Welcome back to Shitbox Showdown! This week, I’m setting a challenge for myself: I’m not allowed to use any West Coast cars. I’ve been leaning on California and Oregon and Washington pretty heavily recently, and it’s time I gave the rest of the country some attention. Today we have a car from Indiana and a car from Tennessee.
Last week, we went decade-by-decade through a bunch of stickshift cars, finishing up on Friday with the ’10s. (That still looks weird to type.) It was an incredibly close vote – just two votes separated our two choices, as of Sunday afternoon when I called it – but the Fiesta came out a couple of votes ahead. A win is a win. It can carry all those votes home in its big ugly-ass trunk, I suppose.
I don’t really have anything against the Fiesta per se, but I used to work for a company that had one as a communal runabout/company car, and I hated the job, so I want nothing to do with the car by association. I’ll take the Dart, but adding my vote means the Fiesta still wins by one.
With the notable and obvious exception of the Corvette, two-seat American cars don’t tend to stick around long in the market. They either grow an extra set of seats, like the original Ford Thunderbird, or fizzle out after a few years, like the Pontiac Fiero. I guess I understand why; two-seaters are niche vehicles with limited appeal, so sales are hard to come by. Initial demand may be strong, but it isn’t long before everyone who wants one has one.
Fortunately, two-seaters depreciate like any other car, and that means us cheapskates can get a second chance at them on the used market years later. These two are probably about as cheap as they’re going to get, which I guess means if you want one, now is the time. Let’s see which one you’d rather take home.
1986 Pontiac Fiero GT – $3,200
Engine/drivetrain: 2.8-liter overhead valve V6, three-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Odometer reading: 152,000 miles
Operational status: Runs and drives well
I don’t know who Pontiac’s marketing execs were trying to fool by calling the Fiero an ecomony car. Look at this thing: it’s low, wedge-shaped, mid-engined, and only has two seats. This is a sports car, even if it was a half-baked one to begin with. The five years of Fiero production were a story of constant small improvements, and this 1986 GT model is squarely in the middle. It’s got the updated styling and the V6 engine, but the old Citation and Chevette-based suspension.
The V6 in question is straight out of the GM X- and A-body parts bin, a high-output version of the same 2.8-liter engine found in countless Chevy Celebrities. In this case, it drives the rear wheels through a TH-125C three-speed automatic. Yeah, the manual ones are cooler, but if a GM three-speed auto is good enough for the Vector W8, I reckon it will do all right here. It runs very well, the seller says. They were fixing it up to be their kid’s first car, but it sounds like plans have changed. The front suspension has all been rebuilt, but the rear could still use it. It’s totally drivable as-is, though.
It’s got 152,000 miles on it, which is frankly a lot for any ’80s GM car interior. I would guess that the seats under those covers are not in great shape. The rest of it looks all right, but the seller says the tach doesn’t work. Luckily, Fieros have enough of a following that you can find information and parts to fix such problems.
Outside, it’s a bit of a mess. The windows in the sail panels are missing, and the paint is toast. It also looks like it’s missing some trim and the side marker lights. You never know, they could be in the trunk or in a cardboard box somewhere. It does have new sunroof seals, so you know your head will stay dry. That’s something.
2004 Ford Thunderbird – $3,900
Engine/drivetrain: 3.9-liter dual overhead cam V8, five-speed automatic, RWD
Location: Madison, TN
Odometer reading: 121,000 miles
Operational status: I assume it runs and drives fine
I know what you’re saying: Parts-bin-special sports cars with plastic bodies are cool and all, but you know what would be even cooler? A retro-pastiche roadster with a Jaguar engine. Oh, and could you give it a removable hard top with portholes? That would be great.
The eleventh and (so far) final generation of the Ford Thunderbird was part of the big retro-design movement of about twenty-five years ago, which kicked off with the Volkswagen New Beetle. Ford had designed a new rear-wheel-drive platform for Jaguar and Lincoln sedans and decided to use a shortened version of it as the basis of a new Thunderbird. It has a 3.9 liter V8 from Jaguar, a five-speed automatic from Ford, and four-wheel independent suspension. I wish I could tell you about this one’s mechanical condition, but it’s being sold by a dealership, and you know how they are about giving out information. I have to assume it runs and drives well enough for them to allow test drives.
It looks OK inside, but there is a hole in the driver’s seat and some serious wear on the gearshift knob. I’m guessing a previous owner drove resting their hand on it, a serious no-no with a manual, but I guess it really doesn’t matter with an automatic. And once again, I have to point out how dirty the carpet is. Don’t any of these dealerships own a shopvac? They’re like fifty bucks. Come on, guys.
Outside, it’s nice and shiny, but there’s something a little off about a few of the panel gaps around the bumpers that worries me. I don’t know if it’s just Ford screwing things up, or if it’s been repaired from an accident. The ad says it has a clean title, but that doesn’t mean it has never seen the inside of a body shop.
I know these two don’t have all that much in common besides being two-seaters, but we gotta work with what we have. If you have a family of four, you need them both, but we’ll assume you’re just choosing one for you and that special someone. So are you gonna fix up a Fiero, or take a chance on a mystery Thunderbird?
(Image credits: sellers)
I’d be tempted by a fiero if it was in passable condition. This one isn’t there, so I’ll go with the retro ride. That final generation of T-birds was cool for about a year and aged like milk with some, but this one appears to in decent shape and that should be good enough until the Jag-tastic issues make me want to roll it into a quarry.
That’s not a Fiero, it’s clearly a Halley from Action Jackson.
Hot. Hotter. Hottest.
In my completely unscientific studies, I have found that these T-Birds are mostly driven by old white men who smoke cigarettes in the car with the windows up.
You’d better look like a meth dealer than a meth user. Vote T-bird.
I’d take the T’Bird, put on a knock-off Liberty Walk wide body kit, wheel spacers,and air ride it.
Get on my level playas.
That T-bird seems suspiciously cheap. I’m betting there’s a gotcha hiding in there somewhere, and that dealer will be thrilled to offload it onto you.
Fiero for me.
It’s the T-Bird for me. Assuming it runs adequately (a big assumption, I know), all the other work needed looks cosmetic. And for that price, I don’t care if the panels don’t fit quite right. It’ll be a fun summer cruiser.
Helped a buddy of mine move to Bethesda, MD that had a Fiero. Trying to follow him in Beltway traffic in a 3/4 ton pickup (with a manual transmission) with all of his stuff loaded in the bed since there was no room to haul anything in the Fiero was quite the challenge. I’d do a manual transmission swap in the Fiero after having the engine and suspension gone over and fix the trim and paint. Radwood here I come!
Now where can I find a set of Mera body panels…
I have NO love for those Thunderbirds, but man that Fiero is roached. If it had a stick I’d consider it, otherwise you’d better knock of a zero my man.
Fiero. If I’m buying one, it’s as a project. A not small part of me would love to rotary swap one of these since it’s already got the engine in the right place. Good thing it doesn’t have the space for my stuff and Christmas presents or I might be tempted to go look at it when I’m in Indy next week…
I really don’t want either of these heaps, so I went with the cheapest option. I know there is more grassroots support for the Fiero too, so I can at least find someone who knows someone with the part I’ll need. God forbid that part is the fuel tank, I’ve seen the misery that can cause…..
I do wonder just how well the T-bird runs and drives as that is a bargain basement price for one even with the much higher than average miles and worn interior. Meanwhile the Fiero is way over priced. So even if I wasn’t a T-bird fan and owner I’d pick it by a mile.
Gimme the fiero so I can slap a funny bodykit on it.
What’s the word? Thunderbird!
“What’s the price? Thirty twice!” 😉
Even with the hole-y seat, I have to go for the T-Bird. Not my fave car — I wonder if this one had the cooling system issue that plagued early builds — but the Fiero is just too roached-out for me. And it’s not an ’88, so lacks the chassis upgrades of the final cars.
They did improve the cooling system some for the 03 MY but it still isn’t great, and unfortunately there is not an aluminum thermostat housing for those, but at least they use an electric fan instead of the stupid hydraulic unit.
That would be Chevy’s Corvette division they were trying to fool. Anything that even remotely threatened the Corvette’s status was historically met with consternation.
Small, sporty two-seater at a reasonable price? That’s gonna hurt Corvette sales, sorry it’s a no-go. Small, economical two-seater for practical people? Hmm, we could spin that, yeah.
Well, I have soft spot for Fiero when growing up in the 1980s so I would pick Fiero. There are lot of people who sourced the V8 engine and gearbox from Chevrolet Impala/Pontiac Bonneville SSEi or from Cadillac and stuff it in the engine bay.
This young guy thought the Fiero was the greatest thing so he restored it to its glory.
I haven’t read the article yet, or the comments, but once having owned a Fiero, I would totally buy the Fiero. Not a great car, but it did what it was supposed to do, and it was a surprising amount of fun. I took it to grassroots motorsports Challenge one year that was a lot of fun too.
Never thought I’d be voting for this generation of Tbird, but here we are!
I’m going to assume the change of plans for the Fiero seller involved the kid’s mom saying there is no fucking way she would let her child who can barely drive have a tiny car with no airbags. That kid’s loss is my gain however, because I would definitely pick the ratty Fiero over the painfully boring Thunderbird. I never got the appeal of those things. Meanwhile you can parts bin the Fiero into a pretty capable sports car since GM has plenty of more engaging engines and transmissions that will fit. The transverse 5.3 LS that GM crammed into a bunch of FWD cars in the late aughts just might fit in that engine bay, if you have the determination and skills to do it.
Fiero. LS and 6-speed swap.
I manual swapped a Fiero once and it’s 100% bolt-in. The floor and firewall on the automatic cars already have the necessary holes. And I’ve heard there is a newer GM FWD car that has a 6-speed that will fit.
I think that model Thundebird is hideous. The prior model was cool. My Mom had one with a 5.0L and flowmasters.
This is the correct answer, tho the car is pretty roached lol I still voted for it, I want a 88 GT someday…
Unfortunately, all the ones I see for sale are in similar condition. They’ve all had hard lives at this point.
I look on ebay once in awhile values are creeping up by the time I have a place for one (currently living in manhattan so one car is all I can keep), they will be too expensive!
Tough call – if the Fiero had a manual, that would have swung it, but T-bird wins for me today as it has the wonderful base wheels instead of the fake chrome ones that almost every one ended up optioning. Their matte silver unobtrusively tamps down/balances the retro in a pleasing way.
Those are definitely the wheels to have on a T-bird and buying a NOS set for mine was the second thing I did, after replacing much of the cooling system before it became a problem.
I’ve got a HUGE love for the Fiero. It’s almost embarrassing. I still voted for the T-bird. I’m in the small group that think it did the retro thing super well and it has far fewer red flags
The T-Bird is a Jaguar with all the problems and none of the prestige, and no hood ornament, either.
So I voted for the Fiero