It’s easy to be judgmental about the sorts of accessories people put on their cars. It’s fun, too! No, no, I need to be better than that. Whatever people want to put on or in their cars is fine by me, if it makes them appreciate and enjoy their cars more. Well, maybe with one exception: fake sunroofs. Yes, that’s an actual thing that exists in our world and can be purchased with money. A fake sunroof is also exactly what you think it is: something that looks like a sunroof, but isn’t. In fact, it’s just a sticker. Really, the more you think about it, the more ridiculous it is, which is why I think we need to address this.
Normally, I’d say that I bet you’ve seen these out in the world, but the truth is I can’t necessarily guarantee that, because for as insipid as they are, fake sunroofs do actually manage to do their job well: they generally look a lot like real sunroofs. So, maybe you’ve seen them in the wild, maybe you haven’t? Unless you’re quite close to the car and really looking, it’s pretty hard to tell what is a fake sunroof, because actual sunroofs tend to just look like black, glossy rectangles as it is.
Here, look, I have a real and fake sunroof side-by-side:
I mean, credit where credit is due, the fake sunroof is pretty convincing. You see a car drive by with a fake sunroof, and I’m sure any of us would be thinking, “Oh, hey, that Maxima has a sunroof. I best record this in my notebook of cars I encounter with some sort of opening or light-admitting roofs, which I then intend to turn into a screenplay that will become a major motion picture. I sure am pleased I encountered a car with a real, factory-installed sunroof today.”
There are a shocking number of fake sunroofs for sale online, if you ever decide to look.
Some of these even go above and beyond the simple flat sticker method, and emulate a sunroof in one of the tilt-open positions:
I always thought that was the most awkward-looking position for a real sunroof, so I’m a bit surprised to see that there are options to emulate that. Here’s another one of those, in video form:
I have so much trouble understanding the motivations behind these. I get that fundamentally, it’s about status: the car’s owner wants to convey that they’re successful and have high status, and I suppose having a car with an option like a sunroof helps to convey that? In that sense, it’s sort of like those fake car phone antennae you’d see in the 1980s and 1990s. Remember these things:
The problem with both the fake sunroof and fake cell antenna is that they’re only really effective at a certain social distance; they can’t bear up to the scrutiny of actually entering the car, where the fraud will be revealed by the absence of a car phone or the solidity and unbrokenness of that car’s headliner, free from any apertures or glass or sunroof of any kinds. Also, likely free from leaks, which is one up on sunroofs, so there’s that.
But this is an inherently sad sort of thing! Look at the copy in that fake cell phone antenna ad. It’s brutal in its honesty, and the rawness makes me feel uncomfortable: “They’ll be impressed, but only YOU will know the truth.” What is the truth they mean by that? Is it the truth that you’re too much of a broke loser to really afford a car phone? That’s a lot of truth to be reminded of while driving. And the way it says “…the swivel base help[s] perpetuate the deception,” just lays so bare what’s going on: the buyer of this ten-dollar monument to insecurity bought it to deceive.
The fake sunroof is no different. Its intent is also to deceive, and if, somehow, a person was so taken by the idea that you had a sunroof in your car that they demanded a ride with you, think of the painful conversation you’d have to have as you explained to this poor, disappointed person that, no, the sunroof was just a ruse, the inside of this car is as dark and cramped as a cave, with no option to side open a panel of glass above and feel the night air, or lean back and gaze at the stars and moon, marveling at the infinite, and maybe cranking that sunroof all the way open and standing on the seat and waving your arms around like a bride-to-be in the back of a limo going down the Vegas strip; these are not possible to achieve, because despite the sleek, glistening black slab on the roof, that roof remains as solid and intact as a prison wall.
I mean, in an ideal world, a fake sunroof would operate more like this:
Alas, this level of Acme technology is lost, and remains unknown to modern industry, so fake sunroofs can not provide anything but an illusion.
The face sunroof is somewhat similar to the old trend of the “carriage roof,” a variant of the vinyl roof but one designed to more closely resemble a convertible top:
This is another example of someone choosing to have their car appear to possess a capability it actually lacks; in this case, an opening roof. It’s not that different than fake exhaust tips or fake hood scoops that feed nothing. In the case of fake hood scoops or exhaust tips, though, the illusion is a bit more specific and focused; those are meant to suggest performance levels that the car likely isn’t capable of, but at least it can seem like it is. With a carriage roof or a fake sunroof, though, what exactly is the message being sent? I could enjoy more light and air, should I choose?
I suppose the carriage roof gives a car a very different overall look, and that’s part of the appeal. But a fake sunroof? It’s a black rectangle on your roof. It’s hardly visually compelling, and I just don’t think it telegraphs all that much status, really. So, are people actually buying these? There are so many out there for sale, I have to assume they are, but I absolutely am befuddled by the appeal. This hardly seems worth the effort, because who, exactly is being impressed by a normal sunroof? Do people see these on a car and go, oooh, a sunroof! You know, like what you could get on a Hyundai Elantra!
Maybe you could cover peeling paint or rust or a dent with one? Or some unwanted graffiti? That’s all I got.
I don’t want to be the one to kink-shame or be the yucker of anyone’s yum, but fake sunroofs, man, that I really just can not abide. This has to be the most inane automotive accessory ever.
Maybe I’m wrong! Are there those of you out there willing to defend the fake sunroof? If so, please, please explain in the comments here, because I’m dying to hear this argument.
It’s great we can customize cars in a million ways (in America). I try to withhold judgement, but once it compromises safety, then screw that! Lifted trucks and stanced Q50’s being the worst offenders.
But I will ALWAYS judge someone that puts ‘upgraded’ badging on their car, like //M on a 320i or Cobra on a regular Mustang. They deserve every derision.
We NEED the fake sunroofs to go with the pinstriping, rear window louvers, fuel shark and other quality products from Pep Boys…