We Need A Name For Stubby, Inflated-Looking Automobiles So I’m Proposing ‘Pufferfish Cars’

I like classifying things. I’m not exactly sure why, but taxonomy can be fun — at least when it’s being done for useless, foolish, and/or just stupid reasons. Luckily, I have a perfect useless and foolish taxonomical goal for today, and it’s an automotive one: There’s a class of car that, if my research is sound, has so far never been officially grouped into a coherent category. And yet these cars, different in many ways, nevertheless are all quite clearly related. They’re related by a specific set of aesthetic and physical design criteria — criteria that have less to do with size than proportion, overall shape, and a general look that seems to imply something inflated, kind of like what I always thought Aldous Huxley meant when he used the word “pneumatic” in Brave New World. This new category of car is called “Pufferfish.” Please allow me to introduce you to the world of Pufferfish cars.

Essentially, here are the necessary criteria for pufferfish cars, shown on one of the finest examples of the genre, an Audi A2:

Like all categorical criteria, there may be some examples that don’t quite hit all of these exactly, but like that judge said about dirty pictures, you’ll know a Puffer when you see it. The cars tend to be from the 1990s and up, they generally tend to be smaller cars but with an emphasis on space maximization, and, interestingly, they’re remarkably agnostic regarding brand status. There are Pufferfish cars built by premium brands as well as some of the cheapest cars ever made. Really, it’s kind of remarkable that way.

Let’s look at some examples of the category, which your intense, active minds are already likely forming as we speak:

Look at that range: the cheapest car ever sold new, the Tata Nano, to Mercedes-Benz and Audi. That Taurus wagon definitely pushes the hood-to-body ratio rule, but it still has that overall inflated, sea creature feeling about it that I think keeps it in the Pufferfish camp. The Mercedes-Benz B-Class is a bit more subtle, but it has the look. The Xsara is a uniquely French take that pushes the proportions via inflating that greenhouse almost to a one-box design, but not quite. The Buick Encore I think may be my least favorite of these, because somehow it looks like the one least happy to be in this category, somehow. It should feel honored.

If you’re still having trouble getting on board with all this, maybe this will help — an example of a car that caused me some taxonomic difficulties here: the Renault Twingo.

So, by most criteria, the Twingo should fit here: proportions, minimal overhangs, all that. But the Twingo is lacking the one crucial trait: it doesn’t really look inflated. Somehow, the Twingo maintains just a bit of leanness in its look that keeps it out of the Pufferfish camp. It doesn’t look like it’s about to burst; it’s in a balance of tension there in a way that Puffers are not. Puffers give the sense that the pressure inside them is greater than outside them.

Does this make sense? [Ed Note: Sure, in a Torchtopian sort of way I guess. -DT]. I’d love to hear your thoughts and what other examples you come up with. I’m fond of this peculiar category of car. It’s slipped under the radar, for the most part, but I think it’s high time we take a moment and recognize these bouncy members of the greater automotive landscape.

Let’s hear it for the Pufferfish!

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