Part of the problem of learning about all sorts of cars is that eventually, you end up with a list of cars you just forget existed, having shoved them in a memory hole long ago. The Buick Terraza, the Lexus HS250h, and the original Lincoln Aviator, for example. The Honda Element is, never one of those cars, for one very specific reason. Occasionally, as I’m falling asleep, it pops into my head again.
That. Damn. Crab.
Alright, back up about 19 whole-ass years to 2005. Honda has this box on wheels called the Element and it’s freaking great. I mean, it’s like the child of a CR-V and a Scion xB in all the best ways, you can fit a street bike in it, you can sleep in it, it’s got coach rear doors, it’s badass. It’s also something Honda’s trying to figure out how to market, because it hasn’t sold anything like this in North America before. Sure, there’s the CR-V itself, but that’s so mainstream by comparison. The Element wasn’t.
Sure, the Element had the same 2.4-liter four-cylinder engine as the CR-V, the same basic platform, and the same choice of front-wheel-drive or all-wheel-drive and manual or automatic transmissions. However, while the CR-V was made to appeal to just about everyone, the Element was made to —
Jesus Christ, that was a time, huh? Anyway, the Element was made to appeal to Generation Y, never mind that the oldest Gen Y-ers, at least according to the old definition of 1977 to 1994, were in their twenties by the year 2000s and probably weren’t the most profitable target market for a new crossover utility vehicle. You know, guys like this.
Wake up and smell the Axe deodorant. Anyway, Honda pieced together the sort of active lifestyle vehicle the nu-metal-listening, Bam Margera-worshipping crowd was allegedly pining for by the 2003 model year, and it was great. However, the traditional sort of marketing used for Accords and Civics wouldn’t fly with this crowd, which brings us back to that 2005 date I mentioned earlier, and Gil the Crab.
On just the opening frame, the immediate visual impression this commercial makes is one of extreme leanness. It’s sparse. Seemingly low-budget. It looks like it was made in Scratch and exported as a Flash video, if Scratch 1.0 had even existed at that time. MySpace-grade, even. There’s an Element, a crab named Gil, a palm tree, some speech bubbles, and an unforgettable voiceover.
It’s not the weirdness of a Honda Element asking a crab if it hangs out with surfers, or a sentient car telling the same crab that people change inside of it, it’s two words from a characterful crustacean that shotgun-blasted a hole in my psyche and forever altered my sense of humor.
“I pinch.”
Why is this funny? Gil’s a crab. Of course he pinches. That’s what crabs do. It shouldn’t be surprising that Gil seemingly doesn’t care about almost anything the Element says and instead just talks about pinching seven freaking times in the 30-second commercial. And yet, it’s funnier than just about any other car ad at the time. It’s funnier than the Element threatening to turn Gil into a succulent meal. Nearly 20 years later, it’s still burned into my memory, along with all of my childhood phone numbers and that poster of a 930 Turbo flatnose I had hanging above my bed. I remember it better than any fucking algebra I was ever taught. Oh, and did I mention that the ad mentions basically nothing about the Element itself? Maybe that’s why the only thing people remember is the crab.
It’s an incredibly weird ad, and yet it was successful enough to get picked up for a full run of characters. There’s a penguin and a lobster and a hamster and a pigeon and a partridge in a goddamn pear tree. However, none of them had quite the impact of Gil over here. This fucking guy, I swear to god.
So now, I’m done being the bigger person. If I’ve had this crab from a Honda Element commercial stuck in my head for the past 19 years, you’re gonna have it stuck in your head for the next 19 years. Say it with me now.
“I pinch.”
(Photo credits: Honda)
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I’ve never seen this before, but I totally LOLd. My kid came running upstairs wonder what was so funny.
I crush your head.
The Element has a special place in my heart. I bought one of the first few in Austin Texas in 2003. Mid trim, standard transmission. I loved it. Shortly after buying it though I lost my job and was looking for an adventure. Some friends were moving to St. Thomas to: start an ISP, run a communications company, refurb a marina, bar, and “b&b”. They needed someone who could do lots of things and I fit the bill. I was more interested in the bar, marina and brewing beer, but ended up doing a lot of the ISP stuff (wireless ISP, no easy way to run cables and phones were crap). The stories I could tell… Island life is wild.
After a week of “come and see” that, in hindsight, was more them showing off how cool the owners were, I made the decision to pack my stuff and move to St. Thomas. A month or so later, I drove from Austin to Miami to put my Element and most of my crap on a boat to St. Thomas. I used that car, one of the only ones on the island, the whole time while I was there. In the process I met my wife and after 18 months or so, moved back. Unfortunately she didn’t like the “big car” and we traded it in on a civic not long after we moved back to Texas. Not a standard, not nearly as cool.
Every once in a while I troll Craigslist for a good example, but I’m far from being able to wrench for fun and adding another car to the livery isn’t practical. Perhaps when I retire…
My sister’s 4 year old says “I Peench” / “No Peench” because of this commercial rubbing off on her…
I moved to Europe in 2005 for 2 years, so this did not get burned in my head. But, I always wanted to own an Element, and I can’t understand why I never did. When I got back, I got a cheap 1991 Accord Wagon. That really should have been an Element.
Is this from 2005 though? i thought the Element didn’t have color matched wheel arches until closer to 2008? (which was a mistake, btw- they look much better with the grey/blue plastic!)
Agree and disagree, but i think some feature packages had painted wheel arches before. SC?
Indeed it was! Painted panels were first available for the 2006 model year on the EX-P trim.
Okay so, this is 100% ingrained in my family’s discourse. For years we’ve been saying “I peench” just like the crab. Any pictures of crabs are essentially required to have that annotation (“oh no, craaaaaaabs!” is acceptable).
My daughter and I have a neverending roughhousing game that’s based on peenching. We peench for good health, for low spirits, for hunger and satisfaction, because one or the other of us simply has not been peenched for too long.
And it’s entirely because of this damn Element commercial.
Are you sure that crab’s name is Gil? He sounds a lot like Jeremy Clarkson, or maybe Adrian …
I only drove an Element once, for an overnight trip. But I did in fact sleep in it! It was a mediocre night’s sleep, but that was due more to my own poor planning than the Element’s design.
C’mon Honda, bring the Element back. Be cool for once.
With you there. Honda had it pretty well sorted by 2011, so I wouldn’t want any changes except maybe, maybe, an AWD hybrid drivetrain.
I miss the days when Tim and Eric worked for McCann.
The Honda Element: does the job in a pinch.
The Dog Edition of the Element lives rent free in my head.
It was weird enough, but a very fuzzy memory. If this article had not brought it up would most assuredly never have thought of it again.
I say that whenever I pinch my wife’s butt.
I still walk up to my wife and say “I pinch” right before I grab her buttock. Not too hard. Maybe little pinch.
That commercial is also burned in my brain. “No pinch, no pinch, no pinch.” Also, I bought a new Element in 2005. FWD manual. Wife still misses it.
This commercial was completely below my radar (I guess today I learned I’m more successful at avoiding advertising than I thought), but seeing it now just makes me think “Adult Swim.” I don’t know if it’d have made me BUY an Element, but it would definitely have made me remember it when shopping.