The past 24 hours have been a ride, but some important events happened that we needed to report on. We try to thread the political needle here at the Autopian. The way I see it, cars are my escape from the dark world of politics and I imagine it’s similar for you, too. So, I’d rather write about an obscure car or a giant locomotive to brighten your day than tell you what Elon Musk is saying this week.
Today’s Morning Dump went over the ramifications of last night’s events on the automotive industry, and Matt joked that maybe you shouldn’t get your political news from us. I love Trust Doesn’t Rust’s reaction:
In addition to getting all my political news from The Autopian, I’ve listed Jason Torchinsky as my primary care doctor and Adrian Clarke as my “In Case of Emergency” contact.
Matt may not have liked that:
Yeah, that’s not gonna turn out great.
Trust Doesn’t Rust doubled down in a hilarious manner:
As my therapist, I appreciate your concern. Maybe we can talk about it during our next session. Also, that 6′ tall rabbit that only I can see is back. We should probably address that too.
NC Miata NA also got me:
I was told the only election that happened yesterday involved Chrysler products from the 80s and we were living the next 4 years under the Dodge Caravan administration.
Earlier today, Matt wrote about all of the things Ford once thought you could cook while camping. Some of it wasn’t the greatest ideas, like Shrimp Surprise. Yeah, I’m with Taargus Taargus, don’t get too cute with your camping meals!
I’m going to have to imagine that Shrimp Surprise is likely to transform into Outhouse Surprise by 2am.
That’s all for tonight, folks! I’ve spent most of my day violently ill thanks to my diabetes medications or something I ate. You’ll see us back in full force tomorrow.
This kinda raises an oblique good question – why is Stellantis NOT using the Caravan name now?
We’re at peak ’80s nostalgia in seemingly a lot of ways right now, the Chrysler brand is basically a ghost, so why not move the Pacifica to Dodge and rename it?
I think Stellantis has been too focused on Dodge being the “Tough Guy Brand” for too long. Look, I get that maybe you don’t want something like the Fiat 500 under the same banner. But while people are dumb, they’re not so dumb that a van with a Dodge emblem would destroy the image of their more muscular cars.
I think that Stellantis and FCA before them figured that the Pacifica made more sense as a part of a more basically, seemingly more upmarket brand, like Chrysler. But now that Chrysler is literally just a van, I don’t see why they wouldn’t at a minimum move whatever redesign (when Stellantis finally gets off it’s ass) to the Dodge brand and bring back the Caravan name. You can bet that the Pacifica replacement was going to end up being a little more butch anyway, with Kia bringing out a more angular van like the Carnival to praise.
Pacifica as a name is also about as bland as it gets. The Voyager and Caravan names always made the most sense.
Yeah, Dodge can’t forever go on milking a late ’60s/early ’70s muscle car mojo in terms of its image. The look-at-me effect of the Cybertruck’s alternate ’80s timeline styling seems to show there’s an appetite for at least a different decade reference, so your idea would seem to make a lot of sense.
Chrysler has tried to make “Pacifica” happen since the 80s (remember the Dodge Daytona Pacifica? No? Just me?), and I’m not sure it has any cachet left.
I think at this point “Shrimp Surprise” should probably be renamed to “Shrimp – wait, I know better than this”.
I’d like to add that if we were headed towards a Dodge Caravan administration, I’d be shouting “FOUR MORE YEARS” everywhere I went. I’d have a flag of a green second-gen hanging off my house. I’d throw a bumper sticker onto the Voyager that says “Proud Great-Great-Grandchild of our president”.
Thank you: reading about that flag brought a much needed smile to my face this morning.
Long may it wave!
Honestly, I’d fly that flag in real life, if I didn’t think I’d have to explain it to basically every single person who saw it.
Do it: you could be a Caravangelist!
“Please welcome to the stage … Cara Vangelist!”
*PEW PEW PEW PEW*
“I’ve spent most of my day violently ill thanks to my diabetes medications or something I ate.”
Shrimp Surprise strikes again!!!
The prophecy that it would turn into outhouse surprise proved accurate apparently.
If determining what foods will turn the typical digestive system into The River Wild counts as prophecy, then I’m a seer.
It would be a hardcore Autopian move to get all of your sustenance from brand lifestyle magazine recipes.
I would recommend switching to a Subaru diet though. At least there you’re getting mostly homemade granola bars, and maybe some quinoa based salads. Probably not as exciting as living on the edge with Shrimp Surprise, but also a lot less volatile.