In case you missed it, our first-ever Autopian Asks hit the interwebs on Tuesday, and we invited you to tell us about the most underpowered cars you’ve ever driven. Unsurprisingly, you came through! Hold on, let me back up a sec: I say “unsurprisingly” because you’re awesome, not because we think you all drive impotent heaps. Just wanted to be clear on that. Now let’s talk gutless cars!
Quite a few of you suffered with diesel Rabbits and Golfs, and may I say: no lies detected. My high-school buddy Doug had one of these things, and it was absurdly slow with four people in it. Running gags included saying “Doug, it’s the pedal on the right” anytime we left a stoplight, and when Doug asked if you needed a ride to the party or football game or whatever, the answer was always, “Nah, I’ll ride my bike so I can get their earlier.”
Image: Volkswagen
Beetles, too, were a common thread. I drove a ’74 Super in high school, which was indeed slow, but it always seemed lively and fun. It was also my first car, so driving anything was a treat, and as mrbrown89 notes, it likely felt faster than it was because of the racket coming from behind the rear seat. Especially when my Bug’s rusty heater boxes finally disintegrated, transforming the exhaust note to completely unmuffled Race Mode.
Image: Volkswagen
Lots of Mercedes shout-outs, too. The 190D sure looks like it could move in a hurry, looking all sleek and rakish. But as Brett Philpotts assures us, it could not.
Image: Mercedes_Benz
Image: Mercedes-Benz
The Opel Kadett Rallye was slow? With those stripes? Sorry, Zeitgeistus, I don’t believe you. 
Image: GM/Opel
Whoops, it appears I uploaded the wrong photo, that’s a Volvo. No, wait, it’s correct, that’s a Mazda 929. Gotta look close.
Image: Mazda
Oof, those 80s GM diesels. The worst. Gotta not-love a car that runs like a tired beater when new.
Image: GM/Buick
When the kids announce their departure by saying, “I’m Audi 5000,” it apparently means they’re leaving very slowly.
Image: Audi
Hey, I hear you Toecutter, but I’m still scouring Facebook Marketplace for one of these things for a cheap off-road build.
Image: Suzuki
The most notorious Cadillac. You might say GM was quire cavalier with the brand.
Image: GM/Cadillac
Ah, the Iron Duke. So little engine so frequently asked to motivate so much car. Twas never enough. Great name though.
Image: GM/Chevrolet
Image: GM/Oldsmobile
My favorite thing about Citroën H-Type Van is the bubble-top over the cab. So aero! I’m also a big fan of the corrugated sides. And everything else about it.
Image: Citroën
Sklooner says he’s not sure which was faster, his ’57 Opel Rekord or diesel-powered Jetta. My money’s on the Jetta.
Image: GM/Opel
Here’s another slow-poke I experienced first-hand in the 1980s. There were high hopes for the Alliance when it arrived in the States. Hopes that were dashed.
Image: Renault
There was a lot of excitement for the third-gen Mustang after the debacle that was the Mustang II (never mind that Ford sold a ton of ’em, and they were fine). The new ‘Stang’s crisp lines evoked a bright future for the iconic coupe, but rest assured, Ford still knew how to build a slow ponycar as Matt Sexton will attest. Hey Matt, if you’re pushing the cigarette lighter in, that’s on you.
Image: Ford
“What Is The Most Underpowered Car You’ve Ever Driven?” seems to demand a specific cars as answers, but it turns out there actually is a universal reply:
[Editor’s Note: This is Anthony Magagnoli, a brilliant engineer and racecar driver. Also, my friend. -DT]. Big thanks to everyone who replied to our first-ever Autopian Asks (and all you lurkers who just read the comments, too)! Your stories were wonderful, and we appreciate the time, energy, and good vibes you share with us. Keep it coming!
I’m surprised no one has mentioned this:any early 1980s Subaru! My first car was a 1982 Subaru 1800 GL 4WD wagon with a 4-speed manual transmission. It was light blue with a similarly colored interior. It even had the hidden “Cyclops” third headlight hidden behind the retractable Subaru insignia in the middle of the grill. You know your car is slow when a YUGO,of all cars can beat you at a red light battle !! By the time the car would get up to speed chances are the car would start rusting out-as Subarus of that vintage were notorious for(Northern Illinois winters weren’t particularly kind to the USS Rustoleum)! Car was finally retired at 112,000 miles when the engine started surging and having head gasket issues,plus the body had rusted to a point where it was beyond repair.
First, Yay!! For a mention of a 1967 Opel Kadett Rallye gill coupe at all and with air conditioning!
I learned to drive on a 1967 Kadett L gill coupe, no air, but did have factory steel manual handle opening sunroof with the 24% less horsepower 54 hp one barrel 1.0 liter engine, no swanky dual one barrel 67 hp Rallye engine. It did have the 4 speed manual which helped, but when your speedometer has a green, yellow, and red zone with the red zone starting at 60mph, one always wondered what Opel meant, “Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!”, you’re about to die or just try not to an idiot at speeds above 60 mph warning, plus the basic fact you consider yourself immortal at 16, no speed is ever, ‘too fast’.
It was slow, but as Torch mentioned, at 16 just driving and shifting gears distracted from the overall slowness, besides in an Ohio January winter, while driving on the interstate and realizing you forgot to place the cardboard square in front of 3/4 of the radiator because otherwise that 1.0 wouldn’t generate enough heat to keep you warm at highway speeds, slowness seemed the least of one’s worries. Ahh, good memories.
One of the (only) good things about driving truly slow cars with arthritic acceleration: you learn to do anything to avoid coming to a dead stop, especially at traffic lights, which teaches you to read urban traffic and place yourself at least 15 seconds in the future at all times.
And it’s such a valuable skill – seeing the system as a (reasonable) whole is safer, more efficient, and most of all, connects one as a driver to it in a more fluid, harmonious way that just feels better/more natural.
True, True. Friends wonder how I manage to get so many kms out of brake pads – and that’s by reading the road and keeping momentum up as much as possible.
I supposed it can be chalked up to distractions (yikes), but I’m amazed how many people these days are constantly slamming on their brakes in situations where there’d be no need if they just kept up a good forward scan. Like approaching an intersection with stopped cars in an urban area.
Hmm… Let me see what’s been in the collection.
– 1960 VW Beetle
– 1977 M-B 240D Automatic
– 1962 Sunbeam Alpine
– 1969 MG Midget – 1275cc
– 1971 VW Autostick Superbeetle – mit A/C…
– 1988 Geo Metro
– 1981 VW Rabbit Diesel
– 1993 Daihatsu Hijet
… all got me where I needed to go, then back home.
High HP car ownership is a joke.
You are a glutton for punishment.
Good list. The Metro is acceptable until air conditioning is turned on…
This list makes me realize I’ve had pretty quick cars, all things considered. The slowest car I’ve driven was an 80’s FJ60 Land Cruiser. The specs say it shouldn’t be all that terrible, but somewhere between the carburetor and the minimal maintenance done by the poor surfer turned metal worker paying me to do home Depot and delivery runs in it that summer, it was a dog. One did not merge into traffic, one found a suitably sized hole and counted on its size to intimidate other drivers into finding a different lane when you inevitably drove 10+ below the flow of traffic.
’87 Tercel 4wd wagon. It was like 72 hp when it was new, or for the first decade maybe. When my wife and I owned it we’d have a celebration if we could preplan for a hill such that we were less that 10mph under the limit by the top. Never left us stranded though!
Had two of them and can affirm. Surprisingly handled really well though so able to keep momentum up around corners at least. There was a sweet spot at about 3,000 rpm which helped. Now drive Westfalia Vanagon and a Corolla Alltrac wagon both 100hp monsters!
Great to see the ’72 220D comment made it in! My daughter loved that car – she was riding in a car seat when we owned it, and I removed the front passenger seat headrest so she could see out the windshield from the back. I actually wouldn’t mind getting another one, but it has to be a stick shift the next time around. It did set the bar nice and low for what to expect acceleration-wise from a Mercedes diesel. My next one was a ’79 300 TD, non-turbo, and it felt like a rocket-ship compared to the ’72.
Underpowered doesn’t have to be miserable! The two most underpowered cars that I can remember driving were, in one case, a ball, and in the other, riotously fun. The first was a Renault Clio with something like a 1.1 or 1.3 with probably 60bhp. It belonged to my then-gf’s uncle and he had lent it to us on our trip to Poland. You could drive sort of flat-out everywhere outside of town without ever exceeding reasonable/legal-ish speeds, and it was small and light enough to be fun no matter what. The other was a ‘23 Model T with, I dunno, maybe 25hp? I don’t think I need to explain why that was so fun. I was smiling with my whole face for the entire drive.
THIS is exactly what I imagine driving a 2CV would be like, incredibly slow (like forget interstates & better have a triangle & flashers on for highways slow) and yet on local streets & curvy country roads high-larry-ous fun to drive everywhere at the speed limit
I just remembered another funny “slow car” anecdote: A friend of mine in college had a Sunbird with a five-speed manual, late ’80s or so, with that 1.8 liter OHC engine that probably made 90ish horsepower. She complained that it was “way too slow” and thought there was something wrong with it, and asked me to test drive it.
We got to the freeway on-ramp, and I started accelerating. It felt fine to me, not fast certainly, but typical for a small stickshift car. I wound it out in second and grabbed third, and she starts shouting, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU HAVE TO SHIFT WHEN THE LIGHT COMES ON!”
No wonder she thought it was slow. She was shifting when the “SHIFT” light came on at 2000 RPM or something, every time, no matter what. I explained to her that it was just a suggestion for gas mileage, and as long as she wasn’t over-revving it it was fine. It didn’t have a tach, so I taught her how to shift by sound and feel rather than that stupid light, and after that she loved the car.
One of my favorite shift light trivia bits is that the Dodge Viper had one. I get it, but at the same time, really?
TIL my 95 4cyl Wrangler has something besides Chrysler in common with a Viper.
I guess lack of airbags and ABS in the 90’s, AC being optional, and plastic zip up windows add to the list… Wow, I guess I’ve got a no compromises performance car sitting out there ????
You’ve got a purist vehicle. There’s something to that, esp. these days IMO. 🙂
Not an unreasonable conclusion when she didn’t have a tachometer. Glad you could show her the way, though.
I’m surprised a LeSabre diesel could do 0-60 in 15 seconds. I had an ’84 Eldorado with the HT4100 gas V8 which supposedly made 135 hp. The fastest 0-60 I ever recorded was 18 seconds. Mine was a bit rough, though, so it had probably lost a few horses by the time I owned it.
I still can’t believe how lousy early ’80s Caddys were. After 10 years and 80k miles they were worn out. I couldn’t imagine buying a new $60,000 luxury car today knowing that it would ready for the scrap yard in 2033.
Can’t imagine paying $60,000 for a car today that will likely be junk in ten years? Boy, do I have a surprise for you………
What cars are routinely ready to be scrapped after 10 years with normal miles? Other than some electric cars that will be outdated at the 10 year mark and not worth saving, most new cars today should be expected to last at least 12-15 years. If you are routinely junking 9 year old cars with less than 150,000 miles, you are doing something wrong or are extremely unlucky.
I believe the electric cars were exactly what he was meaning. Or maybe he was talking about Alfa’s?
I was only referring to short range electric vehicles like the Nissan Leaf and others sold in the 2010s. Those will probably not be worth repairing when the battery fails. I could see a lot of those having a service life of less than 10 years.
I don’t see why a $60,000 EV like a Tesla would be scrapped by 2033. There will be options to replace (maybe upgrade?) batteries by that point. I doubt 2033 EV technology will be so advanced that a vehicle with 250+ miles of range is functionally obsolete.
To be fair, we lived in a very hilly area and timed it on the flattest road we could find, but I am pretty sure it was still sloped downhill (I was teenager, so details like those weren’t that important at the time).
Even downhill that seems quick given the reputation of those cars. What was its top speed? My Eldorado topped out at 75 mph and to reach that speed it had to downshift to 3rd gear. I can’t believe a car with a V8 had so little power.
So, the top speed was about 70mph, despite the 85mph speedometer, but it took about the same amount of time to get from 0 to 60 as it did to get from 60 to 70. The thing was quickest in the lower end of the rev range where the torque was most plentiful, so it had spurts of power at the beginning of each gear. Once it got into third (ours had the TH350 instead of the optional 200R4) the power started to lag and acceleration turned glacial.
Yeah, with any car made post 2000, I would be FURIOUS if I didn’t get a minimum of 200,000 miles out of it. When I was young in the 1970’s and 1980’s you were buying champagne and celebrating if your car made it to 100,000 miles
Of the newer, current generation, my wiffer’s CX-3 sucks ass. Handles like a dream, as any Mazda should. But, Jesus Hillbilly Christ is it woefully underpowered and slow.
I thought the “H” stood for Howard
These are all more powerful that my daily driver.
My friend had a Mini Metro when we were teenagers in which we used to regularly drive down to Devon. There’s one big hill on the way and the car would always get slower and slower until it was barely moving when we crested the peak… I also once tried to drive 7 people home from a nightclub in my mum’s Volvo 340 and we had to kick the two in the boot out to get a cab as it wouldn’t even get up the ramp off the ringroad in Coventry.
I can vouch for the VW diesels. From 1980 to 1983 our family car was a VW Dasher diesel, 4 speed stick. Slow as molasses, but my parents both loved it. My mom drove it most of the time, and she flogged it for all it was worth, smiling the whole time. And if you thought they were slow on the flatland, try taking a family road trip to Colorado in one. But to its credit, it made it over Independence Pass… screaming in second gear, at 35 mph.
My folks put over 80,000 miles on that Dasher in three years, though, and it never let us down. Nor did its replacement, a 1983 Dodge 600 ES sedan… non-turbo, automatic. 84 horsepower of extended-K fury. But after the Dasher, it actually felt fast.
Oh I might have to disagree with Toecutter a little about the Sidekick. Our four door Vitara might be a filing cabinet with windows but it does cruise happily enough at 110 km/h…despite having the best part of 270,000 km on the clock. And it’s faster in the 0-100 than my VW T4 Transporter dual cab chassis syncro with the 2.5l TDi
The one I drove needed work. Stock and in good tune, it’s not too terrible on acceleration, and would reach 100 mph. But when I drove that one, it was being robbed of power and struggled to hold 70.
We had the 4 door Chevy version of the Sidekick. In 4wd it was a little tank, and one of the last truly mechanical feeling vehicles I’ve ever driven. I really enjoyed having it. That said, we live at high elevation, and some of those long, grinding inclines heading toward mountain passes we’d be redlining third gear at 15 under the speed limit because 4th just bogged down too much.
Sheesh. Having owned a ’78 VW Westfalia, I now feel a bit better. Even it would have outrun some of these. Not sure how, or if it could have stopped safely when trying, but this list seems to have calmed my PTSD from those days. The nice thing about the Westfalia was you could live in it and go do other things while you were waiting for it to accelerate.
I’m sorry I missed this! My whole fleet is under powered, as most of my large American iron is motivated by 6 cylinders or fewer. However, one member of my fleet takes it to a whole new level… my 1966 Ford F600 has acceleration best described as glacial, and has a 0 to 50 time of somewhere around a minute, but only if empty. The only way you’re hitting 60 is if you pushed it off a cliff. Add any kind of a load, and you might as well walk. The poor performance is due to the fact that under the hood resides a 300ci inline 6 cylinder that was good for 150hp 50 years ago. Today? Maybe 80 on a good day. In a truck with a 20k lb gvw, and 6.80:1 rear gears. It’ll move a load, but don’t plan it getting done today!
Only the later fuel injected 300s were rated for as much as 150hp. A ’66 would be more like 120-130.
My comment made it ! Now I’m waiting for nicer weather to drive slow around SE Michigan lol
Pikers. My parents’ Saab 93B (93F? 33HP 2-cycle engine and 1-piece windshield, but not the suicide doors our neighbors had). If you saw a hill coming, you floored it to start with as much momentum as possible, otherwise you’d have to shift back to 2nd gear (1st gear wasn’t synchro). Sounded like a chain saw.
My uncle used to race in some kind of classics league; Sunbeams MGs, that kind of thing. One lunatic had a bright yellow, 2 cycle Saab that everyone else called “standing yellow” since it slowed everyone down so much trying to get around it.
This finally proves I’m not a lunatic. Mine isn’t yellow.
https://www.murileemartin.com/UG/LWA12/LWA12-UG-168.jpg
Just sayin, all but one of these cars are massively faster than my contribution……….
My late contribution is the Dodge Caliber. Singularly the slowest and most miserable vehicle I have ever driven.
Pfffttttt….Oppositelock member Borsuq owns a 1998 FIAT 126p with a raging 24hp 😛
My comment made the article!! Fame at last!!!
Thanks for not doing a gallery.
Well at least you didn’t make a slide show out of it.