Copywriting for car brochures isn’t an easy job. Imagine having to work the word “dynamic” into every other sentence! That’s no joke. And it never has been easy, it’s always been its own very specific art, and sometimes that means things don’t always land or work. Like in this 1971 Triumph brochure, which is trying to give each of the cars featured some kind of pithy nickname. And fails. Dramatically.
Really, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen such un-catchy nicknames for a car! And it’s clear that some likely now-long-dead copywriter tried really hard here but, damn, did these not work.
This one is the worst, so let;s do it first, because I’m eager to be, you know, bitchy:
The Triumph Toledo! What’s a fun nickname for this exciting little coupé that everyone will remember and call this exciting little car? Something memorable and catchy, clever and fun! How about “the noise abatement car!”
…
Huh. Who would have thought co-opting the language of municipal ordinances would end up in such a wet turd of a nickname? A nickname about, uh, relative lack of noise. Great job, copywriter!
I also like how the bellhop at this hotel looks like he was ousted from his country in a bloody revolution and probably still responds to “generalissimo”:
The other nicknames here are more just forgettable than terrible like the “noise abatement car,” and some are almost just fine. Like this one:
The Stag is “the challenger.” Okay, not bad, too bad it’s already the model name of a Dodge, but whatever.
The V.I.P. car, sure, why not. Kinda generic and forgettable, but you know, not embarrassing.
This one, on the other hand, is embarrassing, especially with our 54-year-later mores and ways of thinking.
This one is just awkward and a little confusing; the nickname is about how the car seems like it’s worth £451 better than you’d expect? I mean, that’s about ten grand in today’s money, so maybe it is a big deal? Still, hardly rolls off the tongue.
Okay, this one isn’t the worst – a 1.5-liter limo is actually kind of a fun concept and almost alliterative – but I included it because I love that scarab beetle green color of the car there.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to hop into my Zoned For Traffic Calming Car and take a spin.
The Stag was a cool-looking car, but what, pray tell, was its “chief rival?”
I had a boss/friend/golf partner who owned a TR6 and then a TR7 in Florida before he made it out to California via Minnesota. He bought a lightly used Thunderbird SC shortly after his arrival and it was actually a pretty impressive car during the malaise years.
Can we notice the Triumph 1500, on how to unload from the trailer in the classiest way possible, with everyone in town on their Sunday best watching as it gently rolls back?
Why were they still using tax horsepower in model names in 1971??
With the Toledo it helps a little to remember they were probably referring to the place in Spain, not Corporal Klinger’s beloved home town in Ohio.
Why didn’t we mention the random ? After the very dumb “wives car”? Like are they not sure they actually want to call it that? Or are the Ad men thinking mid-printing that maybe it’d be better suited to the mistress?
Well, SEAT had used “Toledo” for its compact saloon from 1994 to 2012.
Exciting little coupé? I thought better of you Torch
“Ebulliently burbling”
“Wealth of walnut veneer”
“Pour on the power”
“Eels its way through town traffic”
“Permutations of ‘climate’ “
Is this British English or A.I.?
Gaaaah the forced justification and widows in those three-column copy layouts are driving me NUTS. They must have had a janitor running the Marketing department.
Yes, typesetting tech was still primitive compared to now, but rag-right would’ve looked less atrocious.