This Is The Perfect Time To Justify Buying A Citroën 2CV Thanks To Eggs

I’ve always wanted a Citroën 2CV. I realize that to many people they’re absurd, tinny, wildly spartan little underpowered snails, but to me – and many others – they’re a masterpiece of automotive minimalism and charm. To those out there that think like me when it comes to Pierre-Jules Boulanger’s funny little motorized mule, I think we happen to be in an ideal time to justify bringing a Deux Chevaux into your life.

And why is that? Because of chickens! Well, more specifically, chicken caviar, more commonly known as eggs.

You know how right now eggs are crazy expensive? And they’re supposed to go up by 40% as the year goes on? Even Denny’s is adding an egg surcharge! Denny’s! Your next Moon Over My Hammy will have an extra egg tax added on! What is this madness?

I think the increase in egg prices have something to do with chickens unionizing? I’m not really clear, I’ve only been skimming the articles. But I do know everyone is pissed, and at this moment eggs have more value than ever before.

So, what does this have to do with Citroëns, or even cars at all? Well, it’s pretty simple: in all of automotive history, there has only ever been one car that was designed with the welfare and protection of eggs in mind: the Citroën 2CV.

You know the story; we all know the story. The 2CV was designed as a car for rural French farmers, a sort of mechanical replacement for a horse or mule. Much of the car’s design brief was based on this idea; in fact, lead engineer André Lefèbvre was given these design parameters:

“Design a car that has room for two farmers in boots and a hundredweight of potatoes or a barrel of wine, is at least 60 km/h fast and consumes only three liters per 100 km.”

In addition to this, there was the famous requirement that the 2CV should be able to drive across a plowed field with a basket of eggs on the passenger seat without breaking a single egg. This was accomplished via the incredibly soft suspension and clever interconnected suspension springs, connected to both the front and rear suspension arms on either side:

It wasn’t just agricultural hype: it really worked:

So, that’s why I think this is the ideal time to get a 2CV and an ideal time to get whomever else in your life with veto power over bringing in yet another car to agree that, yes, you need a 2CV in your life. You need one because eggs are expensive as fuck, and not even a flapjacking Rolls-Royce has ever made any sort of claim that it would not harm eggs.

Again, except the 2CV, the only car designed to protect eggs.

Try this same eggs-on-the-seat-over-a-plowed-field test with pretty much any other car, and soon the insides will look like an uncooked omelette. Seriously, if you’re not driving a 2CV, you’re basically costing yourself money as your eggs crack and break and smash william-nilliam, costing you, what, thousands and thousands of dollars per month? That seems about right.

I may try this very argument with other members of my household as I make an argument that we need to own the 2CV that our own SWG is currently in the process of fixing up:

I hope he takes his time fixing that so I can get everyone on board and get some money saved. Money that I’ll be saving every week once I have a vehicle that doesn’t pulverize wildly valuable eggs into yolk foam every damn trip I take.

Seriously, from an egg perspective, we’re all being morons every day we don’t buy a 2CV.