going to go. But it ended up being the Voyager by a substantial margin. From the sounds of it, the Swiss-army-knife qualities of the van were more appealing than the Kia-ness of the Kia to a lot of you.
I have to agree. I spent a big chunk of the 1990s servicing cars in a mom-and-pop gas station/garage, and as you might imagine, I saw the underside of approximately eighteen zillion Chrysler minivans in that time. I was always impressed by how well they held up with just normal maintenance. The Mitsubishi engine will burn some oil, but the rest of the mechanicals are more or less bulletproof.
All right, let me set the scene. I think I’ve used this one before, but what the hell. Your spouse’s Aunt Frieda is coming to visit for Christmas, and you have been tasked with picking her up from the airport. Unfortunately, thanks to a patch of ice and an ill-timed deer, your own car is out of commission. Thankfully, however, your neighbor is a faithful reader here, and subscribes to the “more is better” philosophy of car ownership. He’s reasonably sure these four will make it to the airport without issue, and he’s willing to loan you one of them. All you have to do is choose.
2004 Ford Thunderbird
The case for it: This was a pretty classy car in its day. And it’s still a quiet, comfy ride, with a little bit of style. Might score a few brownie points with the family.
The case against it: It’s a little threadbare inside, which takes away from the outside style a little bit. But at least the ripped seat is on your side, not Aunt Frieda’s.
2001 Honda Prelude
The case for it: Airports during the holidays can be chaotic places; it sometimes helps to have something that can cut and dodge its way through traffic with ease. And it is still really nice inside.
The case against it: It is a bit lacking in curb appeal. And it’s probably the least comfortable of the four choices on the highway.
1970 Lincoln Continental
The case for it: Style for miles, and it’s a car Aunt Frieda will be impressed by, since it’s from her era. The interior is supremely comfortable, the ride is like a cloud, and nothing says “outa my way, I’ve got places to go” better than this.
The case against it: It’ll take up a lot of room in the loading zone, which might make it tougher to find a spot. And if that leaky, slippy transmission decides to act up, you could be in some trouble.
1999 Plymouth Voyager
The case for it: It’s a good blend of comfort and practicality, with lots of room for luggage (in case she travels heavy) and nice upright seats that are easy to get in and out of.
The case against it: You may have to fend off other passengers who mistake it for a Super 8 Motel courtesy shuttle or something.
Well, there you have them: Four choices. Your choices. You’re driving one of them to the airport. What’ll it be? Discuss, debate, vote – and I’ll dig into my bag of tricks and see what I can come up with for next week. Have a great weekend!
(Image credits: sellers)
Voyager all day, past the edge of the Solar System.
Pop Pop’s Continental is so old its sophistication has dropped to Uncle Buck status, plus I’ll need the credit limit of two charge cards to gas it up. Mom’s minivan will get lost in the shuffle and wallow like a fat piglet in mud in the traffic. Sis’s college car Prelude smells like weed inside, hasn’t been cleaned since Iraqi Freedom kicked off, and throws error messages like a Navajo code talker. So, I’ll take the Thuguar. It’s distinctive enough to be easily spotted in the Christmas crush and classy enough to still flatter its riders. Thunderbirds are go!
hey, i have happy memories of being the inner city kid who got to chase piglets in the mud on his first visit to a real farm. Of course, the watching adults realized most of the mud in the sty wasn’t really mud.
Bet you felt kind of like a turd wheel on the way home.
I know that my aunt Frieda Goodhome would not pack so lightly that her luggage would fit in the T-Bird, and I doubt your aunt-in-law Frieda B Euenmi would bother to visit if she couldn’t bring a sufficient number of wigs and high heels to cover the holidays either.
Frankly, I’d consider that a plus.
I bet she warned your spouse about you.
“throws error messages like a Navajo code talker”. I almost spit beer through my nose….:)
Most times I went to the airport back when I could more readily afford air travel, I was brought there by a family friend in a 2010 Grand Caravan, it was actually a good choice for the purpose of transporting my groggy self at 3am.
Voyager for me.
No, the red zone is for loading, there’s no stopping in the white zone
Listen, Betty, don’t start up with your white zone shit again.
(Yes, I scrolled right down here to make the same Airplane! reference, and congrats on beating me to it.)
I’d take the Linc, but I’d drop a push bar on the front to make sure people get out of my way…
Just wear a suit. People will think you are mob.
Because it is the Christmas season, when many of us rationalize spending irrational money on things we really don’t need or have no use for – Lincoln.
A classy car for a classy lady, it’s got to be the Continental today.
My aunt Frieda Goodhome deserves and demands the best, and in this case it’s the Lincoln. The local airport’s not that far and not huge, and not only will that Continental put a smile on her face when she sees it, it will spread a lot more than 460 cubic inches of holiday cheer to everybody who sees it on the way there and back. And since it belongs to my neighbor, I won’t have to use it for more mundane errands where the bulk will cause problems on my narrow and steeply crowned prewar urban street.
The van is the sensible answer, but the airport really isn’t that far away, so let’s toss a couple quarts of ATF and some Lucas clutches in a bottle into that Lincoln and glide our way to the front of that pickup line. Everybody will scatter at the sight of that beast, and the sound of that mighty horn.
The van is the only reasonable answer, but I’m at a loss for anything pithy to say. My modern experience is that almost everyone finds traditional (low) cars to be quaint and mostly annoying — the result of a couple decades of SUVs and CUVs running the show. If my wife’s aunt were under the age of 65 or so, I’d personally lean Continental, but we’re not owning this car…just borrowing it.
3spd says you’ll be crying if you hit the highway. My only experience is a older neon powered one w neon brakes so I hope the tales of better brakes is true.
Minivan because I’m in need of one right now.
Prelude if it was a manual, and my kids would just have to deal with climbing into the back seats.
The Lincoln is cool. But 460 4V gas mileage. Couldn’t afford to drive it.
Comes down to 2 for me- Lincoln or Bird. Throw some ATF fix in the Lincoln and hope it makes it? Or somewhat smaller Tbird?
In the words of Ivan Vanko, I vant my bird.
Also can a throw out an idea for a future week? A displacement/cylinder limit (you have 25 liters of displacement- all the engines together cant exceed. Do you stay the same? A day of big then tiny cars? Pit an 8L dpdge against a 1.2 Geo?)
Both good ideas, thanks!
The Lincoln may be large. But it’s LARGE. Folks are gonna move outta your way in the airport queue.
In my airport pickup experience, they wouldn’t move out of the way. They would recognize your lack of agility, flip you the bird, and cut you off to grab the spot. That being said, Lincoln hands down.
As majestic as the Lincoln would look gliding up to the arrival pick-up area under Terminal 1 at O’Hare (because Aunt Frieda always flies United), we’ll take the minivan … and have enough room to pick up a jumbo-sized tin of Garrett’s on the way back to the house. Merry Chrysler, everyone!
Happy Festiva!
I was between Voyager and Lincoln. Only real knock against the van is the 3-speed, while more reliable it would be nice to have that 4th gear on the highway, but still probably calmer than the Prelude.
I think the Lincoln would actually make it easier to get through the pickup lane at arrivals, you won’t have to nudge in and people will steer clear. The airport agents are going to holler at you anyway for not making your aunt run and jump in while moving at 5 mph anyway, which actually would be a point in favor of the van’s sliding doors. But you’re probably going to hourly parking anyway to meet at baggage claim and the van is going to be easier to load and then maneuver in the deck.
I’m not paying for short-term parking at ABIA, $32 min!!! I’m taking the Lincoln, it’s the only one of the four that can hold its own against the F-350s and Suburban XLs in the pickup line.
Still voting for the prelude even though it’s the worst choice in this specific scenario. Golden age Honda ftw!!!!
Is this really a question? This is what minivans were invented to do and Aunt Frieda is not known for travelling light. Plenty of room for her steamer trunk luggage.
Though I would infinitely prefer a proper plywood pleasure palace 9-10 (or as many kids as you can stack in the way-back) pax American barge of a station wagon, which would combine the best of the Voyager and the Lincoln. Or my 7-passenger Mercedes wagon in a pinch.
Treat Aunt Frieda like a celebrity. Hold the rear door open for her, load her luggage in the cavernous trunk, stock the back seat (Red leather! So decadent!) of the Lincoln with her beverage of choice, and chauffeur her home in smooth luxury.
All of your Fors and Againsts are lost on me, logic has no place in this decision, I chose the Lincoln because because.
My head says Voyager but my heart says Prelude.
I’m taking the Continental. There WILL be traffic, and I know from the experience I had with my ’69 Continental that everything on the road sees that barge coming and scatters like smaller fish seeing the approach of a Great White.
I’m not going to be on the side of the road with my Aunt complaining, because the trans in the Lincoln decided to slip through it’s gears. I went with the mini van
The Lincoln will run away with it I’m sure, but I can’t say no to the T-Bird. Retro style but likely to be in good working/driving order.
Also, Aunt Frieda seems the type who’d complain about non-existent safety features. And if she’s not, you can tell her that when she comes to visit in the spring, you’ll put the top down then.
I’m voting Thunderbird because it’s modern enough it should be reliable enough, not as massive as the Lincoln, and if we’re being honest, Aunt Freida’s generation is the only one that still values these T-Birds.
For me, it’s between the Lincoln and T-bird as I’d like another ‘fun’ car. Lincoln takes it as it is likely less sketch and also a classic piece of Americana.