Okay, so I know we’re a car site, and I’ll get a car in here somehow, but this morning a dear friend of mine, understanding my love of etymology, horses, eels, and anuses, sent me an incredible article about the strange and murky origins of the word “fake.” It seems that the word traces its origins to late 1700s/early 1800s British criminal slang, where it could mean, from what I gathered from the article, pretty much anything. But one of the words that is sort of related to it is feague, and that’s the definition I need to tell you about, right now.
Okay, so, here’s the definition from Grose’s 1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue:
To feague a horse; to put ginger up a horse’s fundament, and formerly, as it is said, a live eel, to make him lively and carry his tail well; it is said, a forfeit is incurred by any horse-dealer’s servant, who shall shew a horse without first feaguing him. Feague is used, figuratively, for encouraging or spiriting one up.
… and in case the use of “fundament” is to hoity-toity for you, here’s the Wiktionary definition:
-
To increase the liveliness of a horse by inserting an irritant, such as a piece of peeled raw ginger or a live eel, in its anus.
What.
What the hell? A live eel? In a horse’s anus? I mean, I guess that would make a horse seem pretty spry, but it also seems like a fantastic way to get kicked across a stable. And the mechanics of it seem incredible to me: a wriggly, slippery eel, a likely uncooperative horse, the process of stuffing and cramming, I’m just astounded. Sure, the ginger method sounds easier, but once you’ve committed to feaguing a horse, why do it half-way? Eel or nothing, I say!
All this, from the word fake? What an amazing world we live in. Okay, let’s figure out what cars I can cram in here in case David ends up reading this. Eel-related cars are not easy to come by, as manufacturers have so far yet to find the appeal of eel imagery as a name or theme. But there are some crossovers, like this time a bunch of slime eels spilled out onto the 101 about seven years ago:
Man, slime eels are not good for your car. I also once tried to compute how many eels it would take to recharge your electric car, and it proved to be a lot:
There also appears to be some renderings done of an EV supercar called the EEL for a design competition, but that’s about it.
Horse-cars, of course, are far more plentiful: Mustangs, Broncos, Pintos, Colts, Starions (kinda), and perhaps most weirdly, the Volkswagen Golf, which was named for a specific horse, named Golf. Seriously!
This is a quote about VW’s then Head Purchaser Hans-Joachim Zimmermann:
Where did the Volkswagen Golf get its name? From the Gulf Stream, which matches the hot winds of the Passat and Scirocco in terms of content? Hans-Joachim Zimmermann, Head Purchaser under the aegis of the Chairmen of the Board Horst Münzner and Ignacio Lopez from 1965 to 1995, revealed the solution to the riddle during a visit to the AutoMuseum: his Hanover gelding, called Golf, which he rode successfully time and again while acting as the long-standing chairman of the Reit- und Fahrverein Wolfsburg (riding and driving club), was expressly praised by Horst Münzer in the summer of 1973. A few days after this conversation on the riding arena, the chairman showed his colleague one of the brand new compact prototypes – with the letter combination of GOLF at the rear. Up to then, names such as Blizzard and Caribe had been discussed. Hans-Joachim Zimmermann, 79 years old now, brought an oil painting of the horse to the AutoMuseum and was delighted: “My horse was the namesake of the Golf – it stands for top-class, elegance, reliability. May the Golf have a long history of success – my horse got to be 27 years old, and in human terms, that meant it reached the ripe old age of 95. That is a pretty good omen!”
There! That’s a car thing you maybe learned today! See, I’m not all about shoving eels up horse anuses!
You really didn’t need allll that extra car content. And, I love how you had to add the extra content “in case David ends up reading this”.
So is it required to name the eel “Lemmiwinks”?
“To feague a horse; to put ginger up a horse’s fundament, and formerly, as it is said, a live eel, to make him lively and carry his tail well; it is said, a forfeit is incurred by any horse-dealer’s servant, who shall shew a horse without first feaguing him.”
The writer of this definition tries to distance themself from the subject –
‘it is said‘ stuck in there twice (pun intended).
Goal: Lets all work ‘fundament’ into at least three forms of discourse today (emails, scrabble, or water cooler chats).
Torch, please continue to educate in this manner!
Keeping with The Autopian’s mission statement, this article is:
Entertaining
Educational
Life-improving
The e-Golf doesn’t have a tail pipe, so where exactly do I insert the eel?
Gotta keep the passengers lively, I guess.
It’s this kind of topical, hard-hitting journalism that keeps my membership active.
Seconded.
Ital design did a concept called the Corvette Moray. Pretty slippery looking…
Fake news.
Or should that be feague news?
And where would one get said eels for one’s show horse?
From the Thames, of course – as Eel Pie was quite popular in Victorian times.
(Not to be confused with Cow Pie, Horse Pie or Cream Pie)
Now I have a craving for Unadon – after all it’s summer, which is Unagi season in Japan.
Perfect with Asahi Super Dry after a game of Golf.
Asahi Super Dry, the official beer of a beer I can actually have! (It contains no wheat or barley.)
Right?
Celiac here too
Keep an eye out for Svaneke brewery from Denmark. They make beer that’s good and also glutenfri. I haven’t been able to find it in North America.
I’m sorry, I can’t focus on the horse butts and the eels and the Golfs because I just learned from Hans-Joachim Zimmermann that apparently 1 human year equals 3.52 horse years. Who knew?
Mr. Torchinsky, I have a Mr. Gere on the line for you. He says he’d like to talk to you about Feaguing.
Geez. Heck of a way to start the morning, reading about cruelty to animals. Finding myself glad that I’d not sprung for a membership. Ugh.
IS it cruelty though? Some humans pay big money for sort of thing. And let’s be honest, it probably wasn’t the worst part of that 19thcentury working horse’s day.
Figging is for humans, feaguing is for horses (and greyhounds, perhaps other racing dogs as well).
What about the eel’s day?
Well its alternative was being killed and eaten so maybe this is better?
Sooner or later that eel’s going to find it’s way out, and there’s good eating on an eel…
I don’t understand. You think Torch shouldn’t write about absurd and disgusting historical oddities?
Perhaps it IS a good thing that you didn’t get a membership. I might also recommend not reading any of Torch’s writings, at all, because this is far from the most disgusting or distasteful thing he writes about because it’s interesting.
Homunculus theory.
Geez. You sure seem to have a stick up your fundament.
(two more to go)
He should try some ginger instead of a 12-foot pole.
You’re so precious.
I mean, the topshot is an eel, with an arrow, pointing at the ass of a horse. Clues were provided.
The day is still young, but this article might be the highlight of my day? So I guess YMMV.
Having watched endless hours of PBS it seems to me anyone willing to shove an eel up a horse should have been able to find more lucrative work with the British aristocracy. Those rich folks always seemed to have something up there.
What has an Austin Maxi got to do with all this horsing about?
It has the wrong grille and mirrors for the model year (or alternatively the wrong bumper) so there’s a degree of feaguery going on…
Relevant art by Jon Langford of the Mekons / Waco Brothers:
https://imgur.com/a/bz3dkUg
Eels up inside ya, findin an entrance where they can. Boring through mind, through your tummy, through your anus. Eels!
Give it up now.
https://youtu.be/0AckvdGbk4w?si=Fqayg64vXI9VPYgH
You’re welcome.
I knew I knew this! Really, whom else could it be. Nice.
This is shaping up to be a demonstration of la douleur equus.
Feague yer ‘orse, Seamus. Eel like it.
All in favor of replacing the Autopian HQ coffee machine with an eel insertion apparatus say ‘Aye”.
“You’re never gonna believe what David agreed to for the next membership drive!”
I would upgrade to see that happen.
I would upgrade to avoid seeing that happen, but whatever floats your amphicar.
Use an electric eel for extra horse power!
Eureka, this an early example of modding for extra horsepower? You should publish that, it could be seminal work in the annals of transportation history.
Don’t you mean in the anals of history?
I chose my words carefully.
The first plug-in electric hybrid vehicle.
Apropos of “eels:” Back in the day, there was a company called “Eelco” that sold hot-rod parts and accessories. It was founded by a guy called Els Lohn, IIRC.
He had a Bonneville car called the “Wee Eel.”
Everything ties in. Somehow.
Hoo boy!
Since we’re going to be a bit randy today, might I recommend a CD I have in my possession, “The Art of the Bawdy Song” by the Royal Consort from 1990. These are supposed pub drinking songs from the days of William Shakespeare. (Note: Listen to “My Man John” at your risk. Yes, you will blush!) This is by far the first classical music recording with an explicit lyrics sticker.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you!
Just looked it up. Correction: the artist is “The Baltimore Consort.” I’ll have to take a listen.
The Wizard’s staff has a knowledge on the end
https://www.lspace.org/fandom/songs/wizards-staff-2.html
I just want to know how many things they tried over the years before they finally settled on ginger or live eels. That sounds like a lot of really unpleasant trial and error.
A horse is a mode of transportation, is it not? No different then a quad I guess… except I usually don’t shove anything up its tail pipe.
So, you have my permission to continue with this nonsense.
That headline is the sort of thing that makes me think I should skip the article. But then my curiosity grabs hold and it won’t let me simply scroll past. I’m not sure I’m better off having read about stuffing eels up there, but, well, here we are. Day started.
You’re not the only one!! Gah. Yes, indeed, here we are, day started. Sometimes curiosity isn’t always such a good thing. Good grief.
Between this article and the simping that some people were gleefully doing for foie de gras while being fully aware of the cruelty inherently involved in its production in the comments on a random article recently, among other things, sometimes I hesitate about even opening this website. Gah again.
There once was some pretentious prattle,
Which complained of the cinch of the saddle;
With a flatulent air,
And disdain, they did share,
At consorting with sophomoric cattle.
This aforementioned killjoy micturition shall not dampen the rainbows of the morning! Hear, hear!