This Old Ford Brochure Kind Of Feels Like A Disney Movie That Never Was

It’s no secret that my love for mid-century (and by that I mean the years between 1901-1999, because I like to define “middle” like the ratio of corned beef to bread on a good deli sandwich) car brochure illustrations is deep and vast, like an ocean or my own ignorance about so very many subjects. Today I want to show you a 1960 Ford brochure because it has illustrations that sort of suggest a late-’50s/early ’60s Disney movie that never actually existed.

Also, it’s kind of an odd brochure because it’s a Belgian-printed one and I think was intended for the European market, as it references “world-wide” Ford companies and keeps talking about driving in the “world,” not just America or anything that specific.

Anyway, it’s that top image up there, for the Falcon, that really made me think Disney movie. The people are rendered just a bit differently than what you usually see in these kinds of brochures, with a more bold black outline and a bit more, um, action in the people than I feel like what we usually see in these brochures.

Specifically, this kid:

Is that kid giving himself a puppet show while leaning out the window of a moving car? He sure as hell is! Is that a Great Dane sitting behind him, watching over his shoulder? You know it is. If we apply some animated-movie logic here, I think we can safely assume that those puppets are, in fact, entirely sentient and speaking and thinking independently.

I’m not sure of what the one in the hat is, making the kid laugh there – we’ll call her Dame Persimmon – and the crow laying prone there with the blue hat, that’s Mr.Cheetlenuts. Only the kid and the dog can hear them, the rest of the kid’s family thinks he’s just a kook, except grandma back there, who could hear magic puppets talk when she was little but lost the ability when she got struck by lightning at her quinceanera.

Little brother or sister in the goggles up front is nicknamed Wheelie or something like that and is very into mechanical things and cars, as evidenced here:

See, there’s Wheelie with a little car, enjoying being close to that short-stroke inline-six under the hood, feeling the warmth and vibrations. No idea what the hell dad is looking for in his wallet there – it’s Disney, so it can’t be a condom or an amphetamine, so let’s say he’s looking for his Mason card.

Mom seems to generally have it together, and Grandma maybe is telling the kid with the magic puppets important stories that hint at the origin of the magic.

Also, the Great Dane seems to have turned into a little girl. Is that something common to that breed?

Let’s see if the other cars and illustrations here suggest anything else about this movie that never was; this Starliner is interesting. Starliner wasn’t just a Raymond Loewy-designed Studebaker, it was also the name given to the fastback coupé version of the Galaxie from 1960 to 1961.

It’s a really pretty car, I think, especially because of the pillarless-ness of it all. So how do these two fit into the plot? We have Singing Driver Lady and Cap’n Tweed Cap there. Maybe they’re paranormal researchers/archaeologists who found some archaeological evidence that those two puppets are actually vessels for some supernatural beings, ones that were referenced in some ancient cuneiform tablets or some rare copies of the Egyptian Book of the Dead. Let’s say Cap is the cuneiform expert, and the woman is the Egyptologist. And they’re hot on the trail of the kid and the puppets!

Okay, this last image, this is the key, because this has our antagonists. The style here is more typical of brochures of the era, with no outlines and a more painterly style, but it’ll work for this.

Also, note that this Galaxie is a Crown Victoria, when that name was just a sub-model and not a model unto itself. Oh crap, wait, that says Town Victoria! The hell is up with that? Was that named for Tueen Victoria? This is some bullshit.

So, see how they’re driving by an observatory? And that guy in the back seat in the black suit looks pensive and interested? That’s because he’s a fed, as is the driver, and the two women are astronomers who have detected the home planet of the supernatural beings possessing the puppets, and it’s a race to get to them before the archaeologists do!

This thing practically writes itself! The kid and dog are at the center, there’s two groups trying to get to them, the kid wants to protect the puppets, the feds want them for nefarious reasons, the archaeologists just want to know what’s going on, and maybe the Great Dane that turns into a little girl is key to all this, somehow.

Want to do something fun this morning? Let’s see if we can come up with a name for this movie! Something like The Puppets from Outer Space, but you know, much better. The Starhand Adventure? 1 Great Dane, 2 Alien Puppets, and 3 Lives? I don’t know. Help me out.