Home » This Is Just Some Weird Stuff From The Lada Niva Website

This Is Just Some Weird Stuff From The Lada Niva Website

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We’ve already had some good Lada Niva content on the site today, so we may as well add a little more, right? Why not? What could it hurt? This isn’t particularly hard-hitting Niva content, but rather some things I noticed on the Lada Niva website while assisting in some research. I thought at first some of this may be due to web browser automatic translation issues, but no, this is Lada’s English language version of their site. So, while language issues could still certainly be a factor, it’s not just bad machine translation.

I should also mention that, while I’m not exactly a huge fan of Russia as a country at this precise moment in history, I do have a lot of fondness for the Lada Niva, flaws and all. Actually, maybe especially because of the flaws. I find these really appealing little practical and rugged off-roaders, and when I drove one back in 2015, I fell in love with the miserable shitbox:

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“But all that is just the fundamental essence of this car. Somehow, Lada has managed to make something that’s both shoddy and rugged, all at the same time. I don’t really fully understand how this is even possible, since you’d think those two qualities would cancel each other out. But, mind-bindingly, they don’t.

This car makes you feel that, simultaneously, you could pretty well tear it apart with your bare hands and it can somehow conquer any horrible road condition or rough terrain you can throw at it. How can that be? The Niva is a massive enigma, packed into a boxy white case.

I got to drive this Niva for about two days, over a pretty wide variety of terrain, from downtown Reykjavik to the big, open, lonely highway to Keflavik, to back roads so icy they were better suited to Zamboni travel, to rough, slushy, rocky, backroads that were really only roads in that they were places on the ground you could try to drive.

The Niva managed to do everything in pretty much the same coarse, noisy, yet capable way without any real trouble.

The Niva is what it is, it’s terrible and wonderful, archaic and adequate, shoddy and rugged. It’s confusing and ridiculous and practical and fantastic and I’d totally drive one.”

I meant all of that then, and I still stand by it now.

Niva1 A

Lada has half-assedly attempted to update the Niva and make it appealing to modern people who aren’t masochistic loons like myself, and I think the result of that are these strange-seeming things I found on the website. I think a lot of the weirdness comes from some misguided attempt to make the Niva seem, um, super-tough or intimidating? Like this:

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Black

For the “BLACK” edition (which for some reason uses the English word) the motto here is “the severity of the lines in each letter?” What the hell does that even mean? Also… “capacious?” That mostly just means, like, “roomy.” Is that the “very essence” of the Niva (well, the old-style one is now “Niva Legend.”)?

Also, “B” doesn’t have severe lines. It looks like a butt.

Hedliner

Sticking with the concepts of black and some strange idea of toughness, apparently a black headline “creates a strict style.” Strict? Do people want strictness from their, um, headliners? I’m just happy when they don’t sag.

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Doorcard

Also, I love this: they finally gave the Niva power windows a few years back but somehow they still couldn’t be bothered to make a new inner door panel that doesn’t still have the old window crank hole? I know they had power windows for at least five years now. You’d think that’d be enough time to get someone to mold some new plastic, right?

Conquerer

Okay, calling wheels “disks” is fine, that’s no biggie, but “decorating a true conquerer of the environment” is some absolutely hilarious copywriting. Even accounting for lingustic challenges, the whole concept is silly.

Trunkdoor

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On a more practical level, it’s nice to see that the trunk has a “convenient hinged door” which is definitely convenient. I mean, sure, we can laugh, but the Corvette didn’t have one of those until 1982. Also, far better than an unhinged door.

Dampersheater

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen the “rotating handles” part of an HVAC system touted as a big feature, and I’m really not sure what a “dampers” heater is. It’s not any sort of suspension damper. It also has the unfortunate association with “damp” which makes me thing the method used to get heated seats in a Niva is hot water from the radiator is pumped into the seat cushions and oozes out through strategically-placed holes.

This is all weird stuff, but I can’t stay mad at the Niva.

 

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Goblin
Goblin
1 month ago

The Niva is cute, and great to have if you’re Jay Leno, or some apparatchik in Eastern Europe, and have someone else to fix it for you.

What almost no one realizes is that it was designed as a vehicle which was not meant for private ownership. While “regular” ladas were owned by private parties (after several years of waiting lists) – anything 4×4 was meant for companies and fleets – and was thus maintained as fleet vehicles. Nivas eventually became available for private parties after 1990-ish when markets opened.

The Nivas exported in the West were, as any Lada, heavily reviewed by their local importers before being sold, with pre-sales inspections that in some cases included close to full disassembly (Germany), or had its own factory to handle this (France).

Here’s an old comment on mine in this here forum, months ago:

“…Note that most of the issues on the Niva are Niva specific – to be added on top of the regular Lada issues.

Transfer case whines, front axle’s attachments are weak, front CV axles can simply slip out of the differential on their splines sometimes, the whole transmission is subject to high wear (constant 4×4 of the not most mothern type ???? ), wheel bearings can be an issue at 20000 miles, the shaft that connects the transfer case and the gearbox (yes, they are separate) whines from new, which is ok, but can hide other noises when things get bad, front suspension is weak, transmission shaft usually starts vibrating after 35000 miles, which breaks other stuff. The steering box makes for the heaviest steering on Earth, and it lasts about 50000 miles.

This is just from the top of my head – not mentioning engine (it has a timing chain which doesn’t mean it needs attention and tightening as early as 35000 miles), and RUST.

This are the issue by design. Issues with build and assembly (which batch would you get, did you get one of the worst ones from the mid-90’s, would you get lucky to get an assembly line worker’s “congratulations” signature tricks – they do exist, and they are priceless) are factors not factored in here ????…

AlfaWhiz
AlfaWhiz
1 month ago

I hate to admit it, but honestly I think it’s a good looking car, for the 80’s at least. As for the rest, oh well…

Goblin
Goblin
1 month ago
Reply to  AlfaWhiz

It has always been good looking and cute-ish – that’s its only charm.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 month ago

Now I’m wondering how much work it would be to substantially modernize a used example. Imagine one of these tarted up with a modern fuel efficient and much more powerful engine, a quiet drivetrain, proper sound deadening and a tastefully upgraded interior with all the knobs/sliders/buttons/switches and a non interference touchscreen.

Sklooner
Sklooner
1 month ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

Know somebody who retrofitted fuel injection and power steering, the latter is a must whn I got mine it had about an 8 inch round chrome chain steering wheel I had to get it up to about 5km/hr some could steer

Methane generator
Methane generator
1 month ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

Would sir like a longer wheelbase with that? It seems like you’re looking for an 80s Cherokee.

Maymar
Maymar
1 month ago

Even just a gently modified Suzuki Sidekick et al would do.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 month ago

I had an XJ. That particular itch has been scratched.

Beater_civic
Beater_civic
1 month ago

I keep reading Lada Niva as Lady Niva and dreaming of a breathtakingly sexist “hers” model that somehow tries to be plush and luxe.

Theotherotter
Theotherotter
1 month ago

“Shoddy and rugged” perfectly encapsulates Soviet engineering, I think.

And I see the dashboard has evolved to about 1998.

UnseenCat
UnseenCat
1 month ago
Reply to  Theotherotter

There’s just something… special?… about Soviet engineering and Soviet-designed cars in general that makes them appealing, at least to someone unafraid to turn a wrench themselves.

So what if it comes assembled from a factory where “We pretend to work, and they pretend to pay us” is the way of doing things? Down a bottle of vodka, tear into it with box of hand tools (That was probably surplus from the Great Patriotic War…) and put it right yourself. Then it’s ready to take on bad roads, bears, wolves, drunk drivers, and whatever else the Russian countryside can throw at you!

Theotherotter
Theotherotter
1 month ago
Reply to  UnseenCat

And if you can’t fix it, put it out of its misery with your AK47 – same engineering! LOL

Methane generator
Methane generator
1 month ago
Reply to  Theotherotter

I could hop into one of these and not even have to look at any of the controls except for how to wind down the bloody windows. I’d even know to cram my feet toward the transmission tunnel because you sit at an angle in these.

Kevin B
Kevin B
1 month ago
Reply to  Theotherotter

To include their space program and even the Russian people themselves.

Ixcaneco
Ixcaneco
1 month ago

I had a red Niva for two years (’85 – ’87) in Ecuador as a project vehicle. Torch’s description is fair for his experience with it. However, I’d say when the Niva failed, it was always spectacular, like the rear axle coming loose. The manual was translated from Russian into strange Spanish and admonished you to only use Red Star gasoline!

John Patson
John Patson
1 month ago

The were churning them out for Europe until about 10 years ago. Then they could not make motors or buy motors which met EU emissions standards for new cars.
Unless you are very, very lucky, buying one is opening your wallet to a vacuum cleaner.

Chartreuse Bison
Chartreuse Bison
1 month ago

Just because it’s the official English version of the site doesn’t mean it isn’t machine translated. It really seems like it is.

Last edited 1 month ago by Chartreuse Bison
2manybikes
2manybikes
1 month ago

My friend born and raised in Russia told me something I’ve found consistently helpful in making sense of everything Russian. She said, “You don’t understand; you never will, until you know this: everyone is drunk, all the time. Not some people, not sometimes, not buzzed. Everyone. Drunk. All the time.”

JunkInTheFrunk
JunkInTheFrunk
1 month ago

This thing is effectively $10k USD, and while material and labor costs are different in Russia, and the CapEx has been depreciated since before the wall came down, it makes me wonder why the US can’t have a single new car under $20k.

Really, the only answer is for Stellantis to bring back the Jeep XJ with exactly enough updates to make it road legal.

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
1 month ago
Reply to  JunkInTheFrunk

“it makes me wonder why the US can’t have a single new car under $20k.”

Because the margins would be thin, and people might buy that instead of a $30,000 car, established automakers have no interest in undercutting themselves and are done pretending they care.

Tariffs have pretty much closed the door to the Chinese, so, unless Tata or Proton want in, this is the hand we’ve been dealt

JKcycletramp
JKcycletramp
1 month ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

I’d be happy to see what Tata could bring to the US market. India’s manufacturing sector is becoming more capable every year.

Jesus Chrysler drives a Dodge
Jesus Chrysler drives a Dodge
1 month ago

Did they hire the creator of the “Buy my Volvo” video as copywriter?

https://youtu.be/JJ0nkStZnWo

Cal67
Cal67
1 month ago

On the lada.ru site, they are showing them at 20% off “state” right now. They have an original price of 981,000 rubles and that is crossed off and below it says 956,000 which is not 20% less so I’m guessing the “state” is a tax or something like that. Works out to 14K CAD, which I would be happy to pay (after Putin is deposed) for one if they were only available here again.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 month ago
Reply to  Cal67

That works out to $10,349 in Freedom Dollars.

So if that’s how much it cost to make in Russia how much less could it be made somewhere else?

Cal67
Cal67
1 month ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

What makes you think Russia doesn’t use slave labour for these? Build 1,000 Ladas and we’ll commute your prison sentence.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 month ago
Reply to  Cal67

Does AutoVaz have factories hidden in the forests of Siberia?

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
1 month ago

At least the HVAC has better ergonomics than a modern VW.

Guardianofthe10mmSocket
Guardianofthe10mmSocket
1 month ago
Reply to  Mechjaz

I am laughing and crying. I daily a Cupra Born …

Nick Fortes
Nick Fortes
1 month ago

The blurb about “disks that draw your attention….” I thought that was about the disk shaped recess in the door panel which you pointed an arrow at. Like wow, they couldn’t make a new door panel so they are going to highlight the recess as an aesthetic design detail.

Spectre6000
Spectre6000
1 month ago
Reply to  Nick Fortes

I had a similar reaction, and was looking at the brake rotors. The caliper is painted black, and that was the best I could figure before reading on.

JunkerDave
JunkerDave
1 month ago
Reply to  Nick Fortes

That’s classic machine translation. I see things like that in AliExpress listings all the time.

Last edited 1 month ago by JunkerDave
Livinglavidadidas
Livinglavidadidas
1 month ago
Reply to  Nick Fortes

The word for a wheel rim in Russian is “disk” so it’s a lazy but understandable translation error.

MikeInTheWoods
MikeInTheWoods
1 month ago

I too am not happy with the choices made by the big cheese (Poutine) in Russia, and yet I would totally daily a Lada Niva. It looks like a fun, rugged 80’s Golf 4×4. It has the simple criteria I require: Knobs for climate, manual shifting and great sightlines.

Goblin
Goblin
1 month ago
Reply to  MikeInTheWoods

Does your simple criteria require major components lasting more than 30000 miles ? 🙂

Gilbert Wham
Gilbert Wham
1 month ago

I’d be happy with any car that had such a pleasant, simple heating/AC control panel.

Maymar
Maymar
1 month ago

Is the rotating HVAC dials in opposition to the old sliding knobs format it had at some point, and the dials are way easier to operate in gloves?

UnseenCat
UnseenCat
1 month ago
Reply to  Maymar

And in a world filled with touchscreen controls all over, the three knobs really are a genuine “feature”!
(Dammit. Ninja’d a few comments down!)

Last edited 1 month ago by UnseenCat
Eggsalad
Eggsalad
1 month ago

TBH I feel badly for the average Russian citizen. Most of the world hates them over issues they can’t control.

Echo Stellar
Echo Stellar
1 month ago
Reply to  Eggsalad

Agreed, there are very good people living in dark times over there. I hope they have the sense to buy Niva’s to brighten their days.

Cal67
Cal67
1 month ago
Reply to  Eggsalad

They did vote for Putin.

Chartreuse Bison
Chartreuse Bison
1 month ago
Reply to  Cal67

The other option was some quality Gulag time so

JunkerDave
JunkerDave
1 month ago
Reply to  Cal67

“It’s not the people who vote that count, it’s the people who count the votes.” – attributed to Stalin, though (if he said it) he’s not the first nor the last to say that. OTOH, credible opposition candidates tend to have to campaign from Siberian penal colonies.

Ranwhenparked
Ranwhenparked
1 month ago
Reply to  Eggsalad

“Most of the world hates them over issues they can’t control.”

As an American, this also hits home

Methane generator
Methane generator
1 month ago
Reply to  Ranwhenparked

There’s a bunch that Americans could do as tourists to avoid being treated like they’re a mini-trump: listen before speaking, don’t block the footpath, don’t assume you can touch the history, yes they close for lunch/Sundays/early, no you can’t have more ice, don’t “I’m gonna have” food but ask politely, the people don’t necessarily agree with their government, learn that countries aren’t their capital city, The UK isn’t England, England isn’t European, and so on.

For foreign policy wonks, it’s all of the above, but applied to the equivalent for an entire people. Just don’t take others for granted.

Captain Muppet
Captain Muppet
1 month ago

A lot of us non-US citizens think you all talk too loud, but that’s just because we assume the quiet polite tourists are Canadian.

England is European. Source: am currently in both England and Europe. To be fair 51% of UK citizens who could be bothered to vote were recently confused about this too.

Nicholas Nolan
Nicholas Nolan
1 month ago

Much of the above can be applied to Europeans at Disney World, except they assume they can touch the princesses instead of the history. I think, maybe, people with travel money just sorta suck.

Goblin
Goblin
1 month ago
Reply to  Eggsalad

Yeah, like they can’t control putting Z’s on their personal vehicles, or trying to think and get a grip. All my sympathy went through the window two years ago.

Good people my ass. Just as stupid as anybody else, us included. And I was giving them the benefit of being somehow special. Idiot me.

Mark Hughes
Mark Hughes
1 month ago

I’m not sure I’ve ever seen the “rotating handles” part of an HVAC system touted as a big feature

In this modern world of touchscreens I would argue that they are… 🙂 It’s certainly something I would look for in a new car.

Hondaimpbmw 12
Hondaimpbmw 12
1 month ago

To pick a bit, Corvetts did have a hinged cover over the storage area from ‘53 to ‘62.

Space
Space
1 month ago

I’ll take that Hvac setup over 90%of what’s on new cars today.

Methane generator
Methane generator
1 month ago
Reply to  Space

You say that, but you realize it’s just H, no VAC, right? Also weak af and you’re gonna miss the quarterlights they used to have.

Parsko
Parsko
1 month ago

Considering how much Russia seems to “hate” the US (do they??), the use of English seems…. odd. Or, is this just the NON-Russian version of the car?

(I wish we weren’t in this whole situation, but alas, we are)

Ian Cox
Ian Cox
1 month ago
Reply to  Parsko

English is the primary language of global marketing and this is definitely done for export markets.

Captain Muppet
Captain Muppet
1 month ago
Reply to  Parsko

Not everything is about you, lots of other countries speak English.

Scott
Scott
1 month ago

Still cute, playing at looking sinister and all that. 😉

Mechjaz
Mechjaz
1 month ago
Reply to  Scott

Coming soon: the Lada Niva Imperial, representing a new age of Russian Imperiali- oooooh no

NotSpanky
NotSpanky
1 month ago

I assume the “electric dampers heating” is a simple translation error/typo from electric window heater.
But I prefer to imagine Lada decided to add fancy adjustable dampers, but then had to add heating to stop the hydraulic oil freezing in the Lada’s natural habitat.

Cal67
Cal67
1 month ago
Reply to  NotSpanky

If you look at the panel, it has to be a failed attempt to translate what we would refer to as electric defroster for the rear window. (I assume that the original Russian word refers to the fogging you get on a rear window prior to freezing, and that might be translated as dampers.)

DONALD FOLEY
DONALD FOLEY
1 month ago
Reply to  NotSpanky

Would blend doors in HVAC count as dampers?

MrLM002
MrLM002
1 month ago

It sucks they got rid of the crank windows.

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 month ago
Reply to  MrLM002

If they didn’t bother to update the panel retrofitting crank windows might be as easy as bolting in the parts.

MrLM002
MrLM002
1 month ago
Reply to  Cheap Bastard

One would hope so, but if so why not offer both?

Cheap Bastard
Cheap Bastard
1 month ago
Reply to  MrLM002

I’d think because its not worth the extra expense to offer both. Perhaps crank operated is a special order only.

For all we know they simply grafted a motor onto the existing crank mechanism and kept the panel because it already fit.

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