Two-Seaters In Two Flavors: 1986 Pontiac Fiero vs 2004 Ford Thunderbird

Welcome back to Shitbox Showdown! This week, I’m setting a challenge for myself: I’m not allowed to use any West Coast cars. I’ve been leaning on California and Oregon and Washington pretty heavily recently, and it’s time I gave the rest of the country some attention. Today we have a car from Indiana and a car from Tennessee.

Last week, we went decade-by-decade through a bunch of stickshift cars, finishing up on Friday with the ’10s. (That still looks weird to type.) It was an incredibly close vote – just two votes separated our two choices, as of Sunday afternoon when I called it – but the Fiesta came out a couple of votes ahead. A win is a win. It can carry all those votes home in its big ugly-ass trunk, I suppose.

I don’t really have anything against the Fiesta per se, but I used to work for a company that had one as a communal runabout/company car, and I hated the job, so I want nothing to do with the car by association. I’ll take the Dart, but adding my vote means the Fiesta still wins by one.

With the notable and obvious exception of the Corvette, two-seat American cars don’t tend to stick around long in the market. They either grow an extra set of seats, like the original Ford Thunderbird, or fizzle out after a few years, like the Pontiac Fiero. I guess I understand why; two-seaters are niche vehicles with limited appeal, so sales are hard to come by. Initial demand may be strong, but it isn’t long before everyone who wants one has one.

Fortunately, two-seaters depreciate like any other car, and that means us cheapskates can get a second chance at them on the used market years later. These two are probably about as cheap as they’re going to get, which I guess means if you want one, now is the time. Let’s see which one you’d rather take home.

1986 Pontiac Fiero GT – $3,200

Engine/drivetrain: 2.8-liter overhead valve V6, three-speed automatic, RWD

Location: Indianapolis, IN

Odometer reading: 152,000 miles

Operational status: Runs and drives well

I don’t know who Pontiac’s marketing execs were trying to fool by calling the Fiero an ecomony car. Look at this thing: it’s low, wedge-shaped, mid-engined, and only has two seats. This is a sports car, even if it was a half-baked one to begin with. The five years of Fiero production were a story of constant small improvements, and this 1986 GT model is squarely in the middle. It’s got the updated styling and the V6 engine, but the old Citation and Chevette-based suspension.

The V6 in question is straight out of the GM X- and A-body parts bin, a high-output version of the same 2.8-liter engine found in countless Chevy Celebrities. In this case, it drives the rear wheels through a TH-125C three-speed automatic. Yeah, the manual ones are cooler, but if a GM three-speed auto is good enough for the Vector W8, I reckon it will do all right here. It runs very well, the seller says. They were fixing it up to be their kid’s first car, but it sounds like plans have changed. The front suspension has all been rebuilt, but the rear could still use it. It’s totally drivable as-is, though.

It’s got 152,000 miles on it, which is frankly a lot for any ’80s GM car interior. I would guess that the seats under those covers are not in great shape. The rest of it looks all right, but the seller says the tach doesn’t work. Luckily, Fieros have enough of a following that you can find information and parts to fix such problems.

Outside, it’s a bit of a mess. The windows in the sail panels are missing, and the paint is toast. It also looks like it’s missing some trim and the side marker lights. You never know, they could be in the trunk or in a cardboard box somewhere. It does have new sunroof seals, so you know your head will stay dry. That’s something.

2004 Ford Thunderbird – $3,900

Engine/drivetrain: 3.9-liter dual overhead cam V8, five-speed automatic, RWD

Location: Madison, TN

Odometer reading: 121,000 miles

Operational status: I assume it runs and drives fine

I know what you’re saying: Parts-bin-special sports cars with plastic bodies are cool and all, but you know what would be even cooler? A retro-pastiche roadster with a Jaguar engine. Oh, and could you give it a removable hard top with portholes? That would be great.

The eleventh and (so far) final generation of the Ford Thunderbird was part of the big retro-design movement of about twenty-five years ago, which kicked off with the Volkswagen New Beetle. Ford had designed a new rear-wheel-drive platform for Jaguar and Lincoln sedans and decided to use a shortened version of it as the basis of a new Thunderbird. It has a 3.9 liter V8 from Jaguar, a five-speed automatic from Ford, and four-wheel independent suspension. I wish I could tell you about this one’s mechanical condition, but it’s being sold by a dealership, and you know how they are about giving out information. I have to assume it runs and drives well enough for them to allow test drives.

It looks OK inside, but there is a hole in the driver’s seat and some serious wear on the gearshift knob. I’m guessing a previous owner drove resting their hand on it, a serious no-no with a manual, but I guess it really doesn’t matter with an automatic. And once again, I have to point out how dirty the carpet is. Don’t any of these dealerships own a shopvac? They’re like fifty bucks. Come on, guys.

Outside, it’s nice and shiny, but there’s something a little off about a few of the panel gaps around the bumpers that worries me. I don’t know if it’s just Ford screwing things up, or if it’s been repaired from an accident. The ad says it has a clean title, but that doesn’t mean it has never seen the inside of a body shop.

I know these two don’t have all that much in common besides being two-seaters, but we gotta work with what we have. If you have a family of four, you need them both, but we’ll assume you’re just choosing one for you and that special someone. So are you gonna fix up a Fiero, or take a chance on a mystery Thunderbird?

(Image credits: sellers)