Home » This Is How I Shocked David And Matt By Ignoring Something Really Important For Years – Tales From The Slack

This Is How I Shocked David And Matt By Ignoring Something Really Important For Years – Tales From The Slack

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Howdy, this is Matt, the Publisher of this fine establishment. If you want to read this post and find out what Jason has not been doing this whole damn time you can either log in if you’re a member, or become a member here. Is this post worth $5 a month to join? Yes, yes it is.

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Horizontally Opposed
Horizontally Opposed
2 days ago

Great synergy, no sarcasm here. Both camps are needed and keep the blend going. You’re lucky to have partners who watch over the analytical side of the biz so you can pump out hammy content. They also put out great stuff for sure, but sometimes a bit of off the wall stuff works like a spice. Noicely done.

D M
D M
2 days ago

The testing of different meats as bumper guards was brilliant. Made me a Torch fan for life.

Engagement is more than just single clicks. Weird ass stories like that might not draw huge numbers but they may connect with a certain kind of weirdo who will then come back for years to come and even follow a writer to a new publication.

Carbon Fiber Sasquatch
Carbon Fiber Sasquatch
2 days ago

Jason “Han Solo” Torchinsky. “Never tell me the odds”

notoriousDUG
notoriousDUG
2 days ago

No charts, only VIBES.

Harvey Park Bench
Harvey Park Bench
3 days ago

I’ve had jobs with operations execs (my peers) were GLUED to the analytics. They had automated reports emailed to them in the morning, and were drawing freak-out inferences at the first hint of a drop in some metric or other. Never once did anyone ever sit down and work out the actual, technically defined statistical significance of those dips and rises. They were just “look, line go uppy, we need to ten-x this next month!” Or “look, line go downy, we need to work weekends to stop the bleeding.”

After a while I kinda rolled my eyes and tuned them out.

Sure, analytics are important, and vital, but not every data point is meaningful and not every change is actionable.

Martin English
Martin English
23 hours ago

All I could think of when reading the original post was jalopnik / deadline vs the herb. Wasn’t that all about ‘the vibe’ vs Analytics ?

Harvey Park Bench
Harvey Park Bench
3 days ago

> a speculum or a set of kitchen knives

Umm ok

Phuzz
Phuzz
3 days ago

At least that’s ‘a speculum or a set of kitchen knives’ not ‘and‘.

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
2 days ago
Reply to  Phuzz

Yes, but is it one person making that choice? And what does that person do for a living?

Harvey Park Bench
Harvey Park Bench
2 days ago
Reply to  Rad Barchetta

Sushi chef?

Ottomottopean
Ottomottopean
3 days ago

You are all demonstrating a great source of pain for me: the difference between quantitative and qualitative measurement.

We have goals every year and they all must have measurable results. But there are so many things we should have at least some focus on that cannot be measured quantitatively. And qualitative measurement is so difficult to validate and usually too costly to even try.

If you have any creativity in a job that you either produce or manage you likely understand. Approximately zero percent of managers in corporate America understand this distinction.

A. Barth
A. Barth
3 days ago

*skims screenshots*

So… are we going to be seeing any more ham-related content?

notoriousDUG
notoriousDUG
2 days ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Hamtopian.

Would subscribe.

Every member receives a tin of potted meat.

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
2 days ago
Reply to  A. Barth

Can we get a deep dive into the steamed ham culture of Albany?

10001010
10001010
3 days ago

Hey @Matt, can you send me a screenshot of the New Relic frontpage real quick?

Harvey Park Bench
Harvey Park Bench
3 days ago
Reply to  10001010

OOOOH SHOTS FIRED

If this isn’t COTD then there truly is no god.

Last edited 3 days ago by Harvey Park Bench
Horizontally Opposed
Horizontally Opposed
2 days ago

Pls clarify so we can enjoy the yoke.

Harvey Park Bench
Harvey Park Bench
2 days ago

Newrelic is a website performance and reliability analytics tool. Kinda like chartbeat for tech teams. 10001010 is implying that Matt is ignoring the site’s technical performance issues, like Jason is ignoring the site’s editorial performance metrics.

Horizontally Opposed
Horizontally Opposed
2 days ago

yup, COTD

Last edited 2 days ago by Horizontally Opposed
Spikersaurusrex
Spikersaurusrex
3 days ago

Torch, your articles are pure gold. Don’t let the numbers convince you otherwise.

Freelivin2713
Freelivin2713
3 days ago

“things like those little trays dentists used to cast dental molds”

Queue DT’s joke:

When is the best time to go to the dentist?
2:30 because your tooth hurty!

Andy Farrell
Andy Farrell
2 days ago
Reply to  Freelivin2713

Ooh, that’s a missed opportunity right there lol

StillNotATony
StillNotATony
3 days ago

Torch, I feel this in my bones.

I am the one and only graphic artist in a company of engineers. The blank looks I get when I extol the benefits of new imagery with improved shading is matched by utter confusion on my face when they insist upon discussing hyperthreading and other gobbledygook.

I don’t wanna know. They don’t wanna know. We are ships passing in the night.

Fuzzyweis
Fuzzyweis
3 days ago

All I can think of is Chandler and the WENUS, Matt and David are looking at the WENUS and the WENUS isn’t happy, and Jason isn’t one of those guys that worries about the WENUS.

Cars? I've owned a few
Cars? I've owned a few
3 days ago

Chartbeat appears to apply the same kind of pressure on two of you that social media does on high-schoolers.

Parsko
Parsko
3 days ago

You have discovered your secret sauce, don’t mess with it.

Waremon0
Waremon0
3 days ago

Hm. I have never heard of Chartbeat. I should at least check it out. My Autopian membership and reading articles on the clock is really paying off big time!

Waremon0
Waremon0
3 days ago
Reply to  Waremon0

Update: it seems to be highly geared toward editorial vs ecommerce so I will remain Chartbeat free, just like my idol, JT.

Bleeder
Bleeder
3 days ago

We are over-metricised these days. We can measure an astonishing number of things, but we don’t really know what most of it means or whether any of it is important.

For example, I work in an industry (software development) that can track all kinds of work activity and can generate all manner of charts based on various metrics.
The hope is that efficiencies will be gained over time, but the problem is that the work is rarely executed twice, meaning we are always in a state of learning.

It’s continuously all new ground to be gained… once, so how can we be expected to increase “productivity” when we are forging new ground every sprint?
In my mind, the only metric that matters is Delivery. To what did we commit in a particular time frame and what did we deliver?

What else matters?

Totally not a robot
Totally not a robot
3 days ago

The engineer lives by the data and the designer couldn’t give half a fuck. Gee. Who woulda thunk it.

Squirrelmaster
Squirrelmaster
3 days ago

As an engineer who works with other engineers almost exclusively, I relate to David too well to not appreciate how differently Torch operates. I fear the day Jason conforms to what the data says, because that’s the day Jason stops being the oddball character that is my rain of sunshine in an otherwise cloudy-with-a-chance-of-engineer day (not to discredit the other fine writers here at The Autopian, who are excellent in their own right).

Manuel Verissimo
Manuel Verissimo
3 days ago
Reply to  Squirrelmaster

Torch is that friend who isn’t always at the bar with the group but when he comes, you some how end up at 2AM on a train because “vodka here tastes weird” and end up in the drunk tank in Estonia.

We love the group but we NEED that friend.

Rad Barchetta
Rad Barchetta
2 days ago

Yup. I’m an engineer who had one of those friends when I was younger. Those were some of the best days of my life. Thankfully, I’m still in touch with him, but he has a wife and two kids now, so he’s slowed down a tad.

Manuel Verissimo
Manuel Verissimo
2 days ago
Reply to  Rad Barchetta

Yeah life happens.

I befriended a guy a few weeks back and the second time we met he just asked me to meet him to engine swap a snow mobile at 7PM. The thing was driving 48h later.

I think I may have found one!

Phuzz
Phuzz
3 days ago
Reply to  Squirrelmaster

I can see both sides. On e one hand, there’s probably useful information in there, like “mention Tesla in a headline and traffic goes up by 10%”. On the other hand, I suspect a lot of what differentiates the response to different articles is not quantifiable, it’s more ‘vibes based’. So obsessing over the numbers will only get you so far.

Squirrelmaster
Squirrelmaster
2 days ago
Reply to  Phuzz

I think of it like the folks I’ve worked with – there are always trends in the data, but knowing how to spot the ones that matter, and then knowing what to do with those trends, isn’t always obvious. Sometimes intuition matters more than data.

1978fiatspyderfan
1978fiatspyderfan
3 days ago

I’m going to be honest when I read Chartbeat I started thinking why are they referencing 1970 teen girls idol magazines? But my real shock was DT knowing who Bret Favre was, knowing it was sports, and then failed at the end not properly articulate basic defense in year 3. I assume Elise (not her real name) was assisting DT on modern terms and such but then had to take a poo and DT failed at the reference.

MATTinMKE
MATTinMKE
3 days ago

Don’t look for what else isn’t happening, Matt. You probably don’t want to know!

Amberturnsignalsarebetter
Amberturnsignalsarebetter
3 days ago

If Torch adapted his writing to try and assuage the Chartbeat overlords he would quickly become a pale imitation of the Torch we all know and love.

Press never change, Jason.

JurassicComanche25
JurassicComanche25
3 days ago

Fight the power, Torch! Treat it like a bad report card- if you dont look at it, the grades are whatever you want it to be!

I would call this theory Torchinskys Box, but after your porny starts I am not sure I should.

Jack Trade
Jack Trade
3 days ago

Well, we’re all here watching him at least so that goes in his favor, measurement-wise.

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
3 days ago

I have a phrase for this when I’m selling myself in interviews and on the Discord begging MH to let me help unbust the site: “benevolent adversary.” Also known as red teaming, it’s someone on your side working to poke holes in your proposed (or extant!) solution so you can build a more robust solution.

Except in this case, it’s not a technical or engineering challenge, but an editorial one: what would happen if I ran an article that was an overview of all cars released the same year vienna sausages were introduced, and do the cars or the sausages hold up better?

And, unlike a technical solution, Torch is building a social and community one: oddball charm that’s miles apart from the high-horsepower wankery and supercar salivation that’s anywhere, everywhere else.

Plus, if you make him do anything that raises his blood pressure he’s prone to blow another hose.

Mercedes Streeter
Mercedes Streeter
3 days ago
Reply to  Mechjaz

Plus, if you make him do anything that raises his blood pressure he’s prone to blow another hose.

He’s gotta get that Mickey Mouse flange replaced!

79 Burb-man
79 Burb-man
3 days ago

Jason is not just an artist of automotive prose. He’s an “artiste” and creates not for the numbers, ney, but for the the thrill of creation itself! Tre magnifique! Now view his canned hams and touch the finger of GOD!

Nlpnt
Nlpnt
3 days ago
Reply to  79 Burb-man

Now view his canned hams and touch the finger bumper of GOD!

FTFY

I_drive_a_truck
I_drive_a_truck
3 days ago

For those who want to watch it again:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=im2hXZ_diy0

Widgetsltd
Widgetsltd
3 days ago

Interesting that he didn’t mention TANF fraud there.

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